Welcome back to Last Week in TV. I've recovered a bit from my TV grumpiness or maybe just ennui with the help of two shows: Scrubs, the nominated episode of the week, and iZombie, which gets the coveted Show of the Week award this time. Both of them made me laugh and had incredible heart. Mostly though this week was about saying goodbye to shows, some until next season and some forever. Rizzoli and Isles is coming back sooner than I thought while I expect season 2 of Empire to debut in the fall. It is such a big hit that I don't see them waiting until midseason. Perception sadly is gone for good but it did have a decent sendoff so I'm happy with the series. Plus they resisted partner shipping which gives them massive bonus points. As for Eye Candy, its prognosis is poor to middling. I don't expect it to come back but I can live with the ending. It's just a shame that its ratings never matched its pacing. In other news, although both Secrets & Lies and Dig are chugging away, they have been backburnered by me. I'll probably catch up on S&L shortly after it completes its run. Dig goes further down on the to-watch list. However next week I will pick up 12 Monkeys again. I'm a big fan of that episode's focus on Ramse, my favorite character. Also next week I'll be reviewing Gotham. Since the nomination didn't have an episode attached, I'm choosing episode 4 since that's where I left off. If you want to nominate an episode, just fill out the brief form below. Until next time, comments are love and happy TV viewing.
Show of the Week:
I'm not usually one for zombies but when I heard this was a Rob Thomas production, my expectations soared. After all he made a show about a teen detective into a powerful yet still fun female power treasure. Veronica Mars, like Buffy before her, changed the teen heroine scene and gave kids someone to look up to. Therefore I came into this show with sky high expectations, generally the kiss of death for any show. Instead, this was better than I thought it would be. Like Sleepy Hollow before it completely derailed into this season's biggest train wreck, iZombie has a delightful tendency to NOT take itself seriously. It combines snarky humor with camp and sprinkles in a little action on top. The situation of a designer drug turning people into zombies is beyond goofy so they don't even try to make it serious, allowing the viewers to laugh at the premise with them. However, they still treat their characters with respect. The biggest surprise for me was all the heart. Liv's friends and family obviously care about her and the intervention scene was touching, as was Peyton asking Liv to step up for her. The sheer surprise and gratitude Liv shows over Doc looking for a cure was heartbreaking and hopeful at the same time. In the end, it was the kind of dramatic comedy that allows me to root for the hero, while still laughing at the situations. It doesn't get more entertaining than that.
Ranking - 5
Audience - those who like campy, snarky fun
Best Reason to Watch - the dialogue
Best Scene - Doc reveals that he knows Liv is a zombie
Best Character - tie - Eva, Doc, and Clive although I loved all the characters
Best Side Effect - if you're forced to chow down on brains, then psychic visions aren't a bad tradeoff
Biggest Jinx - Major, who says, "What's the worst that can happen?"
Best Hope - Doc tells Liv that he's working on a cure for her zombie disease
The "Oh Please" Award - It's in the 50's and you're calling that hot cocoa weather? Come to the Midwest. We call the 50's a balmy spring day and break out the picnic.
The "Say What?" Award - A designer drug makes people zombies. Hmm. Is that what you're telling me?
Biggest Eye Roll - So we've had writers, con artists, hackers, professors, real psychics, fake psychics, forensic scientists, taxi drivers, regular coroners, and immortal coroners as partners with cops to solve crimes. Sigh. Now we're adding the undead. Great. Are cops really that incompetent that need every Joe Blow off the street to help them solve crimes now? They can't all be from The Following. What's next, the buddy cop plumber?
The "Too Good to be True" Award - Major
Best Reaction - Liv to Doc looking for a cure for her / Liv seeing that penciling over a notepad actually works
Most Disgusting - brain food…literally
Smartest Guy in the Room - Dr. Chakrabarti, who figures out Liv's secret
Best Merging of Comic and TV - the comics style introductions to certain scenes
Biggest Laugh - the ex is named Major Lilywhite
Best Surprise - Major isn't dating Liv's roommate or mom when she comes up to talk to him
Least Surprising - the guy who made Liv a zombie is still alive
The "Welcome Back" Award - Ty Olsson, formerly Benny on Supernatural / Molly Hagan from my teen years, one of my favorite Cold Case episodes, and Unfabulous / Malcolm Goodwin, formerly Bell's brother on Elementary / David Anders as the bad guy in almost everything / Aly Michalka from Disney and Hellcats / Elysia Rotaru from Supernatural and Backstrom
Best Reference - 16 Candles / Miss Cleo / The Lion King
Best Quotes -
1. Clive: "Hasta la vista, Meemaw." Liv: "Chivalry is dead." Clive: "But Clive is alive."
2. Liv: "If my zombie movie research has taught me anything, it's that being part of a horde would suck."
3. Blaine: "This is Utopium. It will fry your brain, dip it in batter, and fry it again." Liv: "Having my brain treated like a corndog…not so tempting."
4. Liv: "Yes, Sir Elton specifically references dead call girls in The Circle of Life."
5. Liv: "How long have you suspected?" Doc: "Since Raoul Cortex, the gangbanger gunshot victim. You finished the autopsy for me. Well the detective on his case needed me to open him back up. Guess what he was missing?" Liv: "A strong male role model?" Doc: "And a half a pound of brain."
6. Marcy: "So basically every day of your life is like the end of 16 Candles."
7. Clive: "I won't take long. Just a couple of sniffs and a quick look-see, and then it's back to your lair, dark princess." Liv: "Say what?" Clive: "Cuz you all…I…I…I don't know what you are. Emo? Goth? Which is the one who's too tortured to go on living?" Liv: "What I am is a doctor whose too busy to do your job for you." Clive: "You're a doctor who's watching a movie."
8. Eva: "What I'm about to say comes from a place of love. You know that, don't you?" Liv: "That kind of depends on what you say."
I am really glad I saw this episode. It was a touching look at loss from a doctor's point-of-view. It's not your typical comedy fodder, and to be honest, I didn't laugh as much in this episode as I usually do when I catch the odd Scrubs rerun. Yet it didn't need to be typically funny because it held a lot of character growth. Quite frankly, I am shocked that they went this deep this early because in the 4th episode shows are still finding their audience. Good thing the risk paid off, in large part because of the acting. Kathryn Joosten was an inspired choice to walk JD through the trauma of losing his first patient. She's got a winning combination of gruffness, humor, and grandmotherly appeal. The scenes between JD and her are the clear winners. The core 4 did a great job of acting too, each reacting to their failing patients in a unique way. Turk got more personal, Elliott more confident, Carla more empathetic, and JD more mature in the way he looked at life and death. I didn't foresee all 3 of them dying but each death was a powerful blow in its own way. It's hard to cram that much character into 22 minutes and Scrubs did it beautifully. Now if they can only cure JD's hallucinations.
Ranking - 4
Audience - those who are good with goofy comedy but still want heart and characters to root for
Best Reason to Watch - it's a surprisingly emotional, heartfelt episode
Best Scene - JD tries to convince Tanner to keep fighting but then stays with her until she dies
Biggest Aww Scene - Carla encourages Elliott / the dying patient hugs JD to comfort him
Best Character - now and forever, Cox
Best Character Interaction - JD and Tanner
Most Fun - wheelchair bowling slightly edges out syringe darts because of the increased action
Weirdest Series-Running Gag - JD versus the janitor
Funniest Dream Scene - JD dreams of Tanner burrowing out of the hospital like some prison escape movie
Most in Need of Going - JD's version of Ally McBeal hallucinations
Best Two-Facing - Dr. Cox yells at Elliott for wasting his time but makes the Spanish-speaking patient think that they're all getting along
Best Unintentional Pun - Kelso says, 'Spare me,' when scolding Turk for wheelchair bowling
Best Reference - the iconic Connect Four commercial "Pretty sneaky, sis."
The "Welcome Back" Award - Kathryn Joosten, who will always be Mrs. Landingham from West Wing to me / Travis Wester, one half of the annoying Ghostfacers on Supernatural
Best Music - Hallelujah by John Cale
Best Quotes -
1. Cox: "You are afraid of death and you can't be. You're in medicine. You've got to accept the fact that everything we do here, everything, is a stall. We're just trying to keep the game going. That's it. But ultimately it always ends up the same way."
2. David: "What's up? You want some IV?" Turk: "No, I'm good."
3. Tanner: "You're going to have to shut your mouth at some point. Sweetie, I'm 74 years old. I'm ready to go."
4. Carla: "Look, I don't think these kinds of decisions are easy for anyone, and if it's any consolation, one of the reasons I never liked you is because you're already better at this than most of the doctors that come through here. And to be honest, I kind of liked being the only smart, strong chick in the joint." Elliott: "You sort of just complimented me." Carla: "A little bit." Elliott: "Okay I'm going to have a ginger ale."
5. JD: "I've been off for 2 hours." Tanner: "So with your precious free time you've been sitting in a hospital room talking to an old lady. What about your list? How many of those things have you done? For that matter, how many times have you sat on the grass and done nothing, hmm? You need to start taking some time for yourself, young man. Promise me you'll do that." JD: "I will." Tanner: "Good. Now get out of here. Go on."
This is not the worst comedy pilot of the season. It doesn't rise above meh either. It starts with classic oversharing to exposit the entire plot. Basically the gay woman and her straight male best friend decide to have a baby together. The test comes back negative. The man falls in love with an obnoxious Brit, who is about to be deported. They marry only to find out that the original pregnancy test was wrong and there is a baby on the way. Oh there's also a white sister with her black husband who hate their child. There are plenty of lesbian and white women jokes to be had, but none of them are particularly funny. Not that anyone told the laugh track that. In some places it gets physically painful to hear the laugh track going off every 30 seconds. Even with my hatred of laugh tracks, it is the characters who are the biggest problem. Lizzy is way too anal. Luke is too gullible. Prudence is very, very much NOT prudent. She spends most of the episode naked. Oh and they all fight their way through 2/3 of the episode. That's 2/3 too many for me. I don't think I will be watching the next 2 episodes.
Ranking - 2
Audience - those who find comedy in fighting and pee jokes
TV Math - reverse Will and Grace + My Best Friend's Wedding vibe
Best Reason to Watch - some of the dialogue is really snappy
Best Friend / Best Scene - Lizzy proposes to Prudence for Luke
Best Point - if a product spells accurate wrong, I wouldn't trust it to be…you know, accurate either
The "Say Huh?" Award - I foresee some testy visits with Customs in their future because ICE is not a fan of the "marrying for a green card" philosophy
Least Smooth - Luke jumps the bar and ends up on the ground
The "Bet You're Sorry You Asked" Award - the pharmacist got far more info on these two's life than her question warranted
The "Sorry but I'm with Prudence" Award - the color definitely pops
Most Convoluted Proposal for Another Person Ever - Lizzy proposes to Prudence for Luke and babbles about branches
The "Welcome Back" Award - Elisha Cuthbert, who should have been eaten by the cougar on 24 / Nick Zano from What I Like about You
Best Quotes -
1. Lizzy: "Prudence, Luke is the father." Prudence: "No Lizzy, Darth Vader's the father." Luke: "She's talking about me but I love that you know that."
2. Luke: "I was going to tell you but the subject hadn't come up yet." Lizzy: "Hey you've known her less than a week. A Tuesday hasn't even come up yet."
3. Prudence: "You think I'm Gerard Depar-doing him?" Lizzy: "I think you already did."
4. Prudence: "Just leave it up for a week and if you don't hang yourself, there's your color."
5. Prudence: "Are you always this uptight? Do you know what you need?" Lizzy: "I know that you need a robe or maybe 3 strategically placed leaves."
Note - I realize that Powers debuted 2 weeks ago, but Playstation is not really on my old lady radar so I'm reviewing it now that I know it exists.
I had no idea what to expect from a Playstation creation but it intrigued me that they were getting into the TV business. What I found was a better storyline, a whole lot less violence, and far more cursing than I predicted. The show revolves around a former superhero whose powers were eaten by his former mentor and now locked up super villain called Wolfe. It's a great take on the Titans eating the gods of Olympus. Walker misses his super abilities, especially with his new job as a police officer in charge of taking down dangerous Powers, the name given to both superheroes and super villains. Opinion about them varies and it feels very much like an us versus them society. The show starts with Walker's partner getting killed while brings in a Power so a newbie to Powers Division becomes Walker's new partner. He's damaged. She's determined. In that regard, it is very much like most other cop shows. However in this case Walker makes a far more interesting curmudgeon and that's what makes Powers worthwhile. However this is not likely to become weekly fare for me because there is far more language than I am comfortable with. It's no Deadwood, but it could be a deal breaker for me. I'll give it one more episode to make up my mind.
Ranking - ??? depends on the next episode
Audience - anyone interested in a newer take on the same old comic story and isn't bothered by profanity
Best Reason to Watch - the storyline
Best Manipulator - Johnny Royalle
Most Snarky - coroner
Most Interesting Character Interaction - Walker and Retro Girl
Most Dangerous - I never really thought about how hard it would be for a normal person to take down a superhero/super villain. They really need better tools in the Powers Division.
Best Save - Retro Girl
Best Play on Mythology - Wolfe is the show's Titan
Most Loyal - Elmer, the high rise guard
Biggest Whiner / Most Pathetic - Calista, who will do anything to get powers
Most Intriguing Concept - a superhero having to adjust to no longer having powers
Best Way to Plow Through Exposition - have Mario Lopez do it via Extra for you
Biggest Douche - Kutter for leaving a traumatized girl in a bathroom
The "Welcome Back" Award - Eddie Izzard from much across the pond and The Riches / Michelle Forbes from ST:NG and Battlestar Galactica /
Best Quotes -
1. Walker: "These kids, you don't have to respect them but respect the fact that a fireball could come shooting out of someone's chest if he gets worked up."
2. Walker: "You think you know what that means. You think you can always be there in the nick of time, make the right choice? Cause when you don't, you blame yourself and you live with it every day. Come on. Let's get out of here, you and me."
3. Crispin: "How's the job?" Walker: "Still the job." Crispin: "Kill any more Powers." Walker: "That's not the job." Crispin: "It should be."
4. Walker: "No, no, it was different back then. Me and my friends went on patrols. We wanted to do something, be something. This generation, they don't do anything. They make little "show us your powers" videos and try to go viral. Look at them. Standing around, waiting to be famous."
5. Royalle: "Just because you disagree with a law doesn't mean you get to ignore it."
While not near as funny this time, Battle Creek still proved to be an enjoyable hour of TV. I like how they insert humor throughout and Russ, while still completely obnoxious, at least wasn't trying to ditch Milt every second. I also find the mystery of why Milt is in Battle Creek to be intriguing. It has to go up the ranks and I'm guessing it was more political than personal, although it was obviously about his family. The case was a bit off the pace but it led to inspired moments like Funkhauser butchering Spanish and Guz's big sting. Not so fond of Russ playing hard ball with an elementary school student though. How's she ever going to trust a cop again?
Best Reason to Watch - out of all the cop shows I watch, this one is the most fun
Best Detective - Holly, who figures out some of the heroin has been stolen with vinegar
The "I'm Not Buying It" Award - Milt isn't anywhere because his good looks make women swoon. It's much more complicated than that. I can't wait to find out the whole story though.
Biggest Laugh - Funkhauser trying to tell the drug king he's arrested in Spanish and his response: "What?"
Best New Skill - Jacocks, human lie detector
Best Plan - Russ sends Jacocks to PD in order to snoop on why Milt got sent to Battle Creek / Russ gets the drug runner to flip on his boss by offering to drive him home
Worst Plan - anyone asking Russ to speak to kids or people in general / taking a child to the morgue to get her to talk
Best Home Addition - Drug Kingpin has a nice secret exit out of his building. It's like one of those old speakeasy doors.
Best Priorities - instead of learning from the FBI training, everyone just wants to know why Milt got booted to Battle Creek
Biggest Shock - Guz tells Ferraro to get help for his gambling addiction as a way to trap him
Least Surprising - Katori's bag is wiretapped so they can get Ferraro's confession
The "Welcome Back" Award - Alano Miller, last seen dying on Jane the Virgin
Best Quotes -
1. Funkhauser: "What the heck is happening around here? It used to be nice, quiet, a place to raise their kids? Now we're playing whack-a-mole with heroin dealers."
2. Funkhauser: "You know what really interferes with intimacy? Always talking about what interferes with intimacy."
3. Guz: "You caught a bad guy. Just not the right bad guy."
4. Fontanelle: "Is that what I think it is? Is it?" Russ: "It's not cocaine." Fontanelle: "Thank God." Russ: "It's heroin."
5. Fontanelle: "They speak Spanish in Iran?" Milt: "The Spanish teachers do. I went to high school there."
6. Guz: "You're convinced a heroin dealer would never be stupid."
If it's possible I have less of an idea of what's going on now on The Returned than I did with the pilot. The silence is deafening. While I think that the sheer dynamics of loved ones coming back into people's lives after dying 6 years previously makes for interesting character dynamics, the mystery isn't catching my attention at all. It's far too vague and loosely connected for me. Somehow everything is connected to Julie's almost death, which of course is part of a serial killing. The only thing that captures my interest here is how certain the bar owner is that the killer cannot still be around. That means he had to know who it was and either murdered him or saw someone else do it. I'm going with it being a relative and Bar Owner buried him in a shallow grave. Now he's back for revenge. All I do know is that the returned better start talking soon because a least getting us on the path to some answers is necessary at this juncture.
Best Reason to Watch - Rowan
Best Aww Moment - Claire finds Camille, who breaks down in her arms
The "Are You Kidding Me?" Award - The doctor goes to the police to look at missing children posters and doesn't say she has a kid at her house? Is she nuts? This is totally kidnapping now whether he has parents or not.
Most Mixed Emotions - I felt sorry for Camille because it would suck to wake up and everyone you know be 6 years older while you're still the same. Then I remembered that her crazy was part of the reason why everyone died and I ended up just kind of hmmm about her. She (and the rest of the returned) could very easily be evil.
Best Back Story - Rowan and Simon
Biggest Huh? - Why did Simon not say anything when Rowan touched him? Why are many of the Returned falling silent? I'd have plenty to say if I came back from the dead after 6 years.
Most Annoying - Julie's nosy neighbor
Best Quotes -
1. Claire: "Manage to get some sleep?" Camille: "Not a wink. So I guess you know I'm a zombie." Peter: "You're not a zombie." Camille: "Oh yeah? What am I then?" Peter: "You're a miracle. I was at your funeral. I saw you in the casket and yet somehow, here you are with a second chance at life." Camille: "So all the other kids on the bus died? Then why am I here?" Peter: "That's for you to find out." Camille: "I don't want to be a miracle. I just want my normal life back."
2. Jack: "Where have you been?" Camille: "Why? What's the worst that can happen? I'm already dead."
3. Claire: "You and Hunter weren't that close were you?" Camille: "We were in the same class. Everybody just moved on, forgot about me." Claire: "That is not true."
4. Julie: "Are you afraid of the dark? Guess what? So am I."
This may be the truest case of every character going brain dead this year. Seriously, the only people to use any common sense in the entire episode were Sophia and Connor. Other than that, they all did off the chart stupid things with Lindy leading the charge. George wasn't much better so this is the episode in which I liked him the least. His lack of urgency made the plot drag a little and stalled the momentum. Channel your inner Ron Weasley with me. "He needs to get his priorities straight." I half expected that they were going to reveal Yeager as the Cyber Unit mole just because they spent so much time on those two pulling rank. Good thing the creepy back story on Jake made up for their infighting. Speaking of, I'm still not happy that Jake is the killer because there is no overall resonance to it. If the killer had been Tommy, George, Connor, or even Sophia, the impact would have been far greater. However they get big points for ending the Flirtual killer storyline in the first season, especially since they only had 10 episodes. It was smart not to drag it on and make the search for Sarah the big overall mytharc. I'm intrigued by why Sarah felt the need to kidnap herself with Lindy as a witness. That seems extra cruel on her part. She could have had the same effect if she arranged it in front of random strangers. Also what kind of danger could a teenager have gotten into that required such long lengths? Here's hoping there's a season 2 to give us answers.
Best Reason to Watch - one mystery is solved while another begins
Biggest Mystery - Will Eye Candy get a second season? Right now I'm leaning towards no, but I'm no expert on MTV, its ratings, or its threshold.
Best Aww Scene - Connor at Sophia's hospital bed, planning their vacation
The "Curiosity Killed the Cat's Best Friend" Award - Way to put your mystery in front of Sophia and your safety, Lindy. Nice.
Biggest Idiot - If Donnie from Perception hadn't already secured the Worst Plan in the History of Bad TV Plans Award, Lindy would be in the running. Everything thing she did reminded me of that Geico commercial where the kids hide behind the chainsaws instead of flee in the running car. Seriously, her choices were that bad. I can't even pick a stupidest moment among them.
The "Good Day for a Swim" Award - Seriously, it didn't look like the shore was too far away. Trapped on an island with a serial killer or swim? No question.
Smartest Plan / Best Use of Social Media - George sends Jake's picture to all tablets and phones so he can't get away
The "Shut Up" Award - George, stop swooning over technology and getting in a testosterone war with Yeager. I swear it's like you don't even care that Lindy and Sophia are missing. Shut up! Get going!
Biggest Missed Opportunity - Lindy has 2 chances to brain Jake with a shovel and she takes neither one
Biggest Douche? - Sarah clearly orchestrated her own kidnapping. Now the big mystery is why she did.
The "Say What?" Award - How does a child know how to insert an air bubble into someone's veins? This makes no sense.
Least Romantic - taking the woman you're obsessed with to where you murdered your mom and your dad committed suicide
Best Vicarious Thrill - Tommy punches out Jake
The "Shoot First, Dialogue Later" Award - You know how else you could save Sophia, Tommy? You could shoot Jake and then get Sophia to safety 10 seconds later. It doesn't take that long to pull the trigger.
The "Truer Words Have Ne'er Been Spoken" Award - Sophia: "You know this is a really bad idea, right?"
Most Creepy - Jake kissing the mirror and then breaking it
Most Disgusting - leaving a cell phone in a dead girl's hair
Most in Need of a Self-Preservation Gene - Lindy, who obviously doesn't have one since she walks towards the music instead of finding a way out
Most Creepily Enthusiastic - George is way too excited about accessing Cyber Unit given that his best friend is missing with a serial killer
Least Welcome Return - InstaDark. Exactly how long have Lindy and Sophia been walking around this island with no plan, no hiding place, and no escape? Gibbs' slap to both.
Best Quotes -
1. George: "You know how dangerous it is for a person like me to have access to this kind of stuff. It's like giving crack to a baby. It just won't end well."
2. Connor: "Sophia, you're okay. I've got you. You're okay." Sophia: "What took you so long?" Connor: "You know me, always fashionably late. You are not going to die here. I've got you."
3. Jake: "Monsters are made. Pain festers and makes monsters of us all."
4. Tommy: "Stay behind the gun." Connor: "Oh I intend to ."
5. Connor: "We're just going to steal a boat?" Tommy: "Yeah, you got a problem with that?" Connor: "You're the cop."
Cole returns and I'm meh. The only really good thing about him coming back is he finally understands what the Winchesters do and why it's important. He may not be an ally now but he isn't an antagonist either. I like that he forgives Dean for killing his dad but I like even more that he goes home to his wife and son instead of becoming a hunter in his own right. He can be a source of info for the Winchesters without being the new Garth. (Although he's 1,000 X better than Garth.) Other than that, it's pretty much a run of the mill case. The continuity is fabulous so it's good to see that someone on the writing staff remembers that season 6 existed. Generally they live in their own fan fiction world where they make junk up and declare it canon. (I still haven't forgiven Jeremy Carver for season 8. I never will.) I like the reference to And Then There Were None. It was the death of Grandpa Creepy so for that I will always love that episode. However it killed off Rufus too so it would have been nice to have some nod to his character, who was gone way too soon. Maybe a toast of Johnny Walker Blue at the end?
Best Reason to Watch - ear worm continuity
Best Scene - Dean and Sam in the Impala talking about the Mark
The "Oh Please" Award - Sam knows how to tie up people like an expert. Am I supposed to believe that guy just got loose? Then he leaves and no one hears a sound? Bah!
Biggest Aww Moment - Cole tells Dean he understands why Dean killed his father and Dean tells Cole that he has to fighter harder than he ever has before
Biggest Douche - Dean for drinking water in front of Cole
Most Underused - If Cole needed to be dried out, why not use some of that salt the Winchesters always keep on hand?
Least Believable - I love Baby. I really love Baby, but she can't sneak up on anyone. How Cole didn't see/hear her following him is beyond me.
Best Character Interaction - Dean and Cole
Biggest Hmm - Anyone getting the idea that Supernatural was supposed to go to Monday and let The Messengers have the Wednesday slot? They usually don't make days of the week jokes unless it's meta.
Biggest Huh? - How is bleeding skin a symptom of PTSD? That makes no sense to me.
Biggest Idiot - Cole when someone is vomiting on you, close your mouth. Urgh! Common sense, people.
The "I Don't Think So" Award - Cole, you're on level 1 of a thousand level game here. You haven't even come close to seeing it all.
Most Disgusting - Kit licking blood off the gas station floor / mouth worms are even worse than ear worms
The "Welcome Back???" Award (character) - Cole, who I'm not sure if I want to see back or not
Best Quotes -
1. Cole: "So if I dry myself out, the SoB wouldn't like that very much, now would he?" Dean: "No, he'd want the hell out. You'd be a hostile environment. Well, more than you already are." Cole: "Well to be fair, you really haven't seen my chiller side."
2. Dean: "Sam, I know what you're doing over there and it ain't porn. Look man, we have checked every website, okay? We've checked it twice. Sammy when we work a case, there's always that…that point when we have to face the truth, right? Even if we don't like it. Well truth is, there's no way around this. We saw what happened to Cain, okay? I'm not happy about it, but I've got to move on so I'm going to keep doing what we do while I still can and I'd like you to be there with me."
3. Cole: "I appreciate the talk Coach, but honestly, all I can think about is slicing your wrist and drinking you like a fountain. Guess that makes me a monster, don't it?"
4. Cole: "Okay, so you've been to this rodeo before. How do we kill it?" Dean: "Worst case - head shot the person it's in. Worm crawls out. We stomp it like a bug." Cole: "Is there a version where you don't cap me?"
5. Dean: "Hey that was a dumb a** move coming here alone. You know that, right?" Cole: "Well I'm sorry. I should have let the Machete Brothers cut my buddy's head off." Dean: "Well if you did, maybe you wouldn't be chocking down a damn Khan worm."
Perception did the #1 thing right in their series finale and for that I'll always remember this show fondly. They resisted shipper pressure to put Daniel and Kate together at the end. For once, the leads in a cop show did NOT get together. It's a minor TV miracle and one worth celebrating. Now if only more shows would follow suit. The other good thing about this show is that although it ended more abruptly than the creators hoped, this could be seen as closure. Kate is rescued. The serial killers are dead, thanks to Joe. Donnie and Kate are married. No lead characters are in jail. If you can believe that Perception FBI are as incompetent as The Following FBI, then everyone gets their happy-ish ending and that's about the most that can be expected these days. If you prefer grayer endings, then you can remember that the serial killer was shot and Daniel was seen buying supplies so their explanations probably got shot to hell once forensics became involved. I'm going with happy. So goodbye Daniel and crew. Thank you for 39 episodes of actual information, crime solving, and great characters. Although you were a typical crime procedural, the mental illness and brain-focus made me smarter and entertained me all the while.
Grade: B+ (for NOT hooking up the leads)
Best Shock / Best Reason to Watch - Donnie and Kate get hitched, meaning that for once partners in a crime show do NOT get together romantically
Best Scene - Joe shoots the serial killers
Biggest Hmm - Why did Tasha send that text message pretending to be Kate if they were going to try to convince Donnie that Kate was kidnapped later? Silence is sometimes golden.
Worst Plan in the History of Bad TV Plans - Donnie and Daniel breaking out a serial killer on death row
Biggest Mistake - besides the entire plan of course, taking their eyes off Rosenthal to go find Daniel
Least Surprising - Rosenthal gets away for real
Most Useful - Drexler, even if he was a hallucination
The "Welcome Back" Award (character) - Natalie
The "Welcome Back" Award (actor) - Thom Barry, formerly Will on Cold Case
Best Quotes -
1. Donnie: "Listen Daniel, I am not sure who or what you saw out there, but we cannot afford to let your paranoia get us off track. It might cost Kate her life. So I don't know what you need to do to get your sh** together, but whatever it is I need you to do it now."
2. Daniel: "You know before when I said I missed you. I was being polite."
3. Donnie: "How you holding up?" Daniel: "My conscious is bothering me but of course I'm used to hearing nagging voices in my head so uh…."
4. Donnie: "How'd you know I was getting married?" Rosenthal: "My lawyer is a big gossip."
5. Kate: "What did you do?" Joe: "They went for my gun. Funny how things work out. Two dead scumbags that were going to be executed anyway. I just saved the taxpayers a lot of dough." Kate: "This isn't right." Joe: "And what is? Me, Donnie, the professor here, we go to prison for saving your life. That happens, you'll be all alone. Honey, I can't stand the thought of that."
6. Daniel: "The tragedy in their lives was you, you sadistic prick."
I'm mildly irritated by this episode with a chance to be majorly irritated if next episode undoes all the forward secret progress of this one. After all, it's the only thing the episode got right. I am not okay with next episode being a cosmic do-over. That will make this episode the filler-iest of all fillers and more of a waste of time than this already was. That being said, I will revolt if Cisco is really dead so we're in a Catch-22 situation. Argh! Plus let's face it. Barry and Iris are at the catatonic level of most exciting TV couples so taking up that much time on them was a sure guarantee that the episode pace would jerk along. Then they take stupid to a whole new level. Yes, the perfect time to declare your love and make out is when your father is being held by a madman who is counting down the seconds to kill you too. It's not like you're on the clock or anything. Take your own sweet time. Ugh! I'm not so fond of Linda or Eddie this episode either but kudos for them at least being honest instead of immersing themselves in a self-pity wallow fest. They are both to good for those two anyway. I hope Linda gets a non-Barry (and non-villain) story line soon because Malese Jow is better than this part too. Since the villain of the week was essential the pilot redoux, he didn't bring much to the party either. That left Cisco being suspicious of Wells and dying for it. Yep, that was the only interesting thing in the episode and it's going to get erased next time. Bah! Can't Cisco be suspicious and not die. That's a win-win for me.
Best Reason to Watch - all kinds of secrets are spilled in this episode
Best Scene - Cisco realizes that Wells is the Yellow Flash
Biggest Hmmm - So Barry ran so fast, he ran himself back in time? Is that what we're saying? Yeah, I don't get it.
The "Oh Hell No" Award - Cisco must stay alive until the series finale. Wells better go far sooner than him.
The "Are You Kidding Me?" Award - Barry, you have to save Joe. You don't have time for this relationship junk. Let's go!!!
Biggest Shock - Wells is from the future and related to Eddie
Biggest Hero - Captain knocks Joe out of the way and takes the lightning bolt Mark aimed at him
Most Clever Revenge - creating a personal rain cloud to follow the guy you hate around
The "How Convenient" Award - It's nice they got the killer and his motive on tape. It makes things easier.
The "I Could NOT Care Less" Award - Iris and Barry are like watching paint dry but much less interesting
Least Sense Making - 1. Wells tried to kill Barry but he needs Barry to get back to the future. Hmm. 2. If Wells is so smart, why didn't he take his hologram Yellow Flash self out of the system so Cisco couldn't find it?
Least Stealthy - Caitlin, who would make a terrible spy
Least Likely to Pick Up Social Cues - Barry, who should never made his single date a double date
Most Honest - Eddie tells Iris that he's uncomfortable with her being around Barry. I, on the other hand, have an incessant desire to fast forward when Iris is around Barry. That or sleep.
Best Quotes -
1. Cisco: "What's going on? What do you see?" Barry: "A dead body." Cisco: "Barry, you're in a morgue. You're going to have to be a little more specific than that."
2. Cisco: "I can help you." Wells: "You're smart, Cisco, but you're not that smart. Do you know how hard it has been to keep all of this from you, especially from you? Because the truth is I've grown quite fond of you and in many ways you have shown me what it's like to have a son. Forgive me but to me you've been dead for centuries."
3. Linda: "One thing you learn about people when you work here, Iris. It's usually what isn't said that's the real story."
4. Wells: "Why would anyone want to rob a morgue?"
5. Wells: "Well he's taking being targeted by a revenge-seeking metahuman rather well I must say."
When I first heard they were showing 2 episodes of Rizzoli & Isles, I thought that meant the two episodes were connected and that they would lead to a huge cliffhanger. Instead this was two run-of-the-mill episodes that just happened to air on the same night. Two episodes that quite frankly do not feel like season finales to me. Of the two I liked the first one better. Maura's empathy for McGruff was heartfelt and brought a great emotional connect to the story. Plus there were werewolf and pirate jokes. Can't go wrong there. The finale was far less humorous and therefore less my speed but I did like the continuity of remembering and grieving Frost. I like how they haven't let it slide but made it feel natural within the season. The ending scene of giving Tasha the scholarship was beautiful and sniff-worthy. Still it feels like this season went out with a whimper instead of a bang and I'm not used to that so it threw me off. Here's hoping for a more exciting season next time.
Grade: B / B-
Best Reason to Watch - character banter
Best Scene - Jane breaks down over Frost's robot and Judith tells her that it's going to be alright
Best Awww Scene - Maura tells McGruff that a tumor explains his condition and they found his family / the precinct gives Tasha the Barry Frost Memorial Scholarship
Weirdest Saying Ever - Korsak: "If I've said it once, I've said it a hundred times. Sociopaths always underestimate the resilience of the werewolf."
The "I Thought It Was Funny" Award - Frankie laughing at Korsak saying pack made me laugh too
Most Interesting Therapy Tool - a cheeseburger
Best Self-Defense - Maura wielding the scalpel
Most Funny - Jane's reaction to NEMO and mine were the same, except I actually spit out the water I just drank all over my tablet
Biggest Douche - Clark, who is the kind of driver that causes and excuses road rage
Weirdest Trend - neither Jane nor Maura can seem to keep a relationship longer than one season
Best Subplot - Jane trying to find things for Maura to do to take her mind off Jack
Most Fun - car karaoke
Least Surprising - the guy had two wives
Weirdest Conversation - Korsak explaining Batman and Superman to Jane
Best Therapist - Angela helping Korsak
Best Music - sax solo on Wonderful World
The "Welcome Back" Award - Anne Dudek of Covert Affairs and House
Best Quotes -
1. Jane: "So in lieu of an actual name, we're calling him McGruff." Maura: "Like the crime dog?" Jane: "Well it's better than Buster or Spot."
2. Maura: "These emoticons don't deserve to be used in such disturbing ways."
3. Jane: "Here's to being an adult. It sucks." Maura: "Yes, it does."
4. Susie: "NEMO is lucky to have you." Jane: "Wait. Nemo?" Maura: "Oh no relation to the vengeful submarine captain with a bitter hatred for British imperialism. Why's everyone looking at me like that?" Angela: "Well Nemo's the little striped clown fish." Jane: "With the tiny, tiny fin." Maura: "Jack, tell me I'm not alone." Jack: "I might have read it in high school."
5. Jane: "Okay, when did our crime scene become an improv class?"
Lucious is in jail. Woo hoo! He's not staying there nor dying. Darn. But it does make for a much more soap opera-licious story with him in it and who really thought he'd be gone anyway. Thus ends the first season of the first show in decades to climb every week in number of viewers. It only went down once in demo, which hit as high as a 6.9. That's unheard of and it's guaranteed to launch a thousand other melodramas in the upcoming seasons. To say this show is a hit is an understatement. I have more mixed feelings. I dislike the lead characters so much I hope they kill each other off, but I also know that their poisonous relationship is also why the show is as big as it is. They have undeniable chemistry together that sizzles whether they are tossing each other looks or trying to kill each other off. Their sons are uniquely messed up and I feel like season 2 is going to be all about the corruption of Jamal, the only main character that is in any way likeable. Welcome to Lucious Junior. Take cover now. I am far more interested in the hostile take-over than in the Vernon death plot. That was unnecessary and again this show tends to go over the top to give itself more mass appeal. While I would like to see it tone down a bit, that is never going to happen and eventually this mega hit will fall under the weight of all its juicy plot points. But like Lucious Lyon's downfall, that will be a long time coming.
Grade: B / B-
Best Reason to Watch - Lucious is locked up and a hostile takeover is imminent
Biggest 180 - Jamal becomes the bad guy in about 5 minutes of power
Least Trustworthy - I don't trust one syllable that comes from this new Lucious' mouth
Most Shocking - Jamal holds Beretti over a balcony to get him to sign the masters back over to Lucious
Best Duet - Lucious and Jamal
Most in Need of Jail - Lucious and Cookie, who both are evil
Biggest Screw You - Hakeem disses Lucious at the big debut
Biggest Blabbermouth - Lucious' nurse spills about his ALS in Becky's hearing / Porsha spills about Cookie and Malcolm to Lucious
Biggest Hmm - This is a strange time for Cookie to go on vacation. She wants to do the tribute album and two of her boys are having huge weeks.
Boldest Move - Hakeem threatens to go to another label and sleeps with Anika
Most Vindictive - Lucious kicks Cookie out of the company after sleeping with Malcolm
Worst News - Lucious is NOT dying
Best Guest Star - Patti LaBelle
Biggest Cliffhanger - Rhonda kills Vernon in self-defense
Best Quotes -
1. Jamal: "I wouldn't believe everything that you read. I saw that you were a devoted husband and father."
2. Lucious: "So y'all think y'all got a plan, huh? Think again."
3. Malcolm: "Camilla, she didn't take Lucious' money." Cookie: "What?" Malcolm: "What? Did he tell you she did?" Cookie: "Oh God, I wish he would just drop dead already. Then we could make it a memorial concert. Jack up the ticket prices really high."
4. Lucious: "You see son, sometimes you have to be willing to sacrifice your queen to win the game."
5. Andre: "There was always something missing dad. A void that I filled with darkness. But now I'm getting to know my God and He is filling that void with a higher purpose." Lucious: "God?' Andre: "God." Lucious: "What do you know about God? There's no higher purpose than being a maker of music. That's the voice of God."
6. Lucious: "Checkmate, b**."
I really did not need to see Alex and Michelle hooking up but now I think she's the other mole. No way everyone else is on the level and I really hope that it is not Sam, who is this episode's MVP. Not only did he get the best lines like usual, but he also got the only real action that didn't star two people dead by the end of the episode. Sam is awesome! Alex, not so much. They need to stop involving Alex in their missions because he inevitably goes off the deep end and screws things up. Was anyone surprised that he dropped the blue pill? He also makes a terrible liar and looks as guilty as he feels half the time. They need a new plan because if the safety of America is in Alex's hands, we are in very big trouble.
Best Reason to Watch - there's a new player in town
Best Action / MVP - Sam and his taking out of the guards and then escaping
Best Reason to Fast Forward - Alex and Michelle hooking up
Biggest Hmm - Why didn't the restaurant guys call the cops on Alex. He has a gun and blood on his hands. Do they not think that's a problem in Italy?
Most Awkward - Alex, always
Most Smooth - Sam dumping the drug in Endo's tea
Least Helpful - Mark and Katya on the phone with Alex, who's an ocean away
The "You're Aiming Too High" Award - Victor, Alex can't even tie his own tie so thinking he can run a covert mission on his own is asking way too much
Best Plan - Victor has a flee alternative at the ready
Best Quotes -
1. Sam: "Well it's good to be king." Endo: "Better to be king maker."
2. Sam: "There's nothing to do until Endo calls. Now I feel like I have an ice pick in my eye, so if you don't stop talking and go away, they'll be putting up a star for you at Langley."
3. Alex: "What's Black Dagger?" Victor: "Black Digger? It's a nuclear accident. It's an Ebola outbreak. It's a cyber virus that knocks out the power grid for a month or cuts off fresh water to the East Coast. It's the thing that can't be traced back to Russia that makes the neighborhood kids afraid to go outside."
4. Sam: "Okay we go at 9 am so easy on the mini bar tonight. I'm looking at you, Rain Man." Alex: "I don't drink alcohol." Sam: "Holy balls, Alex. Recognize when someone's yanking you. Now get the hell out of my room. Go."
I'm beginning to suspect that instead of torture porn or gore porn, CSI: Cyber is trying to hook viewers by making us all afraid of our technology. It's the Terminator effect. This time around we should fear the app. That might work for some people but all I got out of this episode was to fear the stupid. If you use an app to get into someone's car you don't know and they are not registered by the state with a cabbie's license, you're taking your life into your own hands. I wouldn't give some random person my address or let them know where I work. Why would I do that via an app? It's Safety 101. I think I'll stick with fearing the roller coasters and baby monitors from the first 2 episodes.
Best Reason to Watch - technology is scary
Best Back Story - Krumitz
The "Say What?" Award - Do people actually get into cars with people they don't know? That seems sketchy at best and downright moronic at worst.
Least Comforting - Saying someone is Batman is not a compliment. The man was a psycho, revenge-fueled killer. How's that supposed to make up for losing parents?
Biggest Hmm - I'm no expert but I used to watch Bones. A body outside for 3 days should have had more insects, more decay, and definitely more rigor mortis.
Best Reaction - Raven to getting to use her hacking skills again
Biggest Idiot - victim unlocked the door but didn't try to open it when he did and he didn't use the lock that he was next to/ people getting out of their cars in a shootout instead of getting down
Least Surprising - Mundo hops the banister to catch the bad guy
Most Surprising - the killer is targeting ZoGo riders instead of drivers or management
Best Quotes -
1. Nelson: "You jump onto moving trains, you kick down doors, and you know computer forensics. You're like a bad a** Bill Gates, just younger." Mundo: "And not as rich."
2. Nelson: "I use ZoGo all the time. It's cheaper than a cab. Look, pay right on your phone. Get in, get out. Tip's included in the price." Mundo: "Is murder extra?"
3. Nelson: "You pulling another all-nighter?" Raven: "It wasn't an all-nighter. It was a date." Nelson: "Umm, a date that lasted until 6 in the morning." Raven: "It was a good date."
4. Simon: "This technology may have made life easier but it sure has not made it safer."
5. Nelson: "I'm sorry man. You know Batman lost his parents too. You're Batman, Krumitz. You're Batman." Mundo: "Does that make you Robin?"
Ugh, just ugh. Adalind is now #1 on my Characters that Need to Go list. Not only has she been pointless since Nick took away her powers, but she's directly linked to the most inane, stupid, or boring storylines Grimm has ever done. Love potion spells and obsession - yep that's Adalind. Freaking amnesia - also Adalind. Walking around pointlessly in Dreamland Castle for an entire freaking episode - yep, Adalind again. For all that I rail about how insignificant Juliette has been, Adalind is worse because they have to keep trying to make her relevant and it always leads to the most fast forwardable moments. She needs to go. Like 3 seasons ago. Writing in the actress' pregnancy is utterly inane. Just get rid of this character. If you want to bore us later with her, then feel free to send her back to Vienna for a season until the actress has delivered. Just get her off my screen now! She's turning this show into a bad episode of Maury Povitch and bringing down the entire show with her. I've never wanted a TV miscarriage more in my life.
Best Reason to Watch - at least there are no more secrets
Best Reason to Stock Up on the World's Supply of Brain Bleach - Adalind's pregnancy. For the love of the show, why can't they just kill her off? This is beyond stupid. Adalind should have died when Nick took her powers.
Best Scene - Monroe is suitably impressed by Rosalee knocking out the evil receptionist
Best Reaction - Wu to hearing about the severed rabbit foot sex ritual
Biggest Hmm - So the Accordion Wesen killed Rabbit Wesen for a lucky rabbit's foot? Is that where this is leading?
Biggest Huh? - What about Nick would make Juliette think he would kill her? What about Nick would make her think he even could? A teenage girl took down the Wesen this week.
Most Brave - Rabbit Sister refuses to woge
Least Surprising - Rabbit Sister is kidnapped from the motel
Most Sympatico - Adalind and I are both shrieking, "Noooooooooo!"at the end of the episode, although she's probably not throwing socks like I was
The "Are You Kidding Me?" Award - Rabbit Wesen's name is Peter
The "Who Isn't These Days?" Award - Nick tells Hank that the victim's mother is Wesen. I yawn. They're all Wesen in Portland. The real surprise will be when Nick confirms someone's human.
Biggest Canon Breaker - How convenient that Nick can't take away Juliette's hexenbiest powers like he did Adalind's through a Wesen loophole. It's almost as convenient as the new lore which says made hexenbiests are more powerful than born ones because that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.
Best Quotes -
1. Nick: "The killer take the foot with him?" Wu: "Hell of a foot fetish."
2. Nick: "Then maybe the car accident that Peter's father died in wasn't an accident. See what you can find out." Wu: "I'll hop right on it. I tried to stop myself before I said it. Sorry."
3. Adalind (and me): "Nooooooooo!"
4. Juliette: "You can't even look at me. This is what's forever."
5. Wu: "They leave a severed foot under the bed for 3 days?" Hank: "That's what it says." Wu: "Uh, does anybody else think it's messed up."
6. Fran: "I'm not involved in murder." Hank: "No one ever is."
So the moral of this season is adultery is evil, tertiary characters I like will die, and for goodness sake Treville, if the king offers you a position, take it! At least that's what I'm taking away from it. While Rochefort grows increasingly insane, the plot intensifies on all parts. Of course most if not all of our main characters will survive, including D'Artagnan and Constance. Sigh. Still it is fun to see their predicaments go from bad to worse as they make increasingly terrible choices. Well besides sleeping with the queen and getting her pregnant in the first place, of course. That was disastrous and Aramis' inability to keep it in his pants is the root of almost every problem they have. I've heard rumors that one of the Musketeers is leaving us, and right now story wise it would make sense for Aramis to go. After all, the king can't readily accept him in the palace once rumors of his fathering the dauphin start. Still it wouldn't be the first time an illegitimate heir sat on the throne so there may be hope for Queen Anne. Regardless it looks like the season finale is going to be intense and action-filled and that's all I really need. Surely it won't disappoint like every characters' morals and the much anticipated fight between Catherine and Milady did. I really expected that fight to be epic. At least they both lived to hopefully really fight another day. In the end, this episode was a great set-up for the season finale with all the pieces sufficiently in dire straits or at least going full on nuts. Exactly what a penultimate episode should do.
Best Reason to Watch - sets up what should be a very climactic season finale
Best Character Interaction - Athos and Milady / Aramis and Porthos
Best Surprise - the nun forges Rochefort's signature
Biggest Mistake - making Milady an enemy
Least Surprising - the doctor dies / almost everyone ends up behind bars
Most Disappointing - the Catherine vs. Milady showdown was anticlimactic
The "Keep It in Your Pants" Award - All Musketeers need to stop sleeping around. Period. But especially with married women.
Most Nuts - Rochefort is even more crazy than Cardinal Richelieu was
Most Forgiving - King Louis
Biggest Hypocrite - D'Artagnan
The "Welcome Back" Award - Catherine
Best Quotes -
1. Athos: "If Rochefort's advances towards the queen are treason, what does that make yours?" Aramis: "Love." Athos: "I'm sure the king will appreciate the difference."
2. Louis: "I like this. It's very piratical. It was a hunting accident, you say." Rochefort: "My quarry fought harder than I expected."
3. Milady: "I'm growing tired of people trying to hang me. Why are you angry with me? I'm the one who nearly died."
4. Treville: "Sister, I could kiss you." Sister Teresa: "Best not, perhaps."
5. Milady: "My God, does she never stop talking? Shoot her and let's be on our way. It's just a thought."