Monday, July 6, 2015

Teen Wolf - 5.03 - Bingo Card



It's Bingo time. Check below for the official Bingo card of the episode, links to an online version, and links to a full set of 8 cards. Good luck!

PS.  Sorry I can't make this any clearer.  I'm having trouble posting the online card to the site today.

Check the links below for a better copy.

Online Copy

Set of 8

Make Your Own





Teen Wolf Bingo
A party breaks outA new bad guy is revealedBig plot twistBromance momentRecurring character bleeds
A parent is helpfulA teen skips schoolStiles snarksMalia looks confused and/or kick buttSomeone's eyes glow
A scene so dark you can barely seeKira acts awkward or stuttersSomeone bleeds on hospital floorWerewolf powers go wonkySomeone lies
Anyone says "true alpha"It rains in Beacon HillsDoucheDad flashes his badgeLydia stares blankly into spaceScott/Stiles asks if someone's okay
Someone plays lacrosseA formerly "dead" person appearsMusic played way too loudSlow motion for no reasonSomeone is thrown against a wall

2015 Character Cup - Nominating Polls - Part A




Policy Poll  - The nominations are in and now it's time to start preparing for our contest in earnest. Since we've never done nominating polls before, we have to set some guidelines. Normally I would just choose a plan and apply it to all characters but I don't want to be accused of stacking the rankings so we're putting it to a poll. Basically every character has been put in a numbered list based on the number of nominations they received. Usually that list determines where they are placed on the bracket. However this time you choose which character represents the show, making the list more fluid. One character might be third on the list while competing against another that is fifth on the list. While in most polls whichever character got the most nominations will also win the poll, the question becomes what happens if a lower ranked character beats a higher ranked one in the nominating poll. We have 2 choices. 1. The winning character continues to be placed on the list according to how many nominations they got. I will then just delete any characters that did not win from the list and everyone will move up accordingly. 2. The winning character gets substituted into the higher character's place. This makes the rankings more about the show than an individual character. Let me know in the comments below if you would like more clarification.


Finalist Poll - Along with policy polls, we also need to pick the final characters that will get into the contest. That's the second poll. The top 3 characters in that poll will proceed to the contest while the others will not make it in this year. If both characters from Sense8 are in the top 3, the one with the most votes will get into the contest, not both. This poll will last 24 hours and you can vote for 2 characters.


Nominating Polls - The remainder of the polls today are nominating polls.  Remember this will determine which character represents a show in the contest.  Not all shows will have nominating polls but since we have many more than I expected, it will take 3 days to do them all.  Characters in the nominating polls had to meet the following criteria:

1. They had to have at least 5 nominations.
2. They had to be within 5 nominations of the most nominated character on that show unless they got over 20 nominations.
3. If 2 or more characters got over 20 votes, they went in the nominating poll regardless of the difference between them.


Nuts and Bolts - With the exception of the second poll, all are 1 vote only. Polls will close roughly 24 hours after they start. There is no option to change your vote so please choose carefully. As with all SpoilerTV polls, it is 1 vote per IP address so trying to vote multiple times will not count.


If you have any questions, please let me know in the comments.  Since this is new, I know it is bound to be confusing at first.































About the Author - Dahne
One part teacher librarian - one part avid TV fan, Dahne is a contributing writer for SpoilerTV, where she recaps, reviews, and/or creates polls for Teen Wolf, The 100, Grimm, How to Get Away with Murder, The Librarians, The Last Ship, Younger, Rizzoli & Isles, Major Crimes, and others. She also runs the annual Character Cup. She's addicted to Twitter, live tweets a multitude of shows each week, and co-hosts The 100 "Red-Shirted", Sleepy Hollow "Headless" and Teen Wolf "Welcome to Beacon Hills" podcasts for Southgate Media Group. Currently she writes a Last Week in TV column for her blog and SpoilerTV. ~ "I speak TV."
Recent Reviews (All Reviews)


Teen Wolf - 5.02 - Parasomnia - Recap



Previously - the premiere was awesome! In other news, senior year is starting, Scott worries things will get bad and they do, another new kid wants to be in Scott's pack, Walled Werewolf tries to use his Day-Glo claws to de-power Scott, it doesn't work, and steampunk scientists kill him for failing. Tough gig.

Note - Some scenes are shifted slightly out of order in this recap to combine themes. Oh and there's a significant rant in here, so skip from where it says (begin rant) to where it says (end rant) and you won't miss anything but me kvetching.


Panning in on another random teen, Science Mom talks GPA and college admission requirements. Back up, folks. She no longer teaches science? Well there goes that name. I swear 5 people run this entire school. Now what should I call her because the fandom name, Mama Hot Pants, does not work for me? For now, it's GCM (Guidance Counselor Mom or Guidance Counselor Martin, you pick) although she'll probably head the music department next week. Anyway GCM babbles while the teen hyperventilates over her night terrors, aka parasomnia. Yet another vocab lesson from Teen Wolf. Tracy flashes back to dreams of skylight birds and a creepy steampunk scientist. She tries to fall asleep but the skylight comes open and in true teen fashion, she stands on her tiptoes on a wobbly chair to close it. Forget the birds, honey. You're going to break your neck. It's beyond time to crash on the couch. GCM asks about the skylight but it's been water sealed and can't open. She pooh poohs Tracy's anxiety as typical senior stress but Tracy doesn't buy it, especially when she pukes black goo and feathers all over GCM's desk. Blech! Tracy: "Is this common?" Ha! Meanwhile, Scott remembers he has a job. I practically forgot too, Scott. It's a good thing your boss believes in flexible hours and is so cryptic I still don't know if he's evil or good. He coaches Scott through giving a little kid's dog a shot, who promptly bites him, and the girl calls him Dr. McCall. Awww. Back to business, Deaton exposits Walled Werewolf's eagle talons. He also claims that only Liam can siphon off Scott's power. Scott: "Well, what if I let someone into my pack, like another beta?" If you're thinking Theo, stop right there. Just NO!!! Deaton: "I would normally say no but I'm starting to wonder if the rules to our supernatural world aren't as rigid as I once thought or maybe someone's trying to change those rules." Um, you mean the writers every single season? Canon is not particularly strong on this show.

Over at the station, Stiles isn't getting any more answers than Scott. He wants Sheriff to run a background check on Theo's family. "Dad, this kid is a werewolf." Sheriff: "Your best friend is a werewolf. You are dating a werecoyote. I still don't know what Kira's supposed to be. When the flying monkeys come soaring through this station, you will have my undivided attention. Until then, just go to school." BWAAHH! Stiles goes on the detective offense, noticing something different about Sheriff. He violates the personal bubble so much that I thought he was going to sniff Sheriff like a werecreature. Sheriff tells him to back off as not all werecreatures are his problem. Yeah Sheriff, that's wishful thinking. To finally get Stiles off his back, he agrees to have Parrish look into it. Sadly for Stiles' case, all he finds is a speeding ticket and even Malia knows that's nothing. Malia: "Well how many tickets do you have?" Stiles: "None." Malia: "How many would you have if your dad didn't get you out of them?" Stiles: "17." Yikes! You're a menace to the road, Stiles. Malia tries to sympathize by mentioning how hot Theo is, thus making everything worse so she tries a different tactic. "You want me to torture him." Stiles: "No, I don't want you to torture him." Malia: "I'm pretty sure I can take him." Ha! I'm sure you could. Stiles prefers the police method of finding the clues and catching him in the act. I prefer the "kill him before he comes between Scott and Stiles" method myself. Just saying. Stiles is insistent that this kid is not the kid he knew in 4th grade. That's good enough for me. I've watched this show long enough to know to trust Stiles' instincts. Never doubt Stiles or Lydia.

Scott remains blissfully unaware of Stiles' mission as he enters school in slow-mo for NO REASON. Kira meets him and they savor their last first day. Mason is more focused on understanding what the heck happened in season 4. If you figure it out, please let the rest of us know. At least he's savvy enough to realize Lydia has answers. I wish the pack did. Liam unsuccessfully tries to put him off. Mason: "I was attacked by an armor-plated giant wearing a bear skull. It left an impression." Ha! So Liam distracts him with the Beacon Hills soccer team as I wonder when they got another sport. It's pointless fluff. Likely so is Malia's driving lesson with HistoryDad. Wait, he's the Drivers' Ed teacher too. I rest my case; 5 adults run the entire school. No way I'd teach Drivers' Ed ever, but especially not to post-traumatic supernaturals. Mid-lesson Malia hallucinates, which some claim is PTSD but I think is a Lydia-induced vision. GCM's cold open speech has to mean something, right? Either way, HistoryDad can't leave the car fast enough. Malia: "How'd I do?" Looking over the mass of cone destruction left behind, I'm venturing….not well. HistoryDad: "There's room for improvement." Ha! Back in his history class, New Kid 924 makes Liam nervous and gums his chair. This subplot's snoozeworthy so let's just say she's ticked about 6th grade. Moving on. Scott also takes a seat…in AP Biology as the class and I side eye him. Lydia silent conversations Kira into asking Scott if he's lost. Ha! I like Kira better when she's with Lydia. Still I have no idea why Lydia wasn't sitting next to Kira in the first place. Cold. Lydia: "Do you know what AP stands for?" Bwah! For the record Scott, your friends think you're a lovable idiot. I do too since he obviously went to the Malia school of highlighting. (Who lets kids highlight high school textbooks? Those suckers have to last 20 years.) New science teacher shocks me by stumping even Lydia and plans to give a test the next day to weed out kids who shouldn't be in there. A dejected Scott sits outside until Stiles fetches him to corner Theo.

Meanwhile Tracy's night terrors begin to haunt her daytime. Never a good sign. As she opens her locker, the lights go out and black goo runs down. A steampunk soldier crawls towards her as she tells herself it's just a dream. Luckily Lydia notices and snaps her out of it, but not before Tracy's locker sports vicious claw marks. Say what? At the guidance office, Lydia and her mom argue about Tracy mostly because GCM spouts some of the most utter nonsense ever heard on Teen Wolf. She explains Tracy's goo vomit as eating her pillow while my head hits my desk. Are you kidding me? Plus she didn't even send Tracy to the nurse. What the heck, lady? You suck as a counselor. She does suggest that Tracy may need professional help and Lydia takes that to mean Parrish. The girls meet him at her house where he finds a scratched up roof, open skylight, and bloody bird bits. Yeah that's more than night terrors. Ulgh! Over in the locker room, Theo exposits his werewolf transformation and claims his alpha died before his first full moon at the Alpha Twins' hands. This is obviously a big old lie given canon from 3A states that they killed everyone in their pack, but neither Stiles nor Scott call him out on it. They do side eye each other. Theo: "Scott listen to my pulse. I'm telling you the truth." Stiles: "Alright or you just know how to steady your own heart rate while you're lying your a** off." You tell him Stiles! Since he's not fooling Stiles the Skeptic, he plays memory lane with Scott about a time when they bonded over asthma. Theo leaves to actually go to class (definitely a mutant), but Scott and Stiles stay behind. Stiles: "Don't give me that look." Scott: "We have to give people the benefit of the doubt some times." Stiles: "Not this time, alright? I'm right. There's something off about him. I can feel it." Scott: "Lydia's the psychic, not you." Stiles: "Lydia's not a psychic. She a banshee, okay? There's a difference." Is there? We still don't know what a banshee is in Teen Wolf canon.

Stiles doggedly pursues his theory and meets Scott, Kira, and Malia in the library. It really irks me that Lydia is never included although I know she's tracking down the bird angle. Stiles prefers the criminal angle and breaks into the administration office to copy Theo's transfer papers. He claims Theo's dad's signatures don't match and backs it up with enough technical information that I wonder if Stiles has his own forgery business. Seriously, it's a Neal Caffrey-level explanation of forged signature goofs. The others don't really see it. Kira: "So now Theo is Theo but his parents aren't his parents?" Stiles: "Someone's not someone and when I figure out who that someone really is someone's in big trouble." Bwah! Scott: "But no one's done anything wrong." Good point…if this were anywhere but Beacon Hills, Scott. Stiles agrees. "If Theo's parents are both psychotic killers, then obviously we should not trust him, right?" Malia: "My parents are Peter and the Desert Wolf." Umm yeah, that is a good point and hard to talk around. Stiles doesn't even try. Frustrated that no one takes his instincts seriously, he storms off. Now he knows how Lydia feels most seasons. Sadly he grabs Liam to help stakeout Theo's place. Parrish, on the other hand, plans on staking out Tracy's place after his shift with a little help from the caffeine Lydia insists on bringing him at midnight. I squirm uncomfortably at the thought of Teen Wolf actually making these two canon like it seems they are. Blech, blech, and triple blech. He might as well be a teacher at her school. Something's are off-limits ALWAYS! Please stop this mess now, Jeff. There isn't enough brain bleach in the world for this.

That night Theo heads to the woods, taking a package out of his car. Liam: "We just spent 3 hours watching this dude play videogames in his bedroom. He better be out here covering up a mass murder." Ha! It's the first time I've liked Liam yet…and then they stop the action so Liam can whimper about telling Mason the truth. Moment's over. He can die again. We have better things to do than listen to him emoangst, like follow Theo. You know, the night's mission. Alas, Liam must slow down every forward plot movement. He stutters along before Stiles finally says, "He watched my dad blow up a berserker with a landmine. I think the groundwork's been pretty thoroughly laid for acceptance." Plus it's not like Mason isn't doing research just like season 1 Stiles. (Urgh!) At least someone finally realizes that secrets kill and telling people is better. Maybe this means we'll never play 20 episodes of "Should We Tell" ever again. Liam continues to annoy by yelling a zillion questions when they're trying to be stealthy. Is he an idiot? Don't answer that. He falls into a hole. Stiles would be better off doing this alone, embrace his inner Lydia. Presumably this hole will be important in the future because: 1. Liam fell into it so it has to be a super special hole. 2. Tracy's necklace is buried in the muck. I still don't care. Stiles finds Theo throwing flowers off a bridge and realizes he's memorializing his sister who died there. Trying to leave before Theo sees them, the two make so much noise someone at the high school across town could hear them. Worst tailing of anyone anywhere. No wonder he confronts them. Gibbs smack to them both for being incompetent morons. Seriously.

Theo asks why Stiles and Liam are there and as he approaches, Liam steps in front of Stiles and throat growls. Okay, slight edge for Liam being protective like that…until Theo mentions how super special Liam must be after knowing him for all of 30 seconds. (Begin rant) Liam is the Skye of Teen Wolf, a character jammed so far down my throat I'm choking on him. Everybody and their senile grandma wants to tell me how super awesome he is and that I should like totally find him like super adorable too and think he's the greatest of all time, like the bee's knees and everything. Every single time someone new fawns over him, I want to put an ice pick through my eye to end my misery. Just stop! The more you force this super special, super powerful, Derek-approved snowflake at me, the more I resent him being on my screen. The more you push him as a replacement for Scott and Stiles, the more I want him to die. Enough, Jeff Davis! I am even less interested in your Liam-led Teen Wolf than I was when he was first introduced as God's gift to lacrosse under a beam of light in slow motion, taking off his helmet. I thought it couldn't get any worse, any more cheesy than that. I was dead wrong. Just stop! (End rant) Already annoyed beyond reason by Liam, Stiles next earns a capital M for moron and tells Theo about the signatures. (Headdesk over and over and over again.) What possible good can come from showing your hand so quickly, Stiles? You are not brain dead. Stop acting like it!!! Theo dodges the issue by trying flattery. "You know Stiles, I came back here for Scott but I also came back for you, someone like you. Someone who's willing to walk into the woods in the middle of the night to protect his friends. I don't have anyone like that. Scott does. You all do. I know I'm in the right place. I'm meant to be here. I'm meant to be a part of this pack." Tell me you're not falling for this Stiles, because Liam definitely is.

So is Scott, who waits for them to get back to the Jeep. Neither Stiles nor I want to talk about it, albeit for totally different reasons. Sadly the Jeep won't start again, forcing the conversation. Stiles: "Yes, okay, we followed him out here. What do you want me to say? That I'm a stalker. That I'm crazy, totally paranoid. None of this is new information." Scott: "You're not even going to try to at least give him the benefit of the doubt." In Beacon Hills, NO! You have a target on your back, Scott. It's Stiles' job to protect you from your own naivety. Your job is to protect Stiles from that which goes bump in the night. The plan works. Don't mess with the plan. Stiles: "I give people the benefit. I've given a lot of benefit to a lot of people." Um, maybe not, hon, but that's okay. The pack needs a skeptic. Scott: "Like Derek, Kira, Liam." Stiles: "I was right about Peter." And Matt. Don't forget Matt. You told them all he was a psycho but no one believed you then either. The Jeep still won't start so Stiles continues about Peter. "You know I bet you still think that there's something about him that can be saved." Scott: "Maybe." Oh for the love of St. Jude. Are you kidding me? Scott, I love Peter snark as much as the next girl but even I know there's no redemption plan for him. Give it up. Scott: "Why can't you trust anyone?" Stiles: "Because you trust everyone." Stiles slams his hand into the Jeep and I feel really sorry…for the Jeep. Scott feels sorry for Stiles. He wants to look at Stiles' hand but Stiles says he's fine. Calling on his inner vet, Scott realizes that's not true and he takes Stiles' hand between both of his to siphon off the pain. Awwww. Could you siphon off the extra anxiety too? Stiles' hand is good as new but his relationship with Scott is showing the tiniest of cracks. Nope, not good. I need them to be a solid team. They glance at each other for a moment before the Jeep roars back to life and breaks up the bromance.

Since it's not only teens being completely idiotic tonight, focus shifts back on Tracy. Her dad boards up the skylight, tells her he won't let anything bad happen to her, and…promptly leaves? At this point in the episode, all I can do is shake my head and wonder which one gets taken first. Maybe it'll be Parrish instead, since he's sitting outside her house. He gets distracted by a text from Lydia and never even notices Tracy walking right behind his car. She even stops to pose for him. (Heavy sigh) This is as bad as when Scott and Allison made out during guard duty and didn't see Jackson transform into a snake and bust out of the police vehicle they were holding him in. Maybe Parrish should work on The Following. He's that competent this season so far, but at least he doesn't have Kira's hem haw disease, which has transferred to Liam. He races to school but Mason is done with his excuses. Well until he sees a wolf behind Liam. Cue the running as I remember fondly all the times Scott and Stiles ran through those same school halls at night, fleeing from something evil. Now it's Mason and Liam and I sigh some more. You're killing me Teen Wolf. Finally Liam has enough of the running and roars, causing the other wolf to flee and letting Mason in on his secret. Liam: "There's something I've got to tell you." Mason: "You're a werewolf." And you're officially Danny 2.0. I miss original Danny. I'm also terribly confused because the wolf that chased them is Theo. Huh? First off, I thought werewolves that could go full wolf were extremely rare so I'm calling shenanicanon. Second, what's the point? If Theo wants to kill Liam, why back off so quickly? If he wants to scare him, for what reason? If he's trying to get Liam to tell Mason, why bother? His sole mission seems to be getting into Scott's pack so he can steal Scott's power. How does this help?

No time to ponder logic because Kira and Scott have to make out and discuss his career plans. She asks why Scott didn't tell her that he wanted to be a vet but it seems like a logical step to me. Scott though isn't sure he's smart enough and I feel for him. Awww. Kira, being an awesome girlfriend, reassures him and then promptly causes an electrical shortage as she gets her sexy on. Perhaps he should just get Lydia to make him a study guide. Speaking of Lydia, she's fraternizing in the wee hours of morning with the ever clueless Parrish, who again flirts with her. Parrish: "I'm just glad Tracy's okay." Yeah, completely okay given that she's being injected with serum by the steampunk scientists. She also goes werewolf. Either she's been a werewolf all along and didn't know it, or this isn't her first trip to the lab. Flashbacks show that she messed with the skylight and clawed her locker. New kid becomes new villain, while Stiles adds Theo to his Wall of Weird. Sheriff: "Usually we wait until they do something wrong before we declare them guilty." Stiles: "Well he's guilty of something." Sheriff: "Accusations require proof and proof always trumps instinct. It has to." Aww, this scene bookends Scott with Deaton in the opening. Sheriff tells him to channel his inner Elsa and let it go, but Stiles is a born detective. "I got it, the something different. I know what it is." Sheriff: "Okay?" Stiles: "You're not wearing your wedding ring anymore." Ouch. The life drains from Sheriff's face as I think they're finally going to talk about Stiles' mother. Although they need to, Sheriff turns the conversation back to Theo. "You sure this kid's guilty?" Stiles: "Absolutely." Sheriff: "Then all you've got to do is wait. If they're really guilty, eventually they make a mistake. They always make a mistake." While Stiles is encouraged by this, Theo is less happy. He confronts the man pretending to be his father about the poor forgery. In a fit of terrifying calm, Theo decides the best way to cover the slip up is to take a hammer to the poor man's hand. Yikes!

While I like this episode, I do not like it as much as the rest of the fandom. I couldn't put my finger on it until the third rewatch. Then it hit me. This episode has zero action in it and a whole, whole lot of filler. In fact, it had many of the same problems as season 4 did. The whole middle part of the episode drags and it's only New Girl Tracy's storyline that adds intensity and plot advancement. For the most part it is about kids going to school, albeit supernatural kids with supernatural problems. The only big twist outside of Tracy is that Theo can go full wolf while the only big forward plot movement outside of Tracy is that Mason confirmed what he already pretty much knew. While we do get the big bromance scene with Scott healing Stiles' hand, we also get the first sign of fracturing in their friendship. In fact, the majority of their time together is spent disagreeing. That isn't going to work for me since they are the whole reason I watch this show and I HATE contrived drama. Also, like in season 4, there is an overabundance of Liam and Mason. Why must Liam be in every scene good scene with Scott and Stiles? Why are we getting Stiles and Liam instead of Stiles and Scott anyway? I think the high of the stellar premiere made me see this episode in rose-colored glasses the first time around but it's lost some of its glow for me. I did think Malia's driving scene was cute (and possibly prophetic) and I adore Lydia and Kira's silent conversation in science. As always, the Stilinski family scenes are made of win and I love how Stiles isn't giving up on his instincts even if everyone else thinks he's nuts. In that he's a measure ahead of Lydia, who never could get people to listen to her and therefore sometimes stopped believing in herself. Here's hoping the pack comes around to Stiles' side soon because dude, this is Beacon Hills and trust Stiles is the new motto.



Grade: C+

Episode Awards:

Best Reason to Watch - Tracy's storyline
Best Reason to Fast Forward - Lydia and Parrish
Best Scene - Scott heals Stiles' hand
Best Action - um, was there any action?
Best Reason to Throw Up - tie - either sympathy vomiting with Tracy or hearing yet another person remark on how special Liam is
Best Shock - a teacher asks Lydia a question and she doesn't know the answer
Best Liam Moment - he steps in front of Stiles and growls when Theo comes too close
Worst Liam Moment - emoangsty while tailing Theo and falling in a hole
Smartest Decision Never Actually Used in High School - giving kids a hard test on the second day to weed out those who are too stupid for your class
Most Moronic Move - Stiles tells Theo about the signatures
The "It's Official" Award - Mason is Danny 2.0
New Motto - Forget "Watch Your Pack." This season is all about "Trust Stiles."
Best Detective - Stiles realizes his dad is no longer wearing his wedding ring
Worst Detective - Parrish doesn't realize Tracy is walking right behind his car
Most Incompetent / Least Stealthy - Stiles and Liam tailing Theo while yelling loud enough a human could hear a mile away much less a werewolf
Best Reaction - Lydia to Scott being in an AP science class
Lamest Explanation - GCM thinks Tracy ate her pillow in her sleep
The "Back Up Big Time" Award - Stiles totally invades Sheriff's space when he's grilling him.
The "Slow It Down, Stilinski" Award - 17 speeding tickets before you're 18. Egads! Stiles, you're a menace to the road.
Saddest Moment - Liam and Mason are chased through school by a wolf and I get nostalgic over Stiles and Scott.
Least Interesting Subplot - Liam and the girl who hates him
Dumbest Slow-Mo Shot - Scott walks into school for senior year
Biggest Lying Liar that Lies - tie - Parrish and Liam
Most in Need of a New Job - HistoryDad because teaching Driver's Ed to hallucinating supernaturals is beyond the call of duty. I bet that job at Columbia is looking even better now.
Most Likely to Go Bankrupt - the company that makes Hiring Now signs, given that 5 people run the entire school and we all know Melisa does every single job at the hospital
Biggest Huh? - Why would Theo halfheartedly go after Liam? If he was trying to scare him, it makes no sense. If he was trying to kill him, why back off so quickly?
Biggest Sign of Budget Cuts - instead of watching Theo transform from wolf to human, a tree blocks the way
Best Song-to-Scene - Last Days of Dancing by Maja Francis
Best Quotes -
1. Stiles: "Dad, this kid is a werewolf." Sheriff: "Your best friend is a werewolf. You are dating a werecoyote. I still don't know what Kira's supposed to be. When the flying monkeys come soaring through this station, you will have my undivided attention. Until then, just go to school."
2. Scott: "Why can't you trust anyone?" Stiles: "Because you trust everyone."
3. Liam: "We just spent 3 hours watching this dude play videogames in his bedroom. He better be out here covering up a mass murder."
4. Malia: "How'd I do?" HistoryDad: "There's room for improvement."
5. Mason: "I was attacked by an armor-plated giant wearing a bear skull. It left an impression."
6. Stiles: "Yes, okay, we followed him out here. What do you want me to say? That I'm a stalker. That I'm crazy, totally paranoid. None of this is new information." Scott: "You're not even going to try to at least give him the benefit of the doubt." Stiles: "I give people the benefit. I've given a lot of benefit to a lot of people." Scott: "Like Derek, Kira, Liam." Stiles: "I was right about Peter. You know I bet you still think that there's something about him that can be saved." Scott: "Maybe."
7. Stiles: "I got it, the something different. I know what it is." Sheriff: "Okay?" Stiles: "You're not wearing your wedding ring anymore." Sheriff: "You sure this kid's guilty?" Stiles: "Absolutely." Sheriff: "Then all you have to do is wait. If they're really guilty, eventually they make a mistake. They always make a mistake."



New Motto:  Trust Stiles





Screencaps by Screencapped.net, Pinterest, Tumblr, and Tumblr.


About the Author - Dahne
One part teacher librarian - one part avid TV fan, Dahne is a contributing writer for SpoilerTV, where she recaps, reviews, and/or creates polls for Teen Wolf, The 100, Grimm, How to Get Away with Murder, The Librarians, The Last Ship, Younger, Rizzoli & Isles, Major Crimes, and others. She also runs the annual Character Cup. She's addicted to Twitter, live tweets a multitude of shows each week, and co-hosts The 100 "Red-Shirted", Sleepy Hollow "Headless" and Teen Wolf "Welcome to Beacon Hills" podcasts for Southgate Media Group. Currently she writes a Last Week in TV column for her blog and SpoilerTV. ~ "I speak TV."
Recent Reviews (All Reviews)



Sunday, July 5, 2015

Quote of the Week - Week of June 28




A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the Spoiler TV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.



Baby Daddy - Tucker: "Is that Bad? Cause it sounds bad. Yo mama is on the floor." ~Riley declares a Wheeler War and Bonnie collapses in shock. (Prpleight)



Killjoys - John: "For once, I had something that I was amazing at and a partner that I loved working with. And then he just comes in and he starts D'avining all over it. They started him at a Level 4. I'm allowed to be conflicted for a day." Dutch: His Level 4 is nothing compared to the six years we've had each other's backs. If you're worried about being replaced, don't be. You're irreplaceable to me." (Justyna Kubica)



Mr. Robot -
1. Society: “Hello Evil Corp, we are F Society. Over the years we’ve been watching you. Your financial abuse of the poor. Your corruptions of governments. Your cover-ups of innocent, ordinary citizens all for the sake of profit. This is why we at F Society have decided, you must die. We are malicious and hostile, we do not compromise. We are relentless. We will not stop until every tentacle of your evil monstrosity is sliced off at the nerve. We are also not without mercy. Our latest hack was our last warning. Meet our demands and we will consider not destroying you. First release our leader Terry Colby from your illegitimate prison immediately. Second, release all the people of the world from your even more illegitimate prisons of debt. Third, dissolve your corporation and donate all your assets to charities around the world. This proposal is non-negotiable. The people are realising they don’t have freedom of choice so long as you exist. The People are waking up, no longer excepting your economic slavery. Meet these demands or we will kill you, consider yourself warned.” (Nirat Anop)
2. Mr. Robot: “Are you a 1 or a 0? That’s the question you have to ask yourself, are you a yes or no, are you gonna act or not?” Elliot: “You been staring at a computer screen way to long homie, life’s not that binary.” Mr. Robot: “Isn’t it, sure there are grays, when you come right down to it, at its core beneath every choice is either a 1 or a 0. You either do something or you don’t. You walk out that door, you decided to do nothing, to say nothing, which means you do not come back. You leave, you are no longer apart of this. You become a zero. If you stay, you wanna change the world, you become a yes, you become a 1. I’ll ask you again, are you a 1 or a 0?” Elliot: “An innocent man’s in prison because of what I did.” Mr. Robot: “Come on, let's not kid ourself, this has nothing to do with Colby. This isn’t even about my revolution. This is more than that for you. This is about how those bastards slowly killed your father and how you wished he’d done something about it but he didn’t cause he was a 0 just like your being right now.” (Nirat Anop)
3. Elliot: “Choices, maybe Mr. Robot’s right. That’s what this is all about. The yes’s and no’s of life. But do we decide them or do they decide us? Fernando Vera, I get rid of him, I get rid of my drug dealer’s supplier, I get rid of the morphine and the pain I’ve been holding in comes rushing out. Sure I can try to find another dealer but like Vera said, no one on the streets deals suboxen. I could go back to digitally counterfeiting scripts but farmers spend a lot of doe protecting their wares. Most places only take paper scripts, continuously getting legit refills isn’t realistic and neither is being a junkie. So I quit cold turkey or let Vera exist. I know what you're thinking, the answers to obvious. Vera may have been groping Shayla before but he’s graduated to rape. Just like Shayla, he’s left me no choice. He can’t be allowed to exist anymore.” (Nirat Anop)
4. Elliot: “How do we know if we’re in control? That we’re not just making the best of what comes at us and that’s it? Trying to constantly pick between two shitty options. Like your two paintings in the waiting room, or Coke or Pepsi. McDonalds or Burger King, Hyundai or Honda. It’s all part of the same blur, right? Just out of focus enough. It’s the illusion of choice. Half of us can’t even pick our own cable, gas, electric, the water we drink, our health insurance. Even if we did, would it matter? You know if our only option is Blue Cross or Blue Shield, what the fuck is the difference? In fact, aren’t they the same? Nah, man, our choices are prepaid for us a long time ago.” (Nirat Anop)
5. Fernando: "You remind me of me when I was younger. Depressed and sullen. Matter of fact, tried to kill myself a couple of times. Never could get that shit right. Biology wasn't my strong suit. I hated myself, man. Still do. Thought that shit was a weakness, for a long time, and then I realized that shit was my power. People walk around acting like they know what hate means. Nah. No one does until you hate yourself. I mean, truly hate yourself. That's power.” (Nirat Anop)
6. Elliot: "We were close, very close. He was my best friend. Worked at Evil Corp his whole life. He was one of the best computer engineers they had and out of the blue he got fired. No one knew why. One day he told me: he had Leukemia. Made me swear to never tell anyone. Especially my mom. So I didn't. A few months go by, he got sicker and sicker. Finally I got so worried I told my mom. When he found out, he got pissed, started yelling. I remember I tried to hug him, tell him I'm sorry. He kept shoving me away and shoving me so hard. I fell backwards out the window. I fell and I broke my arm. He never spoke to me after that. Couldn't even look at me. Even the night he died." (Nirat Anop)
7. Shayla: “He gives me a really good deal on the split. I make good money.” Elliot: “There it is again, the invisible hand at work controlling us, even if it pushes us past our threshold of pain.” (Nirat Anop)
8. Elliot: “The lock pick. Every hacker's favorite sport. The perfect system to crack, mostly because, unlike virtual systems, when you break in you can feel it, you can see it, you can hear it.” (Nirat Anop)
9. Mr. Robot: "The world is a dangerous place. Not because of the people who do evil, but because of the ones who look on and do nothing.” (Nirat Anop)



Scream -
1. Nina: "Call 911." Siri: "Calling Pottery Barn." (Nirat Anop)
2. Noah: "Some guys like sports. I like serial killers." (Nirat Anop)



Stitchers - Cameron: "Focus on what's real." Kirsten: "I’m in the brain of a dead man. I work secret lab underneath a mediocre Chinese restaurant. You tell me what’s real and I’ll happily focus on it." (Prpleight)




Teen Wolf -
1. Stiles (about Allison): "She would have been with us." Scott: "Yeah." Lydia: "She still is." (Justyna and Dahne)
2. Scott: "Why can't you trust anyone?" Stiles: "Because you trust everyone!" (Justyna and Dahne)
3. Sheriff Stilinski: "Your best friend is a werewolf. You are dating a werecoyote. I still don't know what Kira is supposed to be. When the flying monkeys come soaring through this station you will have my undivided attention. Until then, just go to school." (Justyna and Dahne)
4. Stiles: "He watched my Dad blow up a berserker with a land mine. I’m pretty sure the ground work has been laid." (Prpleight)
5. Sophomore Girl: "I'm not pissed off. I'm vengeful." ~A currently unnamed girl remembers Liam from the 6th grade. Whatever Liam did...he is about to be sorry for it. LOL (Prpleight and Dahne)
6. Kira: "Dad, please don't turn a 3-hour traffic jam into an educational experience." (Dahne)
7. Scott: "Things have been good right, but not amazing." Stiles: "Yeah but no one's tried to kill us in 6 months either." (Dahne)
8. Stiles: "Don't mock the vision." Malia: "I…I like the vision, especially if I'm part of it. So that's why you wanted everyone here tonight. Because you don't want to lose all your friends after senior year." Stiles: "And I hope they don't want to lose me either." (Dahne)
9. Liam: "We just spent 3 hours watching this dude play videogames in his bedroom. He better be out here covering up a mass murder."
10. Malia: "How'd I do?" HistoryDad: "There's room for improvement."
11. Mason: "I was attacked by an armor-plated giant wearing a bear skull. It left an impression."



Wayward Pines -
1. Mrs F: “School is for children Theresa, not their parents, your job is to feed them and keep them safe, let us do the rest.” (Nirat Anop)
2. Mrs F: “Go ahead and look at all the pages, giggle if you want. For obvious reasons your textbooks will remain here in class. Parents tend to be uncomfortable with these sorts of images. Even biology can be misunderstood. Procreation is a beautiful and blessed thing and here in Wayward Pines, that really is your most important job. Ben, Amy, would you step up front please. Ah, behold the male and the female, two bodies beautifully designed to fit together effortlessly, seamlessly. Two perfect puzzle pieces, like hand in glove. Yes, yes, it’s embarrassing to talk about. But what if Ben was a bee and Amy was a flower, then that wouldn’t be funny, would it? Wayward Pines needs a new generation and one day, not too long from now, you all will have the honor of parenting the first generation of 100% originals. Now take a look around the room, this is a small town, chances are your mate, your co-parent, is sitting right here in this room and it’s part of my job as your teacher and counsellor to help you find each other.”
3. Dr. Jenkins: “Why are they trying to undermine us, is it inevitable, this passion for self destruction?” Nurse Pam: “Have you eaten today?” (Nirat Anop)
4. Bill: “The secret to a safe and happy town is everyone minding their own business. People need to do with they're supposed to, not what they're not.” (Nirat Anop)
5. Kate: “Ethan, I’ve been trapped her for 12 years, imagine what that’s like and then you show up and a week later you’re sheriff.” (Nirat Anop)
6. Mrs F: “You and Ben look so nice together. How is that working out?" Amy: “It’s great actually. I really like him, like a lot.” Mrs F: “I’m so glad, as a teacher it’s so fulfilling when an assignment turns into something more.” (Nirat Anop)



Zoo -
1. Jamie: "More people die choking on hot dogs than lion attacks.” (Nirat Anop)
2. Chloe: "Free will is what separates us from the animals." (Nirat Anop)
3. Robert: "For centuries, mankind has been the dominant species. We've domesticated animals, locked them up, killed them for sport. But what if all across the globe, the animals decided, 'no more?' What if they finally decided to fight back?” (Nirat Anop)
4. Mitch: “They were raised in cages. In a way, they're kind of the victims here.” (Nirat Anop)



About the Author - Dahne
One part teacher librarian - one part avid TV fan, Dahne is a contributing writer for SpoilerTV, where she recaps, reviews, and/or creates polls for Teen Wolf, The 100, Grimm, How to Get Away with Murder, The Librarians, The Last Ship, Younger, Rizzoli & Isles, Major Crimes, and others. She also runs the annual Character Cup. She's addicted to Twitter, live tweets a multitude of shows each week, and co-hosts The 100 "Red-Shirted", Sleepy Hollow "Headless" and Teen Wolf "Welcome to Beacon Hills" podcasts for Southgate Media Group. Currently she writes a Last Week in TV column for her blog and SpoilerTV. ~ "I speak TV."
Recent Reviews (All Reviews)


Teen Wolf - 5.01 - Creatures of the Night - Recap




Previously - season 4 sucked out loud but Teen Wolf is now back to its former glory. Erhm, according to the show, previously Scott was a berserker for 2.2 minutes, Liam learned the pack's supernatural role call, Scott turned Malia back from pure coyote, she and Stiles hooked up, Malia's still awkward, Kira and Scott hooked up at Derek's loft, Triclops made everyone mental, Parrish was a supernatural ???, Liam became Scott's beta instead of tumbling off my screen forever (sigh), and Derek went all Sensei on Scott only to leave my screen all season (sigh). Like I said, season 4 sucked but we're back on track. Way to go, Jeff Davis.

On a stormy night at Eichen House (never a good start), a bruised Lydia stares vacantly in the shower. Um, say what? Lydia is now a resident of Eichen House? I hope they get a pack discount because they all seem to end up there. A brusque nurse gets snippy at Lydia's catatonic state while I wonder if being a world-class douche is a requirement for working there. Since the other orderly is the creepiest creepster who ever creeped, I guess so. Creepster gets great pleasure out of sticking Lydia with a needle and appears to be heading for pedophilia when Lydia suddenly screams, breaking the lights. As she runs out, she takes out 2 more orderlies in fabulous self-defense fashion. Wait a minute? Lydia knows self-defense? Hallelujah and check that one off the wish list. It's about time. She also utilizes her banshee scream as a weapon. That's another item off the wish list. Maybe Lydia went to banshee boot camp and finally has a grasp on her skills. It's awesome. Already this episode is better than anything in season 4. She races outside but, unlike last season, they no longer have an open door policy where patients can just walk out. Thanks Meredith. Lydia takes out security in the pouring rain with more smooth moves. Right until DeadAiden shows up. Ah man, I knew it was too good to be true. Dead Boyfriend Ghost Hallucination stops her in her tracks. He says her treatment isn't done as security guards tase her. Darn, she was doing so well. Lydia: "Please, I have to tell them. They're all going to die. My friends, they're all going to die." Now that's a premiere cold open that rivals 3B. Sadly the new credits do not include Tyler Hoechlin and I get nostalgic. It also doesn't assuage my fears that we will never get rid of Liam. The freakiness factor flies high though as steampunk doctors do creepy things. Basically this title sequence is meh. Not so the dedication to Cyndi Garcia-Posey, Tyler's mom who passed away a few months ago. Very classy, Teen Wolf. You got me in the heart with that one.

Looking over the Beacon Hills cliffs, Scott enjoys the peace while Stiles scours for 2-bedroom apartments in southern California. I'd blame the conversation on yet more money woes, but what do they expect? Of course it'll be expensive. Have they not heard about the housing shortage? It's the beginning of senior year and they're already planning for the future. Scott: "You're bringing the Jeep?" Stiles: "You know the plan. Okay, no one…no one gets left behind. That's the plan." Awww, he thinks they'll stick together by going to college near each other. Scott wisely suggests they get into college before looking for housing but Stiles has a vision and no one better mess with that. He's bound and determined to keep this pack together at all costs. I love the vision because it means I never have to endure a Teen Wolf without Stiles and Scott, my idea of a night terror. Scott is lost in his own thoughts though, pondering Deaton's pessimistic life view that since things have been going too well lately they're going to get bad soon. Dude, it's Beacon Hills. Kind of knew all that. Scott: "Things have been good right, but not amazing." Stiles: "Yeah but no one's tried to kill us in 6 months either." Um, say that again. We're in a 6 month time jump? That's like 2 seasons in Teen Wolf time. Guess you can't have pushing 30-year olds playing high school students forever. Scott jinxes them all. "Things are going to get really good again…" Stiles: "Or really bad." Their bromance conversation is halted by lightning and Liam chained to a tree. It's the full moon and they aren't sure Liam will keep it together since he ran through town naked last time. Yeah, I don't care. Liam lies about being in complete control so Scott and Stiles unchain him.

Back at the police station, Parrish is frustrated since Sheriff sidelined him after the Mexico trip. Why? Who knows? He exposits the current Beacon Hills storm-related emergencies and Sheriff reluctantly sends him out on a noise complaint. Parrish is unimpressed, but dude it's Beacon Hills. You're likely to get eaten…or find someone Poe'd in a wall. What the heck, Parrish? Did you not learn anything? He actually starts demolishing the wall to let the thing out. Facepalm. Black goo, like the mess Grandpa Evil leaks, pours from the wall as Parrish leans in for a closer look. How did this guy survive a year here? Goo splatters on him, making him…evil? Possessed? Messy? I still say this is foreshadowing to some nefarious plot. As the wall crumbles from the inside an arm thrusts out, choking Parrish. A weird taloned werewolf breaks out, stabbing Parrish and making his eyes go yellow. Somehow the new threat takes Parrish's power and tells us Parrish is supernatural, which we knew, but not what he is, which we still don't, causing Twitter to blow up in outrage. WalledWerewolf (WW) has some nifty Day-Glo nails though so he'll be all the rage at the next inevitable Teen Wolf rave. Nice accessorizing. WW of course wants to know where Scott is because he's the hot girl but Parrish won't tell. No way Parrish dies in this episode so I'm not worried about him being sliced again and left for dead.

Stiles though is worried about getting to their senior event on time, especially when all their cell phones and the Jeep die. Sadly the engine is held together by 6 rolls of duct tape and a prayer. Wait a minute! Didn't they get keep Peter's money once he tried to kill them and Derek said it wasn't his? I guess not. Scott: "Do you have any tools?" Stiles brings out another roll of duct tape. Bwaah! Liam sees supernatural lightning and tries to warn Stiles and Scott, but apparently they cannot sense or hear anything because werewolf powers are wonky. Luckily another lightning strike zaps a foot away from them and handily jump starts the Jeep. Thanks, Mother Nature…or WW. On the other side of town, MIA Tate, aka Malia's dad, coordinates the downed tree brigade. Hello, sir. I thought you fled Beacon Hills last year. He spouts the "lift with your legs" advice but Malia's all "lift with your werewolf powers" and apparently no one calls her on it. Um okay. My theory is the folks at Beacon Hills just don't want to know anymore. They're counting the seconds until they can flee to someplace safer, like Detroit. MIA Tate comforts Malia on her cell phone withdrawal and properly threatens Stiles when Malia deep throat kisses him in front of her dad. Ugh, PDA! Tate: "You boys do remember I own a gun, right?" And the entire state supply of animal traps. He bizarrely winks at Malia as the most laissez-faire parent to ever raise a former coyote. In the Jeep, Liam exposits that Malia had to pass summer school to be a senior with the others. Let's just call shenanicanon right now and get it over with. Both Stiles and Malia are not happy after Liam rats him out. Stiles: "We should have left him chained to the tree." Or in the well, Stiles. Don't forget Timmy's moment in the well.

Over in the House Money Fled, Mama McCall rushes in before rushing back out for another shift. She na├»vely thinks Scott is home, but when is that ever the case. "Dinner's in the fridge…there's nothing in the fridge so I'm going to leave you money to order in…I don't have any money." Having to borrow money from your own kid is a low point. Time to use your leverage as the only working hospital employee in town to negotiate a raise. Or better yet, take DoucheDad to court too. As she leaves, WalledWerewolf steps out of the shadows to peruse Scott's plot device note about going to the high school. Thanks non-texting. At the same time, Kira stands on top of her parents' car waving her cell phone in the air like it's making alien contact. Kitsune or not, my parents would have grounded me for even thinking about it. She jumps off the roof in time to make eye contact with New Kid Psycho. Yeah I don't technically know he's a psycho but he's a new kid, so same thing. He's smiles; she doesn't care. Since they are stuck in traffic, it's time to exposit Senior Scribe. Kira: "I'm not supposed to tell you about it." HistoryDad: "Don't look at me. I don't know anything either. It sounds like they're supposed to write something or…" MamaFox: "It sounds like vandalism." Ha! Clever one, this mom. She's growing on me. Liam is not, largely because they are still forcing his super specialness down my throat. Just back off, Jeff. Scott calls out Liam on his control issues and asks what Liam uses to ground himself. It's music we blessedly don't hear or see product placed on the bottom runner. Scott reassures Liam that he is indeed the most specialest, most powerful snowflake because Sensei Derek told him so. Since Derek doesn't like anyone ever, it must be true. (Headdesk, headdesk, headdesk, headache.) Ugh!

Scott leaves Liam behind to help Stiles round up the group. Stiles is extra insistent they all be there and his anxiety rubs off on Scott by questioning Scott's word choices when Kira left for New York. Apparently "go and have fun" now means have sex with anyone you want. Really? Malia confirms it. Stiles: "Malia, if you were going away and I told you, 'Don't worry. Go have fun.' what would you think I was talking about?" Malia: "Fun like bowling or sex with other guys." Scott: "Okay yeah, now I'm worried." This awkward conversation is interrupted by bodies streaming in from the accident that's stranded Kira on the road. Stiles: "Okay, there's only one way back into Beacon Hills from the airport." Really? In a town like Beacon Hills, you need 25 escape routes just to flee from whatever is trying to eat you. Stiles frowns that his plans are ruined but Scott is determined to save his girlfriend from traffic and bad parting word choices. Stiles: "How are you going to get to her in the middle of a traffic jam?" Think Stiles. One, he's a werewolf and she's a kitsune. They can just run. Two, he has a dirt bike. Anxiety is making you daft. For reasons completely unclear, the scene shifts to some punk caught burglarizing with a gun. Sheriff tells him that means jail time and he threatens to kill Sheriff. Moron! This must foreshadow something big but I have no idea why it's in the premiere. Back at his house, Scott has fun with magnets before a minor earthquake hits. He better hurry because Kira's impatient. HistoryDad: "You know there's a legend for a storm like this." Kira: "Dad, please don't turn a 3-hour traffic jam into an educational experience." Ha! Mama Fox exposits the Wild Hunt, a great ghost story, if she didn't foreshadow imminent danger every time she speaks. Yep, it's definitely a turn for the worse. Kira hears Scott's dirt bike so she jumps out of the car, not even waiting for the story to end. You might rue that later. Ah, the young lovers race to each other in the pouring rain, kissing their worries away. Aww, let's get back to the story.

Stiles and Malia wait impatiently at school still with no cell service. Malia doesn't want to be there unless she's actually a senior but Stiles is too distracted to pay attention, prompting Malia to sniff his anxiety literally. Stiles scratches nervously at his neck (good continuity) and explains how Sheriff told him that he lost touch with all his high school friends, which freaks Stiles out. Stiles: "So I started thinking about things like I always do." Malia: "Obsessively." Ha! She knows him so well. Stiles: "Yeah and so I'm thinking what if…what if Scott's my best friend now, you know, but he's not my best friend for life." Oh no, no, no! Do not even go there. Scott and you are the foundation. There is no Teen Wolf without your bromance and it is depressing to think of a fictional world without you two being best friends. While I get as depressed as Stiles, Malia makes nothing better. "Well doesn't that just happen sometimes?" Stiles: "Yeah but only because we let it happen. You know that…that's what I'm saying…how come when we graduate, we're just expected to go our separate ways. If I've already found the best people in my life, why am I not trying to just stay with them, you know?" You go, Stiles. Fight for your bromance! Malia: "Yeah I thought that was the plan, the…the…the dream?" Stiles: "The vision and don't mock the vision." Malia: "I…I like the vision, especially if I'm part of it." Awww, good save. Malia: "So that's why you wanted everyone here tonight. Because you don't want to lose all your friends after senior year." Stiles: "And I hope they don't want to lose me either." Awww Stiles, I don't want to lose you either. Don't you know you are the center that keeps this pack together? My heart can't take this hurt. They won't lose you…or else I riot with pitchforks. Fair warning, Jeff Davis.

Parrish suffers a more physical hurt and is unable to call for help, so he hallucinates Lydia in a totally inappropriate way. Lydia's still in high school and he's an officer of the law. Blech! Just blech. Luckily Sheriff rescues us by getting Parrish to Mama McCall, who exposits their plan to keep him on desk duty. Well that explains it. Sort of. Um, not really. Parrish leaps up yellow-eyed, prompting Sheriff to pull his pistol until Mama McCall gently makes him put it down. Skepticism runs in the Stilinski family. I approve. Parrish explains that Walled Werewolf with his freaky talon claws is looking for Scott and WW has the ability to take supernatural powers away. Sheriff protests that Scott's true alpha powers are different, but Parrish disagrees. Liam overhears the discourse and goes to warn Scott. Too late. WW has already found Scott at school mid-make out session. Malia and Stiles also make out until Liam delivers the bad news. They all converge on WW, where Kira stands in the only place rain pours down (seriously, everywhere else is covered) and whips off her belt, which…turns into a sword? Say what? What kind of Harry Potter land are they living in? Since when do any of them have the power of transformation? Call me confused. Very confused. It doesn't help anyway because they both get their butts kicked. WW stops to recap season 3, big villain mistake, which prompts Scott to attack. WW takes down Scott and Kira before monologuing again, allowing Random Traffic Kid to wolf out and come to Scott's aid before going down himself.

Walled Werewolf claws Scott and starts draining his power. For some reason neither Liam nor Malia join the fight and Stiles just watches his best friend go down. It is completely out of character. I don't care what they wanted for the climax, no way these characters just stand around and watch Scott get beat. Poor execution! They should have had WW take the rest down too before giving Scott his big moment. And it is a big moment. A defeated Scott, whose eyes no longer glow, looks down for a moment and then grabs WW's arm, slowly standing up with the light in his eyes growing stronger. He breaks WW's arm and tosses the talons out of him like they are nothing. Scott: "I don't know who you are or what you thought you were going to do, but I'll give you a choice. You can stay and I'll break something else or you can run." Stiles: "I'd run." Most definitely and he does. Random Traffic Kid introduces himself as Theo from the 4th grade. Stiles immediately does not trust him because he's smart that way. Theo came to join Scott's pack and apparently also knows everything that occurred in season 3. Did they make a movie? The werewolf gossip vine is top notch. Nothing escapes them…except the whole freaking other pack in town when the alpha pack rolled in. Someone in Scott's pack needs to subscribe to Werewolf Weekly because they are the only ones NOT in the know. As they head to Senior Scribe sans Theo, Stiles voices his concern. "Look we haven't seen this kid in years. You don't find that highly suspicious?" Scott: "I'm kind of more concerned about the guy who just tried to kill me." They both make a good point but before they can discuss it, Malia learns she's officially a senior because apparently summer school ends the day before the new year begins in Beacon Hills. (Still available as educational consultant.) They all celebrate as Lydia joins them.

All happily seniors together, they proceed to the Beacon Hills High Library (of the teeny tiny sign on the outside of the building, ha) to become part of a tradition. As senior year traditions go, this is pretty awesome. They remove a section of books from the library shelves and write their initials on the shelves. What an awesome record of all the kids who've gone there, although I'm not sure how there's still that many kids left in Beacon Hills High. That place is packed. As Stiles makes his way to the front of the line, he sees Derek's initials. Aww. I wish we saw Derek himself, but this is nice. Stiles, Lydia and Kira sign, as Kira questions if they are vandalizing school property. Ha! Lydia: "No…technically." Um, yes technically but I don't think the school minds since they obviously let you into school at midnight the day before school starts. You'd think this tradition would happen earlier in the week. Malia signs MT and officially declares herself a Tate instead of a Hale. Smart girl, but the real waterworks come with Scott. After he signs his own initials, he writes AA for Allison Argent. Sniff, sniff. Awwwwww!!! I love how this show doesn't forget the characters who have gone. It's a great touch and exactly what seniors would do to commemorate a lost friend. Scott goes and hugs Kira. Stiles: "She would have been with us." Scott: "Yeah." Lydia: "She still is." Awww, again. This show, getting me right in the heart just like in seasons 1-3. No idea why we need the slow motion walk down the stairs though. Maybe it's to give viewers time to grab the Kleenex and weep for the lost potential of Allison Argent.

Or maybe it's because going directly from poignant to gross would be too startling. Walled Werewolf returns to the steampunk scientist lair, begging them to increase his power so he can kill Scott. They're more of a one and done kind of group. No second chances here, as they put a sword through WW and birds burst out of him. Apparently time is of the essence in their plans so that's never good. Transitioning back to Lydia, DeadAiden questions her. Again, huh? She calls him on it and he transitions into….Triclops? Yikes, that can't be good! A Triclops without the third eye either. Nothing suspicious there. The biggest shock though is that the opening is clearly a flash forward. Everything in the rest of the season is a great mind twist flashback. Triclops leads Lydia through a spoiler alert so avoid the rest of this paragraph if you don't want to know. Seriously MTV. You flash stupid music banners on the bottom of the screen all the time. You couldn't flash a spoiler alert warning? Anyway Scott fights a werewolf, likely Theo. Mama McCall slaps Sheriff. (No rifts in Team Parent, please.) Kira drives away, leaving Scott in the ever present rain. Parrish looks scary evil surrounded by flames. Malia meets her mom in the most terrifying way possible. Stiles lies unconscious in his overturned Jeep with flames around him. (Stiles dies; the show dies.) Meanwhile Lydia tells Triclops that she can't remember what happened even though she obviously does. He tells her not to worry because he's going to give her his own version of a lobotomy. Oh Lydia, I fear for you.

Now that's the way to start a season. I came into this preview hesitantly confident that Jeff Davis would turn the show back to its former glory, having more time to prepare for this season. He did not disappoint. The storytelling is tight, the pacing superb, and some of the biggest failures of last season seem to be fixed. I love the action, which was sorely missing on large last season. Lydia having kick butt ninja skills is a dream come true and we actually get a bromance scene with mostly only Scott and Stiles, something that was definitely missing last season. Let's face it. They gave the ending bromance scene to Liam last year instead of Stiles. What was up with that? Jeff Davis continually says this show is centered on the Stiles and Scott bromance, so I hope he remembers that this season and gives us plenty of those moments to chew on. I don't need Scott and Liam or Stiles and Liam or Mason and Liam or New Kid and anyone taking up my Scott and Stiles time. If that relationship goes back to the center and they keep the action up, I will be one happy season 5 viewer. As it is, the twists like it being a flash forward in the cold open have whetted my appetite for this season and have restored my enthusiasm. In that, this premiere did everything I asked of it and I thank Jeff Davis for making that happen. Now if they can only get over their money woes and fix Stiles' poor Jeep. She deserves better, much better.

Grade: A-

Episode Awards:

Best Reason to Watch - Teen Wolf is back after a disappointing season 4
Best Scene - either the name signing or Stiles explaining his fears to Malia
Best Action - Walled Werewolf versus Scott
Biggest Shock - the whole season is a flashback
Biggest Douche - shower orderly
Biggest Creeper - needle orderly
Best Change - Lydia can kick butt and takes out the orderlies and the security guards
Worst Change - no Tyler Hoechlin in the title sequence
Biggest Plot Device - Scott writes a note instead of texting that he's at the high school so the monster knows how to find him. Although if this is a super werewolf, shouldn't he be able to track Scott's scent?
Biggest Foreshadowing (Probably) - Mama Fox talks about the Wild Hunt
Best Conversation - Stiles explains to Malia why the night is so important to him
Biggest Meteorological Mystery - Forget the lightning or magnetic shifts. I want to know why it is always, always raining in a Beacon Hills outdoor fight scene. Did someone curse the town with terrible weather?
Biggest Awww Moment - the episode is dedicated to Tyler Posey's mom
Biggest Awww Scene - Scott puts Allison's initials with theirs
The "Maybe You're Not a Douche" Award - Malia's MIA dad is back and apparently did not abandon her. Not sure how he's okay with her sleeping at Stiles' every night though.
Biggest Hmmm - Is there a Werewolf Weekly whose writers have a crush on Scott? How does everyone know about Scott's true alpha status and season 3? More importantly, if there is such a gazette, why didn't Scott know about Satomi's pack during the alpha threat? Are they too poor to buy a subscription?
The "I Don't Want to Lose You" Award - I'm not sure who's more nervous about Teen Wolf's senior year, Stiles or me. I don't want to lose them, especially Stiles and Scott, and I refuse to watch a Teen Wolf that is largely Liam.
The "Did You Lose All Brain Cells in 6 Months?" Award - Parrish hears noises in the wall and starts to tear it down
The "Way to Keep Your Secret Identity" Award - Malia lifts up the downed tree with one hand in front of everyone
Biggest "What the Heck?" Moment - Kira's belt becomes a sword? Say what? I don't get it.
Best Reference to Former Characters - Scott signs for Allison and Stiles sees Derek's initials
Best Threat/PDA Warning - Malia's dad after Malia probes Stiles' throat with her tongue in front of him
Best Choice - Malia signs as Malia Tate instead of Malia Hale
Biggest Parental Woes - Melissa McCall with no money, no food, and a job that keeps calling her back in
Best Continuity - Stiles scratching at his neck when he's worried
Most Random Thing to Make Me Laugh - the teeny tiny sign outside the building that says BHHS Library


Best Quotes -

1. Stiles: "She would have been with us." Scott: "Yeah." Lydia: "She still is."
2. Kira: "Dad, please don't turn a 3-hour traffic jam into an educational experience."
3. Scott: "Things have been good right, but not amazing." Stiles: "Yeah but no one's tried to kill us in 6 months either."
4. Stiles: "Don't mock the vision." Malia: "I…I like the vision, especially if I'm part of it. So that's why you wanted everyone here tonight. Because you don't want to lose all your friends after senior year." Stiles: "And I hope they don't want to lose me either."
5. Scott: "You're bringing the Jeep?" Stiles: "You know the plan. Okay, no one…no one gets left behind. That's the plan."
6. Liam: "What's at midnight?" Stiles: "Your bedtime."



Screencaps by  Screencapped.net, The Geekiary,  Forever Young Adult, Fan Girl's Guide to the Galaxy, and The Thieves' Den



About the Author - Dahne
One part teacher librarian - one part avid TV fan, Dahne is a contributing writer for SpoilerTV, where she recaps, reviews, and/or creates polls for Teen Wolf, The 100, Grimm, How to Get Away with Murder, The Librarians, The Last Ship, Younger, Rizzoli & Isles, Major Crimes, and others. She also runs the annual Character Cup. She's addicted to Twitter, live tweets a multitude of shows each week, and co-hosts The 100 "Red-Shirted", Sleepy Hollow "Headless" and Teen Wolf "Welcome to Beacon Hills" podcasts for Southgate Media Group. Currently she writes a Last Week in TV column for her blog and SpoilerTV. ~ "I speak TV."
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