Playing House airs Tuesdays on USA Network at 10/9 C.
Best Scene - Mark makes everyone talk it out
Best Return - Bruce's mom
Best No-Dialogue Scene - Paula Abdul dancing
Best Guest Star - Darius Rucker
Strangest Guest Stars - Property Brothers
Biggest Non-Guest Star - Tom Hanks, who never appears but sure is talked about a lot
Strangest Metaphor - parenting and tomatoes
Worst Decorating - the picture wall
Worst Plan - breaking and entering (even if they aren't technically breaking)
Biggest Nightmare - death by spider
Biggest Awww - Mark with Baby Charlotte
Strangest New Word - duncle
"I knew it was gonna be disturbing the moment it came out of your mouth. And it was."
"I'm going to go cue up her night music - Chopin or Beethoven?" "Definitely Beethoven. I love that dog."
"It looks like a serial killer's basement in here."
Mary Pat's speech
"No, we're not doing good. We're half-naked in a public bathroom."
"Stella, we are gonna get your groove back." "You never saw that movie." "I don't like beach movies."
"That's why you've got to hold on to the Hanks of your dreams."
"We have to burn this house to the ground!"
"Wow. You know you live with someone and you think you know them. This is just like Gone Girl."
"You're not suggesting we break into their house because that's what crazy people do."
Check out the Playing House 2-episode premiere Tuesday on USA Network at 10/9 C.
Screencaps by TV Insider, Digital Spy, USA Network, and EW.