Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Teen Wolf- 4.02 - 117 - Recap and Episode Awards

Previously - Teen Wolf had a mostly filler episode in Mexico. Um sorry, I mean Scott and pack headed to the Mexican Hunters Club to find Derek but they didn't have him, Mama Fratelli tortured Scott into "remembering" Kate's alive, Kira was forced to electrocute Scott, and Derek turned into Teen Derek.

Flash back to the indeterminate time when Teen Derek was in high school and starring on the basketball team after SPN Krissy's death. Teen Peter enters the locker room to find Teen Derek huddled under the shower, losing control. Teen Peter lectures Derek about risking everything for a basketball game in a parallel conversation to the season 1 fight Derek had with Scott about a lacrosse game. How the roles are reversed. Teen Derek: "It's the finals. They need me." Teen Peter: "To do what? Rip someone's throat out on the court? Even born wolves have to learn control on the full moon, Derek." It's amazing how much like Adult Peter this guy sounds. Kudos! He demands Teen Derek get out the triskelion and has him start murmuring, "Alpha, Beta, Omega" over and over again. It doesn't work but he'll be ready for Greek Week in college. As Teen Derek yells in frustration, the scene turns quickly to the worst parking at a gas station ever and it's raining in Beacon Hills again. Are they sure this isn't Seattle? An attendant comes out to admire the terrible parking when he hears animal sounds coming from the bathroom. Like any smart Beacon Hills resident he promptly returns inside the station. Like another stupid Beacon Hills red shirt, he goes to check it out. He bangs on the door where Kate is trying not to go full-out werejaguar. Because he is completely brain dead, he threatens to open the door repeatedly and then walks in when Kate unlocks it. I can't even feel sorry for you, dude. You can't fix stupid. Or shredded human.

Apparently you can't fix newly de-aged either, as Deaton has no clue what to do here. Register my shock on that one. Deaton: "Wow." Stiles: "Wow? Wow as in 'I've seen this before and I know exactly what to do' kind of wow? 'Cause that's the kind of wow we're looking for." Oh Stiles, why would he start being useful before the penultimate episode now? He's got a reputation to uphold. Deaton: "I think you might be overestimating my abilities." At least this time, Scott, Stiles, and Lydia were smart enough to attempt to go to an expert. Points for learning. Alas, there's no medical diagnosis for instant teen so Deaton suggests they leave Teen Derek with him and get some sleep. After all, it's a school night. Ha! That's a good one, Deaton. School schmool. These kids don't need no stinkin' school. Half their teachers probably don't remember who they are by now. Deaton reminds them that the mountain ash will keep Kate out. I forever wonder why it doesn't also keep Scott and Derek out. Is Kate magically barred from coming through the same door they did? They speculate on why Kate would de-age Derek and come up with she's a witch and whatever it is won't be good. Thanks for clarifying. Kind of knew all that. Scott contends that someone should stay with Teen Derek anyway and I have a glimmer of hope that it means he doesn't trust Deaton with Teen Derek. That's probably not why but man do I hope Deaton ends up evil. It would explain so much. Lydia: "I'll stay. My grades are fine despite missing a few classes." Stiles: "I'm so not okay with this." Lydia: "Guys, go." Stiles: "No." Scott: "Text us if anything happens." Ha! (Anyone else thinking Buffy here. "If the apocalypse comes, beep me.") Stiles: "Nope, still not okay with it. Not going anywhere." Scott physically pulls him from the room. You are so not going to win this one, Stiles. As they leave, Lydia worriedly looks on Teen Derek.

Scott goes straight home, tip toeing into the house, which would work if someone hadn't left a toolbox in the middle of the hall. Or if Scott used his werewolf senses. Deep sigh. Even worse, all the noise wakes up….Douche Dad? Not him again. Why the heck is he sleeping over? Oh Melissa, we've talked about this. You change the locks when you kick someone out of the house. It's like a bad refrain of I Will Survive. Apparently DoucheDad isn't going anywhere because he has a standing agreement with Scott to have dinner whenever Melissa works the night shift. Still doesn't mean you get to sleep over. Just saying. DoucheDad asks what time it is and Scott lies, saying it's midnight. Stiles and he told their parents they were going camping instead of to Mexico. I knew their parents wouldn't be okey dokey with them taking a supernatural international trip, but my spring break theory was obviously wrong. DoucheDad agrees to reschedule dinner. DD: "Did you get anything to eat?" Scott: "Yeah, Mexican." Ha! The next day, Lydia wakes to see Deaton taking Teen Derek's pulse. His heart rate is soaring so Deaton decides to slice up his arm. Amazingly de-aging gives you instant healing power too. Bonus! Lydia asks what it means. Instant age reduction and supernatural good health? What it means is Kate could earn a fortune for this spell. A little marketing, an infomercial or two and she's set for life. As Deaton preps a syringe for more Fun with Experimentation, Teen Derek wakes up in protest and flips out. Hey, lookee there. Teen Derek, a beta with no control over his powers, has werewolf vision. Just like Scott in season 1. Good to know. Teen Derek swipes at Deaton and runs away.

Meanwhile, Scott and Stiles talk a totally different form of violation. Malia likes sneaking into Stiles' room at night while he's sleeping. Oh Malia, tell me you haven't found the Twilight books. To quote Dean Winchester, "How is that not rape-y?" Even worse, she claws up Stiles' back, which makes me think there's not a lot of sleep going on. Stiles: "After that we spend the rest of the night spooning." Scott's good with that but Stiles objects to always being the little spoon. I laugh and shake my head. Oh Stiles. Scott: "Well this means you guys are together, right? You're dating?" Stiles: "Sometimes they way she looks at me, she knows I'm not telling her something." Scott: "You mean Peter?" Stiles: "You've got to tell her, Scott." Did I mention tonight's theme is lying? No? Don't worry Scott and Stiles will another 26 times. Since Beacon Hills High is occasionally used as something other than murder's favorite hunting ground, Stiles, Scott, Kira, and Malia go to class where History Dad teaches Abraham Lincoln. Huh? Wasn't it World War II 4 months ago? I've heard of revisionist history, but regressionist? Must be time for the lesson of the week. Um and remember Jeff Davis, I'm here for you as a free educational consultant. He calls on Malia to answer, but she has no clue since she's too busy color coding in red pen. Now I agree there is no way Malia should be in high school after missing her middle school years in the woods. Still, she has had some schooling. She was in fourth grade when she went missing. Trust me, by then she knew about Abraham Lincoln. Ask any 4th grade who the greatest American president was and they'll say George Washington or Abe Lincoln. Luckily she's saved by the phone when both Scott and Stiles get texts. History Dad demands all phones be turned off and I wonder why neither Scott nor Stiles glance at the text before doing so, but that would ruin the punch line. When History Dad gets visibly annoyed as yet another phone goes off, Kira tells him it's his phone. History Dad: "Oh. Scott, call Lydia." Ha!

Scott and Stiles cut class to join Lydia at Deaton's. Deaton: "I don't think he's just younger in body. I think he's younger in his mind too." Lydia: "He didn't recognize either of us." Teen Derek gets a pass for not knowing Deaton, because in Visionary, Cora said they never knew he was the emissary so they might not have met. Lydia figures out Teen Derek is heading home but Hale House is no longer around. She asks Scott what he's going to tell Teen Derek and Scott says the truth. Lydia: "Oh, good luck with that." Stiles agrees and says he'll lie for Scott, but no dice. See Teen Derek, as a beta with little control, still has superior wolf hearing just like Scott did the day after he was bitten. He would hear in their heartbeat that they were lying. Either way, lying or not, Scott better hurry as Teen Derek breaks into the construction site where his family home used to be. Amazingly the construction site must have a silent alarm because the police show up quicker than they have for any murder. It's not like Derek's former home is near anything so I doubt they patrol there. Still Deputy Parrish is back and soothes all logic wounds. Sadly, he brings the newest Douche Cop, who insults Teen Derek and doesn't listen. Teen Derek looks about to cry when he asks where his home and mother are. Oh baby, I feel for you. Another reason Kate sucks. Douche Cop obviously has no time for distressed teens as he manhandles Teen Derek. Not a good plan. Teen Derek fights back until Douche Cop tasers him. All the while, Parrish tries to talk sense into his obnoxious partner. You die next, sir. Cops don't have a great survival record anyway in Beacon Hills.

At the station, Parrish retains his Nicest Guy in Beacon Hills title when he uncuffs Teen Derek and they bond over his douchey partner. Teen Derek: "The other deputy's the idiot." Parrish: "Can't argue with that." Ha! Douche Cop calls Parrish over to confirm Derek's prints. A Derek by the way without a birth date (darn Jeff) and who can take profile pictures when he could not face forward. Good to know. In the best scene of the night, Sheriff walks in on the conversation and stares back and forth between Teen Derek and Adult Derek's mug shot. Best screenshot of all. It gets funnier every second it continues until stopped by Stiles and Scott racing in. Then it's even better. He pulls the boys into his office and completely loses it. Sheriff: "I want you to be honest with me, absolutely and completely honest. Have you been time traveling?" Stiles: "Hang on. What?" Sheriff: "Because if time traveling is real, you know what? I'm done. I'm out. You're going to be driving me to Eichen House." BWAAAHH!!! You can't blame the guy for jumping to time travel after all he's seen. Still Scott tries to console him. Scott: "We found him like that." Sheriff: "Where? Swimming in the fountain of youth?" Bwah again! Oh Sheriff, you nail the humor tonight. Stiles decides to gum up the works even more by explaining, "No, we found him buried in a tomb of wolfsbane in an Aztec temple in Mexico underneath a church in the middle of a town that was destroyed by an earthquake." Suddenly time travel makes a whole lot more sense. Besides, Stiles just gave away their alibi. Sheriff: "You told me you were camping." Stiles: "Yeah, we were…in…it was in Mexico." How you are ever ungrounded mystifies me. But more important mysteries to solve, like how to talk to Teen Derek. Sheriff had no luck, but Scott thinks he will when he flashes his alpha eyes at him. He's right.

Kicking Sheriff out of his office, Scott and Stiles try to earn Teen Derek's trust. Teen Derek: "Okay, who are you and who is he? Who are you?" Stiles: "Oh, we're the guys keeping you out of jail." Post-DarkStiles Stiles has little patience and even less sympathy. Stiles: "Okay dude, you almost tore apart 2 cops back there. You need to listen to us and that starts with no fangs, no claws, no Wolf Man. You got that?" Teen Derek says he's fine unless it's a full moon and Scott's shocked to realize he hasn't learned the trade secrets yet. Stiles is shocked to see a second notice bill from Eichen House of his dad's desk. I just want to get back to Sheriff, but instead Scott lies to Teen Derek about his family in order to gain his cooperation. Later Scott frets about it. Scott: "I shouldn't have done that. I lied my a** off." Stiles: "Hey, your a** is fine. You saved him a ton of unnecessary pain. We figure this out in a day or two. He goes back to being old Derek. Everyone's happy except for Derek, who's never happy." Ha! And so true. Scott debates about lying and decides it works better when they tell the truth. I concur. You might want to go with that next time you plan to lie to your parents about what you're doing. Lying and secret keeping always means more injured or dead on this show. Stiles disagrees on the grounds that Teen Derek is still Derek. Plus I think he finds lying to his dad to be a good creative exercise. Sigh, I love Stiles but I'd kill him if he were my kid. Scott decides to split up, also never a good idea in Beacon Hills, and tells Stiles to take Teen Derek to his house and wait. Stiles: "And where are you going?" Scott: "I'm going to go talk to the guy we should have gone to before." Um, Peter? I'm iffy on this plan. Stiles is not. He disapproves. Stiles: "Ah….yeah, I hate that guy." Ha! Scott leaves anyway.

As Kira fills Lydia in on the plan, she is unimpressed as well. Lydia: "That sounds like a horrible plan. Oh we've had worse. Like yesterday in Mexico." And teen armored car heist. Just saying. Again. Kira hems and haws her way into asking if she thinks Scott is mad at her. Kira: "If my hand was on the dial connected to you and I had to turn it up to 10…" Lydia: "Would I be angry?" Kira: "Yeah." Lydia: "No because I knew you had no choice. Exactly like Scott knows, and if you're worried about him just remember you're a katana-wielding bada** kitsune and he couldn't be more into you." Aww, girl bonding. Of course if it were Lydia who was shocked, she wouldn't be angry because she'd be dead. Lydia gets out at the gas station and tells Kira to grab a credit card and fill up the tank. Hmm, presume much. Kira and I both marvel at the visor full of credit cards Lydia has. First off, she's a teen. Second, who keeps credit cards in the car like that. Way to make yourself a target, Lydia. Kira: "Does this many cards mean you have good credit or bad?" Ha! Kira gets to make a joke. Thumbs up writers. She also notices that the tank is full and that duhn, duhn, duhn creeps in if it didn't already. Lydia deathwalks to the dead attendant stew littering the bathroom walls as Kira joins her. Lydia tells her to look away which has the exact same effect as telling someone not to look down. It's a bloodbath in there. Like "worst horror movie ever" bloodbath. Again eating and Teen Wolf do not mix.

Meanwhile Scott rides to Derek's loft only to encounter Malia there. Malia: "I heard you were coming to talk to Peter and since Lydia tells me he's basically Satan in a v-neck I figured you shouldn't be alone." Bwah! Perfect description. Scott protests, "I can handle Peter." Malia: "You can handle him better with me." The lady's right, Scott. Deal with the guilt over not telling her about Peter. Malia calls Scott on his rapidly increasing heartbeat, because she's an uncontrolled beta but still has super werewolf hearing. He is luckily saved from having to answer by….Peter. Why hello V-Neck. I've missed your snark. Scott introduces Malia to him and Peter's suddenly superfocused and a lot creepy. He fawns over her eyes and I'm surprised she doesn't punch him as he gets closer. Peter: "Anyway I'm sure they told you a lot about me." Malia: "The homicidal killing spree came up." Oh Malia, never change. Peter: "Well we're all works in progress." Malia: "Well when you progress to your next killing spree, why don't you try and make sure they all stay dead?" Ha! Malia makes me laugh but Peter's just confused. Instead of telling him outright, Scott plays the leading questions game just like Mama Fratelli but without the torture. Finally Peter works it out and his intense gaze as he does so is impressive. I'd hate to be Kate. Peter: "Can't someone in this town stay dead?" Malia: "I think they were hoping you would." Wha….BWAAHHH!!! Malia may become my favorite character by the end of this season. The trio brainstorm what Kate's plan might be and Peter lets slip that Derek and Kate were lovers. Because every single person on this show knows except Scott. Did he not get the memo? Peter realizes that Kate brought Derek back to the age in which he trusted and loved her. I am super confused because I thought according to season 1 he was older than this when they had their affair. Egad, I need to do a complete season 1 rewatch again. I swear I've got to get a Teen Wolf mytharc encyclopedia to keep all this changing canon straight.

At the same time, Stiles and Teen Derek arrive at Scott's house where Stiles lays down the law. "We're just going to wait here for Scott. We're going to sit quietly and we're not going to call or talk to anyone." Teen Derek: "Do I talk to you?" Stiles: "No." Teen Derek: "Good." Stiles: "Fine." Teen Derek: "Cause I'm going to talk to him." Hello DoucheDad. You keep showing up and this time you make Stiles' IQ drop about 60 points. DoucheDad is here for his dinner date with Scott and asks if they want to join him. Stiles says they aren't hungry but Teen Derek refutes everything he says. DD: "Okay well if you're not hungry Stiles, your friend can still eat with us." Ha! DD asks Teen Derek's name and Stiles promptly calls him Miguel. Bwah! Nice continuity from season 1 when Derek was hiding out and Stiles has Danny come over to hack the computer. Stiles says Miguel is from Mexico and almost dies when DD rattles off questions in Spanish. Thankfully Miguel knows Spanish, leading to the second funniest screenshot of the night. As Stiles wipes the sweat from his brow, dinner is a done deal. So are a bazillion questions. DD asks Miguel what his last name is and Stiles makes up some funky mashed up name that may rival his own first name. DD: "That's a mouthful. How do you spell that?" Stiles: "Phonetically." Ha! While Stiles is busy making everything far worse and less believable, Teen Derek sees DD's badge and asks about the Hale House fire. Busted! Up in Scott's room, Teen Derek slams Stiles into the door in vintage Derek fashion. Stiles: "Okay I didn't lie. I omitted certain truths, vital truths now that I'm thinking about it." You think? Teen Derek insists on talking to Scott so Stiles leaves to go get his phone. He needs a glaring neon sign flashing, "Bad Move."

And so it is, as Kate shows up at Scott's window. The McCall house rivals Argent's apartment for worst security this side of Beacon Hills High. As Kate sidles in, Teen Derek instantly recognizes her which…makes no sense. Teen Derek may have de-aged but Kate certainly didn't. The woman is in her 30's. Either she and Derek did have a relationship in their 20's like I thought or the very first thing out of Teen Derek's mouth should be asking how she got so old so fast. Instead she simpers, "Hey handsome, been a long time. Longer than you think." Or 10 minutes ago given this completely wonky time line. I give up. Stiles returns to the room, on the phone with Scott, only to see Kate's shooting a shampoo commercial in the window. She smiles and takes off with a willing Teen Derek. Ruh-roh. Peter and Malia, hearing the news, take off but Scott says to wait. Peter: "For what? Kate's out there twisting her way into Derek's head yet again. We need to find her." Aww, Peter really does care. Or wants to re-kill Kate, whichever. Scott, learning from Derek's alpha mistakes, says they need a plan first, to figure out what Kate wants. Peter: "Not to underestimate my own cognitive faculties, but we're not exactly a brain trust of geniuses here." Bwah! Scott: "Then maybe we should call one." Woo hoo! Someone remembers Lydia's smart. What isn't is the wonky day/night transition. Either it's night where Scott is but daylight across town at the gas station, or there's a streetlamp by the bathroom and Lydia and Kira have stood by a dead body for hours without alerting the police. Your pick. Scott wants pictures of the dead guy. I want to never see this again. Lydia: "Okay but to be honest, I have a 4.0 in AP Biology and there are parts of the human anatomy I have never seen before on these walls." Yikes! The pictures work though. Peter realizes Kate was in a frenzy. Malia: "Kate's still learning?" Peter: "She wants to learn." Malia: "So she wants Derek to teach her?" Peter: "Nah, she wants the triskelion." I guess Kate needs to be her own anchor.

But first she needs to put her nasty pedophile mouth on Teen Derek. Ugh! While Kate and Teen Derek head to the high school to enter his family vault, Kate kisses Teen Derek in the same spot where Blake kissed the older version. It's disgusting and uncomfortable in several ways but the worst is that she's in her 30's and he's what? 16? As if I didn't hate Kate enough already. He's literally half her age. Kate overcomes Teen Derek's objections to showing anyone outside the family their vault largely through lust, oh joy, so Teen Derek takes her to the Beacon Hills High sign. Say what? The high school has its own Chamber of Secrets? Cool. Kate: "Why would your family build a vault under a high school?" Derek: "The vault was here first." Okay. He claws an etching on the side and turns it like a combination lock. Good thing no one ever wanted to replace the sign because the whole thing twists, revealing a secret entrance. Holy Beacon Hills Bat Cave, Batman. They enter an underground bunker and Kate heads straight for a safe until Teen Derek reclaims her attention by finding the triskelion. Yeah nothing suspicious there, Kate. At the same time, Peter, Scott, and Malia arrive at the school too. Underground rave anyone? They stop when Malia, the uncontrolled beta, catches a berserker scent before Peter and Scott do. A growl in the distance has Peter scared as Skeletor marches through where Kate just groped Teen Derek. Hello berserkers. You look fabulous. Malia: "There's just one of them." Peter: "Yeah, that means we have a chance." Malia: "To beat him?" Peter: "To survive." Peter takes off at a sprint, which is always a good sign to follow since his self-preservation skills are unparalleled. Dude, he's fast though. Scott and Malia run a few seconds later but Peter is long gone. A few seconds is all it takes for them to be trapped by 2 berserkers. Uh-oh.

Back in the Beacon Hills Bat Cave, Kate is less than impressed by the triskelion. It does look like a vacation trinket so can't blame her for questioning. Kate: "It doesn't look like much." Enter gloating Peter: "That's because it isn't. It's quite the elaborate scheme you have here, Kate. Two countries, Aztec temples, Derek returned to a teenager, the one that trusted you, the one that loved you. All this complication just to gain access to our vault, just to get your hands on that little piece of junk. Turn it over. Go ahead. There's a scrape on the back where it used to say Made in China." Ha! Isn't everything these days? Kate: "You're lying." Peter: "I admit I have a tendency to exaggerate things, but in this case the truth is so much more fun." He explains that it's just a token to focus, training wheels for junior werewolves. Aww Teen Derek looks a bit hurt by this, but he's soon distracted by berserker howls, who kick the stuffing out of Scott and Malia. Kate doesn't care. "Is it real? Tell me if this is real." Teen Derek: "Didn't you hear that? That was Scott." He runs to join the fight, because he's loyal that way. Awww. Stiles and Lydia also appear with his trusty bat. Lydia: "You seriously need to find something better than a baseball bat." Agreed. It's already a nemeton hero. Time to retire it for more firepower. Like Kira who arrives with her trusty sword. She goes to town on the berserkers before breaking concentration to gaze longingly at Scott. Seriously? Are you kidding me? She deserves to go down for the count. Ugh! Luckily Teen Derek, the uncontrolled beta, emerges to their rescue. He takes on both Skeletors and due to that nifty super healing, which apparently was not filler in the beginning, he holds his own with some inherent werewolf gymnastics. The others just watch as I side eye them. Hmm. What about some teamwork here?

Things aren't going so swimmingly in the Bat Cave either. Peter has the perfect chance to kill Kate for real this time and he wastes it talking about training Derek. Peter: "He learned another way to control his shift. When I taught him how to use emotion, to use anger and focus on it. To feel every ounce of rage and hatred that he could summon and it was the anger that taught him control. So you want to learn to control it. Then get angry, Kate. Let's get angry." Seriously Peter the Overly Dramatic wants to teach Kate. Why? The psychotic witch killed your family for no reason. Finish her off and make my day. But no, Jeff Davis has a Jill Wagner crush, so it's tear gas in a bottle instead. It explodes and Peter's down, Kate stumbles away, and some guy takes a briefcase from the vault. Peter seriously freaks about that, but the berserkers are still fighting Teen Derek and that's more fun. Um wait. What the heck? Teen Derek and Adult Derek morph back and forth during the fight. That's got to be a new even for berserkers. One howl later, the berserkers back off and lo and behold, miracle of miracles, Derek has won a fight! Savor it! It probably won't happen again until episode 10…of season 5. Weirder still, Adult Derek emerges in the end with yellow eyes. Yeah that makes perfect sense. Apparently fighting berserkers cleanses your soul. Does that mean Derek can be a true alpha too? Oh goody. Eye changes are the least of Peter's worries though, as he crouches in front of the empty vault muttering like an asylum movie extra. Stiles and Lydia join him mid rant. Peter: "It was never, never about the triskelion. They took it while I was blind." Apparently the Hale family had a vault full of bearer bonds and Derek was living in that crummy flat without even a backup generator? Say what? Stiles: "Bearer bonds. Hold on. Hold on a second. Are you saying you got robbed?" Peter: "This was a heist. Somebody played us." Lydia: "How much did they take?" Peter: "117." Stiles: "Thousand?" Peter: "Million." Uh….yeah, Derek definitely should have upgraded.

Taken as a whole, this episode made zero sense logically. Not even a little. There is more hole to the plot than actual substance, so much so it topples in the slightest of winds. But let's face it, it was fun and that's the #1 thing I ask of Teen Wolf. It could be the premiere dud makes me like it even more, but I'm handing kudos out to Sheriff for bringing the fun and the writers for snappier dialogue. Plus there are so many confusing moments they all kind of blur together into one Jell-O-y mess and therefore kind of fade into the background. Besides since the chances of anyone explaining what happened in this episode are about the same as Derek winning another fight next week, we get to speculate on everything. My theory is Kate's de-aging spell was created by Cinderella's fairy godmother and so at midnight Derek turned back into a big, grumpy pumpkin. That's my theory and I'm sticking to it. Good luck explaining those eyes though. If it were the de-aging spell then Teen Derek's eyes should have been yellow too, although that wouldn't work for the plot. If it's fighting the berserkers, then Scott should be at non-alpha status now. If there's an actual plot point to this, I'll be more shocked than Peter at the empty vault. Teen Wolf, living in the Cave of Dropped Plot Points since 2011. I will say that this episode has sparked a renewed desire to rewatch season 1 and 2 again, since I could have sworn that Derek and Kate got together after high school. Now I'm going to have to look it up. This time I'm creating the Teen Wolf Mytharc Encyclopedia as I go along though, because all these canon issues need a shorthand.

Grade: B+

Best Scene - Sheriff asks Stiles and Scott if they are now involved with time travel

Worst Scene / Biggest Pedophile - Kate kisses Teen Derek when he's literally at least half her age

Best Action - the pack versus berserkers

Best Quote - Peter: "Can't someone in this town stay dead?" Malia: "I think they were hoping you would."

Best Reason to Watch - Teen Wolf is back to normal after last week's side trip to Mexico / if you don't, you won't know all the many, many questions you should be asking right now

Best Awww Moment - Teen Derek leaps to Scott's rescue even if he doesn't know who he is

Biggest Shock - They actually let Derek win a fight / Beacon Hills High has a Bat Cave

Biggest Twist - Normal Derek returns and now has yellow eyes. Why? Um, it's Teen Wolf?

Best Screencap - Sheriff when he's examining Teen Derek and realizes something hinky's going on

Biggest Idiot - Gas station guy. If you hear animal noises, don't go in. Not in Beacon Hills. Not anywhere.

Best Reaction - Stiles learns that both DoucheDad and Teen Derek know Spanish / Peter meets Malia

Biggest Ha - Lydia uses HistoryDad's phone to get a message to Scott and Stiles when they're in class

Biggest Continuity - Lydia deathwalks / Stiles names Derek Miguel again

The "Oh Poor Baby" Award - definitely goes to Teen Derek who sits sadly in the ruin of his former home

Best Continuity - Stiles still taps his fingers like a mad man when nervous

Least Stealthy - Scott should use his werewolf sight instead of stumbling around and waking DoucheDad

Best Sign You Should Run - Peter starts running. That guy has self-preservation down to an art form.

Wonkiest Class - Beacon Hills history went from WW2 to Jimmy Carter and then back to WW2 and now it's Lincoln. History is now called Plot Device 101, since its prime function is to teach the lesson of the day.

Best Return - Peter / Parrish / Stiles' baseball bat

Biggest Huh - After the kanima, alpha pack, Darach, Mummy Mouth, and DarkStiles, this season the Big Bad is…a thief? Say what?

The "Thanks Jeff Davis" Award - See that red vision Derek has as a beta. The same vision Scott had as a beta. I think it is safe to assume that all of them have werewolf vision when their eyes glow. In fact, it's no real stretch to think any supernatural creature whose eyes glow, like kitsunes, have it too.

The "Bah, What is this School Thing You Speak Of?" Award - Oh come now Deaton. Since when is a silly little thing like school ever influenced what these 3 have done? Attendance at Beacon Hills High has to be 46% at best on a good day. Unless you mean at night, because everyone goes there at night.

Least Welcome Surprise - DoucheDad is parked on Mama McCall's couch. Why are you still here? Why hasn't Mama McCall changed those locks yet? I don't care how many repairs you make.

The "I Don't Blame Him One Bit" Award - If I woke to someone cutting me, I'd lash out and run too.

Best Entrance - Kira and her swordplay before she's taken down too

The "Oh You are Screwed" Award - If every single person in your class knows the answer and you do not, it isn't a good sign. Yes, Malia is new to high school but it's not like she was never in a school. This is Lincoln 101 stuff she would definitely have studied by 4th grade when she went missing.

Fun Fact - The guy who played DoucheCop is apparently Lou Ferrigno, Jr. His dad was the Incredible Hulk. You won't like him when he's douchey. (Sorry, I had to.)

Bizarre Subplot of the Night - the Eichen House bill

Most Out of the Loop - Is Scott the last person in Beacon Hills to know that Derek and Kate screwed? .

The "Just Shut Up" Award - Stiles manages to make this dinner about 10,000 times more awkward

Worst Advice - Lydia, never tell someone not to look. That's a guaranteed way to get them to look. Tell her to run and call 911 instead.

Biggest Hypocrite - Peter complains about how no one ever stays dead. Still he may be the first character on a genre show since Dean rose from the grave on Supernatural that I actually think was a good idea.

Best New Addition - berserkers, who make all the logic pain go away with a good fight

Worst Father - Peter leaves Malia out to fight the berserkers while he gets into the vault. You suck, Peter.

Worst Plan - Going up one by one to take on the berserkers when one by one you get creamed

The "Wow, it wasn't Filler after All" Award - Deaton putting a knife to Teen Derek when he was unconscious was preparing us for the fact that the berserkers couldn't hurt him

Cheesiest Line - Peter: "Let's get angry."

The "This Makes No Sense" Award -

1. De-aged Derek
2. How exactly was Derek in a "tomb of wolfsbane" if he was still living, although younger, and Scott could reach right in with no trouble?
3. The construction site has security but the high school does not? How did the police know to go there? It's not like the Hale House ruins are anywhere near a main road.
4. It's been 4 months since Peter found out he had a daughter. He worked hard to get her name. Are you telling me Peter has not once looked Malia up or snuck around to see her? Yeah right.
5. Kate has been a werejaguar for over 1.5 years and she still can't control herself even when it's not a full moon. That's an awfully big mess of bodies following you around. Why hasn't a hunter put you down yet?
6. It's night time in half of Beacon Hills but daylight in the other half. It's a magical town.
7. Teen Derek sees a 30-something Kate and immediately recognizes her, but doesn't ask how she got so much older. Hmm. Is he brain dead?
8. Peter had access to $117 million and yet he seems to squat in Derek's loft most of the time
9. Adult Derek is back and his eyes are yellow. Biggest huh of the night?

Best Fan Tweets:

1. @MissAbbyTaylor - Why is it we only get to see the episode of #teenwolf once but there's marathons of Ridiculousness every single day?

2. @LadyDaeWrites - #teenwolf ugh!!! I can't unseen that scene with Kate and Derek. Omg. I want to bleach my eyes!

3. @Veesh_TW - I'm telling ya man, Stiles' baseball bat has faced more supernatural phenomenon than actual baseballs. #TeenWolf

4. @NerdOfAWombat - Hey, sometimes life happens... A lot in Derek Hale's case. #TeenWolf

5. @brendicimo - That's what happens when you don't give a girl enough time in the restroom #teenwolf

6. @clearlynotsarah - I think Scott and his pack plan their shenanigans around the weather #TeenWolf

7. @embassadora - I apparently never explored my high school enough. Between #TeenWolf and #Buffy there obvs is secret vaults in all HS, RIGHT? Dammit....

8. @JazmenDBrown - Stiles Dad says if they've been time traveling, then he quits. Sharing many of our sentiments.

9. @BearRudman - "Hey Dad, what's with all the tools?" "I'm fixing my sh*** personality and general worthlessness, Scott." #PapaMcCall #TeenWolf

10. @_Teoni_ - The commercials on #MTV make me fear for humanity.

Screencaps by and Disney Wikia

About the Author - Dahne
One part teacher librarian - one part avid TV fan, Dahne is a contributing writer for SpoilerTV, where she recaps, reviews, and creates polls for Sleepy Hollow, Arrow, White Collar, Grimm, Teen Wolf, and others. She's addicted to Twitter, live tweets a multitude of shows each week, and co-hosts the Warehouse 13 "Endless Wonder", Sleepy Hollow "Headless," and Teen Wolf "Welcome to Beacon Hills" podcasts for Southgate Media Group. Currently she writes a Last Week in TV column for her blog and SpoilerTV. ~ "I speak TV."
Recent Reviews by Dahne (All Reviews)


  1. I agree with every word! This is so spot on. I think my favorite comment though is "You die next, sir." Douche Cop. Ugh. Also, Kira giving Scott puppy eyes in the middle of a fight? So ridiculous. I did love the episode even if it was a big, sloppy mess of questions.
    I do have a question for you. Has the show ever leaned towards a Derek/Lydia pairing? I don't think they have but during that moment at Deaton's, they focused on Teen Derek squeezing her hand. My mind went back to a throwaway comment Derek made about Lydia last season. Something about Lydia not failing her friends I think. I thought at the time it was an odd thing to say because they don't interact much. I can't say I would mind it as long as it doesn't interfere with the pure fun this show gives me. I'd have to see more to judge. I could just be imagining things.
    Thanks for the great review! I look forward to them.

  2. Thanks so much for commenting. DoucheCop has got to go. What kind of cop would apply for a Beacon Hills job anyway given their high death rate? I think they are scraping the bottom of the barrel with this guy. There are also no words for how disappointed I am in the way they are portraying Kira this season. She's a mess and she deserves better. here's hoping they fix that but first they need to make Lydia stronger too.

    There has been nothing in Teen Wolf to suggest a Lydia and Derek pairing. Mostly I think because of the age discrepency. Lydia is still in high school and there should be a massive backlash if she and Derek got involved at this point. In all honesty, I would like to see more Derek and Lydia scenes, not romantic, because I think they would play off each other's strengths well. Derek needs someone to help was strategy and tactics, which have never been his strong suit. Lydia needs to learn some self-defense stat. Before 3B they were talking about a possible kitsune spin-off of Teen Wolf but I always argued that it should be more like Angel from Buffy. I could totally see Derek and Lydia opening some kind of detective agency and doing well. My take on Derek complimenting Lydia (if I'm thiking of the right episode - 3B right?) is more that Jeff was making a concerted effort to change Derek into the kind of guy Scott could use as a mentor. That's my take at least.

  3. That take on Derek/Lydia makes sense. I was almost worried and did hope it was my imagination. I think Julie Plec traumatized me, haha. TVD was a good concept that sank fast.
    As for Kira, I just don't understand. How can they write Malia so well but have Kira almost weak? Physically, she's a fighter but emotionally, I think her head is to wrapped in Scott. I don't like it but it is something a "normal" teenaged girl would do.
    I'm afraid that Parrish or Douche Cop are going to be Benefactor pawns. I really like Parrish so I hope not. Do we even have a clue who the Benefactor is? I swear if his last name is Argent, I will hunt Jeff Davis. I can't even remember grandads name right now.
    It looks like you're going to have a lot to write about next episode and I'm already looking forward to it! Lots of action and questions.

  4. ha! I hear Plec traumatized a lot of people. I got out after seaon 1. My problem with Kira is that she actually seems more timid and unsure now than she did last season to me. She's been working with this group for at least 5 months now so she should feel a little more comfortable I would think. I do hate this Kira is all about Scott thing because that is what ended up sinking Allison. She was so much more than the romance and yet it became her focus. I was hoping that Jeff had learned from last time but it doesn't appear that he has.

    Personally I am going with Parrish is the Benefactor right now. He is far too nice for this show and the heist this week felt like one of Neal Cafrrey from White Collar's long-term cons. I'm not sure that someone new could have pulled it off. Still I too hope that Parrish is everything he seems to be because i really want to root for him.

    As for Gerard, if he is the Benefactor I may go through my computer to shoot him. he has got to go, sooner rather than later. I'm not even sure why he's still around.

    I actually haven't seen anything from next week except for the promo and all I can say is mama McCall lives. Jeff needs to understand that clearly.