Welcome back to Last Week in TV. I don't know if I was extraordinarily grumpy this week or if TV just wasn't that good but my TV week was mostly disappointing. 12 Monkeys was so irritating I decided not to review it until the Ramse focus in 2 episodes. For all the raving The 100's finale got, the two words that best described it for me were anticlimactic and stupid. I'm not even excited about the cliffhanger since it revolves around 2 characters I'd rather have off my screen. Even The Big Bang Theory's tribute to Howard's mom came off as less than stellar and that should have been a slam dunk. Eye Candy chose the least impactful character of all to be the killer. Most other shows were meh to underperforming. I do not think I have facepalmed more in one week of TV in my life. Let's just say that if I were still doing TV Trend of the Week in this column, this week would be all about character stupidity with Ben from Secrets & Lies leading the charge. That man is begging to be arrested with the choices he's making. Only Battle Creek was a bright spot for me and that's because I laughed the whole way through. Basically it becomes show of the week by default and that fantastic maple syrup as drugs metaphor.
The nominated episode was The Shield and I can see why it has such a following. The acting is topnotch but until the last 5 minutes, which were straight up shocking, it felt a little underwhelming. I'm not sure what I expected from the show but it was less intense, for lack of a better word, than I thought it would be. For most of the time, it was a typical crime procedural where the bad cop was a complete douche. I'm guessing the serialized elements are what sells the series but that wasn't set up until the last 5 minutes of the pilot. I am intrigued but I'm simply not a fan of antihero shows. Next week's nomination is Scrubs, episode 1.04. I was a casual viewer of Scrubs back in the day so it should be interesting to see the cast again at the beginning. If you'd like to nominate an episode, checkout the nomination form below. Until next week, happy TV viewing. I hope it is a good one. As for me, my hopes are pinned on iZombie to cure my TV funk. Fingers crossed that the undead will ease my reviewing blues.
Show of the Week:
They sure do take their maple syrup seriously in Battle Creek, Michigan and it makes for a great premise and some witty scenes. I love that they have a maple syrup cartel complete with head mobster and thugs. The way they played off the syrup murder like a drug hit made me chortle the whole way through the episode. Then to have it NOT be the mobster in the end was a good twist. I'm still not sure why it is better to have the dad in jail than the wife though. She will have a much better chance of getting off than he does if the whole thing goes to trial. Self-defense can be a powerful motive. Other than that, Milton is still too good to be true and Russ is still a complete douche to him. That unbalance needs to be corrected on both sides but I was honestly laughing too hard to care most of the time. I wasn't as enamored with the pot dealer subplot but he was more aware of the law than most TV stoners. Still he shouldn't have tried to rip off a cop. I don't need to see him ever again. Teddy the Snitch, on the other hand, I demand to see more of and soon.
Best Reason to Watch - it's really funny
Most Fun - syrup as a drug farce
The "Say What?" Award - Drowned in maple syrup? Did I hear that right? Maple syrup cartel? Bwah!
Best Plan - hitting the patsy in the girlfriend even if it didn't work
Most Sad - if a high CI can eke out a criminal's plan before you, you may want to rethink the detective gig
Smartest if Douchiest Character - fake pot seller
The "Your Tax Dollars at Work" Award - Exactly how big of a budget does the FBI have? I'm guessing syrup making equipment isn't cheap. If they shell out like this for every dead body, we're being overtaxed.
Best Reward for a Job Well Done - syrup shots
The "It's Getting Old Already" Award - If we have to sit through Russ trying to ditch Milt each episode and Milt finding him anyway, I'm making it part of the drinking game. Not because it is funny, but because it's going to be the only way to get through such scenes.
Most Insightful - Holly suggests role playing telling a wife her husband is dead because Russ is not good with people
The "I Think You're Typecast" Award - Stoney Westmoreland was just on Rizzoli & Isles killing someone too
Most Considerate - Milt when offering to take Fontanelle's place since he has a migraine
The "Welcome Back" Award - Meredith Eaton from NCIS / Peter Onorati from basically everything including Kate & Allie back in the day
Best Quotes -
1. Fontanelle: "What are you? The sommelier of pot."
2. Russ: "Look at that. Milt gets original art and we get counterfeit water."
3. Guz: "So you want to arrest someone for NOT selling drugs." Fontanelle: "Yes, prescription drugs. This is no different than if somebody needed heart medication and the pharmacist gave then sugar pills or if…uh, a diabetic was given water instead of insulin." Guz: "Yep, I get it. You need your pot."
4. Fontanelle: "What are you doing? Guz said get Milt's help." Russ: "No, she said to see if he was busy. Look at him. That Minecraft world is not gonna build itself.
5. Russ: "We need evidence. I'm going to go see what I can see." Milt: "You better see what you can see from this side of the fence or anything you see won't be admissible." Russ: "I'm going to go where I have to to see it and then I'll figure out how to see it from back here."
The Shield is a high pedigree show. It features topnotch acting, morally ambivalent characters, and stories ripped straight from the headlines. It's designed for water cooler edginess but also deep conversation about whether the ends justify the means. It's also deadly slow in this pilot. No lie. Every 5 minutes felt like 15. I once thought the episode must surely be over but there were 18 minutes left. Perhaps it is the way the pilot was structured. Obviously they want us to know how morally corrupt Mackey is by providing Wagenbach and Acevada as foils. Too bad the interrogation scenes were simply not interesting. Neither were some of the scenes designed to shock like the cold open. Perhaps that is a product of its time as well. Antihero TV shows came into their own a decade ago when The Shield premiered, but now TV is overrun with them so it feels more commonplace. Killing Crowley however was inspired mostly because it was shocking, not so much because Mackey killed a fellow cop but because of the timing. I expected this to be a season long sting with the reveal in the season 1 finale. In fact I half expected Crowley to be playing double agent for Mackey, given how that man has his fingers in everything. The real question comes with whether Mackey knew Crowley was a plant all along and planned this or if he needed Crowley as a scapegoat for killing the suspect. I'm guessing the latter but I will never understand why Mackey didn't have gloves on when he picked up the gun. That seems extraordinarily stupid. I guess it will be revealed in the second episode. Whether I will be watching said episode is a time issue. I rarely like to judge a show by its pilot so I feel obligated to watch the next 2 episodes just to see what everyone raved about with this series. Still since I am NOT a fan of antihero shows, of which this is the poster child, I have a feeling The Shield is going to spend years in limbo for me. After all one excellent twist does not an episode make.
Ranking - 2+
Audience - those who love shows where everyone lives in shades of grey
Best Reason to Watch - the ending and if you like antiheroes, Mackey is one for the books
Best Character - Wyms by half a hemisphere
Best Scene - Mackey vs. Acevada to determine pecking order in the precinct
Biggest Shock - Mackey kills Crowley with a suspect's gun
Most Disgusting - Lonnie sells his daughter for $200
Best Reaction - Wyms to Wagenbach saying he wants to date Soufer
Least Likely to Get Employee of the Year - Mackey, who pretty much tells his boss and everyone else to screw themselves if they don't like his methods
The "Is This Where They Got It?" Award - Wagenbach calls the killer "the unsub" like they do in Criminal Minds. It took me forever on CM to figure out what they meant. Should have watched this pilot sooner.
Most Ridiculous Argument - case of the missing Ding Dongs
Least Surprising - Crowley is working for Captain in a sting to prove Mackey is corrupt
Most Surprising - a cop meeting a blind date at her house (after of course the ending)
Best Plan - Acevada puts aside his feelings and has Mac interrogate a pedophile who's holding a missing girl
Worst Plan - having kids playing in your crack den
The "Welcome Back?" Award - CCH Pounder of Warehouse 13 / Benito Martinez of Supernatural / Walton Groggins of Justified / Michael Chiklis of No Ordinary Family / Catherine Dent from Gang Related / Jay Karnes from Burn Notice / Reed Diamond lately of SHIELD / Max Perlich from Buffy / Page Kennedy, currently Moto on Backstrom / Jim Ortlieb from Roswell
Best Quotes -
1. Grady: "Your turn to play bad cop?" Mackey: "Naw, good cop and bad cop left for the day. I'm a different kind of cop."
2. Acevada: "I just want a dirty cop off the street." Crowley: "You want to be mayor someday, you better learn how to lie a hell of a lot better than that."
3. Mackey: "Hey uh, I've got to go run an errand but I was thinking you and I should hook up for a drink later on tonight." Sofer: "Oh yeah. Your wife coming?" Mackey: "Damn, she can't make it." Sofer: "Damn, neither can I." Mackey: "Hey, since when did you get morals?" Sofer: "Always had them. Sometimes I just lose track."
4. Wyms: "You want to start dating again, fine, but why chase after a unicop in our own station. That's just lazy, son."
5. Wyms: "Cause that's the God's truth, son. You can't lie to God." Wagenbach: "Or the crime lab. Her blood's all over your shirt."
Let's face it. This may be based off the French show Les Revenants but I was totally thinking Resurrection the entire time. In fact I still don't know why we need two shows about dead people returning to a small town and the aftermath chaos. So far, they are the same show except The Returned has far better pacing and Resurrection has better character interaction. Perhaps that's because The Returned dumped 384 characters on us, half of which are interchangeable and a third of which were never named. You try reviewing that. Still I liked this show far better than I expected because of the pacing. I might not know who half these people are but at least the time flew by. We even got a random murder that I'm sure will be important in another couple episodes. Psychic Fraud needed to go so at least they tossed off someone who annoyed me instead of characters I like - another plus. If only my other shows would emulate this. (cough The 100 cough) I would say Creepster Kid can go next but he seems to be the main mystery. As long as they keep this pace and don't drag the mystery out too long (cough Resurrection cough), then I'm game to try at least the first 3 episodes and see just how similar these shows really are. Fun Fact - This is the first show in ages where I had no quotes written down after the first watch. Then I realize that people didn't say much in this episode. They mostly just looked shocked.
Ranking - 4
Audience - any who watched Resurrection and thought, "Man, the premise is interesting but this glacial pace has to go."
Best Reason to Watch - seeing the varied reactions to dead people popping up again
Biggest Twist - Psychic Fraud is murdered
The "Say What?" Award - What the heck was Camille freaking out on the bus for and why is Victor standing in the middle of the road? Is he the spawn of Satan?
The "Are You Kidding Me?" Award - What kind of doctor takes a stray kid into her home and doesn't call the police or social services? She could be cited for kidnapping. His parents could be looking for him. The kid could kill her in her sleep. Hey, Supernatural fans know to be wary of creepy kids. Just saying.
Biggest Hmm - Why is the returned woman not freaking out that her husband has aged so much? There is something completely shifty going on here.
Biggest WTH - A woman claims she communes with the dead through sex. In what way does this make any sense at all? In what universe does any man believe this?
Deadliest Cold Open - an entire school bus goes off a cliff so casualties aplenty
Most Creepy - the mute kid that seems to be following the doctor around
Best Reaction - Claire and Jack to seeing their dead daughter back
Worst Reaction - a man's dead wife returns and he jumps off a bridge
Most Realistic Reaction - Rowan thinks she's nuts when she sees a dead Simon returned
The "Welcome Back" Award - Mark Pellegrino of Supernatural and The Tomorrow People / Sophia Lowe of OUaT Wonderland / Kevin Alejandro of Arrow / Jeremy Sisto of Kidnapped and Law & Order / Keenan Tracey from The 100
I have no idea if this episode actually aired on TV or not. It wasn't in the listings I check but it showed up on my On Demand station so I decided to review it anyway. If it did not air on TV, I apologize. Here there be spoilers, including a major one. Proceed at your own risk. Although this one dragged a tiny bit in the middle, I thought it was great for plot progression. Adding Victor into the loop was a fantastic idea and I hope it leads to more great scenes between Katya and him. Provided he doesn't turn on them, this can only make their job easier. They have someone who can cover for them with the SVR and still have resources they didn't have without him. We've got 4 more episodes (which will hopefully still air) to close the Black Dagger mystery so they need him. Plus I like Victor so the more screen time the better.
Best Reason to Watch - the cat and mouse game of the O'Connor family trying to beat the CIA each time
Best Scene - Katya confronts Victor over bugging her house and he confronts her on not knowing Sarah
Best Alliance - Victor joins the operation
Best Reunion - Natalie comes home alive to mom and dad
Biggest Shock - Victor shoots Scott coming out of the elevator
Best Reaction - Alex, who looks progressively more dumbfounded the longer the episode goes on
Best Business Man - Jerry, who holds out for a much bigger bribe to keep quiet
Worst Plan - bringing Alex to an operation
Least Likely to Make it as a Spy - Scott, who closes the door when he hears someone coming, alerting the guard to their presence
The "Okay, Hunh?" Award - I have no idea why Sam decided to entertain Alex with stories of his friend, the King of Spain. Actually I have no idea what Sam is babbling about at the club at all.
Most Creepy - Natalie gives Scott the douche wink and talks about chasing tail
Most Handy - rooms for rent right above the counterfeiting ring
Best Banter - Brock and Alex talk baseball records
The "Poor Baby" Award - Alex has had a rough week. I think he deserves his freak out. Plus, he almost got shot by an assassin and added a new career as a kidnapper. It would too much for anyone.
Best Quotes -
1. Victor: "You killed me. You put a bullet in my head." Natalie: "Just let me explain." Victor: "Do you have any idea how much I've done for you? For your family? The risks I took. And all the time you were lying to me. In my bed and lying to me."
2. Scott: "Am I bleeding?" Katya: "No Scott, you're sweating. If this ends up with you bleeding, trust me you'll know the difference."
3. Brock: "Nothing is more depressing than a club with the music turned off." Michelle: "I can think of a few things." Brock: "That's because you're a dark, twisted soul, Prado." Michelle: "No, it's because I worked vice."
4. Victor: "And your hollow threats to kill me, they make you sound weak." Katya: "Just try me."
5. Scott: "You guys are going to kill me, aren't you? Once you get what you want. Do it now then. Get it over with." Katya: "Shut up and listen to me carefully. As long as you do what we tell you to do, no one gets hurt but let me be clear. If you touch my daughter again, I will definitely kill you, okay?"
6. Alex: "You keep saying everything's going to be fine but everything keeps getting worse."
You know when you're watching a TV show and the character does something incredibly stupid and you're facepalming and talking to the TV about how stupid that was. That was Secrets And Lies for me this week throughout the entire episode, and yet it was still better than the first two. Ben is just asking to get arrested with the dumb stuff he keeps pulling. First he gift wraps a murder weapon? In no court of law does that look okay. That may very well be the dumbest thing any character has done on TV this entire season and that's saying A LOT. Then he tells his drunk freeloader of a friend about it. Channel your best Hermoine and say it with me. "What an idiot!" Like that isn't going to backfire. Losing his temper right and left isn't helping anything either. Like I said, the man is begging for incarceration. Unless it turns out that Ben really did do it (and that would be one heck of a twist), he's got to be the dumbest innocent person on the planet. Big kudos to Christy though because she bears the longsuffering wife role well. She's shockingly supportive this episode and seems to be eager to make it through with her family intact. Of course she could turn out to be the murderer as well. In fact, it looks like we are finally going to be widening the suspect pool next week but in this show it’s the prime suspect initiating it instead of the police. That's still the most interesting thing about the series.
Biggest Ouch - Natalie asks Ben if he's going to kill her too in front of the entire party
Biggest Moron - no teen should ever confront a girl's father when he shows up at a party to take her home
Biggest WTH - Did Ben just wrap the murder weapon up like a Christmas present and put it under the tree? That's nuts!
Most Sympathetic - Christy, unless she ends up being the killer
Best Flashback - Ben tells Tom he's brave enough to get over his fear of Santa
The "I'll Make an Exception For You" Award - In general, I am pro-cop. However Cornell, maybe Ben wouldn't need to inject himself into the investigation if you weren't pigeon-holing him as the only suspect.
Best Friends - the neighbors who invite Ben and Christy to join them even amidst hostile eyes
Worst Plan - Ben cleaning off the flashlight like he's guilty. This will not end well at all.
The "Framed or Crazy" Award - Ben is one or the other. Right now I am going with Dave is framing Ben because he has a thing for Natalie. That being said, I am going to be really unhappy if it's true.
The "Oh Yes, You Did" Award - Oh please, neighbor guy. Everyone knows your kid heard you call Ben a baby killer so of course that's why he said it. Don't even bother.
Most Organized - the Crawford family for keeping all their receipts
Most Suspicious - a researcher hires Ben and then talks about the murder, almost like he's freelancing for a magazine or newspaper
Most in Need of Controlling His Temper - Ben because he already looks suspicious enough
Biggest Hypocrite - Ben cannot get angry with Christy about a potential affair given the circumstances
Best Quotes -
1. Christy: "Ben, there was nothing you could do." Ben: "I didn't protect him." Christy: "You didn't know it was your job."
2. Christy (to Dave): "You can parent your teenagers when they find you."
3. Dave: "Do you even know if the flashlight is the murder weapon?" Ben: "It is." Dave: "Uhn hnh, okay. You didn't touch it did you?" Ben: "I'm not stupid. I wiped it off." Dave: "Einstein, it's called tampering, okay? It's a felony."
4. Ben: "I'm taking my daughter home." Natalie: "I hate you." Ben: "I'll get used to it."
5. Cornell: "I'm guessing you didn't notice the 50 teenagers filming you. It's unfortunate you picked that moment to assault and threaten to kill your daughter's boyfriend."
6. Dave: "I'm not one to offer up unsolicited advice but since you asked, I do not think that Christy is cheating on you." Ben: "Thanks." Dave: "Okay I'm just saying I don't think it's her test, brother." Ben: "Then whose is it?" Dave: "Okay Sherlock, process of elimination. It's not mine, it's not yours, it's not Abbie's, it ain't Christy's…Okay, alright. Breathe it out. Breathe it out, brother."
This is the episode of Paige. I like that she got to be the expert and saved the day more than once. While Paige never gets shafted like I feared in the pilot, she also doesn't get to outshine the geniuses in an intellectual capacity either. For her to be the customs expert made sense as none of the geniuses would find that an important area of study, but it still made a strong case for her expertise. I really like that she is going back to school as well. It seems that Scorpion is rubbing off on her as much as she is on them. It was fun to see different aspects of Cabe too. I loved his cowboy movie enthusiasm and even more so, Happy calling him out about it. Still it was his unwavering trust in Paige and all of the team that really stood out. In a pinch, he has their backs and trusts them to make the right call. I'm not so crazy about the hints Merrick was dropping though. I hope neither Walter not the viewing audience ever knows the secret, largely because it sounds like contrived drama at its most emoangsty and I like this team working together. Another issue was the logic fails. For a smart guy, Walter sure can be stupid. He had zero reason to have the snake bite him except to please the shippers and to add tension. Scorpion has a bad habit of ratcheting tension by going for the most complicated, illogical plan available just to show how smart it is when there's a perfectly reasonable and easier plan a 10 year old could develop. In this case, they should have captured both snakes. Sylvester obviously has access to the internet so he could Google it while the trio drove back. If for some strange reason Google let them down, Walter could have gone with his plan in the presence of the doctor. Just dumb. Plus they have a whole kitchen of supplies and you're telling me they couldn't find anything to put the ferret in? I call shenanicanon.
Best Reason to Watch - Paige shines
Best Moment - Gallo steps on the syringe of adrenaline and says he trusts Paige and the team
MVP - Paige and her report no one bothered reading
Least Surprising - Walter falls in the snake pit
Biggest Snob - Walter thinking only science and math are worthwhile pursuits
Most in Need of Self-Defense Classes - In this episode, Sylvester and Toby. I don't think it would be amiss for all of them but Cabe though.
The "I May Have to Forfeit My Title" Award - I am the self-proclaimed Queen of Anti-Shipping, but even I have no problem with Happy kissing Toby. It made me laugh and thus far they are one of only a few couples on TV that haven't completely ruined one or more characters in the process of hooking them up.
The "It Pays to be a Fanboy" Award - Cabe knows a way to sneak off the grounds based on watching his cowboy movie so much
The "Oh Yeah Right" Award - Paige and Toby have time to calm down an angry mob before the doctor gets his adrenaline. Did they store it at the pharmacy 2 towns over? Also why does the doctor for a major peace talk meeting have such shoddy resources at hand? Only one syringe of adrenaline?
Most Cathartic - Happy punches Walter in the nose. I've wanted to do that many times.
Best History - Franz Ferdinand's death causing World War I
Best Visual - Sylvester popping up from hiding behind a chair to confirm Walter's numbers
Best Plan - Paige plays a lullaby to cool down tensions
Worst Plan (and by Worst, I Mean Dumbest) - Walter purposely gets bit by the snake
Best Psych Out - Toby, Happy, Sylvester, and Paige make fake news footage to scare the leaders into a peace treaty
The "Good for You" Award - Paige goes back to college
Best Pun - Ferret Bueller
Best Quotes -
1. Toby: "Forget Homeland. He should work for Treasury the way he passes the buck."
2. Happy: "Hey Hopalong, we're about to hop along so why don't you stop watching that movie for the 12th time." Cabe: "This movie was filmed on the senator's compound where the summit's taking place. I'm studying the layout of the grounds cause some of the sets are still standing on the property." Happy: "You already walked the ground with Homeland. You're a fanboy."
3. Toby: "You're not taking a million to one shot with my friend's life. Do you understand me? If you come near him with that ferret, I'm gonna cram that furry little dude up in a place it can never run away from. You follow?"
4. Munoz: "I want her off the grounds. Now." Cabe: "Like hell. She just did your job for you."
5. Cabe: "It pays to be a fanboy."
I have to admit I'm disappointed in who the killer is. He's completely disposable on the show and as such there are no real consequences for his arrest and/or death in the finale. I guess he could escape to stalk another day but that's a little "second verse same as the first" for me. We already have the entire core cast alive to see the second season barring any major twists in the finale and provided there is a second season. Therefore he must die and allow the show to take on a new Big Bad next season. I vote for Hamish who is so scuzzy he practically begs to be insane. Bubonic is the most logical choice though. As for this episode, the pace was pretty slow with significant downtime. The only major reveal was Walker's connection to Sarah's possible kidnapping although no way the corpse ends up being her. None. That's the series-long mystery. All I ask is that Eye Candy doesn't end on a cliffhanger. If the killer is still alive and Lindy still in danger at the end, I'm going to do some serious eye rolling.
Best Reason to Watch - the killer's revealed and the search for Lindy is on
Biggest Hmm - Shouldn't Tommy need a warrant to tap Hamish's servers? This looks very shady and it's not going to be him anyway.
Best Horror Story Plot - car breaks down right outside an old bed and breakfast while a killer's on the loose
The "Say What?" Award - Why did it take Tommy and Connor so long to plug that flash drive in to find the killer? It's pitch dark outside when they leave but they don't get to Cyber Crimes until it is full daylight. Did you stop for waffles and coffee? Maybe enjoy a nightcap?
Worst Deal - Reece was only worth $10,000. That seems very cheap for the going rate of murder.
Best Plan - Hamish, who is still a disgusting human being, will trade a clue about the Flirtual Killer and shutting down the Babylon Portal for Tommy destroying all evidence that he was in charge of Babylon
The "No, That's Not the Least Suspicious" Award - Jake suggests grave robbing and happens to know how much they'd be fined
The "Best Reason Not to Call" Award - being dead pretty much lets Oliver off the hook for not getting back to Connor
The "Bye, Won't Miss Ya" Award - Tessa
Best Twist - Walker's niece was abducted and Sarah may have been in the cell next to her
Most in Need of a Dating Timeout - Lindy's ex was a cop who arrested her and then she hops into bed with the guy who killed her ex. She has the worst taste in men.
Most Depressing - the convict talking about baby corpses and all the things they never grew up to be
Worst TV Trend - What is up with all these people with vital information getting hit by moving vehicles?
The "Oh Poor Baby" Award - Mary lived through being kidnapped but suffers from guilt for escaping while Sarah was dying
Least Surprising - there's no photo of the kidnapped person who died so Lindy can't tell if it is her sister
Most Interesting Conversation - Lindy and Jake chat with a former Riker's Island inmate about grave robbing
The "Welcome Back" Award - Thomas Kopache from TURN
Best Quotes -
1. Tommy: "How much do you know about the Babylon portal?" Connor: "Enough to know that it's the definition of human depravity and desperation."
2. Sophia: "I snoop because I love you."
3. Lindy: "They say not knowing is the worst part, but this feels worse."
4. Tessa: "The doctors found this thing inside my head, said they couldn't take it out, and I just decided not to tell anyone. I mean what do you even say? Do you post it on social media?" Sophia: "You can't keep that from the people that love you. That is not fair." Tessa: "I can do whatever the hell I want. If I wanted you to know, I would have told you."
Two of my favorite cancelled comedies last year were the supremely awesome Enlisted and fun Trophy Wife. To have guest stars from both of them at one time made the episode for me. While it is hard for me to separate Parker Young from Randy Hill, I enjoyed watching him play the perfect cowboy. I wish they had not fired his character because I need more Parker time. Here's hoping he stars in a new show in 2015-2016. It was also fun seeing Former Bert again. Like on Trophy Wife, Albert Tsai stole many of the scenes he was in. Still the real prize was seeing Eddie and Jessica reach an understanding. They tend to have a confrontational relationship so it was good to see them on the same side for once. I liked them working together and loved Jessica standing up for Eddie with Phillip. Here's hoping that we can end the Asian kid vs. black kid shtick though. I'd love for Walter and Eddie to become friends.
Best Reason to Watch - guest stars
Best Character Interaction - Jessica and Eddie
Best Aww Scene - Jessica rails on Phillip for leaving Eddie behind and then takes Eddie to the concert
Best Negotiator - Phillip, who gets Eddie to Les Mis by threatening the Beastie Boys concert
Biggest Manipulator - Eddie, who gets Jessica to agree to let him go to the Beastie Boys concert by playing the Phillip card
Biggest Yikes - What school matches kids up by their race? I thought the 90's were more PC then that.
Biggest Twist - Phillip takes his culture more seriously than his parents
Biggest Hmm - Wouldn't therestaurant need at least 2 hosts anyway? Surely Mitch doesn't work 7 days a week and from the time the restaurant opens until it closes. That's just crazy.
Worst Plan - outshining your boss, even if you are awesome
Most Talented - Wyatt's lasso tricks
The "Welcome Back" Award - Albert Tsai formerly stealing the show on Trophy Wife / Parker Young from the sadly dead Enlisted
Best Quotes -
1. Phillip: "Then I realized it was nightfall. Shabbat was over." Jessica: "I thought that ended at midnight." Phillip: "I'm a devout Jew, not Cinderella."
2. Eddie: "That's called being a G, mom." Jessica: "Why do you want to be a letter that's only worth 2 points in Scrabble? Q is better."
3. Jessica: "Okay we just have to tell the Goldsteins the truth and so you know, I'm going to put most of the blame on you. Not because I want to but for legal purposes."
4. Walter: "Looks like somebody's got a twin." Eddie: "Looks like somebody's outnumbered."
5. Louis: "Things have been a little too perfect around here. It's almost annoying."
I think I'm crime-d out. Last week did me in. While Rizzoli & Isles always does character banter and interaction well, this case was beyond lame. I mean really, really, really lame. The fact that the guy killed someone who picked on him at camp 25 years earlier was bad enough. To set a fire in the trashcan made him the only suspect and we weren't even that far into the episode. Although I loved Angela's pep talk to Maura, the identity theft subplot fell flat too. The only new theme that did work for me was Korsak trying to expand his vocabulary and that tragically ended too soon. I love Jane getting in on the action and it would be fun to see them try to one up each other. As always, the character interactions were fun and Jane telling Guthrie to shoot Slowey was refreshing even if it was a ploy. Mostly though, this episode was just meh.
Best Reason to Watch - character interactions
Biggest WTH - the cop repressed camp bullying for 25 years and is now going after kids who teased him
Biggest Awww Scene - Jane comforts the kid and refers to Frost. I sniffle a bit.
Best Subplot - Korsak and his big words
Best Reaction - Jane to Angela making kissing noises
The "Say What?" Award - Since when does shop class teach you how to fix a complicated electronics system like your car, buddy? We learned how to make shaped cutting boards.
The "Listen to Susie" Award / Biggest Facepalm - Maura, you are too smart to allow someone to continue stealing from you so that you can delve into the psychology of identity theft. Gibbs' slap to you.
The "Um, Maine isn't that Desolate" Award - The detective has evidence in a Mason jar. What?
Worst Plan - letting credit card fraud go undetected
Best Pep Talk - Angela to Maura
Lesson Learned from 1,000 Crime Episodes - it's never the loan shark
The "Welcome Back" Award - Niall Matter from Primeval: New World, another show cut down in its prime (bad pun) / Robert Blanche from Grimm
Best Quotes -
1. Maura: "She's living my life better than I am." Angela: "Maura, she's a paper doll. She hung a beautiful dress on herself, she added a fabulous pair of shoes, but none of that makes her you. She's not smarter or better than you, Maura. You've earned the respect and the love from all the people in your life. What's better than that?"
2. Jane: "Some random side of the road nutbag would really slow down our investigation." Korsak: "If you use the thesaurus, you could come up with a nicer word than nutbag."
3. Maura: "I just knew that you would not approve of my field trip." Jane: "I do not approve and not just because I'm a cop. Because I'm your friend. What you did could have been dangerous." Maura: "I took your mother." Jane: "Which is dangerous in its own way. Did you get a look at this fake Dr. Isles?" Maura: "No, I was too busy being the real Dr. Isles."
4. Jane: "It's like you said. It's hard to hide anything in this electronic day and age…like maybe someone who was incarcerated in a penal colony for usury."
5. Susie: "Well I think you should cancel your credit cards and report this to the police, which should be easy given this place is full of them."
I haven't seen the previews for the finale but I'm laying bets that Kate just got kidnapped by Tasha, who really, really wants to be with Donnie. If it doesn't end up that way, I'll be shocked and tossing all the socks in the world at the screen because they made Kate so out-of-character. Still I am very happy that Daniel chose to "forever hold his peace" instead of ruining the show for me. It actually bumped the grade up a bit. I'll be even happier if the show does something truly twisty like make Kate the hallucination and Daniel has created this whole show in a psychotic break. Better yet, make him really married to Natalie or have DJ be the true character hallucinating an older version of himself.
Best Reason to Watch - Daniel did not tell Kate that he loves her
Best Reaction - Paul to Daniel accusing him of sleeping with Lilly
Most Surprising - the motorcycle in the classroom was NOT a hallucination
Least Surprising - Kate's wedding planner is a hallucination. Did anyone not know that besides Daniel? I can't see Kate having a wedding planner at all.
Weirdest Cold Open - Generally Daniel lectures and we all get smarter. This time a kid interrupts on a motorcycle and the girl who turns him down gets smarter. Well for turning him down. After the cold open, not so much.
Best Reference - Miami Vice
The "Welcome Back" award (character) - Natalie / DJ Pierce / Kate's dad
The "Welcome Back" Award (acting) - Deniz Akdeniz from Graceland / David Chisum, the only bright spot in the Black Box premiere
Best Quotes -
1. Daniel: "Wow, you have a lot of interesting administrative challenges that have nothing to do with me."
2. Daniel: "Sometimes what we think is love is really just an unhealthy fixation."
3. Max: "Alright, I'm on it. I'm the Tubbs to your Crockett."
4. Donnie: "Hey, what's the big ruckus with campus security?" Daniel: "Just a sophomore being sophomoric."
5. Paul: "You know for a minute there I thought maybe you were going to apologize for calling me a philandering murderer."
6. Donnie: "Well that was awkward." Daniel: "She's a psychologically fragile woman who experienced a major trauma. You put her attacker away. It's not surprising that she'd mistake her gratitude for romantic attraction." Kate: "You sure it's not just his devastating good looks." Daniel: "Yeah, I'm pretty sure."
First off I know I am going to get a lot of flak for both the review and the grade here. For me this finale is in a 3-way race for worst episode of season 2. It's competing with the episode they threw Finn under a bus and the great ape escape. So I was shocked to see just how much people loved this episode. In all honesty I figured the Bellamy and Clarke shippers would be ecstatic but everyone else would feel a little let down. I guess I came in with way too high expectations here, but this felt more like a whimper than a bang. The penultimate episode was far more thrilling and a much better cliffhanger, making this feel anticlimactic. We spend the entire season gearing up to fight the big, bad Mountain and 5 seconds and one lever pull is all it takes to wipe them out. It feels like the writers had no clue where to go with this foe (or needed to trim the budget) so they hit the easy button. Yes, I know the psychological fallout of Clarke and Bellamy committing genocide is huge but pacing wise, it sucked. For a finale, people sure talked a lot….endlessly even.
Still the major problem is how utterly stupid the whole Mountain Men plot was to begin with and the zero payoff it left. Nothing about it makes the least sense to me. The Mountain Men needed bone marrow, but they acted like they had nothing to trade for it. That's simply not true. The Mountain provided protection from the 100's biggest enemy. The grounders, who had come to slaughter them, were a significant threat. They also had supplies that were in short supply for the 100. Lest we forget, Jasper told us they had chocolate cake about 348 times. To say the 48 were vulnerable is an understatement. I have no idea why the Mountain leadership didn't simply trade - safety for bone marrow. They should have at least offered it. Sure some like Clarke would never go for it but it's a pretty good bet that some of the others would take it, especially since they obviously had the medical capability to make it far less painful than they did when they used them as lab rats. After all, the 100 were facing eradication by the grounders. The only thing that makes even less sense to me is why Tsing would kill the 100 anyway. Medically and scientifically that is beyond stupid. Bone marrow fully regenerates in the human body within a few weeks. Instead of killing off people, she could have had an ever ready supply of the #1 commodity her people needed. That's like setting fire to an oil field after extracting a single gallon of gasoline. It's a huge waste. Plus she has results for at most a couple of weeks. How could she be sure the change was permanent? What if it was a temporary fix? What if by not making sure the marrow was a match, the body of the person receiving it rejected it? There are far too many questions about the viability of the marrow for Dr. Tsing to recklessly throw it away like that. The Mountain citizens were portrayed as highly educated with advanced technology and scientific capabilities. No way they throw away their one shot like this. We already know they had patience so why get idiotically impatient here?
To add to the farce, the characters turned off their brains in this episode too. Clarke executes the only person on the show capable of seeing more than 3 minutes into the future. She does realize that she could have shot but not killed Dante without Cage ever knowing, right? Worse they stick their best warrior on babysitting duty and the most incompetent one gets assassination detail. Why didn't they have Octavia take out the guards as she went if for no other reason than to cause a distraction? At least have her follow Jasper down to the operating room as back up for when he inevitably screwed everything to hell like usual. And exactly why does Maya know hidey holes in every other place on the mountain but couldn't figure out how to hide on level 5? The majority of the people were in the mess hall for goodness sakes. As for Abby, she's a doctor. Why wouldn't she explain that they don't have to kill people to get their bone marrow? I won't even get started about Cage. Who leaves the command center of their entire existence abandoned? Then when an enemy takes over that command center (by walking right in), why is Emerson the only guard who goes after them? Clarke threatened to irradiate them. Shouldn't they at least be getting their hazard suits on and fighting for their own survival? Bah! Just bah! Finally at the end, they all head back to Camp Jaha. Why? Seriously, why? The Mountain is the safest place on earth for them. Hauling the bodies out would granted be hard but they have supplies, technology, an impenetrable fortress for security, and a whole host of weapons at their disposal if they stay. If Clarke is to be believed (and that's a big question these days), then Raven and Wick didn't even do much damage to the power generator. They should be sending a party to Camp Jaha so they can start packing to move in too. Why abandon the most strategic place in the region when who knows what enemy might take residence in it next?
This episode and the entire Mountain Men plot ended up being nothing more than smoke and mirrors. It was about putting Clarke in the darkest place possible but without common sense to lead them there. For me that lessens the impact of the drama they sacrificed logic for. While it makes for instant gratification and emoangsting, it dilutes the whole season's story structure and in the long-term makes the show weaker for me. I left this episode unsatisfied and after 2 more rewatches, I still could not shake the disappointment.
Grade: B- (average after 3 watches)
Best Reason to Watch - the acting
Best Action - Octavia's hallway fight
Best Scene - Indra leaves a knife for Lincoln and tells him to make a choice
Best Reaction - Kane to seeing the scientists drilling into the kids
Most Deluded - Clarke for ever thinking they were the good guys. They are survivors and that's it. Plus, why is she so against Dante when she has to know he helped them? I mean he's been imprisoned for NOT allowing his people to take bone marrow from the 100.
Most Surprising - no one of any importance at all died in the finale
Best Michael Jackson Accessory - What is up with Clarke's bedazzled gloves?
Biggest Douche - Jaha, who killed 2 kids to reach his dream
Best Death - Lincoln kills Cage (I hope) and slays his demons
Biggest Body Count - Clarke now has a body count to her name that rivals that of a military coup dictator. She even commits genocide. Forget good guys and bad guys. Clarke is headed for the Post-Apocalypse Killer Hall of Fame.
Worst Plan - Let's face it. This episode was one long bad decision compiled by another. In the never-ending ocean of terrible decisions, the idea to sideline their best warrior (Octavia) was the most brainless.
Most Futile but Still Awesome Plan - Raven bites the guy trying to extract bone marrow from her
Best Reunion - Octavia and Bellamy
Biggest Question - exactly how similar is The 100's apocalypse story going to be to Terminator's
Biggest Lie - Dante: "None of us have a choice here, Clarke." You can say that kind of fatalistic nonsense all you want, writers. Doesn't make it true. How about have Monty use his skills to turn the lights off where they're drilling for starters? How about Cage use some common sense? They had choices up until they had a mountain full of bodies.
Best Dichotomy - Jaha is all about sacrificing the few to save the many while Clarke is all about sacrificing the many to save the few
The "Welcome Back" Award - Erica Cerra from Eureka
Best Quotes -
1. Clarke: "I tried. I tried to be the good guy." Abby: "Baby, there are no good guys."
2. Lincoln: "I can't just let her die." Indra: "Under the terms of the truce, the lands surrounding the mountain are forbidden. If you violate this, Lexa will never take you back. Octavia made her choice. Now you make yours."
3. Murphy: "Your promised land sucks."
4. Maya: "Long way from the Ark, huh?" Octavia: "Not my Ark. I didn't have a view either."
5. Jaha: "Curiouser and curiouser."
CSI: Cyber is reminding me a lot of Scorpion minus the family vibe. They both have tech geniuses solve puzzles and they both have action sequences that are fun, exciting, and completely ludicrous. In this case it is Agent Mundo hanging off the edge of a speeding subway trying to hook a piece of delicate software with his daughter's friendship bracelet like some demented version of Operation. Ha! Absolutely ridiculous but it made for a high adrenaline scene. Much of the rest of the episode though was a more sedate paint by numbers as they used cyber clues to track down the suspect. The high tech gadgetry is fun but there was a lot of straight up speechifying in this one that made the pace slower than the pilot. I really did not need a 5-minute PSA on how gore porn is bad and deviants flock together on the internet. Kind of knew all that. Here's hoping the next episode is a bit more lively and that Krumitz will stop being a douche for no reason.
Best Reason to Watch - Mundo plays MacGyver and there's a whole new thing to be paranoid over
Best Awww Moment - Mundo's daughter says she'll make him a new bracelet
The "Say What?" Award - For it being primetime in Boston there sure isn't much traffic, as evidenced by the way Ryan can weave back and forth to get around people. Also do Bostonians NOT have to pull over when emergency vehicles flash their lights and put on their sirens?
Most Scary - anyone can tamper with a rollercoaster or subway with $50 of equipment if this show is to be believed
Biggest Douche - Krumitz, who needs to get over whatever he has against Nelson already
Most Ludicrous but Still Fun - Mundo stopping the subway with a coat hanger and his daughter's bracelet
Worst Obsession - gore porn
Biggest PSA - Ryan and Sifter talk in depth about deviant groups and the deep web
Best Quotes -
1. Nelson: "I never said that. Black people do not use the word pal. You ever heard the word pal in a rap song?"
2. Ryan: "You do realize that keeping your fingers crossed is rarely, if ever, effective in fighting crime."
3. Mundo: "You ever see a pitbull with a chew toy? You're already in her jaws. No getting out now. Spill."
4. Ryan: "Fight it all you want, Krumitz. Nelson's not going anywhere. This will become a bromance."
5. Ryan: "Should I take a seat for this?" Krumitz: "No. I'll be brief…and riveting."
Empire just keeps raising the crazy. Lucious is Lola's father? Bwah! Cookie and Malcolm are screwing? Go figure. A crazy gunman holds them hostage in their living room? Ooookay. This show has nothing on its daytime counterparts. I'm still rooting for the downfall of this empire. I mean Lucious is as much a douche as ever, so I hope he falls hard. It would be funny if Cookie and her sons allied against him once the stock goes public. Not that Cookie is less bigoted than Lucious in her own way, but at least she isn’t forever thinking only of herself. Only half the time. Again it is Jamal and Hakeem who steal the show and when they sing Lola to sleep together, it is a magical moment. It may be my new favorite brother scene on the show. Andre isn't faring so well. I thought he might be the holdout and keep the IPO from happening due to how obnoxious Lucious has been to him. I still think that would be an interesting turnabout. Let Andre be as smart and manipulative as he appeared in the pilot. After all this show is bound to go off on a huge, melodramatic cliffhanger and we only have 2 more episodes to do so.
Best Reason to Watch - the soap opera flag flies high tonight
Best Character Interaction - Rhonda and Lucious / Camille and Lucious
Biggest Awww Scene - Lola says goodbye to everyone
Biggest Laugh - Lucious is Lola's father. That's about par for the course on this soap opera.
Most Intense - Reg pulls a gun on Jamal
Biggest Train Wreck - the signing over the shares party
Sweetest Moment - Jamal and Hakeem sing Lola to sleep
The "Are You Kidding Me?" Award - Cookie calls bipolar disorder a "white people" disease
Biggest Douche - Lucious as always
Biggest Oversell - Too many people are telling Andre that he is the reason the company is going public. It's true, but it feels like they are trying to get something from him.
Best Psych Out - when it looks like Michelle is going to screw Andre, she asks him to pray instead
Worst Plan - Cookie tries to wrestle the gun from Reg and ends up a hostage herself / Malcolm getting involved with anyone in this crazy family
Best Guest Star - Jennifer Hudson
Best Quotes -
1. Hakeem: "She said we like the new Antony and Cleopatra." Cookie: "Child." Jamal: "You all know that's a tragedy where they end up dying at the end, right? Just saying."
2. Lucious: "I'm not signing over Andre's stock to some little country club queen just because his feelings are hurt. Look, you want to raise your family's fortunes Rhonda, you gonna have to work for that." Rhonda: "I've been with your son for 10 years and you don't know a damn thing about me but just to clarify, I came from nothing and I worked my a** off to put myself through Penn. Nothing has ever been handed to me and I have never expected anything to be either."
3. Camille: "You are a disgusting, despicable human being and I wish you a miserable death when you go to hell."
4. Cookie: "Lucious, you don't care about nothing but yourself. Everything you touch, you destroy. Look at what you did to my sons."
5. Cookie: "It's alright. You left your baby to save her. There's nothing harder than that."
Dig keeps its approximately 37 storylines, none of which connect yet. Therefore nothing about the story makes sense and it is still painfully, excruciatingly slow. It has one more episode and then I'm tossing it in the pile with shows I'm only watching if people I trust say it gets better and there are no more new TV episodes on earth for a year. Even then it's iffy. So far the plot is deliberately vague in a way that always makes me question whether the writers know where it's going. (Thanks Chris Carter.) The only character we know even a little bit about are the nutters in the American compound and they've create the next David Koresh. The stone storyline catches my attention but if we don't know what they are about by the next episode, I will be out of patience. This show feels like a marathon, not a sprint, but I'm not sure if there is a finish line up ahead or not. They've now wasted 2 out of 10 episodes going nowhere so 1/5 of the season is already over. It's time to start clearing things up instead of adding even more vague mysteries until the whole mythos falls under its own weight.
Best Reason to Watch - surely one of 37 plot lines will strike your fancy
Best Action - Connelly chases after Khalid
Biggest Cliffhanger - Ambassador Ridell meets with the supposed terrorist during a state meeting to get one of the stones from him
The "This isn't America" Award - Cohen picks up his kid with a handcuffed guy in the backseat and talks about the case in front of him
Biggest Psycho of the Night - Billingham, who obviously sanctioned killing the kid and makes the other kid slaughter a calf
Worst Plan - Connelly withholding that he knows the girl / bleeding guy having the kid who has never driven before drive them
The "Welcome Back" Award - Regina Taylor from I'll Fly Away and The Unit
Best Quotes -
1. Cohen: "Luck is overrated. You want to catch a killer, you've got to be smarter than they are. Fortunately, most of them are idiots."
2. Monahan: "You've taken it too far, Peter. I'm sorry to tell you but sometimes bad things do happen to good people. As your friend, I am asking you and begging you to snap the hell out of it."
3. Billingham (on the kid killing the cow): "The first one is the hardest. It gets easier."
Not much to say about this episode, except that it was fairly standard. There was more focus on Watson's family life than the rather ho-hum case, which was a good call. The character interactions were good and I love this new and improved, more sensitive Sherlock, but still the hour dragged on. They need to either get Kitty back or find a multi-episode killer to jazz things up. At the very least, they need to make something here personal. On the plus side though, Sherlock's snark and ability to turn a phrase were on their A game tonight.
Best Reason to Watch - more background into Watson's family / Sherlock snark
Best Twist - the so-called killer was an actor in the worst movie ever made
Best Character Interaction - Joan and her mom
Biggest Shock - warehouse full of refrigerated bodies
Most Supportive - Sherlock and he has been all season long
Least Fun - Watson and Sherlock already know that refrigerant is the culprit and take away the ME's big moment
Best PSA - Don't be a moron and drive.
Worst PSA - early stages of Alzheimer's or other cognitive diseases
Biggest Passer of the Buck - Mary Watson, who tells Joan to talk to her brother about his affair
Best Excuse - having to wait for the cable guy is about as valid an excuse as any
Best Continuity - Sherlock and his phantom babies
The "Welcome Back" Award - Patrick Breen from Royal Pains and Madam Secretary
Best Quotes -
1. Sherlock: "Respectfully, whether you're scoring on novelty or complexity, this crime scene doesn't really rate, does it?"
2. Sherlock: "We're not here about R-22 or the improper storage of dead nutters."
3. Sherlock: "It's a mature choice for a man of such juvenile aesthetics, but it's difficult to match your look when you shop at a dead man's wardrobe."
4. Sherlock: "Corpsicles having so little resale value, it seems an unlikely coincidence that the only homicide victim in Cyro NYC's cold storage was the target of our thief."
5. Sherlock: "He was unable to catch up with the culprit, who fled on foot." Watson: "Oh, maybe because Wyatt Earp got back into his time machine and vanished."
This is one of those times when I wish The Big Bang Theory only followed one plot. Having Sheldon and Leonard bickering throughout detracted from what could have been a funny, sweet, and satisfying half hour meal. I was hoping we'd get back story on the characters in this one, focusing around their memories of Howard's mom. They wouldn't have had to show her at all and kept with how they've done it in the past. They missed a golden opportunity to remind us of how far the characters have come and to give us a deeper look at characters we've known for years.
Best Reason to Watch - having a dinner party to celebrate Howard's mom's life is perfect
Best Character Interaction - Howard and Bernadette
Best Reaction - everyone's meh about Physics Today mentioning Leonard's name but they cheer in earnest over Bernadette finding more Tums
Biggest Shock - the vanity card at the end said nothing about Carol Ann Susi's death
Best Moment - Bernadette yells at Sheldon and Leonard for being selfish and sounds like Howard's mother
Best Interpretation - Sheldon explains salons to Penny and Amy explains The View to him
The "Oh Poor Baby" Award - I feel for Howard. I can't imagine saying goodbye to either of my parents.
Weirdest Sight - Sheldon trying to break news to Leonard gently and then giving him a back massage
Best Quotes -
1. Penny: "Ugh, I don't think I've eaten that much in my entire life." Howard: "That's why my people wandered the desert for 40 years. It took that long to walk it off."
2. Sheldon: "And that, little lady, is pi to a thousand places." Amy: "I'd say, 'I'm sorry I asked,' except I didn't."
3. Penny: "Guys, if I wanted to hear people be b**, I would have gone to my real salon."
4. Bernadette: "We just want to have the kind of dinner we've all had here so many times before." Howard: "Good food, good friends, and sometime around midnight heartburn that makes you pray for death."
5. Sheldon: "If you cry when you drop your churro, you do not have what it takes to rule England."