Monday, March 23, 2015

Last Week in TV - Week of March 15



Welcome back to Last Week in TV. I've recovered a bit from my TV grumpiness or maybe just ennui with the help of two shows: Scrubs, the nominated episode of the week, and iZombie, which gets the coveted Show of the Week award this time. Both of them made me laugh and had incredible heart. Mostly though this week was about saying goodbye to shows, some until next season and some forever. Rizzoli and Isles is coming back sooner than I thought while I expect season 2 of Empire to debut in the fall. It is such a big hit that I don't see them waiting until midseason. Perception sadly is gone for good but it did have a decent sendoff so I'm happy with the series. Plus they resisted partner shipping which gives them massive bonus points. As for Eye Candy, its prognosis is poor to middling. I don't expect it to come back but I can live with the ending. It's just a shame that its ratings never matched its pacing. In other news, although both Secrets & Lies and Dig are chugging away, they have been backburnered by me. I'll probably catch up on S&L shortly after it completes its run. Dig goes further down on the to-watch list. However next week I will pick up 12 Monkeys again. I'm a big fan of that episode's focus on Ramse, my favorite character. Also next week I'll be reviewing Gotham. Since the nomination didn't have an episode attached, I'm choosing episode 4 since that's where I left off. If you want to nominate an episode, just fill out the brief form below. Until next time, comments are love and happy TV viewing.







Show of the Week:


iZombie - 1.01 - Pilot

I'm not usually one for zombies but when I heard this was a Rob Thomas production, my expectations soared. After all he made a show about a teen detective into a powerful yet still fun female power treasure. Veronica Mars, like Buffy before her, changed the teen heroine scene and gave kids someone to look up to. Therefore I came into this show with sky high expectations, generally the kiss of death for any show. Instead, this was better than I thought it would be. Like Sleepy Hollow before it completely derailed into this season's biggest train wreck, iZombie has a delightful tendency to NOT take itself seriously. It combines snarky humor with camp and sprinkles in a little action on top. The situation of a designer drug turning people into zombies is beyond goofy so they don't even try to make it serious, allowing the viewers to laugh at the premise with them. However, they still treat their characters with respect. The biggest surprise for me was all the heart. Liv's friends and family obviously care about her and the intervention scene was touching, as was Peyton asking Liv to step up for her. The sheer surprise and gratitude Liv shows over Doc looking for a cure was heartbreaking and hopeful at the same time. In the end, it was the kind of dramatic comedy that allows me to root for the hero, while still laughing at the situations. It doesn't get more entertaining than that.

Grade: B+
Ranking - 5
Audience - those who like campy, snarky fun

Best Reason to Watch - the dialogue
Best Scene - Doc reveals that he knows Liv is a zombie
Best Character - tie - Eva, Doc, and Clive although I loved all the characters
Best Side Effect - if you're forced to chow down on brains, then psychic visions aren't a bad tradeoff
Biggest Jinx - Major, who says, "What's the worst that can happen?"
Best Hope - Doc tells Liv that he's working on a cure for her zombie disease
The "Oh Please" Award - It's in the 50's and you're calling that hot cocoa weather? Come to the Midwest. We call the 50's a balmy spring day and break out the picnic.
The "Say What?" Award - A designer drug makes people zombies. Hmm. Is that what you're telling me?
Biggest Eye Roll - So we've had writers, con artists, hackers, professors, real psychics, fake psychics, forensic scientists, taxi drivers, regular coroners, and immortal coroners as partners with cops to solve crimes. Sigh. Now we're adding the undead. Great. Are cops really that incompetent that need every Joe Blow off the street to help them solve crimes now? They can't all be from The Following. What's next, the buddy cop plumber?
The "Too Good to be True" Award - Major
Best Reaction - Liv to Doc looking for a cure for her / Liv seeing that penciling over a notepad actually works
Most Disgusting - brain food…literally
Smartest Guy in the Room - Dr. Chakrabarti, who figures out Liv's secret
Best Merging of Comic and TV - the comics style introductions to certain scenes
Biggest Laugh - the ex is named Major Lilywhite
Best Surprise - Major isn't dating Liv's roommate or mom when she comes up to talk to him
Least Surprising - the guy who made Liv a zombie is still alive
The "Welcome Back" Award - Ty Olsson, formerly Benny on Supernatural / Molly Hagan from my teen years, one of my favorite Cold Case episodes, and Unfabulous / Malcolm Goodwin, formerly Bell's brother on Elementary / David Anders as the bad guy in almost everything / Aly Michalka from Disney and Hellcats / Elysia Rotaru from Supernatural and Backstrom
Best Reference - 16 Candles / Miss Cleo / The Lion King
Best Quotes -
1. Clive: "Hasta la vista, Meemaw." Liv: "Chivalry is dead." Clive: "But Clive is alive."
2. Liv: "If my zombie movie research has taught me anything, it's that being part of a horde would suck."
3. Blaine: "This is Utopium. It will fry your brain, dip it in batter, and fry it again." Liv: "Having my brain treated like a corndog…not so tempting."
4. Liv: "Yes, Sir Elton specifically references dead call girls in The Circle of Life."
5. Liv: "How long have you suspected?" Doc: "Since Raoul Cortex, the gangbanger gunshot victim. You finished the autopsy for me. Well the detective on his case needed me to open him back up. Guess what he was missing?" Liv: "A strong male role model?" Doc: "And a half a pound of brain."
6. Marcy: "So basically every day of your life is like the end of 16 Candles."
7. Clive: "I won't take long. Just a couple of sniffs and a quick look-see, and then it's back to your lair, dark princess." Liv: "Say what?" Clive: "Cuz you all…I…I…I don't know what you are. Emo? Goth? Which is the one who's too tortured to go on living?" Liv: "What I am is a doctor whose too busy to do your job for you." Clive: "You're a doctor who's watching a movie."
8. Eva: "What I'm about to say comes from a place of love. You know that, don't you?" Liv: "That kind of depends on what you say."



Nominated Show:


Scrubs - 1.04 - My Old Lady

I am really glad I saw this episode. It was a touching look at loss from a doctor's point-of-view. It's not your typical comedy fodder, and to be honest, I didn't laugh as much in this episode as I usually do when I catch the odd Scrubs rerun. Yet it didn't need to be typically funny because it held a lot of character growth. Quite frankly, I am shocked that they went this deep this early because in the 4th episode shows are still finding their audience. Good thing the risk paid off, in large part because of the acting. Kathryn Joosten was an inspired choice to walk JD through the trauma of losing his first patient. She's got a winning combination of gruffness, humor, and grandmotherly appeal. The scenes between JD and her are the clear winners. The core 4 did a great job of acting too, each reacting to their failing patients in a unique way. Turk got more personal, Elliott more confident, Carla more empathetic, and JD more mature in the way he looked at life and death. I didn't foresee all 3 of them dying but each death was a powerful blow in its own way. It's hard to cram that much character into 22 minutes and Scrubs did it beautifully. Now if they can only cure JD's hallucinations.

Grade: A-
Ranking - 4
Audience - those who are good with goofy comedy but still want heart and characters to root for

Best Reason to Watch - it's a surprisingly emotional, heartfelt episode
Best Scene - JD tries to convince Tanner to keep fighting but then stays with her until she dies
Biggest Aww Scene - Carla encourages Elliott / the dying patient hugs JD to comfort him
Best Character - now and forever, Cox
Best Character Interaction - JD and Tanner
Most Fun - wheelchair bowling slightly edges out syringe darts because of the increased action
Weirdest Series-Running Gag - JD versus the janitor
Funniest Dream Scene - JD dreams of Tanner burrowing out of the hospital like some prison escape movie
Most in Need of Going - JD's version of Ally McBeal hallucinations
Best Two-Facing - Dr. Cox yells at Elliott for wasting his time but makes the Spanish-speaking patient think that they're all getting along
Best Unintentional Pun - Kelso says, 'Spare me,' when scolding Turk for wheelchair bowling
Best Reference - the iconic Connect Four commercial "Pretty sneaky, sis."
The "Welcome Back" Award - Kathryn Joosten, who will always be Mrs. Landingham from West Wing to me / Travis Wester, one half of the annoying Ghostfacers on Supernatural
Best Music - Hallelujah by John Cale
Best Quotes -
1. Cox: "You are afraid of death and you can't be. You're in medicine. You've got to accept the fact that everything we do here, everything, is a stall. We're just trying to keep the game going. That's it. But ultimately it always ends up the same way."
2. David: "What's up? You want some IV?" Turk: "No, I'm good."
3. Tanner: "You're going to have to shut your mouth at some point. Sweetie, I'm 74 years old. I'm ready to go."
4. Carla: "Look, I don't think these kinds of decisions are easy for anyone, and if it's any consolation, one of the reasons I never liked you is because you're already better at this than most of the doctors that come through here. And to be honest, I kind of liked being the only smart, strong chick in the joint." Elliott: "You sort of just complimented me." Carla: "A little bit." Elliott: "Okay I'm going to have a ginger ale."
5. JD: "I've been off for 2 hours." Tanner: "So with your precious free time you've been sitting in a hospital room talking to an old lady. What about your list? How many of those things have you done? For that matter, how many times have you sat on the grass and done nothing, hmm? You need to start taking some time for yourself, young man. Promise me you'll do that." JD: "I will." Tanner: "Good. Now get out of here. Go on."



New Shows:


One Big Happy - 1.01 - Pilot

This is not the worst comedy pilot of the season. It doesn't rise above meh either. It starts with classic oversharing to exposit the entire plot. Basically the gay woman and her straight male best friend decide to have a baby together. The test comes back negative. The man falls in love with an obnoxious Brit, who is about to be deported. They marry only to find out that the original pregnancy test was wrong and there is a baby on the way. Oh there's also a white sister with her black husband who hate their child. There are plenty of lesbian and white women jokes to be had, but none of them are particularly funny. Not that anyone told the laugh track that. In some places it gets physically painful to hear the laugh track going off every 30 seconds. Even with my hatred of laugh tracks, it is the characters who are the biggest problem. Lizzy is way too anal. Luke is too gullible. Prudence is very, very much NOT prudent. She spends most of the episode naked. Oh and they all fight their way through 2/3 of the episode. That's 2/3 too many for me. I don't think I will be watching the next 2 episodes.

Grade: C
Ranking - 2
Audience - those who find comedy in fighting and pee jokes
TV Math - reverse Will and Grace + My Best Friend's Wedding vibe

Best Reason to Watch - some of the dialogue is really snappy
Best Friend / Best Scene - Lizzy proposes to Prudence for Luke
Best Point - if a product spells accurate wrong, I wouldn't trust it to be…you know, accurate either
The "Say Huh?" Award - I foresee some testy visits with Customs in their future because ICE is not a fan of the "marrying for a green card" philosophy
Least Smooth - Luke jumps the bar and ends up on the ground
The "Bet You're Sorry You Asked" Award - the pharmacist got far more info on these two's life than her question warranted
The "Sorry but I'm with Prudence" Award - the color definitely pops
Most Convoluted Proposal for Another Person Ever - Lizzy proposes to Prudence for Luke and babbles about branches
The "Welcome Back" Award - Elisha Cuthbert, who should have been eaten by the cougar on 24 / Nick Zano from What I Like about You
Best Quotes -
1. Lizzy: "Prudence, Luke is the father." Prudence: "No Lizzy, Darth Vader's the father." Luke: "She's talking about me but I love that you know that."
2. Luke: "I was going to tell you but the subject hadn't come up yet." Lizzy: "Hey you've known her less than a week. A Tuesday hasn't even come up yet."
3. Prudence: "You think I'm Gerard Depar-doing him?" Lizzy: "I think you already did."
4. Prudence: "Just leave it up for a week and if you don't hang yourself, there's your color."
5. Prudence: "Are you always this uptight? Do you know what you need?" Lizzy: "I know that you need a robe or maybe 3 strategically placed leaves."


Powers - 1.01 / 1.02 - Pilot / Like a Power

Note - I realize that Powers debuted 2 weeks ago, but Playstation is not really on my old lady radar so I'm reviewing it now that I know it exists.

I had no idea what to expect from a Playstation creation but it intrigued me that they were getting into the TV business. What I found was a better storyline, a whole lot less violence, and far more cursing than I predicted. The show revolves around a former superhero whose powers were eaten by his former mentor and now locked up super villain called Wolfe. It's a great take on the Titans eating the gods of Olympus. Walker misses his super abilities, especially with his new job as a police officer in charge of taking down dangerous Powers, the name given to both superheroes and super villains. Opinion about them varies and it feels very much like an us versus them society. The show starts with Walker's partner getting killed while brings in a Power so a newbie to Powers Division becomes Walker's new partner. He's damaged. She's determined. In that regard, it is very much like most other cop shows. However in this case Walker makes a far more interesting curmudgeon and that's what makes Powers worthwhile. However this is not likely to become weekly fare for me because there is far more language than I am comfortable with. It's no Deadwood, but it could be a deal breaker for me. I'll give it one more episode to make up my mind.

Grade: B
Ranking - ??? depends on the next episode
Audience - anyone interested in a newer take on the same old comic story and isn't bothered by profanity

Best Reason to Watch - the storyline
Best Manipulator - Johnny Royalle
Most Snarky - coroner
Most Interesting Character Interaction - Walker and Retro Girl
Most Dangerous - I never really thought about how hard it would be for a normal person to take down a superhero/super villain. They really need better tools in the Powers Division.
Best Save - Retro Girl
Best Play on Mythology - Wolfe is the show's Titan
Most Loyal - Elmer, the high rise guard
Biggest Whiner / Most Pathetic - Calista, who will do anything to get powers
Most Intriguing Concept - a superhero having to adjust to no longer having powers
Best Way to Plow Through Exposition - have Mario Lopez do it via Extra for you
Biggest Douche - Kutter for leaving a traumatized girl in a bathroom
The "Welcome Back" Award - Eddie Izzard from much across the pond and The Riches / Michelle Forbes from ST:NG and Battlestar Galactica /
Best Quotes -
1. Walker: "These kids, you don't have to respect them but respect the fact that a fireball could come shooting out of someone's chest if he gets worked up."
2. Walker: "You think you know what that means. You think you can always be there in the nick of time, make the right choice? Cause when you don't, you blame yourself and you live with it every day. Come on. Let's get out of here, you and me."
3. Crispin: "How's the job?" Walker: "Still the job." Crispin: "Kill any more Powers." Walker: "That's not the job." Crispin: "It should be."
4. Walker: "No, no, it was different back then. Me and my friends went on patrols. We wanted to do something, be something. This generation, they don't do anything. They make little "show us your powers" videos and try to go viral. Look at them. Standing around, waiting to be famous."
5. Royalle: "Just because you disagree with a law doesn't mean you get to ignore it."



Weekly Shows:


Battle Creek - 1.03 - Man's Best Friend

While not near as funny this time, Battle Creek still proved to be an enjoyable hour of TV. I like how they insert humor throughout and Russ, while still completely obnoxious, at least wasn't trying to ditch Milt every second. I also find the mystery of why Milt is in Battle Creek to be intriguing. It has to go up the ranks and I'm guessing it was more political than personal, although it was obviously about his family. The case was a bit off the pace but it led to inspired moments like Funkhauser butchering Spanish and Guz's big sting. Not so fond of Russ playing hard ball with an elementary school student though. How's she ever going to trust a cop again?

Grade: B

Best Reason to Watch - out of all the cop shows I watch, this one is the most fun
Best Detective - Holly, who figures out some of the heroin has been stolen with vinegar
The "I'm Not Buying It" Award - Milt isn't anywhere because his good looks make women swoon. It's much more complicated than that. I can't wait to find out the whole story though.
Biggest Laugh - Funkhauser trying to tell the drug king he's arrested in Spanish and his response: "What?"
Best New Skill - Jacocks, human lie detector
Best Plan - Russ sends Jacocks to PD in order to snoop on why Milt got sent to Battle Creek / Russ gets the drug runner to flip on his boss by offering to drive him home
Worst Plan - anyone asking Russ to speak to kids or people in general / taking a child to the morgue to get her to talk
Best Home Addition - Drug Kingpin has a nice secret exit out of his building. It's like one of those old speakeasy doors.
Best Priorities - instead of learning from the FBI training, everyone just wants to know why Milt got booted to Battle Creek
Biggest Shock - Guz tells Ferraro to get help for his gambling addiction as a way to trap him
Least Surprising - Katori's bag is wiretapped so they can get Ferraro's confession
The "Welcome Back" Award - Alano Miller, last seen dying on Jane the Virgin
Best Quotes -
1. Funkhauser: "What the heck is happening around here? It used to be nice, quiet, a place to raise their kids? Now we're playing whack-a-mole with heroin dealers."
2. Funkhauser: "You know what really interferes with intimacy? Always talking about what interferes with intimacy."
3. Guz: "You caught a bad guy. Just not the right bad guy."
4. Fontanelle: "Is that what I think it is? Is it?" Russ: "It's not cocaine." Fontanelle: "Thank God." Russ: "It's heroin."
5. Fontanelle: "They speak Spanish in Iran?" Milt: "The Spanish teachers do. I went to high school there."
6. Guz: "You're convinced a heroin dealer would never be stupid."


The Returned - 1.02 - Simon

If it's possible I have less of an idea of what's going on now on The Returned than I did with the pilot. The silence is deafening. While I think that the sheer dynamics of loved ones coming back into people's lives after dying 6 years previously makes for interesting character dynamics, the mystery isn't catching my attention at all. It's far too vague and loosely connected for me. Somehow everything is connected to Julie's almost death, which of course is part of a serial killing. The only thing that captures my interest here is how certain the bar owner is that the killer cannot still be around. That means he had to know who it was and either murdered him or saw someone else do it. I'm going with it being a relative and Bar Owner buried him in a shallow grave. Now he's back for revenge. All I do know is that the returned better start talking soon because a least getting us on the path to some answers is necessary at this juncture.

Grade: B-

Best Reason to Watch - Rowan
Best Aww Moment - Claire finds Camille, who breaks down in her arms
The "Are You Kidding Me?" Award - The doctor goes to the police to look at missing children posters and doesn't say she has a kid at her house? Is she nuts? This is totally kidnapping now whether he has parents or not.
Most Mixed Emotions - I felt sorry for Camille because it would suck to wake up and everyone you know be 6 years older while you're still the same. Then I remembered that her crazy was part of the reason why everyone died and I ended up just kind of hmmm about her. She (and the rest of the returned) could very easily be evil.
Best Back Story - Rowan and Simon
Biggest Huh? - Why did Simon not say anything when Rowan touched him? Why are many of the Returned falling silent? I'd have plenty to say if I came back from the dead after 6 years.
Most Annoying - Julie's nosy neighbor
Best Quotes -
1. Claire: "Manage to get some sleep?" Camille: "Not a wink. So I guess you know I'm a zombie." Peter: "You're not a zombie." Camille: "Oh yeah? What am I then?" Peter: "You're a miracle. I was at your funeral. I saw you in the casket and yet somehow, here you are with a second chance at life." Camille: "So all the other kids on the bus died? Then why am I here?" Peter: "That's for you to find out." Camille: "I don't want to be a miracle. I just want my normal life back."
2. Jack: "Where have you been?" Camille: "Why? What's the worst that can happen? I'm already dead."
3. Claire: "You and Hunter weren't that close were you?" Camille: "We were in the same class. Everybody just moved on, forgot about me." Claire: "That is not true."
4. Julie: "Are you afraid of the dark? Guess what? So am I."


Eye Candy - 1.10 - A4U

This may be the truest case of every character going brain dead this year. Seriously, the only people to use any common sense in the entire episode were Sophia and Connor. Other than that, they all did off the chart stupid things with Lindy leading the charge. George wasn't much better so this is the episode in which I liked him the least. His lack of urgency made the plot drag a little and stalled the momentum. Channel your inner Ron Weasley with me. "He needs to get his priorities straight." I half expected that they were going to reveal Yeager as the Cyber Unit mole just because they spent so much time on those two pulling rank. Good thing the creepy back story on Jake made up for their infighting. Speaking of, I'm still not happy that Jake is the killer because there is no overall resonance to it. If the killer had been Tommy, George, Connor, or even Sophia, the impact would have been far greater. However they get big points for ending the Flirtual killer storyline in the first season, especially since they only had 10 episodes. It was smart not to drag it on and make the search for Sarah the big overall mytharc. I'm intrigued by why Sarah felt the need to kidnap herself with Lindy as a witness. That seems extra cruel on her part. She could have had the same effect if she arranged it in front of random strangers. Also what kind of danger could a teenager have gotten into that required such long lengths? Here's hoping there's a season 2 to give us answers.

Grade: B

Best Reason to Watch - one mystery is solved while another begins
Biggest Mystery - Will Eye Candy get a second season? Right now I'm leaning towards no, but I'm no expert on MTV, its ratings, or its threshold.
Best Aww Scene - Connor at Sophia's hospital bed, planning their vacation
The "Curiosity Killed the Cat's Best Friend" Award - Way to put your mystery in front of Sophia and your safety, Lindy. Nice.
Biggest Idiot - If Donnie from Perception hadn't already secured the Worst Plan in the History of Bad TV Plans Award, Lindy would be in the running. Everything thing she did reminded me of that Geico commercial where the kids hide behind the chainsaws instead of flee in the running car. Seriously, her choices were that bad. I can't even pick a stupidest moment among them.
The "Good Day for a Swim" Award - Seriously, it didn't look like the shore was too far away. Trapped on an island with a serial killer or swim? No question.
Smartest Plan / Best Use of Social Media - George sends Jake's picture to all tablets and phones so he can't get away
The "Shut Up" Award - George, stop swooning over technology and getting in a testosterone war with Yeager. I swear it's like you don't even care that Lindy and Sophia are missing. Shut up! Get going!
Biggest Missed Opportunity - Lindy has 2 chances to brain Jake with a shovel and she takes neither one
Biggest Douche? - Sarah clearly orchestrated her own kidnapping. Now the big mystery is why she did.
The "Say What?" Award - How does a child know how to insert an air bubble into someone's veins? This makes no sense.
Least Romantic - taking the woman you're obsessed with to where you murdered your mom and your dad committed suicide
Best Vicarious Thrill - Tommy punches out Jake
The "Shoot First, Dialogue Later" Award - You know how else you could save Sophia, Tommy? You could shoot Jake and then get Sophia to safety 10 seconds later. It doesn't take that long to pull the trigger.
The "Truer Words Have Ne'er Been Spoken" Award - Sophia: "You know this is a really bad idea, right?"
Most Creepy - Jake kissing the mirror and then breaking it
Most Disgusting - leaving a cell phone in a dead girl's hair
Most in Need of a Self-Preservation Gene - Lindy, who obviously doesn't have one since she walks towards the music instead of finding a way out
Most Creepily Enthusiastic - George is way too excited about accessing Cyber Unit given that his best friend is missing with a serial killer
Least Welcome Return - InstaDark. Exactly how long have Lindy and Sophia been walking around this island with no plan, no hiding place, and no escape? Gibbs' slap to both.
Best Quotes -
1. George: "You know how dangerous it is for a person like me to have access to this kind of stuff. It's like giving crack to a baby. It just won't end well."
2. Connor: "Sophia, you're okay. I've got you. You're okay." Sophia: "What took you so long?" Connor: "You know me, always fashionably late. You are not going to die here. I've got you."
3. Jake: "Monsters are made. Pain festers and makes monsters of us all."
4. Tommy: "Stay behind the gun." Connor: "Oh I intend to ."
5. Connor: "We're just going to steal a boat?" Tommy: "Yeah, you got a problem with that?" Connor: "You're the cop."


Supernatural - 10.15 - The Things They Carried

Cole returns and I'm meh. The only really good thing about him coming back is he finally understands what the Winchesters do and why it's important. He may not be an ally now but he isn't an antagonist either. I like that he forgives Dean for killing his dad but I like even more that he goes home to his wife and son instead of becoming a hunter in his own right. He can be a source of info for the Winchesters without being the new Garth. (Although he's 1,000 X better than Garth.) Other than that, it's pretty much a run of the mill case. The continuity is fabulous so it's good to see that someone on the writing staff remembers that season 6 existed. Generally they live in their own fan fiction world where they make junk up and declare it canon. (I still haven't forgiven Jeremy Carver for season 8. I never will.) I like the reference to And Then There Were None. It was the death of Grandpa Creepy so for that I will always love that episode. However it killed off Rufus too so it would have been nice to have some nod to his character, who was gone way too soon. Maybe a toast of Johnny Walker Blue at the end?

Grade: B-

Best Reason to Watch - ear worm continuity
Best Scene - Dean and Sam in the Impala talking about the Mark
The "Oh Please" Award - Sam knows how to tie up people like an expert. Am I supposed to believe that guy just got loose? Then he leaves and no one hears a sound? Bah!
Biggest Aww Moment - Cole tells Dean he understands why Dean killed his father and Dean tells Cole that he has to fighter harder than he ever has before
Biggest Douche - Dean for drinking water in front of Cole
Most Underused - If Cole needed to be dried out, why not use some of that salt the Winchesters always keep on hand?
Least Believable - I love Baby. I really love Baby, but she can't sneak up on anyone. How Cole didn't see/hear her following him is beyond me.
Best Character Interaction - Dean and Cole
Biggest Hmm - Anyone getting the idea that Supernatural was supposed to go to Monday and let The Messengers have the Wednesday slot? They usually don't make days of the week jokes unless it's meta.
Biggest Huh? - How is bleeding skin a symptom of PTSD? That makes no sense to me.
Biggest Idiot - Cole when someone is vomiting on you, close your mouth. Urgh! Common sense, people.
The "I Don't Think So" Award - Cole, you're on level 1 of a thousand level game here. You haven't even come close to seeing it all.
Most Disgusting - Kit licking blood off the gas station floor / mouth worms are even worse than ear worms
The "Welcome Back???" Award (character) - Cole, who I'm not sure if I want to see back or not
Best Quotes -
1. Cole: "So if I dry myself out, the SoB wouldn't like that very much, now would he?" Dean: "No, he'd want the hell out. You'd be a hostile environment. Well, more than you already are." Cole: "Well to be fair, you really haven't seen my chiller side."
2. Dean: "Sam, I know what you're doing over there and it ain't porn. Look man, we have checked every website, okay? We've checked it twice. Sammy when we work a case, there's always that…that point when we have to face the truth, right? Even if we don't like it. Well truth is, there's no way around this. We saw what happened to Cain, okay? I'm not happy about it, but I've got to move on so I'm going to keep doing what we do while I still can and I'd like you to be there with me."
3. Cole: "I appreciate the talk Coach, but honestly, all I can think about is slicing your wrist and drinking you like a fountain. Guess that makes me a monster, don't it?"
4. Cole: "Okay, so you've been to this rodeo before. How do we kill it?" Dean: "Worst case - head shot the person it's in. Worm crawls out. We stomp it like a bug." Cole: "Is there a version where you don't cap me?"
5. Dean: "Hey that was a dumb a** move coming here alone. You know that, right?" Cole: "Well I'm sorry. I should have let the Machete Brothers cut my buddy's head off." Dean: "Well if you did, maybe you wouldn't be chocking down a damn Khan worm."


Perception - 3.15 - Run

Perception did the #1 thing right in their series finale and for that I'll always remember this show fondly. They resisted shipper pressure to put Daniel and Kate together at the end. For once, the leads in a cop show did NOT get together. It's a minor TV miracle and one worth celebrating. Now if only more shows would follow suit. The other good thing about this show is that although it ended more abruptly than the creators hoped, this could be seen as closure. Kate is rescued. The serial killers are dead, thanks to Joe. Donnie and Kate are married. No lead characters are in jail. If you can believe that Perception FBI are as incompetent as The Following FBI, then everyone gets their happy-ish ending and that's about the most that can be expected these days. If you prefer grayer endings, then you can remember that the serial killer was shot and Daniel was seen buying supplies so their explanations probably got shot to hell once forensics became involved. I'm going with happy. So goodbye Daniel and crew. Thank you for 39 episodes of actual information, crime solving, and great characters. Although you were a typical crime procedural, the mental illness and brain-focus made me smarter and entertained me all the while.

Grade: B+ (for NOT hooking up the leads)

Best Shock / Best Reason to Watch - Donnie and Kate get hitched, meaning that for once partners in a crime show do NOT get together romantically
Best Scene - Joe shoots the serial killers
Biggest Hmm - Why did Tasha send that text message pretending to be Kate if they were going to try to convince Donnie that Kate was kidnapped later? Silence is sometimes golden.
Worst Plan in the History of Bad TV Plans - Donnie and Daniel breaking out a serial killer on death row
Biggest Mistake - besides the entire plan of course, taking their eyes off Rosenthal to go find Daniel
Least Surprising - Rosenthal gets away for real
Most Useful - Drexler, even if he was a hallucination
The "Welcome Back" Award (character) - Natalie
The "Welcome Back" Award (actor) - Thom Barry, formerly Will on Cold Case
Best Quotes -
1. Donnie: "Listen Daniel, I am not sure who or what you saw out there, but we cannot afford to let your paranoia get us off track. It might cost Kate her life. So I don't know what you need to do to get your sh** together, but whatever it is I need you to do it now."
2. Daniel: "You know before when I said I missed you. I was being polite."
3. Donnie: "How you holding up?" Daniel: "My conscious is bothering me but of course I'm used to hearing nagging voices in my head so uh…."
4. Donnie: "How'd you know I was getting married?" Rosenthal: "My lawyer is a big gossip."
5. Kate: "What did you do?" Joe: "They went for my gun. Funny how things work out. Two dead scumbags that were going to be executed anyway. I just saved the taxpayers a lot of dough." Kate: "This isn't right." Joe: "And what is? Me, Donnie, the professor here, we go to prison for saving your life. That happens, you'll be all alone. Honey, I can't stand the thought of that."
6. Daniel: "The tragedy in their lives was you, you sadistic prick."


The Flash - 1.15 - Out of Time

I'm mildly irritated by this episode with a chance to be majorly irritated if next episode undoes all the forward secret progress of this one. After all, it's the only thing the episode got right. I am not okay with next episode being a cosmic do-over. That will make this episode the filler-iest of all fillers and more of a waste of time than this already was. That being said, I will revolt if Cisco is really dead so we're in a Catch-22 situation. Argh! Plus let's face it. Barry and Iris are at the catatonic level of most exciting TV couples so taking up that much time on them was a sure guarantee that the episode pace would jerk along. Then they take stupid to a whole new level. Yes, the perfect time to declare your love and make out is when your father is being held by a madman who is counting down the seconds to kill you too. It's not like you're on the clock or anything. Take your own sweet time. Ugh! I'm not so fond of Linda or Eddie this episode either but kudos for them at least being honest instead of immersing themselves in a self-pity wallow fest. They are both to good for those two anyway. I hope Linda gets a non-Barry (and non-villain) story line soon because Malese Jow is better than this part too. Since the villain of the week was essential the pilot redoux, he didn't bring much to the party either. That left Cisco being suspicious of Wells and dying for it. Yep, that was the only interesting thing in the episode and it's going to get erased next time. Bah! Can't Cisco be suspicious and not die. That's a win-win for me.

Grade: C+

Best Reason to Watch - all kinds of secrets are spilled in this episode
Best Scene - Cisco realizes that Wells is the Yellow Flash
Biggest Hmmm - So Barry ran so fast, he ran himself back in time? Is that what we're saying? Yeah, I don't get it.
The "Oh Hell No" Award - Cisco must stay alive until the series finale. Wells better go far sooner than him.
The "Are You Kidding Me?" Award - Barry, you have to save Joe. You don't have time for this relationship junk. Let's go!!!
Biggest Shock - Wells is from the future and related to Eddie
Biggest Hero - Captain knocks Joe out of the way and takes the lightning bolt Mark aimed at him
Most Clever Revenge - creating a personal rain cloud to follow the guy you hate around
The "How Convenient" Award - It's nice they got the killer and his motive on tape. It makes things easier.
The "I Could NOT Care Less" Award - Iris and Barry are like watching paint dry but much less interesting
Least Sense Making - 1. Wells tried to kill Barry but he needs Barry to get back to the future. Hmm. 2. If Wells is so smart, why didn't he take his hologram Yellow Flash self out of the system so Cisco couldn't find it?
Least Stealthy - Caitlin, who would make a terrible spy
Least Likely to Pick Up Social Cues - Barry, who should never made his single date a double date
Most Honest - Eddie tells Iris that he's uncomfortable with her being around Barry. I, on the other hand, have an incessant desire to fast forward when Iris is around Barry. That or sleep.
Best Quotes -
1. Cisco: "What's going on? What do you see?" Barry: "A dead body." Cisco: "Barry, you're in a morgue. You're going to have to be a little more specific than that."
2. Cisco: "I can help you." Wells: "You're smart, Cisco, but you're not that smart. Do you know how hard it has been to keep all of this from you, especially from you? Because the truth is I've grown quite fond of you and in many ways you have shown me what it's like to have a son. Forgive me but to me you've been dead for centuries."
3. Linda: "One thing you learn about people when you work here, Iris. It's usually what isn't said that's the real story."
4. Wells: "Why would anyone want to rob a morgue?"
5. Wells: "Well he's taking being targeted by a revenge-seeking metahuman rather well I must say."


Rizzoli & Isles - 5.17 / 5.18 - Bite Out of Crime / Family Matters

When I first heard they were showing 2 episodes of Rizzoli & Isles, I thought that meant the two episodes were connected and that they would lead to a huge cliffhanger. Instead this was two run-of-the-mill episodes that just happened to air on the same night. Two episodes that quite frankly do not feel like season finales to me. Of the two I liked the first one better. Maura's empathy for McGruff was heartfelt and brought a great emotional connect to the story. Plus there were werewolf and pirate jokes. Can't go wrong there. The finale was far less humorous and therefore less my speed but I did like the continuity of remembering and grieving Frost. I like how they haven't let it slide but made it feel natural within the season. The ending scene of giving Tasha the scholarship was beautiful and sniff-worthy. Still it feels like this season went out with a whimper instead of a bang and I'm not used to that so it threw me off. Here's hoping for a more exciting season next time.

Grade: B / B-

Best Reason to Watch - character banter
Best Scene - Jane breaks down over Frost's robot and Judith tells her that it's going to be alright
Best Awww Scene - Maura tells McGruff that a tumor explains his condition and they found his family / the precinct gives Tasha the Barry Frost Memorial Scholarship
Weirdest Saying Ever - Korsak: "If I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times. Sociopaths always underestimate the resilience of the werewolf."
The "I Thought It Was Funny" Award - Frankie laughing at Korsak saying pack made me laugh too
Most Interesting Therapy Tool - a cheeseburger
Best Self-Defense - Maura wielding the scalpel
Most Funny - Jane's reaction to NEMO and mine were the same, except I actually spit out the water I just drank all over my tablet
Biggest Douche - Clark, who is the kind of driver that causes and excuses road rage
Weirdest Trend - neither Jane nor Maura can seem to keep a relationship longer than one season
Best Subplot - Jane trying to find things for Maura to do to take her mind off Jack
Most Fun - car karaoke
Least Surprising - the guy had two wives
Weirdest Conversation - Korsak explaining Batman and Superman to Jane
Best Therapist - Angela helping Korsak
Best Music - sax solo on Wonderful World
The "Welcome Back" Award - Anne Dudek of Covert Affairs and House
Best Quotes -
1. Jane: "So in lieu of an actual name, we're calling him McGruff." Maura: "Like the crime dog?" Jane: "Well it's better than Buster or Spot."
2. Maura: "These emoticons don't deserve to be used in such disturbing ways."
3. Jane: "Here's to being an adult. It sucks." Maura: "Yes, it does."
4. Susie: "NEMO is lucky to have you." Jane: "Wait. Nemo?" Maura: "Oh no relation to the vengeful submarine captain with a bitter hatred for British imperialism. Why's everyone looking at me like that?" Angela: "Well Nemo's the little striped clown fish." Jane: "With the tiny, tiny fin." Maura: "Jack, tell me I'm not alone." Jack: "I might have read it in high school."
5. Jane: "Okay, when did our crime scene become an improv class?"


Empire - 1.11 / 1.12 - Die But Once / Who I Am

Lucious is in jail. Woo hoo! He's not staying there nor dying. Darn. But it does make for a much more soap opera-licious story with him in it and who really thought he'd be gone anyway. Thus ends the first season of the first show in decades to climb every week in number of viewers. It only went down once in demo, which hit as high as a 6.9. That's unheard of and it's guaranteed to launch a thousand other melodramas in the upcoming seasons. To say this show is a hit is an understatement. I have more mixed feelings. I dislike the lead characters so much I hope they kill each other off, but I also know that their poisonous relationship is also why the show is as big as it is. They have undeniable chemistry together that sizzles whether they are tossing each other looks or trying to kill each other off. Their sons are uniquely messed up and I feel like season 2 is going to be all about the corruption of Jamal, the only main character that is in any way likeable. Welcome to Lucious Junior. Take cover now. I am far more interested in the hostile take-over than in the Vernon death plot. That was unnecessary and again this show tends to go over the top to give itself more mass appeal. While I would like to see it tone down a bit, that is never going to happen and eventually this mega hit will fall under the weight of all its juicy plot points. But like Lucious Lyon's downfall, that will be a long time coming.

Grade: B / B-

Best Reason to Watch - Lucious is locked up and a hostile takeover is imminent
Biggest 180 - Jamal becomes the bad guy in about 5 minutes of power
Least Trustworthy - I don't trust one syllable that comes from this new Lucious' mouth
Most Shocking - Jamal holds Beretti over a balcony to get him to sign the masters back over to Lucious
Best Duet - Lucious and Jamal
Most in Need of Jail - Lucious and Cookie, who both are evil
Biggest Screw You - Hakeem disses Lucious at the big debut
Biggest Blabbermouth - Lucious' nurse spills about his ALS in Becky's hearing / Porsha spills about Cookie and Malcolm to Lucious
Biggest Hmm - This is a strange time for Cookie to go on vacation. She wants to do the tribute album and two of her boys are having huge weeks.
Boldest Move - Hakeem threatens to go to another label and sleeps with Anika
Most Vindictive - Lucious kicks Cookie out of the company after sleeping with Malcolm
Worst News - Lucious is NOT dying
Best Guest Star - Patti LaBelle
Biggest Cliffhanger - Rhonda kills Vernon in self-defense
Best Quotes -
1. Jamal: "I wouldn't believe everything that you read. I saw that you were a devoted husband and father."
2. Lucious: "So y'all think y'all got a plan, huh? Think again."
3. Malcolm: "Camilla, she didn't take Lucious' money." Cookie: "What?" Malcolm: "What? Did he tell you she did?" Cookie: "Oh God, I wish he would just drop dead already. Then we could make it a memorial concert. Jack up the ticket prices really high."
4. Lucious: "You see son, sometimes you have to be willing to sacrifice your queen to win the game."
5. Andre: "There was always something missing dad. A void that I filled with darkness. But now I'm getting to know my God and He is filling that void with a higher purpose." Lucious: "God?' Andre: "God." Lucious: "What do you know about God? There's no higher purpose than being a maker of music. That's the voice of God."
6. Lucious: "Checkmate, b**."


Allegiance - 1.07 - Stranger in a Strange Land

I really did not need to see Alex and Michelle hooking up but now I think she's the other mole. No way everyone else is on the level and I really hope that it is not Sam, who is this episode's MVP. Not only did he get the best lines like usual, but he also got the only real action that didn't star two people dead by the end of the episode. Sam is awesome! Alex, not so much. They need to stop involving Alex in their missions because he inevitably goes off the deep end and screws things up. Was anyone surprised that he dropped the blue pill? He also makes a terrible liar and looks as guilty as he feels half the time. They need a new plan because if the safety of America is in Alex's hands, we are in very big trouble.

Grade: B-

Best Reason to Watch - there's a new player in town
Best Action / MVP - Sam and his taking out of the guards and then escaping
Best Reason to Fast Forward - Alex and Michelle hooking up
Biggest Hmm - Why didn't the restaurant guys call the cops on Alex. He has a gun and blood on his hands. Do they not think that's a problem in Italy?
Most Awkward - Alex, always
Most Smooth - Sam dumping the drug in Endo's tea
Least Helpful - Mark and Katya on the phone with Alex, who's an ocean away
The "You're Aiming Too High" Award - Victor, Alex can't even tie his own tie so thinking he can run a covert mission on his own is asking way too much
Best Plan - Victor has a flee alternative at the ready
Best Quotes -
1. Sam: "Well it's good to be king." Endo: "Better to be king maker."
2. Sam: "There's nothing to do until Endo calls. Now I feel like I have an ice pick in my eye, so if you don't stop talking and go away, they'll be putting up a star for you at Langley."
3. Alex: "What's Black Dagger?" Victor: "Black Digger? It's a nuclear accident. It's an Ebola outbreak. It's a cyber virus that knocks out the power grid for a month or cuts off fresh water to the East Coast. It's the thing that can't be traced back to Russia that makes the neighborhood kids afraid to go outside."
4. Sam: "Okay we go at 9 am so easy on the mini bar tonight. I'm looking at you, Rain Man." Alex: "I don't drink alcohol." Sam: "Holy balls, Alex. Recognize when someone's yanking you. Now get the hell out of my room. Go."


CSI: Cyber - 1.03 - Killer En Route

I'm beginning to suspect that instead of torture porn or gore porn, CSI: Cyber is trying to hook viewers by making us all afraid of our technology. It's the Terminator effect. This time around we should fear the app. That might work for some people but all I got out of this episode was to fear the stupid. If you use an app to get into someone's car you don't know and they are not registered by the state with a cabbie's license, you're taking your life into your own hands. I wouldn't give some random person my address or let them know where I work. Why would I do that via an app? It's Safety 101. I think I'll stick with fearing the roller coasters and baby monitors from the first 2 episodes.

Grade: B-

Best Reason to Watch - technology is scary
Best Back Story - Krumitz
The "Say What?" Award - Do people actually get into cars with people they don't know? That seems sketchy at best and downright moronic at worst.
Least Comforting - Saying someone is Batman is not a compliment. The man was a psycho, revenge-fueled killer. How's that supposed to make up for losing parents?
Biggest Hmm - I'm no expert but I used to watch Bones. A body outside for 3 days should have had more insects, more decay, and definitely more rigor mortis.
Best Reaction - Raven to getting to use her hacking skills again
Biggest Idiot - victim unlocked the door but didn't try to open it when he did and he didn't use the lock that he was next to/ people getting out of their cars in a shootout instead of getting down
Least Surprising - Mundo hops the banister to catch the bad guy
Most Surprising - the killer is targeting ZoGo riders instead of drivers or management
Best Quotes -
1. Nelson: "You jump onto moving trains, you kick down doors, and you know computer forensics. You're like a bad a** Bill Gates, just younger." Mundo: "And not as rich."
2. Nelson: "I use ZoGo all the time. It's cheaper than a cab. Look, pay right on your phone. Get in, get out. Tip's included in the price." Mundo: "Is murder extra?"
3. Nelson: "You pulling another all-nighter?" Raven: "It wasn't an all-nighter. It was a date." Nelson: "Umm, a date that lasted until 6 in the morning." Raven: "It was a good date."
4. Simon: "This technology may have made life easier but it sure has not made it safer."
5. Nelson: "I'm sorry man. You know Batman lost his parents too. You're Batman, Krumitz. You're Batman." Mundo: "Does that make you Robin?"


Grimm - 4.14 - Bad Luck

Ugh, just ugh. Adalind is now #1 on my Characters that Need to Go list. Not only has she been pointless since Nick took away her powers, but she's directly linked to the most inane, stupid, or boring storylines Grimm has ever done. Love potion spells and obsession - yep that's Adalind. Freaking amnesia - also Adalind. Walking around pointlessly in Dreamland Castle for an entire freaking episode - yep, Adalind again. For all that I rail about how insignificant Juliette has been, Adalind is worse because they have to keep trying to make her relevant and it always leads to the most fast forwardable moments. She needs to go. Like 3 seasons ago. Writing in the actress' pregnancy is utterly inane. Just get rid of this character. If you want to bore us later with her, then feel free to send her back to Vienna for a season until the actress has delivered. Just get her off my screen now! She's turning this show into a bad episode of Maury Povitch and bringing down the entire show with her. I've never wanted a TV miscarriage more in my life.

Grade: C

Best Reason to Watch - at least there are no more secrets
Best Reason to Stock Up on the World's Supply of Brain Bleach - Adalind's pregnancy. For the love of the show, why can't they just kill her off? This is beyond stupid. Adalind should have died when Nick took her powers.
Best Scene - Monroe is suitably impressed by Rosalee knocking out the evil receptionist
Best Reaction - Wu to hearing about the severed rabbit foot sex ritual
Biggest Hmm - So the Accordion Wesen killed Rabbit Wesen for a lucky rabbit's foot? Is that where this is leading?
Biggest Huh? - What about Nick would make Juliette think he would kill her? What about Nick would make her think he even could? A teenage girl took down the Wesen this week.
Most Brave - Rabbit Sister refuses to woge
Least Surprising - Rabbit Sister is kidnapped from the motel
Most Sympatico - Adalind and I are both shrieking, "Noooooooooo!"at the end of the episode, although she's probably not throwing socks like I was
The "Are You Kidding Me?" Award - Rabbit Wesen's name is Peter
The "Who Isn't These Days?" Award - Nick tells Hank that the victim's mother is Wesen. I yawn. They're all Wesen in Portland. The real surprise will be when Nick confirms someone's human.
Biggest Canon Breaker - How convenient that Nick can't take away Juliette's hexenbiest powers like he did Adalind's through a Wesen loophole. It's almost as convenient as the new lore which says made hexenbiests are more powerful than born ones because that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
Best Quotes -
1. Nick: "The killer take the foot with him?" Wu: "Hell of a foot fetish."
2. Nick: "Then maybe the car accident that Peter's father died in wasn't an accident. See what you can find out." Wu: "I'll hop right on it. I tried to stop myself before I said it. Sorry."
3. Adalind (and me): "Nooooooooo!"
4. Juliette: "You can't even look at me. This is what's forever."
5. Wu: "They leave a severed foot under the bed for 3 days?" Hank: "That's what it says." Wu: "Uh, does anybody else think it's messed up."
6. Fran: "I'm not involved in murder." Hank: "No one ever is."


The Musketeers - 2.09 - The Accused

So the moral of this season is adultery is evil, tertiary characters I like will die, and for goodness sake Treville, if the king offers you a position, take it! At least that's what I'm taking away from it. While Rochefort grows increasingly insane, the plot intensifies on all parts. Of course most if not all of our main characters will survive, including D'Artagnan and Constance. Sigh. Still it is fun to see their predicaments go from bad to worse as they make increasingly terrible choices. Well besides sleeping with the queen and getting her pregnant in the first place, of course. That was disastrous and Aramis' inability to keep it in his pants is the root of almost every problem they have. I've heard rumors that one of the Musketeers is leaving us, and right now story wise it would make sense for Aramis to go. After all, the king can't readily accept him in the palace once rumors of his fathering the dauphin start. Still it wouldn't be the first time an illegitimate heir sat on the throne so there may be hope for Queen Anne. Regardless it looks like the season finale is going to be intense and action-filled and that's all I really need. Surely it won't disappoint like every characters' morals and the much anticipated fight between Catherine and Milady did. I really expected that fight to be epic. At least they both lived to hopefully really fight another day. In the end, this episode was a great set-up for the season finale with all the pieces sufficiently in dire straits or at least going full on nuts. Exactly what a penultimate episode should do.

Grade: B+

Best Reason to Watch - sets up what should be a very climactic season finale
Best Character Interaction - Athos and Milady / Aramis and Porthos
Best Surprise - the nun forges Rochefort's signature
Biggest Mistake - making Milady an enemy
Least Surprising - the doctor dies / almost everyone ends up behind bars
Most Disappointing - the Catherine vs. Milady showdown was anticlimactic
The "Keep It in Your Pants" Award - All Musketeers need to stop sleeping around. Period. But especially with married women.
Most Nuts - Rochefort is even more crazy than Cardinal Richelieu was
Most Forgiving - King Louis
Biggest Hypocrite - D'Artagnan
The "Welcome Back" Award - Catherine
Best Quotes -
1. Athos: "If Rochefort's advances towards the queen are treason, what does that make yours?" Aramis: "Love." Athos: "I'm sure the king will appreciate the difference."
2. Louis: "I like this. It's very piratical. It was a hunting accident, you say." Rochefort: "My quarry fought harder than I expected."
3. Milady: "I'm growing tired of people trying to hang me. Why are you angry with me? I'm the one who nearly died."
4. Treville: "Sister, I could kiss you." Sister Teresa: "Best not, perhaps."
5. Milady: "My God, does she never stop talking? Shoot her and let's be on our way. It's just a thought."



About the Author - Dahne
One part teacher librarian - one part avid TV fan, Dahne is a contributing writer for SpoilerTV, where she recaps, reviews, and creates polls for The 100, Grimm, Teen Wolf, and others. She's addicted to Twitter, live tweets a multitude of shows each week, and co-hosts the Sleepy Hollow "Headless" and Teen Wolf "Welcome to Beacon Hills" podcasts for Southgate Media Group. Currently she writes a Last Week in TV column for her blog and SpoilerTV. ~ "I speak TV."
Recent Reviews (All Reviews)




Sunday, March 22, 2015

Quote of the Week - Week of March 15




A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the Spoiler TV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.



12 Monkeys -
1. Jennifer Goines: "Wait, there's something you need to know. Today something happens that will change things for you. Not everything is preordained, no matter how it may seem. They say things happen for a reason. That is a lie. Death can be both cause and effect. That's how it works. No straight lines. You're ready, it's time to go." (Darth Locke)



Agents of SHIELD -
1. Fitz: “They’re a bizarre pair. He listens for a living, she doesn’t speak.” (Sharon Seymour)





Arrow -
1. Felicity: "When we thought you were dead, each one of us had to figure out why we were doing all this. Seems like it's your turn." (Daniel van der Veer)
2. Lance: "What? Are you waiting around for a thank you?" Arrow: "That's not why I do this." (Daniel van der Veer)



Battle Creek -
1. Russ: "Are you two gonna move, or are we gonna move you?" (Laura Markus)
2. Milt: "Look, I'm not even certain we should be focusing on the parents." Russ: "Perhaps we should be focusing on the education system, society at large." (Laura Markus)
3. Milt: "These guys are definitely Cuban, I can tell by the accent." Bad Guy: "Kiss my ass, we're not Cuban." Milt: "Definitely Cuban." (Laura Markus)
4. Funkhauser: "What the heck is happening around here? It used to be nice, quiet, a place moved to raise their kids? Now we're playing whack-a-mole with heroin dealers." (Dahne)



Better Call Saul -
1. Jimmy McGill: "Can we all, us three, just parachute down from Cloud Cuckoo Land?"




Helix -
1. Peter: "I came here to lead an investigation and now I'm persona non grata on my own team." Anne: "Change is inevitable. What I don't understand is why you allow Dr. Walker to speak to you that way." Peter: We all say things we don't mean." Anne: "We always say what we mean at the time we say it." (Darth Locke).



iZombie -
1. Liv : "So 'you are what you eat' isn't just a bitchy thing my mother says about fat people." (Sharon Seymour)
2. Clive: "Hasta la vista, Meemaw." Liv: "Chivalry is dead." Clive: "But Clive is alive." (Dahne)
3. Liv: "If my zombie movie research has taught me anything, it's that being part of a horde would suck." (Dahne)
4. Blaine: "This is Utopium. It will fry your brain, dip it in batter, and fry it again." Liv: "Having my brain treated like a corndog…not so tempting." (Dahne)
5. Liv: "Yes, Sir Elton specifically references dead call girls in The Circle of Life." (Dahne)



Once Upon a Time -
1. Rumble: “She... can turn into….” Regina: “A fire-breathing dragon. Yes, yes, yes. A bit showy, if you ask me.” (Sharon Seymour)





One Big Happy -
1. Lizzy: "Prudence, Luke is the father." Prudence: "No Lizzy, Darth Vader's the father." Luke: "She's talking about me but I love that you know that."
2. Luke: "I was going to tell you but the subject hadn't come up yet." Lizzy: "Hey you've known her less than a week. A Tuesday hasn't even come up yet."
3. Prudence: "You think I'm Gerard Depar-doing him?" Lizzy: "I think you already did."



Rizzoli & Isles -
1. Jane: "So in lieu of an actual name, we're calling him McGruff." Maura: "Like the crime dog?" Jane: "Well it's better than Buster or Spot."
2. Maura: "These emoticons don't deserve to be used in such disturbing ways."
3. Jane: "Here's to being an adult. It sucks." Maura: "Yes, it does."



Honorable Mentions:


Allegiance -
1. Sam: "Well it's good to be king." Endo: "Better to be king maker."
2. Sam: "There's nothing to do until Endo calls. Now I feel like I have an ice pick in my eye, so if you don't stop talking and go away, they'll be putting up a star for you at Langley."
3. Alex: "What's Black Dagger?" Victor: "Black Digger? It's a nuclear accident. It's an Ebola outbreak. It's a cyber virus that knocks out the power grid for a month or cuts off fresh water to the East Coast. It's the thing that can't be traced back to Russia that makes the neighborhood kids afraid to go outside."
4. Sam: "Okay we go at 9 am so easy on the mini bar tonight. I'm looking at you, Rain man." Alex: "I don't drink alcohol." Sam: "Holy balls, Alex. Recognize when someone's yanking you. Now get the hell out of my room. Go."


Battle Creek -
1. Milt: "The evidence is pointing against your theory, Russ." Russ: "Yeah, that's why we need more evidence, Milt." (Laura Markus)
2. Funkhauser: "You know what really interferes with intimacy? Always talking about what interferes with intimacy."
3. Guz: "You caught a bad guy. Just not the right bad guy."
4. Fontanelle: "Is that what I think it is? Is it?" Russ: "It's not cocaine." Fontanelle: "Thank God." Russ: "It's heroin."
5. Fontanelle: "They speak Spanish in Iran?" Milt: "The Spanish teachers do. I went to high school there."


Castle -
1. Ryan: ""You see, in marriage, you have to give your partner some space." Castle: ""OK. [Clears throat] Ryan, this is my third marriage. I think I know what I’m doing.” (Sharon Seymour)


CSI: Cyber -
1. Nelson: "You jump onto moving trains, you kick down doors, and you know computer forensics. You're like a bad a** Bill Gates, just younger." Mundo: "And not as rich."
2. Nelson: "I use ZoGo all the time. It's cheaper than a cab. Look, pay right on your phone. Get in, get out. Tip's included in the price." Mundo: "Is murder extra?"
3. Nelson: "You pulling another all-nighter?" Raven: "It wasn't an all-nighter. It was a date." Nelson: "Umm, a date that lasted until 6 in the morning." Raven: "It was a good date."


Empire -
1. Jamal: "I wouldn't believe everything that you read. I saw that you were a devoted husband and father."
2. Lucious: "So y'all think y'all got a plan, huh? Think again."
3. Malcolm: "Camilla, she didn't take Lucious' money." Cookie: "What?" Malcolm: "What? Did he tell you she did?" Cookie: "Oh God, I wish he would just drop dead already. Then we could make it a memorial concert. Jack up the ticket prices really high."
4. Lucious: "You see son, sometimes you have to be willing to sacrifice your queen to win the game."


Eye Candy -
1. George: "You know how dangerous it is for a person like me to have access to this kind of stuff. It's like giving crack to a baby. It just won't end well."
2. Connor: "Sophia, you're okay. I've got you. You're okay." Sophia: "What took you so long?" Connor: "You know me. Always fashionably late. You are not going to die here. I've got you."
3. Jake: "Monsters are made. Pain festers and makes monsters of us all."


The Flash -
1. Cisco: "What's going on? What do you see?" Barry: "A dead body." Cisco: "Barry, you're in a morgue. You're going to have to be a little more specific than that."
2. Cisco: "I can help you." Wells: "You're smart, Cisco, but you're not that smart. Do you know how hard it has been to keep all of this from you, especially from you? Because the truth is I've grown quite fond of you and in many ways you have shown me what it's like to have a son. Forgive me but to me you've been dead for centuries."
3. Linda: "One thing you learn about people when you work here, Iris. It's usually what isn't said that's the real story."


Grimm -
1. Nick: "The killer take the foot with him?" Wu: "Hell of a foot fetish."
2. Nick: "Then maybe the car accident that Peter's father died in wasn't an accident. See what you can find out." Wu: "I'll hop right on it. I tried to stop myself before I said it. Sorry."
3. Adalind: "Nooooooooo!"
4. Juliette: "You can't even look at me. This is what's forever."


iZombie -
1. Liv: "How long have you suspected?" Doc: "Since Raoul Cortex, the gangbanger gunshot victim. You finished the autopsy for me. Well the detective on his case needed me to open him back up. Guess what he was missing?" Liv: "A strong male role model?" Doc: "And a half a pound of brain."
2. Marcy: "So basically every day of your life is like the end of 16 Candles."
3. Clive: "I won't take long. Just a couple of sniffs and a quick look-see, and then it's back to your lair, dark princess." Liv: "Say what?" Clive: "Cuz you all…I…I…I don't know what you are. Emo? Goth? Which is the one who's too tortured to go on living?" Liv: "What I am is a doctor whose too busy to do your job for you." Clive: "You're a doctor who's watching a movie."
4. Eva: "What I'm about to say comes from a place of love. You know that, don't you?" Liv: "That kind of depends on what you say."


The Musketeers -
1. Athos: "If Rochefort's advances towards the queen are treason, what does that make yours?" Aramis: "Love." Athos: "I'm sure the king will appreciate the difference."
2. Louis: "I like this. It's very piratical. It was a hunting accident, you say." Rochefort: "My quarry fought harder than I expected."
3. Milady: "I'm growing tired of people trying to hang me. Why are you angry with me? I'm the one who nearly died."


One Big Happy -
1. Prudence: "Just leave it up for a week and if you don't hang yourself, there's your color."
2. Prudence: "Are you always this uptight? Do you know what you need?" Lizzy: "I know that you need a robe or maybe 3 strategically placed leaves."


Perception -
1. Donnie: "Listen Daniel, I am not sure who or what you saw out there, but we cannot afford to let your paranoia get us off track. It might cost Kate her life. So I don't know what you need to do to get your sh** together, but whatever it is I need you to do it now."
2. Daniel: "You know before when I said I missed you. I was being polite."
3. Donnie: "How you holding up?" Daniel: "My conscious is bothering me but of course I'm used to hearing nagging voices in my head so uh…."
4. Donnie: "How'd you know I was getting married?" Rosenthal: "My lawyer is a big gossip."


Rizzoli & Isles -
1. Susie: "NEMO is lucky to have you." Jane: "Wait. Nemo?" Maura: "Oh no relation to the vengeful submarine captain with a bitter hatred for British imperialism. Why's everyone looking at me like that?" Angela: "Well Nemo's the little striped clown fish." Jane: "With the tiny, tiny fin." Maura: "Jack, tell me I'm not alone." Jack: "I might have read it in high school."
2. Jane: "Okay, when did our crime scene become an improv class?"


The Returned -
1. Claire: "Manage to get some sleep?" Camille: "Not a wink. So I guess you know I'm a zombie." Peter: "You're not a zombie." Camille: "Oh yeah? What am I then?" Peter: "You're a miracle. I was at your funeral. I saw you in the casket and yet somehow, here you are with a second chance at life." Camille: "So all the other kids on the bus died? Then why am I here?" Peter: "That's for you to find out." Camille: "I don't want to be a miracle. I just want my normal life back."
2. Jack: "Where have you been?" Camille: "Why? What's the worst that can happen? I'm already dead."
3. Claire: "You and Hunter weren't that close were you?" Camille: "We were in the same class. Everybody just moved on, forgot about me." Claire: "That is not true."


Supernatural -
1. Cole: "So if I dry myself out, the SoB wouldn't like that very much, now would he?" Dean: "No, he'd want the hell out. You'd be a hostile environment. Well, more than you already are." Cole: "Well to be fair, you really haven't seen my chiller side."
2. Dean: "Sam, I know what you're doing over there and it ain't porn. Look man, we have checked every website, okay? We've checked it twice. Sammy when we work a case, there's always that…that point when we have to face the truth, right? Even if we don't like it. Well truth is, there's no way around this. We saw what happened to Cain, okay? I'm not happy about it, but I've got to move on so I'm going to keep doing what we do while I still can, and I'd like you to be there with me."
3. Cole: "I appreciate the talk Coach, but honestly, all I can think about is slicing your wrist and drinking you like a fountain. Guess that makes me a monster, don't it?"
4. Cole: "Okay, so you've been to this rodeo before. How do we kill it?" Dean: "Worst case - head shot the person it's in. Worm crawls out. We stomp it like a bug." Cole: "Is there a version where you don't cap me?"



About the Author - Dahne
One part teacher librarian - one part avid TV fan, Dahne is a contributing writer for SpoilerTV, where she recaps, reviews, and creates polls for The 100, Grimm, Teen Wolf, and others. She's addicted to Twitter, live tweets a multitude of shows each week, and co-hosts the Sleepy Hollow "Headless" and Teen Wolf "Welcome to Beacon Hills" podcasts for Southgate Media Group. Currently she writes a Last Week in TV column for her blog and SpoilerTV. ~ "I speak TV."
Recent Reviews (All Reviews)


Grimm - 4.14 - Bad Luck - Favorite Scene Poll









About the Author - Dahne
One part teacher librarian - one part avid TV fan, Dahne is a contributing writer for SpoilerTV, where she recaps, reviews, and creates polls for The 100, Grimm, Teen Wolf, and others. She's addicted to Twitter, live tweets a multitude of shows each week, and co-hosts the Sleepy Hollow "Headless" and Teen Wolf "Welcome to Beacon Hills" podcasts for Southgate Media Group. Currently she writes a Last Week in TV column for her blog and SpoilerTV. ~ "I speak TV."
Recent Reviews (All Reviews)

Monday, March 16, 2015

Last Week in TV - Week of March 8 - Reviews and Episode Awards




Welcome back to Last Week in TV. I don't know if I was extraordinarily grumpy this week or if TV just wasn't that good but my TV week was mostly disappointing. 12 Monkeys was so irritating I decided not to review it until the Ramse focus in 2 episodes. For all the raving The 100's finale got, the two words that best described it for me were anticlimactic and stupid. I'm not even excited about the cliffhanger since it revolves around 2 characters I'd rather have off my screen. Even The Big Bang Theory's tribute to Howard's mom came off as less than stellar and that should have been a slam dunk. Eye Candy chose the least impactful character of all to be the killer. Most other shows were meh to underperforming. I do not think I have facepalmed more in one week of TV in my life. Let's just say that if I were still doing TV Trend of the Week in this column, this week would be all about character stupidity with Ben from Secrets & Lies leading the charge. That man is begging to be arrested with the choices he's making. Only Battle Creek was a bright spot for me and that's because I laughed the whole way through. Basically it becomes show of the week by default and that fantastic maple syrup as drugs metaphor.

The nominated episode was The Shield and I can see why it has such a following. The acting is topnotch but until the last 5 minutes, which were straight up shocking, it felt a little underwhelming. I'm not sure what I expected from the show but it was less intense, for lack of a better word, than I thought it would be. For most of the time, it was a typical crime procedural where the bad cop was a complete douche. I'm guessing the serialized elements are what sells the series but that wasn't set up until the last 5 minutes of the pilot. I am intrigued but I'm simply not a fan of antihero shows. Next week's nomination is Scrubs, episode 1.04. I was a casual viewer of Scrubs back in the day so it should be interesting to see the cast again at the beginning. If you'd like to nominate an episode, checkout the nomination form below. Until next week, happy TV viewing. I hope it is a good one. As for me, my hopes are pinned on iZombie to cure my TV funk. Fingers crossed that the undead will ease my reviewing blues.








Show of the Week:


Battle Creek - 1.02 - Syruptitious

They sure do take their maple syrup seriously in Battle Creek, Michigan and it makes for a great premise and some witty scenes. I love that they have a maple syrup cartel complete with head mobster and thugs. The way they played off the syrup murder like a drug hit made me chortle the whole way through the episode. Then to have it NOT be the mobster in the end was a good twist. I'm still not sure why it is better to have the dad in jail than the wife though. She will have a much better chance of getting off than he does if the whole thing goes to trial. Self-defense can be a powerful motive. Other than that, Milton is still too good to be true and Russ is still a complete douche to him. That unbalance needs to be corrected on both sides but I was honestly laughing too hard to care most of the time. I wasn't as enamored with the pot dealer subplot but he was more aware of the law than most TV stoners. Still he shouldn't have tried to rip off a cop. I don't need to see him ever again. Teddy the Snitch, on the other hand, I demand to see more of and soon.

Grade: B+

Best Reason to Watch - it's really funny
Most Fun - syrup as a drug farce
The "Say What?" Award - Drowned in maple syrup? Did I hear that right? Maple syrup cartel? Bwah!
Best Plan - hitting the patsy in the girlfriend even if it didn't work
Most Sad - if a high CI can eke out a criminal's plan before you, you may want to rethink the detective gig
Smartest if Douchiest Character - fake pot seller
The "Your Tax Dollars at Work" Award - Exactly how big of a budget does the FBI have? I'm guessing syrup making equipment isn't cheap. If they shell out like this for every dead body, we're being overtaxed.
Best Reward for a Job Well Done - syrup shots
The "It's Getting Old Already" Award - If we have to sit through Russ trying to ditch Milt each episode and Milt finding him anyway, I'm making it part of the drinking game. Not because it is funny, but because it's going to be the only way to get through such scenes.
Most Insightful - Holly suggests role playing telling a wife her husband is dead because Russ is not good with people
The "I Think You're Typecast" Award - Stoney Westmoreland was just on Rizzoli & Isles killing someone too
Most Considerate - Milt when offering to take Fontanelle's place since he has a migraine
The "Welcome Back" Award - Meredith Eaton from NCIS / Peter Onorati from basically everything including Kate & Allie back in the day
Best Quotes -
1. Fontanelle: "What are you? The sommelier of pot."
2. Russ: "Look at that. Milt gets original art and we get counterfeit water."
3. Guz: "So you want to arrest someone for NOT selling drugs." Fontanelle: "Yes, prescription drugs. This is no different than if somebody needed heart medication and the pharmacist gave then sugar pills or if…uh, a diabetic was given water instead of insulin." Guz: "Yep, I get it. You need your pot."
4. Fontanelle: "What are you doing? Guz said get Milt's help." Russ: "No, she said to see if he was busy. Look at him. That Minecraft world is not gonna build itself.
5. Russ: "We need evidence. I'm going to go see what I can see." Milt: "You better see what you can see from this side of the fence or anything you see won't be admissible." Russ: "I'm going to go where I have to to see it and then I'll figure out how to see it from back here."



Nominated Show:


The Shield - 1.01 - Pilot

The Shield is a high pedigree show. It features topnotch acting, morally ambivalent characters, and stories ripped straight from the headlines. It's designed for water cooler edginess but also deep conversation about whether the ends justify the means. It's also deadly slow in this pilot. No lie. Every 5 minutes felt like 15. I once thought the episode must surely be over but there were 18 minutes left. Perhaps it is the way the pilot was structured. Obviously they want us to know how morally corrupt Mackey is by providing Wagenbach and Acevada as foils. Too bad the interrogation scenes were simply not interesting. Neither were some of the scenes designed to shock like the cold open. Perhaps that is a product of its time as well. Antihero TV shows came into their own a decade ago when The Shield premiered, but now TV is overrun with them so it feels more commonplace. Killing Crowley however was inspired mostly because it was shocking, not so much because Mackey killed a fellow cop but because of the timing. I expected this to be a season long sting with the reveal in the season 1 finale. In fact I half expected Crowley to be playing double agent for Mackey, given how that man has his fingers in everything. The real question comes with whether Mackey knew Crowley was a plant all along and planned this or if he needed Crowley as a scapegoat for killing the suspect. I'm guessing the latter but I will never understand why Mackey didn't have gloves on when he picked up the gun. That seems extraordinarily stupid. I guess it will be revealed in the second episode. Whether I will be watching said episode is a time issue. I rarely like to judge a show by its pilot so I feel obligated to watch the next 2 episodes just to see what everyone raved about with this series. Still since I am NOT a fan of antihero shows, of which this is the poster child, I have a feeling The Shield is going to spend years in limbo for me. After all one excellent twist does not an episode make.

Grade: B-
Ranking - 2+
Audience - those who love shows where everyone lives in shades of grey

Best Reason to Watch - the ending and if you like antiheroes, Mackey is one for the books
Best Character - Wyms by half a hemisphere
Best Scene - Mackey vs. Acevada to determine pecking order in the precinct
Biggest Shock - Mackey kills Crowley with a suspect's gun
Most Disgusting - Lonnie sells his daughter for $200
Best Reaction - Wyms to Wagenbach saying he wants to date Soufer
Least Likely to Get Employee of the Year - Mackey, who pretty much tells his boss and everyone else to screw themselves if they don't like his methods
The "Is This Where They Got It?" Award - Wagenbach calls the killer "the unsub" like they do in Criminal Minds. It took me forever on CM to figure out what they meant. Should have watched this pilot sooner.
Most Ridiculous Argument - case of the missing Ding Dongs
Least Surprising - Crowley is working for Captain in a sting to prove Mackey is corrupt
Most Surprising - a cop meeting a blind date at her house (after of course the ending)
Best Plan - Acevada puts aside his feelings and has Mac interrogate a pedophile who's holding a missing girl
Worst Plan - having kids playing in your crack den
The "Welcome Back?" Award - CCH Pounder of Warehouse 13 / Benito Martinez of Supernatural / Walton Groggins of Justified / Michael Chiklis of No Ordinary Family / Catherine Dent from Gang Related / Jay Karnes from Burn Notice / Reed Diamond lately of SHIELD / Max Perlich from Buffy / Page Kennedy, currently Moto on Backstrom / Jim Ortlieb from Roswell
Best Quotes -
1. Grady: "Your turn to play bad cop?" Mackey: "Naw, good cop and bad cop left for the day. I'm a different kind of cop."
2. Acevada: "I just want a dirty cop off the street." Crowley: "You want to be mayor someday, you better learn how to lie a hell of a lot better than that."
3. Mackey: "Hey uh, I've got to go run an errand but I was thinking you and I should hook up for a drink later on tonight." Sofer: "Oh yeah. Your wife coming?" Mackey: "Damn, she can't make it." Sofer: "Damn, neither can I." Mackey: "Hey, since when did you get morals?" Sofer: "Always had them. Sometimes I just lose track."
4. Wyms: "You want to start dating again, fine, but why chase after a unicop in our own station. That's just lazy, son."
5. Wyms: "Cause that's the God's truth, son. You can't lie to God." Wagenbach: "Or the crime lab. Her blood's all over your shirt."



New Show:


The Returned - 1.01 - Pilot

Let's face it. This may be based off the French show Les Revenants but I was totally thinking Resurrection the entire time. In fact I still don't know why we need two shows about dead people returning to a small town and the aftermath chaos. So far, they are the same show except The Returned has far better pacing and Resurrection has better character interaction. Perhaps that's because The Returned dumped 384 characters on us, half of which are interchangeable and a third of which were never named. You try reviewing that. Still I liked this show far better than I expected because of the pacing. I might not know who half these people are but at least the time flew by. We even got a random murder that I'm sure will be important in another couple episodes. Psychic Fraud needed to go so at least they tossed off someone who annoyed me instead of characters I like - another plus. If only my other shows would emulate this. (cough The 100 cough) I would say Creepster Kid can go next but he seems to be the main mystery. As long as they keep this pace and don't drag the mystery out too long (cough Resurrection cough), then I'm game to try at least the first 3 episodes and see just how similar these shows really are. Fun Fact - This is the first show in ages where I had no quotes written down after the first watch. Then I realize that people didn't say much in this episode. They mostly just looked shocked.

Grade: B
Ranking - 4
Audience - any who watched Resurrection and thought, "Man, the premise is interesting but this glacial pace has to go."

Best Reason to Watch - seeing the varied reactions to dead people popping up again
Biggest Twist - Psychic Fraud is murdered
The "Say What?" Award - What the heck was Camille freaking out on the bus for and why is Victor standing in the middle of the road? Is he the spawn of Satan?
The "Are You Kidding Me?" Award - What kind of doctor takes a stray kid into her home and doesn't call the police or social services? She could be cited for kidnapping. His parents could be looking for him. The kid could kill her in her sleep. Hey, Supernatural fans know to be wary of creepy kids. Just saying.
Biggest Hmm - Why is the returned woman not freaking out that her husband has aged so much? There is something completely shifty going on here.
Biggest WTH - A woman claims she communes with the dead through sex. In what way does this make any sense at all? In what universe does any man believe this?
Deadliest Cold Open - an entire school bus goes off a cliff so casualties aplenty
Most Creepy - the mute kid that seems to be following the doctor around
Best Reaction - Claire and Jack to seeing their dead daughter back
Worst Reaction - a man's dead wife returns and he jumps off a bridge
Most Realistic Reaction - Rowan thinks she's nuts when she sees a dead Simon returned
The "Welcome Back" Award - Mark Pellegrino of Supernatural and The Tomorrow People / Sophia Lowe of OUaT Wonderland / Kevin Alejandro of Arrow / Jeremy Sisto of Kidnapped and Law & Order / Keenan Tracey from The 100



Weekly Shows:


Allegiance - 1.06 - Liars and Thieves

I have no idea if this episode actually aired on TV or not. It wasn't in the listings I check but it showed up on my On Demand station so I decided to review it anyway. If it did not air on TV, I apologize. Here there be spoilers, including a major one. Proceed at your own risk. Although this one dragged a tiny bit in the middle, I thought it was great for plot progression. Adding Victor into the loop was a fantastic idea and I hope it leads to more great scenes between Katya and him. Provided he doesn't turn on them, this can only make their job easier. They have someone who can cover for them with the SVR and still have resources they didn't have without him. We've got 4 more episodes (which will hopefully still air) to close the Black Dagger mystery so they need him. Plus I like Victor so the more screen time the better.

Grade: B

Best Reason to Watch - the cat and mouse game of the O'Connor family trying to beat the CIA each time
Best Scene - Katya confronts Victor over bugging her house and he confronts her on not knowing Sarah
Best Alliance - Victor joins the operation
Best Reunion - Natalie comes home alive to mom and dad
Biggest Shock - Victor shoots Scott coming out of the elevator
Best Reaction - Alex, who looks progressively more dumbfounded the longer the episode goes on
Best Business Man - Jerry, who holds out for a much bigger bribe to keep quiet
Worst Plan - bringing Alex to an operation
Least Likely to Make it as a Spy - Scott, who closes the door when he hears someone coming, alerting the guard to their presence
The "Okay, Hunh?" Award - I have no idea why Sam decided to entertain Alex with stories of his friend, the King of Spain. Actually I have no idea what Sam is babbling about at the club at all.
Most Creepy - Natalie gives Scott the douche wink and talks about chasing tail
Most Handy - rooms for rent right above the counterfeiting ring
Best Banter - Brock and Alex talk baseball records
The "Poor Baby" Award - Alex has had a rough week. I think he deserves his freak out. Plus, he almost got shot by an assassin and added a new career as a kidnapper. It would too much for anyone.
Best Quotes -
1. Victor: "You killed me. You put a bullet in my head." Natalie: "Just let me explain." Victor: "Do you have any idea how much I've done for you? For your family? The risks I took. And all the time you were lying to me. In my bed and lying to me."
2. Scott: "Am I bleeding?" Katya: "No Scott, you're sweating. If this ends up with you bleeding, trust me you'll know the difference."
3. Brock: "Nothing is more depressing than a club with the music turned off." Michelle: "I can think of a few things." Brock: "That's because you're a dark, twisted soul, Prado." Michelle: "No, it's because I worked vice."
4. Victor: "And your hollow threats to kill me, they make you sound weak." Katya: "Just try me."
5. Scott: "You guys are going to kill me, aren't you? Once you get what you want. Do it now then. Get it over with." Katya: "Shut up and listen to me carefully. As long as you do what we tell you to do, no one gets hurt but let me be clear. If you touch my daughter again, I will definitely kill you, okay?"
6. Alex: "You keep saying everything's going to be fine but everything keeps getting worse."



Secrets and Lies - 1.03 - The Affair

You know when you're watching a TV show and the character does something incredibly stupid and you're facepalming and talking to the TV about how stupid that was. That was Secrets And Lies for me this week throughout the entire episode, and yet it was still better than the first two. Ben is just asking to get arrested with the dumb stuff he keeps pulling. First he gift wraps a murder weapon? In no court of law does that look okay. That may very well be the dumbest thing any character has done on TV this entire season and that's saying A LOT. Then he tells his drunk freeloader of a friend about it. Channel your best Hermoine and say it with me. "What an idiot!" Like that isn't going to backfire. Losing his temper right and left isn't helping anything either. Like I said, the man is begging for incarceration. Unless it turns out that Ben really did do it (and that would be one heck of a twist), he's got to be the dumbest innocent person on the planet. Big kudos to Christy though because she bears the longsuffering wife role well. She's shockingly supportive this episode and seems to be eager to make it through with her family intact. Of course she could turn out to be the murderer as well. In fact, it looks like we are finally going to be widening the suspect pool next week but in this show it’s the prime suspect initiating it instead of the police. That's still the most interesting thing about the series.

Grade: B-

Biggest Ouch - Natalie asks Ben if he's going to kill her too in front of the entire party
Biggest Moron - no teen should ever confront a girl's father when he shows up at a party to take her home
Biggest WTH - Did Ben just wrap the murder weapon up like a Christmas present and put it under the tree? That's nuts!
Most Sympathetic - Christy, unless she ends up being the killer
Best Flashback - Ben tells Tom he's brave enough to get over his fear of Santa
The "I'll Make an Exception For You" Award - In general, I am pro-cop. However Cornell, maybe Ben wouldn't need to inject himself into the investigation if you weren't pigeon-holing him as the only suspect.
Best Friends - the neighbors who invite Ben and Christy to join them even amidst hostile eyes
Worst Plan - Ben cleaning off the flashlight like he's guilty. This will not end well at all.
The "Framed or Crazy" Award - Ben is one or the other. Right now I am going with Dave is framing Ben because he has a thing for Natalie. That being said, I am going to be really unhappy if it's true.
The "Oh Yes, You Did" Award - Oh please, neighbor guy. Everyone knows your kid heard you call Ben a baby killer so of course that's why he said it. Don't even bother.
Most Organized - the Crawford family for keeping all their receipts
Most Suspicious - a researcher hires Ben and then talks about the murder, almost like he's freelancing for a magazine or newspaper
Most in Need of Controlling His Temper - Ben because he already looks suspicious enough
Biggest Hypocrite - Ben cannot get angry with Christy about a potential affair given the circumstances
Best Quotes -
1. Christy: "Ben, there was nothing you could do." Ben: "I didn't protect him." Christy: "You didn't know it was your job."
2. Christy (to Dave): "You can parent your teenagers when they find you."
3. Dave: "Do you even know if the flashlight is the murder weapon?" Ben: "It is." Dave: "Uhn hnh, okay. You didn't touch it did you?" Ben: "I'm not stupid. I wiped it off." Dave: "Einstein, it's called tampering, okay? It's a felony."
4. Ben: "I'm taking my daughter home." Natalie: "I hate you." Ben: "I'll get used to it."
5. Cornell: "I'm guessing you didn't notice the 50 teenagers filming you. It's unfortunate you picked that moment to assault and threaten to kill your daughter's boyfriend."
6. Dave: "I'm not one to offer up unsolicited advice but since you asked, I do not think that Christy is cheating on you." Ben: "Thanks." Dave: "Okay I'm just saying I don't think it's her test, brother." Ben: "Then whose is it?" Dave: "Okay Sherlock, process of elimination. It's not mine, it's not yours, it's not Abbie's, it ain't Christy's…Okay, alright. Breathe it out. Breathe it out, brother."



Scorpion - 1.18 - Once Bitten, Twice Die

This is the episode of Paige. I like that she got to be the expert and saved the day more than once. While Paige never gets shafted like I feared in the pilot, she also doesn't get to outshine the geniuses in an intellectual capacity either. For her to be the customs expert made sense as none of the geniuses would find that an important area of study, but it still made a strong case for her expertise. I really like that she is going back to school as well. It seems that Scorpion is rubbing off on her as much as she is on them. It was fun to see different aspects of Cabe too. I loved his cowboy movie enthusiasm and even more so, Happy calling him out about it. Still it was his unwavering trust in Paige and all of the team that really stood out. In a pinch, he has their backs and trusts them to make the right call. I'm not so crazy about the hints Merrick was dropping though. I hope neither Walter not the viewing audience ever knows the secret, largely because it sounds like contrived drama at its most emoangsty and I like this team working together. Another issue was the logic fails. For a smart guy, Walter sure can be stupid. He had zero reason to have the snake bite him except to please the shippers and to add tension. Scorpion has a bad habit of ratcheting tension by going for the most complicated, illogical plan available just to show how smart it is when there's a perfectly reasonable and easier plan a 10 year old could develop. In this case, they should have captured both snakes. Sylvester obviously has access to the internet so he could Google it while the trio drove back. If for some strange reason Google let them down, Walter could have gone with his plan in the presence of the doctor. Just dumb. Plus they have a whole kitchen of supplies and you're telling me they couldn't find anything to put the ferret in? I call shenanicanon.

Grade: B

Best Reason to Watch - Paige shines
Best Moment - Gallo steps on the syringe of adrenaline and says he trusts Paige and the team
MVP - Paige and her report no one bothered reading
Least Surprising - Walter falls in the snake pit
Biggest Snob - Walter thinking only science and math are worthwhile pursuits
Most in Need of Self-Defense Classes - In this episode, Sylvester and Toby. I don't think it would be amiss for all of them but Cabe though.
The "I May Have to Forfeit My Title" Award - I am the self-proclaimed Queen of Anti-Shipping, but even I have no problem with Happy kissing Toby. It made me laugh and thus far they are one of only a few couples on TV that haven't completely ruined one or more characters in the process of hooking them up.
The "It Pays to be a Fanboy" Award - Cabe knows a way to sneak off the grounds based on watching his cowboy movie so much
The "Oh Yeah Right" Award - Paige and Toby have time to calm down an angry mob before the doctor gets his adrenaline. Did they store it at the pharmacy 2 towns over? Also why does the doctor for a major peace talk meeting have such shoddy resources at hand? Only one syringe of adrenaline?
Most Cathartic - Happy punches Walter in the nose. I've wanted to do that many times.
Best History - Franz Ferdinand's death causing World War I
Best Visual - Sylvester popping up from hiding behind a chair to confirm Walter's numbers
Best Plan - Paige plays a lullaby to cool down tensions
Worst Plan (and by Worst, I Mean Dumbest) - Walter purposely gets bit by the snake
Best Psych Out - Toby, Happy, Sylvester, and Paige make fake news footage to scare the leaders into a peace treaty
The "Good for You" Award - Paige goes back to college
Best Pun - Ferret Bueller
Best Quotes -
1. Toby: "Forget Homeland. He should work for Treasury the way he passes the buck."
2. Happy: "Hey Hopalong, we're about to hop along so why don't you stop watching that movie for the 12th time." Cabe: "This movie was filmed on the senator's compound where the summit's taking place. I'm studying the layout of the grounds cause some of the sets are still standing on the property." Happy: "You already walked the ground with Homeland. You're a fanboy."
3. Toby: "You're not taking a million to one shot with my friend's life. Do you understand me? If you come near him with that ferret, I'm gonna cram that furry little dude up in a place it can never run away from. You follow?"
4. Munoz: "I want her off the grounds. Now." Cabe: "Like hell. She just did your job for you."
5. Cabe: "It pays to be a fanboy."



Eye Candy - 1.09 - FYEO

I have to admit I'm disappointed in who the killer is. He's completely disposable on the show and as such there are no real consequences for his arrest and/or death in the finale. I guess he could escape to stalk another day but that's a little "second verse same as the first" for me. We already have the entire core cast alive to see the second season barring any major twists in the finale and provided there is a second season. Therefore he must die and allow the show to take on a new Big Bad next season. I vote for Hamish who is so scuzzy he practically begs to be insane. Bubonic is the most logical choice though. As for this episode, the pace was pretty slow with significant downtime. The only major reveal was Walker's connection to Sarah's possible kidnapping although no way the corpse ends up being her. None. That's the series-long mystery. All I ask is that Eye Candy doesn't end on a cliffhanger. If the killer is still alive and Lindy still in danger at the end, I'm going to do some serious eye rolling.

Grade: B-

Best Reason to Watch - the killer's revealed and the search for Lindy is on
Biggest Hmm - Shouldn't Tommy need a warrant to tap Hamish's servers? This looks very shady and it's not going to be him anyway.
Best Horror Story Plot - car breaks down right outside an old bed and breakfast while a killer's on the loose
The "Say What?" Award - Why did it take Tommy and Connor so long to plug that flash drive in to find the killer? It's pitch dark outside when they leave but they don't get to Cyber Crimes until it is full daylight. Did you stop for waffles and coffee? Maybe enjoy a nightcap?
Worst Deal - Reece was only worth $10,000. That seems very cheap for the going rate of murder.
Best Plan - Hamish, who is still a disgusting human being, will trade a clue about the Flirtual Killer and shutting down the Babylon Portal for Tommy destroying all evidence that he was in charge of Babylon
The "No, That's Not the Least Suspicious" Award - Jake suggests grave robbing and happens to know how much they'd be fined
The "Best Reason Not to Call" Award - being dead pretty much lets Oliver off the hook for not getting back to Connor
The "Bye, Won't Miss Ya" Award - Tessa
Best Twist - Walker's niece was abducted and Sarah may have been in the cell next to her
Most in Need of a Dating Timeout - Lindy's ex was a cop who arrested her and then she hops into bed with the guy who killed her ex. She has the worst taste in men.
Most Depressing - the convict talking about baby corpses and all the things they never grew up to be
Worst TV Trend - What is up with all these people with vital information getting hit by moving vehicles?
The "Oh Poor Baby" Award - Mary lived through being kidnapped but suffers from guilt for escaping while Sarah was dying
Least Surprising - there's no photo of the kidnapped person who died so Lindy can't tell if it is her sister
Most Interesting Conversation - Lindy and Jake chat with a former Riker's Island inmate about grave robbing
The "Welcome Back" Award - Thomas Kopache from TURN
Best Quotes -
1. Tommy: "How much do you know about the Babylon portal?" Connor: "Enough to know that it's the definition of human depravity and desperation."
2. Sophia: "I snoop because I love you."
3. Lindy: "They say not knowing is the worst part, but this feels worse."
4. Tessa: "The doctors found this thing inside my head, said they couldn't take it out, and I just decided not to tell anyone. I mean what do you even say? Do you post it on social media?" Sophia: "You can't keep that from the people that love you. That is not fair." Tessa: "I can do whatever the hell I want. If I wanted you to know, I would have told you."



Fresh Off the Boat - 1.08 - Phillip Goldstein

Two of my favorite cancelled comedies last year were the supremely awesome Enlisted and fun Trophy Wife. To have guest stars from both of them at one time made the episode for me. While it is hard for me to separate Parker Young from Randy Hill, I enjoyed watching him play the perfect cowboy. I wish they had not fired his character because I need more Parker time. Here's hoping he stars in a new show in 2015-2016. It was also fun seeing Former Bert again. Like on Trophy Wife, Albert Tsai stole many of the scenes he was in. Still the real prize was seeing Eddie and Jessica reach an understanding. They tend to have a confrontational relationship so it was good to see them on the same side for once. I liked them working together and loved Jessica standing up for Eddie with Phillip. Here's hoping that we can end the Asian kid vs. black kid shtick though. I'd love for Walter and Eddie to become friends.

Grade: B-

Best Reason to Watch - guest stars
Best Character Interaction - Jessica and Eddie
Best Aww Scene - Jessica rails on Phillip for leaving Eddie behind and then takes Eddie to the concert
Best Negotiator - Phillip, who gets Eddie to Les Mis by threatening the Beastie Boys concert
Biggest Manipulator - Eddie, who gets Jessica to agree to let him go to the Beastie Boys concert by playing the Phillip card
Biggest Yikes - What school matches kids up by their race? I thought the 90's were more PC then that.
Biggest Twist - Phillip takes his culture more seriously than his parents
Biggest Hmm - Wouldn't therestaurant need at least 2 hosts anyway? Surely Mitch doesn't work 7 days a week and from the time the restaurant opens until it closes. That's just crazy.
Worst Plan - outshining your boss, even if you are awesome
Most Talented - Wyatt's lasso tricks
The "Welcome Back" Award - Albert Tsai formerly stealing the show on Trophy Wife / Parker Young from the sadly dead Enlisted
Best Quotes -
1. Phillip: "Then I realized it was nightfall. Shabbat was over." Jessica: "I thought that ended at midnight." Phillip: "I'm a devout Jew, not Cinderella."
2. Eddie: "That's called being a G, mom." Jessica: "Why do you want to be a letter that's only worth 2 points in Scrabble? Q is better."
3. Jessica: "Okay we just have to tell the Goldsteins the truth and so you know, I'm going to put most of the blame on you. Not because I want to but for legal purposes."
4. Walter: "Looks like somebody's got a twin." Eddie: "Looks like somebody's outnumbered."
5. Louis: "Things have been a little too perfect around here. It's almost annoying."



Rizzoli & Isles - 5.16 - In Plain View

I think I'm crime-d out. Last week did me in. While Rizzoli & Isles always does character banter and interaction well, this case was beyond lame. I mean really, really, really lame. The fact that the guy killed someone who picked on him at camp 25 years earlier was bad enough. To set a fire in the trashcan made him the only suspect and we weren't even that far into the episode. Although I loved Angela's pep talk to Maura, the identity theft subplot fell flat too. The only new theme that did work for me was Korsak trying to expand his vocabulary and that tragically ended too soon. I love Jane getting in on the action and it would be fun to see them try to one up each other. As always, the character interactions were fun and Jane telling Guthrie to shoot Slowey was refreshing even if it was a ploy. Mostly though, this episode was just meh.

Grade: C

Best Reason to Watch - character interactions
Biggest WTH - the cop repressed camp bullying for 25 years and is now going after kids who teased him
Biggest Awww Scene - Jane comforts the kid and refers to Frost. I sniffle a bit.
Best Subplot - Korsak and his big words
Best Reaction - Jane to Angela making kissing noises
The "Say What?" Award - Since when does shop class teach you how to fix a complicated electronics system like your car, buddy? We learned how to make shaped cutting boards.
The "Listen to Susie" Award / Biggest Facepalm - Maura, you are too smart to allow someone to continue stealing from you so that you can delve into the psychology of identity theft. Gibbs' slap to you.
The "Um, Maine isn't that Desolate" Award - The detective has evidence in a Mason jar. What?
Worst Plan - letting credit card fraud go undetected
Best Pep Talk - Angela to Maura
Lesson Learned from 1,000 Crime Episodes - it's never the loan shark
The "Welcome Back" Award - Niall Matter from Primeval: New World, another show cut down in its prime (bad pun) / Robert Blanche from Grimm
Best Quotes -
1. Maura: "She's living my life better than I am." Angela: "Maura, she's a paper doll. She hung a beautiful dress on herself, she added a fabulous pair of shoes, but none of that makes her you. She's not smarter or better than you, Maura. You've earned the respect and the love from all the people in your life. What's better than that?"
2. Jane: "Some random side of the road nutbag would really slow down our investigation." Korsak: "If you use the thesaurus, you could come up with a nicer word than nutbag."
3. Maura: "I just knew that you would not approve of my field trip." Jane: "I do not approve and not just because I'm a cop. Because I'm your friend. What you did could have been dangerous." Maura: "I took your mother." Jane: "Which is dangerous in its own way. Did you get a look at this fake Dr. Isles?" Maura: "No, I was too busy being the real Dr. Isles."
4. Jane: "It's like you said. It's hard to hide anything in this electronic day and age…like maybe someone who was incarcerated in a penal colony for usury."
5. Susie: "Well I think you should cancel your credit cards and report this to the police, which should be easy given this place is full of them."



Perception - 3.14 - Romeo

I haven't seen the previews for the finale but I'm laying bets that Kate just got kidnapped by Tasha, who really, really wants to be with Donnie. If it doesn't end up that way, I'll be shocked and tossing all the socks in the world at the screen because they made Kate so out-of-character. Still I am very happy that Daniel chose to "forever hold his peace" instead of ruining the show for me. It actually bumped the grade up a bit. I'll be even happier if the show does something truly twisty like make Kate the hallucination and Daniel has created this whole show in a psychotic break. Better yet, make him really married to Natalie or have DJ be the true character hallucinating an older version of himself.

Grade: B-

Best Reason to Watch - Daniel did not tell Kate that he loves her
Best Reaction - Paul to Daniel accusing him of sleeping with Lilly
Most Surprising - the motorcycle in the classroom was NOT a hallucination
Least Surprising - Kate's wedding planner is a hallucination. Did anyone not know that besides Daniel? I can't see Kate having a wedding planner at all.
Weirdest Cold Open - Generally Daniel lectures and we all get smarter. This time a kid interrupts on a motorcycle and the girl who turns him down gets smarter. Well for turning him down. After the cold open, not so much.
Best Reference - Miami Vice
The "Welcome Back" award (character) - Natalie / DJ Pierce / Kate's dad
The "Welcome Back" Award (acting) - Deniz Akdeniz from Graceland / David Chisum, the only bright spot in the Black Box premiere
Best Quotes -
1. Daniel: "Wow, you have a lot of interesting administrative challenges that have nothing to do with me."
2. Daniel: "Sometimes what we think is love is really just an unhealthy fixation."
3. Max: "Alright, I'm on it. I'm the Tubbs to your Crockett."
4. Donnie: "Hey, what's the big ruckus with campus security?" Daniel: "Just a sophomore being sophomoric."
5. Paul: "You know for a minute there I thought maybe you were going to apologize for calling me a philandering murderer."
6. Donnie: "Well that was awkward." Daniel: "She's a psychologically fragile woman who experienced a major trauma. You put her attacker away. It's not surprising that she'd mistake her gratitude for romantic attraction." Kate: "You sure it's not just his devastating good looks." Daniel: "Yeah, I'm pretty sure."



The 100 - 2.16 - Blood Must Have Blood (Part 2)

First off I know I am going to get a lot of flak for both the review and the grade here. For me this finale is in a 3-way race for worst episode of season 2. It's competing with the episode they threw Finn under a bus and the great ape escape. So I was shocked to see just how much people loved this episode. In all honesty I figured the Bellamy and Clarke shippers would be ecstatic but everyone else would feel a little let down. I guess I came in with way too high expectations here, but this felt more like a whimper than a bang. The penultimate episode was far more thrilling and a much better cliffhanger, making this feel anticlimactic. We spend the entire season gearing up to fight the big, bad Mountain and 5 seconds and one lever pull is all it takes to wipe them out. It feels like the writers had no clue where to go with this foe (or needed to trim the budget) so they hit the easy button. Yes, I know the psychological fallout of Clarke and Bellamy committing genocide is huge but pacing wise, it sucked. For a finale, people sure talked a lot….endlessly even.

Still the major problem is how utterly stupid the whole Mountain Men plot was to begin with and the zero payoff it left. Nothing about it makes the least sense to me. The Mountain Men needed bone marrow, but they acted like they had nothing to trade for it. That's simply not true. The Mountain provided protection from the 100's biggest enemy. The grounders, who had come to slaughter them, were a significant threat. They also had supplies that were in short supply for the 100. Lest we forget, Jasper told us they had chocolate cake about 348 times. To say the 48 were vulnerable is an understatement. I have no idea why the Mountain leadership didn't simply trade - safety for bone marrow. They should have at least offered it. Sure some like Clarke would never go for it but it's a pretty good bet that some of the others would take it, especially since they obviously had the medical capability to make it far less painful than they did when they used them as lab rats. After all, the 100 were facing eradication by the grounders. The only thing that makes even less sense to me is why Tsing would kill the 100 anyway. Medically and scientifically that is beyond stupid. Bone marrow fully regenerates in the human body within a few weeks. Instead of killing off people, she could have had an ever ready supply of the #1 commodity her people needed. That's like setting fire to an oil field after extracting a single gallon of gasoline. It's a huge waste. Plus she has results for at most a couple of weeks. How could she be sure the change was permanent? What if it was a temporary fix? What if by not making sure the marrow was a match, the body of the person receiving it rejected it? There are far too many questions about the viability of the marrow for Dr. Tsing to recklessly throw it away like that. The Mountain citizens were portrayed as highly educated with advanced technology and scientific capabilities. No way they throw away their one shot like this. We already know they had patience so why get idiotically impatient here?

To add to the farce, the characters turned off their brains in this episode too. Clarke executes the only person on the show capable of seeing more than 3 minutes into the future. She does realize that she could have shot but not killed Dante without Cage ever knowing, right? Worse they stick their best warrior on babysitting duty and the most incompetent one gets assassination detail. Why didn't they have Octavia take out the guards as she went if for no other reason than to cause a distraction? At least have her follow Jasper down to the operating room as back up for when he inevitably screwed everything to hell like usual. And exactly why does Maya know hidey holes in every other place on the mountain but couldn't figure out how to hide on level 5? The majority of the people were in the mess hall for goodness sakes. As for Abby, she's a doctor. Why wouldn't she explain that they don't have to kill people to get their bone marrow? I won't even get started about Cage. Who leaves the command center of their entire existence abandoned? Then when an enemy takes over that command center (by walking right in), why is Emerson the only guard who goes after them? Clarke threatened to irradiate them. Shouldn't they at least be getting their hazard suits on and fighting for their own survival? Bah! Just bah! Finally at the end, they all head back to Camp Jaha. Why? Seriously, why? The Mountain is the safest place on earth for them. Hauling the bodies out would granted be hard but they have supplies, technology, an impenetrable fortress for security, and a whole host of weapons at their disposal if they stay. If Clarke is to be believed (and that's a big question these days), then Raven and Wick didn't even do much damage to the power generator. They should be sending a party to Camp Jaha so they can start packing to move in too. Why abandon the most strategic place in the region when who knows what enemy might take residence in it next?

This episode and the entire Mountain Men plot ended up being nothing more than smoke and mirrors. It was about putting Clarke in the darkest place possible but without common sense to lead them there. For me that lessens the impact of the drama they sacrificed logic for. While it makes for instant gratification and emoangsting, it dilutes the whole season's story structure and in the long-term makes the show weaker for me. I left this episode unsatisfied and after 2 more rewatches, I still could not shake the disappointment.

Grade: B- (average after 3 watches)

Best Reason to Watch - the acting
Best Action - Octavia's hallway fight
Best Scene - Indra leaves a knife for Lincoln and tells him to make a choice
Best Reaction - Kane to seeing the scientists drilling into the kids
Most Deluded - Clarke for ever thinking they were the good guys. They are survivors and that's it. Plus, why is she so against Dante when she has to know he helped them? I mean he's been imprisoned for NOT allowing his people to take bone marrow from the 100.
Most Surprising - no one of any importance at all died in the finale
Best Michael Jackson Accessory - What is up with Clarke's bedazzled gloves?
Biggest Douche - Jaha, who killed 2 kids to reach his dream
Best Death - Lincoln kills Cage (I hope) and slays his demons
Biggest Body Count - Clarke now has a body count to her name that rivals that of a military coup dictator. She even commits genocide. Forget good guys and bad guys. Clarke is headed for the Post-Apocalypse Killer Hall of Fame.
Worst Plan - Let's face it. This episode was one long bad decision compiled by another. In the never-ending ocean of terrible decisions, the idea to sideline their best warrior (Octavia) was the most brainless.
Most Futile but Still Awesome Plan - Raven bites the guy trying to extract bone marrow from her
Best Reunion - Octavia and Bellamy
Biggest Question - exactly how similar is The 100's apocalypse story going to be to Terminator's
Biggest Lie - Dante: "None of us have a choice here, Clarke." You can say that kind of fatalistic nonsense all you want, writers. Doesn't make it true. How about have Monty use his skills to turn the lights off where they're drilling for starters? How about Cage use some common sense? They had choices up until they had a mountain full of bodies.
Best Dichotomy - Jaha is all about sacrificing the few to save the many while Clarke is all about sacrificing the many to save the few
The "Welcome Back" Award - Erica Cerra from Eureka
Best Quotes -
1. Clarke: "I tried. I tried to be the good guy." Abby: "Baby, there are no good guys."
2. Lincoln: "I can't just let her die." Indra: "Under the terms of the truce, the lands surrounding the mountain are forbidden. If you violate this, Lexa will never take you back. Octavia made her choice. Now you make yours."
3. Murphy: "Your promised land sucks."
4. Maya: "Long way from the Ark, huh?" Octavia: "Not my Ark. I didn't have a view either."
5. Jaha: "Curiouser and curiouser."


CSI: Cyber - 1.02 - CMND:/Crash

CSI: Cyber is reminding me a lot of Scorpion minus the family vibe. They both have tech geniuses solve puzzles and they both have action sequences that are fun, exciting, and completely ludicrous. In this case it is Agent Mundo hanging off the edge of a speeding subway trying to hook a piece of delicate software with his daughter's friendship bracelet like some demented version of Operation. Ha! Absolutely ridiculous but it made for a high adrenaline scene. Much of the rest of the episode though was a more sedate paint by numbers as they used cyber clues to track down the suspect. The high tech gadgetry is fun but there was a lot of straight up speechifying in this one that made the pace slower than the pilot. I really did not need a 5-minute PSA on how gore porn is bad and deviants flock together on the internet. Kind of knew all that. Here's hoping the next episode is a bit more lively and that Krumitz will stop being a douche for no reason.

Grade: C+

Best Reason to Watch - Mundo plays MacGyver and there's a whole new thing to be paranoid over
Best Awww Moment - Mundo's daughter says she'll make him a new bracelet
The "Say What?" Award - For it being primetime in Boston there sure isn't much traffic, as evidenced by the way Ryan can weave back and forth to get around people. Also do Bostonians NOT have to pull over when emergency vehicles flash their lights and put on their sirens?
Most Scary - anyone can tamper with a rollercoaster or subway with $50 of equipment if this show is to be believed
Biggest Douche - Krumitz, who needs to get over whatever he has against Nelson already
Most Ludicrous but Still Fun - Mundo stopping the subway with a coat hanger and his daughter's bracelet
Worst Obsession - gore porn
Biggest PSA - Ryan and Sifter talk in depth about deviant groups and the deep web
Best Quotes -
1. Nelson: "I never said that. Black people do not use the word pal. You ever heard the word pal in a rap song?"
2. Ryan: "You do realize that keeping your fingers crossed is rarely, if ever, effective in fighting crime."
3. Mundo: "You ever see a pitbull with a chew toy? You're already in her jaws. No getting out now. Spill."
4. Ryan: "Fight it all you want, Krumitz. Nelson's not going anywhere. This will become a bromance."
5. Ryan: "Should I take a seat for this?" Krumitz: "No. I'll be brief…and riveting."



Empire - 1.10 - Sins of the Father

Empire just keeps raising the crazy. Lucious is Lola's father? Bwah! Cookie and Malcolm are screwing? Go figure. A crazy gunman holds them hostage in their living room? Ooookay. This show has nothing on its daytime counterparts. I'm still rooting for the downfall of this empire. I mean Lucious is as much a douche as ever, so I hope he falls hard. It would be funny if Cookie and her sons allied against him once the stock goes public. Not that Cookie is less bigoted than Lucious in her own way, but at least she isn’t forever thinking only of herself. Only half the time. Again it is Jamal and Hakeem who steal the show and when they sing Lola to sleep together, it is a magical moment. It may be my new favorite brother scene on the show. Andre isn't faring so well. I thought he might be the holdout and keep the IPO from happening due to how obnoxious Lucious has been to him. I still think that would be an interesting turnabout. Let Andre be as smart and manipulative as he appeared in the pilot. After all this show is bound to go off on a huge, melodramatic cliffhanger and we only have 2 more episodes to do so.

Grade: B-

Best Reason to Watch - the soap opera flag flies high tonight
Best Character Interaction - Rhonda and Lucious / Camille and Lucious
Biggest Awww Scene - Lola says goodbye to everyone
Biggest Laugh - Lucious is Lola's father. That's about par for the course on this soap opera.
Most Intense - Reg pulls a gun on Jamal
Biggest Train Wreck - the signing over the shares party
Sweetest Moment - Jamal and Hakeem sing Lola to sleep
The "Are You Kidding Me?" Award - Cookie calls bipolar disorder a "white people" disease
Biggest Douche - Lucious as always
Biggest Oversell - Too many people are telling Andre that he is the reason the company is going public. It's true, but it feels like they are trying to get something from him.
Best Psych Out - when it looks like Michelle is going to screw Andre, she asks him to pray instead
Worst Plan - Cookie tries to wrestle the gun from Reg and ends up a hostage herself / Malcolm getting involved with anyone in this crazy family
Best Guest Star - Jennifer Hudson
Best Quotes -
1. Hakeem: "She said we like the new Antony and Cleopatra." Cookie: "Child." Jamal: "You all know that's a tragedy where they end up dying at the end, right? Just saying."
2. Lucious: "I'm not signing over Andre's stock to some little country club queen just because his feelings are hurt. Look, you want to raise your family's fortunes Rhonda, you gonna have to work for that." Rhonda: "I've been with your son for 10 years and you don't know a damn thing about me but just to clarify, I came from nothing and I worked my a** off to put myself through Penn. Nothing has ever been handed to me and I have never expected anything to be either."
3. Camille: "You are a disgusting, despicable human being and I wish you a miserable death when you go to hell."
4. Cookie: "Lucious, you don't care about nothing but yourself. Everything you touch, you destroy. Look at what you did to my sons."
5. Cookie: "It's alright. You left your baby to save her. There's nothing harder than that."



Dig - 1.02 - Catch You Later

Dig keeps its approximately 37 storylines, none of which connect yet. Therefore nothing about the story makes sense and it is still painfully, excruciatingly slow. It has one more episode and then I'm tossing it in the pile with shows I'm only watching if people I trust say it gets better and there are no more new TV episodes on earth for a year. Even then it's iffy. So far the plot is deliberately vague in a way that always makes me question whether the writers know where it's going. (Thanks Chris Carter.) The only character we know even a little bit about are the nutters in the American compound and they've create the next David Koresh. The stone storyline catches my attention but if we don't know what they are about by the next episode, I will be out of patience. This show feels like a marathon, not a sprint, but I'm not sure if there is a finish line up ahead or not. They've now wasted 2 out of 10 episodes going nowhere so 1/5 of the season is already over. It's time to start clearing things up instead of adding even more vague mysteries until the whole mythos falls under its own weight.

Grade: C-

Best Reason to Watch - surely one of 37 plot lines will strike your fancy
Best Action - Connelly chases after Khalid
Biggest Cliffhanger - Ambassador Ridell meets with the supposed terrorist during a state meeting to get one of the stones from him
The "This isn't America" Award - Cohen picks up his kid with a handcuffed guy in the backseat and talks about the case in front of him
Biggest Psycho of the Night - Billingham, who obviously sanctioned killing the kid and makes the other kid slaughter a calf
Worst Plan - Connelly withholding that he knows the girl / bleeding guy having the kid who has never driven before drive them
The "Welcome Back" Award - Regina Taylor from I'll Fly Away and The Unit
Best Quotes -
1. Cohen: "Luck is overrated. You want to catch a killer, you've got to be smarter than they are. Fortunately, most of them are idiots."
2. Monahan: "You've taken it too far, Peter. I'm sorry to tell you but sometimes bad things do happen to good people. As your friend, I am asking you and begging you to snap the hell out of it."
3. Billingham (on the kid killing the cow): "The first one is the hardest. It gets easier."



Elementary - 3.17 - T-Bone and the Iceman

Not much to say about this episode, except that it was fairly standard. There was more focus on Watson's family life than the rather ho-hum case, which was a good call. The character interactions were good and I love this new and improved, more sensitive Sherlock, but still the hour dragged on. They need to either get Kitty back or find a multi-episode killer to jazz things up. At the very least, they need to make something here personal. On the plus side though, Sherlock's snark and ability to turn a phrase were on their A game tonight.

Grade: C+

Best Reason to Watch - more background into Watson's family / Sherlock snark
Best Twist - the so-called killer was an actor in the worst movie ever made
Best Character Interaction - Joan and her mom
Biggest Shock - warehouse full of refrigerated bodies
Most Supportive - Sherlock and he has been all season long
Least Fun - Watson and Sherlock already know that refrigerant is the culprit and take away the ME's big moment
Best PSA - Don't be a moron and drive.
Worst PSA - early stages of Alzheimer's or other cognitive diseases
Biggest Passer of the Buck - Mary Watson, who tells Joan to talk to her brother about his affair
Best Excuse - having to wait for the cable guy is about as valid an excuse as any
Best Continuity - Sherlock and his phantom babies
The "Welcome Back" Award - Patrick Breen from Royal Pains and Madam Secretary
Best Quotes -
1. Sherlock: "Respectfully, whether you're scoring on novelty or complexity, this crime scene doesn't really rate, does it?"
2. Sherlock: "We're not here about R-22 or the improper storage of dead nutters."
3. Sherlock: "It's a mature choice for a man of such juvenile aesthetics, but it's difficult to match your look when you shop at a dead man's wardrobe."
4. Sherlock: "Corpsicles having so little resale value, it seems an unlikely coincidence that the only homicide victim in Cyro NYC's cold storage was the target of our thief."
5. Sherlock: "He was unable to catch up with the culprit, who fled on foot." Watson: "Oh, maybe because Wyatt Earp got back into his time machine and vanished."



TBBT - 8.18 - The Leftover Thermalization

This is one of those times when I wish The Big Bang Theory only followed one plot. Having Sheldon and Leonard bickering throughout detracted from what could have been a funny, sweet, and satisfying half hour meal. I was hoping we'd get back story on the characters in this one, focusing around their memories of Howard's mom. They wouldn't have had to show her at all and kept with how they've done it in the past. They missed a golden opportunity to remind us of how far the characters have come and to give us a deeper look at characters we've known for years.

Grade: B-

Best Reason to Watch - having a dinner party to celebrate Howard's mom's life is perfect
Best Character Interaction - Howard and Bernadette
Best Reaction - everyone's meh about Physics Today mentioning Leonard's name but they cheer in earnest over Bernadette finding more Tums
Biggest Shock - the vanity card at the end said nothing about Carol Ann Susi's death
Best Moment - Bernadette yells at Sheldon and Leonard for being selfish and sounds like Howard's mother
Best Interpretation - Sheldon explains salons to Penny and Amy explains The View to him
The "Oh Poor Baby" Award - I feel for Howard. I can't imagine saying goodbye to either of my parents.
Weirdest Sight - Sheldon trying to break news to Leonard gently and then giving him a back massage
Best Quotes -
1. Penny: "Ugh, I don't think I've eaten that much in my entire life." Howard: "That's why my people wandered the desert for 40 years. It took that long to walk it off."
2. Sheldon: "And that, little lady, is pi to a thousand places." Amy: "I'd say, 'I'm sorry I asked,' except I didn't."
3. Penny: "Guys, if I wanted to hear people be b**, I would have gone to my real salon."
4. Bernadette: "We just want to have the kind of dinner we've all had here so many times before." Howard: "Good food, good friends, and sometime around midnight heartburn that makes you pray for death."
5. Sheldon: "If you cry when you drop your churro, you do not have what it takes to rule England."



About the Author - Dahne
One part teacher librarian - one part avid TV fan, Dahne is a contributing writer for SpoilerTV, where she recaps, reviews, and creates polls for The 100, Grimm, Teen Wolf, and others. She's addicted to Twitter, live tweets a multitude of shows each week, and co-hosts the Sleepy Hollow "Headless" and Teen Wolf "Welcome to Beacon Hills" podcasts for Southgate Media Group. Currently she writes a Last Week in TV column for her blog and SpoilerTV. ~ "I speak TV."
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