Sunday, March 22, 2015

Quote of the Week - Week of March 15

A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the Spoiler TV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.

12 Monkeys -
1. Jennifer Goines: "Wait, there's something you need to know. Today something happens that will change things for you. Not everything is preordained, no matter how it may seem. They say things happen for a reason. That is a lie. Death can be both cause and effect. That's how it works. No straight lines. You're ready, it's time to go." (Darth Locke)

Agents of SHIELD -
1. Fitz: “They’re a bizarre pair. He listens for a living, she doesn’t speak.” (Sharon Seymour)

Arrow -
1. Felicity: "When we thought you were dead, each one of us had to figure out why we were doing all this. Seems like it's your turn." (Daniel van der Veer)
2. Lance: "What? Are you waiting around for a thank you?" Arrow: "That's not why I do this." (Daniel van der Veer)

Battle Creek -
1. Russ: "Are you two gonna move, or are we gonna move you?" (Laura Markus)
2. Milt: "Look, I'm not even certain we should be focusing on the parents." Russ: "Perhaps we should be focusing on the education system, society at large." (Laura Markus)
3. Milt: "These guys are definitely Cuban, I can tell by the accent." Bad Guy: "Kiss my ass, we're not Cuban." Milt: "Definitely Cuban." (Laura Markus)
4. Funkhauser: "What the heck is happening around here? It used to be nice, quiet, a place moved to raise their kids? Now we're playing whack-a-mole with heroin dealers." (Dahne)

Better Call Saul -
1. Jimmy McGill: "Can we all, us three, just parachute down from Cloud Cuckoo Land?"

Helix -
1. Peter: "I came here to lead an investigation and now I'm persona non grata on my own team." Anne: "Change is inevitable. What I don't understand is why you allow Dr. Walker to speak to you that way." Peter: We all say things we don't mean." Anne: "We always say what we mean at the time we say it." (Darth Locke).

iZombie -
1. Liv : "So 'you are what you eat' isn't just a bitchy thing my mother says about fat people." (Sharon Seymour)
2. Clive: "Hasta la vista, Meemaw." Liv: "Chivalry is dead." Clive: "But Clive is alive." (Dahne)
3. Liv: "If my zombie movie research has taught me anything, it's that being part of a horde would suck." (Dahne)
4. Blaine: "This is Utopium. It will fry your brain, dip it in batter, and fry it again." Liv: "Having my brain treated like a corndog…not so tempting." (Dahne)
5. Liv: "Yes, Sir Elton specifically references dead call girls in The Circle of Life." (Dahne)

Once Upon a Time -
1. Rumble: “She... can turn into….” Regina: “A fire-breathing dragon. Yes, yes, yes. A bit showy, if you ask me.” (Sharon Seymour)

One Big Happy -
1. Lizzy: "Prudence, Luke is the father." Prudence: "No Lizzy, Darth Vader's the father." Luke: "She's talking about me but I love that you know that."
2. Luke: "I was going to tell you but the subject hadn't come up yet." Lizzy: "Hey you've known her less than a week. A Tuesday hasn't even come up yet."
3. Prudence: "You think I'm Gerard Depar-doing him?" Lizzy: "I think you already did."

Rizzoli & Isles -
1. Jane: "So in lieu of an actual name, we're calling him McGruff." Maura: "Like the crime dog?" Jane: "Well it's better than Buster or Spot."
2. Maura: "These emoticons don't deserve to be used in such disturbing ways."
3. Jane: "Here's to being an adult. It sucks." Maura: "Yes, it does."

Honorable Mentions:

Allegiance -
1. Sam: "Well it's good to be king." Endo: "Better to be king maker."
2. Sam: "There's nothing to do until Endo calls. Now I feel like I have an ice pick in my eye, so if you don't stop talking and go away, they'll be putting up a star for you at Langley."
3. Alex: "What's Black Dagger?" Victor: "Black Digger? It's a nuclear accident. It's an Ebola outbreak. It's a cyber virus that knocks out the power grid for a month or cuts off fresh water to the East Coast. It's the thing that can't be traced back to Russia that makes the neighborhood kids afraid to go outside."
4. Sam: "Okay we go at 9 am so easy on the mini bar tonight. I'm looking at you, Rain man." Alex: "I don't drink alcohol." Sam: "Holy balls, Alex. Recognize when someone's yanking you. Now get the hell out of my room. Go."

Battle Creek -
1. Milt: "The evidence is pointing against your theory, Russ." Russ: "Yeah, that's why we need more evidence, Milt." (Laura Markus)
2. Funkhauser: "You know what really interferes with intimacy? Always talking about what interferes with intimacy."
3. Guz: "You caught a bad guy. Just not the right bad guy."
4. Fontanelle: "Is that what I think it is? Is it?" Russ: "It's not cocaine." Fontanelle: "Thank God." Russ: "It's heroin."
5. Fontanelle: "They speak Spanish in Iran?" Milt: "The Spanish teachers do. I went to high school there."

Castle -
1. Ryan: ""You see, in marriage, you have to give your partner some space." Castle: ""OK. [Clears throat] Ryan, this is my third marriage. I think I know what I’m doing.” (Sharon Seymour)

CSI: Cyber -
1. Nelson: "You jump onto moving trains, you kick down doors, and you know computer forensics. You're like a bad a** Bill Gates, just younger." Mundo: "And not as rich."
2. Nelson: "I use ZoGo all the time. It's cheaper than a cab. Look, pay right on your phone. Get in, get out. Tip's included in the price." Mundo: "Is murder extra?"
3. Nelson: "You pulling another all-nighter?" Raven: "It wasn't an all-nighter. It was a date." Nelson: "Umm, a date that lasted until 6 in the morning." Raven: "It was a good date."

Empire -
1. Jamal: "I wouldn't believe everything that you read. I saw that you were a devoted husband and father."
2. Lucious: "So y'all think y'all got a plan, huh? Think again."
3. Malcolm: "Camilla, she didn't take Lucious' money." Cookie: "What?" Malcolm: "What? Did he tell you she did?" Cookie: "Oh God, I wish he would just drop dead already. Then we could make it a memorial concert. Jack up the ticket prices really high."
4. Lucious: "You see son, sometimes you have to be willing to sacrifice your queen to win the game."

Eye Candy -
1. George: "You know how dangerous it is for a person like me to have access to this kind of stuff. It's like giving crack to a baby. It just won't end well."
2. Connor: "Sophia, you're okay. I've got you. You're okay." Sophia: "What took you so long?" Connor: "You know me. Always fashionably late. You are not going to die here. I've got you."
3. Jake: "Monsters are made. Pain festers and makes monsters of us all."

The Flash -
1. Cisco: "What's going on? What do you see?" Barry: "A dead body." Cisco: "Barry, you're in a morgue. You're going to have to be a little more specific than that."
2. Cisco: "I can help you." Wells: "You're smart, Cisco, but you're not that smart. Do you know how hard it has been to keep all of this from you, especially from you? Because the truth is I've grown quite fond of you and in many ways you have shown me what it's like to have a son. Forgive me but to me you've been dead for centuries."
3. Linda: "One thing you learn about people when you work here, Iris. It's usually what isn't said that's the real story."

Grimm -
1. Nick: "The killer take the foot with him?" Wu: "Hell of a foot fetish."
2. Nick: "Then maybe the car accident that Peter's father died in wasn't an accident. See what you can find out." Wu: "I'll hop right on it. I tried to stop myself before I said it. Sorry."
3. Adalind: "Nooooooooo!"
4. Juliette: "You can't even look at me. This is what's forever."

iZombie -
1. Liv: "How long have you suspected?" Doc: "Since Raoul Cortex, the gangbanger gunshot victim. You finished the autopsy for me. Well the detective on his case needed me to open him back up. Guess what he was missing?" Liv: "A strong male role model?" Doc: "And a half a pound of brain."
2. Marcy: "So basically every day of your life is like the end of 16 Candles."
3. Clive: "I won't take long. Just a couple of sniffs and a quick look-see, and then it's back to your lair, dark princess." Liv: "Say what?" Clive: "Cuz you all…I…I…I don't know what you are. Emo? Goth? Which is the one who's too tortured to go on living?" Liv: "What I am is a doctor whose too busy to do your job for you." Clive: "You're a doctor who's watching a movie."
4. Eva: "What I'm about to say comes from a place of love. You know that, don't you?" Liv: "That kind of depends on what you say."

The Musketeers -
1. Athos: "If Rochefort's advances towards the queen are treason, what does that make yours?" Aramis: "Love." Athos: "I'm sure the king will appreciate the difference."
2. Louis: "I like this. It's very piratical. It was a hunting accident, you say." Rochefort: "My quarry fought harder than I expected."
3. Milady: "I'm growing tired of people trying to hang me. Why are you angry with me? I'm the one who nearly died."

One Big Happy -
1. Prudence: "Just leave it up for a week and if you don't hang yourself, there's your color."
2. Prudence: "Are you always this uptight? Do you know what you need?" Lizzy: "I know that you need a robe or maybe 3 strategically placed leaves."

Perception -
1. Donnie: "Listen Daniel, I am not sure who or what you saw out there, but we cannot afford to let your paranoia get us off track. It might cost Kate her life. So I don't know what you need to do to get your sh** together, but whatever it is I need you to do it now."
2. Daniel: "You know before when I said I missed you. I was being polite."
3. Donnie: "How you holding up?" Daniel: "My conscious is bothering me but of course I'm used to hearing nagging voices in my head so uh…."
4. Donnie: "How'd you know I was getting married?" Rosenthal: "My lawyer is a big gossip."

Rizzoli & Isles -
1. Susie: "NEMO is lucky to have you." Jane: "Wait. Nemo?" Maura: "Oh no relation to the vengeful submarine captain with a bitter hatred for British imperialism. Why's everyone looking at me like that?" Angela: "Well Nemo's the little striped clown fish." Jane: "With the tiny, tiny fin." Maura: "Jack, tell me I'm not alone." Jack: "I might have read it in high school."
2. Jane: "Okay, when did our crime scene become an improv class?"

The Returned -
1. Claire: "Manage to get some sleep?" Camille: "Not a wink. So I guess you know I'm a zombie." Peter: "You're not a zombie." Camille: "Oh yeah? What am I then?" Peter: "You're a miracle. I was at your funeral. I saw you in the casket and yet somehow, here you are with a second chance at life." Camille: "So all the other kids on the bus died? Then why am I here?" Peter: "That's for you to find out." Camille: "I don't want to be a miracle. I just want my normal life back."
2. Jack: "Where have you been?" Camille: "Why? What's the worst that can happen? I'm already dead."
3. Claire: "You and Hunter weren't that close were you?" Camille: "We were in the same class. Everybody just moved on, forgot about me." Claire: "That is not true."

Supernatural -
1. Cole: "So if I dry myself out, the SoB wouldn't like that very much, now would he?" Dean: "No, he'd want the hell out. You'd be a hostile environment. Well, more than you already are." Cole: "Well to be fair, you really haven't seen my chiller side."
2. Dean: "Sam, I know what you're doing over there and it ain't porn. Look man, we have checked every website, okay? We've checked it twice. Sammy when we work a case, there's always that…that point when we have to face the truth, right? Even if we don't like it. Well truth is, there's no way around this. We saw what happened to Cain, okay? I'm not happy about it, but I've got to move on so I'm going to keep doing what we do while I still can, and I'd like you to be there with me."
3. Cole: "I appreciate the talk Coach, but honestly, all I can think about is slicing your wrist and drinking you like a fountain. Guess that makes me a monster, don't it?"
4. Cole: "Okay, so you've been to this rodeo before. How do we kill it?" Dean: "Worst case - head shot the person it's in. Worm crawls out. We stomp it like a bug." Cole: "Is there a version where you don't cap me?"

About the Author - Dahne
One part teacher librarian - one part avid TV fan, Dahne is a contributing writer for SpoilerTV, where she recaps, reviews, and creates polls for The 100, Grimm, Teen Wolf, and others. She's addicted to Twitter, live tweets a multitude of shows each week, and co-hosts the Sleepy Hollow "Headless" and Teen Wolf "Welcome to Beacon Hills" podcasts for Southgate Media Group. Currently she writes a Last Week in TV column for her blog and SpoilerTV. ~ "I speak TV."
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