A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the Spoiler TV team. Since there hasn’t been a lot of TV in the last few weeks, here’s our favorite quotes for the month so far. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.
1. Martha to Chip about her boyfriend: “He just so pretty and I don’t trust that in a person.” ~I love her dry humor. (Claire)
1. Lady Eve: "I don't mind people believing in God. They just can't believe they can take back these streets." ~Jill Scott did that! Lady Eve is ten times scarier than Tobias-this line was pretty chilling. (Naomi)
2. Gambi: “Even if I break into the PD’s computers and alter it [the parade route] there’s no guarantee everyone gets the message.” BL: “I was thinking of something a bit more old school than that.” Gambi: “What? Shriners on lawn mowers to lead people the other way?” BL: “Close. I was thinking more like a handsome Italian gentleman in coveralls.” Gambi: “Whenever you call me handsome I almost always end up dirty.” BL: “Well then you won’t be disappointed by my plan.” (Prpleight)
3. Jennifer: “This turn of events is dispiriting as I wished for her support during this repast.” BL: “What did you need her support for?” Jennifer: “I’ve decided I’m ready to have sex.” (Prpleight)
1. Captain Halsey: “In roughly 88 minutes, we are scheduled to enter Chinese territorial waters. I say scheduled because that is never gonna happen. I may not have control of my boat, Mr. Morgenthau, but I do have the ability to scuttle it and that’s exactly what I intend to do. I will sink this vessel before I let it fall into the wrong hands. I don’t say this to put any undue pressure on you. If anything I say it so that you know you don’t have to worry that this boat is going to fall into the hands of the People’s Republic of China.” Noah: “Understood, Captain, but respectfully, anything less than the safe return of your crew is unacceptable as far as we’re concerned.”
2. McG: “Alright, it’s 5:15. Time to go be a douchebag.”
3. Adam: “Ah, this guy. Why couldn’t you have just killed him the first time around?” Patricia: “Believe me, I tried.”
1. Prentiss: “You want to make a name for yourself. Everything about your demeanor says, ‘I want to be in charge.’ And you project power, not because you fear you don’t have it, but because you can’t get enough. You want to be the director someday. That’s why we’re here. To appease your ego, your ambition.” Barnes: “Have you always had issues with authority?” Prentiss: “Better agents than you have tried to split the BAU and failed. Each time, the BAU has done its job and done it well, and so have I. And you know what that’s gotten me - respect, support, and capital. So whatever game it is you’re trying to play here, I want no part of it.” Barnes: “Why don’t we take a break before you say something you will regret?”
2. Prentiss: “You want me to give you a fall guy so the Bureau can avoid some bad PR and you can get a win. You thought that if you threatened my career that I’d play ball.” Barnes: “Rossi put himself in charge after your abduction. Reid spent months in a federal prison. Neither are good at following the rules.” Prentiss: “They’re indispensable.” Barnes: “They are loose cannons. I’m asking you to sacrifice a couple of pieces to save the whole board.” Prentiss: “I stand by my team and the actions we’ve taken.”
3. Rossi: “You know we’ve got your back, right?” Prentiss: “I do.” Rossi: “So how can we help?” Prentiss: “Solve this case. Show Barnes we can color within the lines.” Rossi: “Okay well, hang in there. When I get back, drinks are on me.” Prentiss: “Deal.” Rossi: “And Emily, don’t let her push you around. You’ve earned that seat.”
1. Fallon about Sammy Jo: "Why can't I be like him? All his problems are solved by a packed lunch". (Joel)
1. Barry: "I spent most of my life in love with a girl who was way out of my league. Now she's my wife. Sometimes things do end up like the movies." ~Barry and Iris=Happy Endings (Naomi)
1. Mariana: “A girl who leaves behind a trail of glitter will never be forgotten.” (AD)
2. Stef: “If you expect nothing from anybody, you will never be disappointed.” (AD)
1. Chidi: "Why choose to be good every day if there's no guaranteed reward we can count on, now or in the afterlife? I argue that we choose to be good because of our bonds with other people and our innate desire to treat them with dignity. Simply put, we are not in this alone" (Justyna)
1. Bailey: “Interrupt me again, I’m coming over that counter.” (Patrycja)
1. Frank: “Mrs. Castillo, I’m Frank.” (She ignores him.) Mrs. Castillo: “Analise.” (Aja)
2. Laurel: “I never got to see him. I never got the chance to hold him, touch him. Can you imagine having the child who grew inside of you for seven months - who you spent every second worrying about, talking to - can you imagine waking up to find out he’d been taken without your consent. I love my son. I just want the chance to be his mother.”
3. Nate to his dad: “I know you haven’t meant anything to anyone for a long time, but if you sign up for this case, win or lose, you will mean a lot to people who need help, including me.”
4. Frank to Michaela: “Whatever mean thing you’re about to say, I’m already thinking it.”
1. Vanessa: “I know you love Billy Joel. We all love Billy Joel. He IS the piano man!” (Claire)
1. Jack: “I’m not talking about the reboot. Reboots never work.”
2. Diane: “Honestly, I’m still trying to figure out the Phoenix of it all and believe me we will return to this topic of you putting my daughter in harm’s way. But for now, I want to thank you for believing in Riley and for giving her a second chance.”
3. Jack: “How can you not trust us? We’re the good guys.”
1. Berto: “So mi amor, is it time?” Lydia: “Not yet, mi vida.” (Jamie)
2. Elena: “No, it’s my turn. You know, I’ve thought a lot about what happened and I’ll spare you the details about the anger and the crying and the weight loss and the empty space on my wall where your picture used to be. Because I’ve decided that there’s no point in focusing on the negatives. I’d rather think about the good things that came from this like...you taught me a really valuable lesson. Just because I’m gay, people will hate me without knowing anything else about me. I always knew that was part of the deal. I just, I never expected it from my own father. But now I know not to expect the best from anyone. So thanks, I guess. Oh and one more thing, I’ve learned some really cool stuff about myself. Like I’m tough, I’m really tough. And when I do stumble, I have the most amazing mom who’s always right there to pick me up. So whatever dude, I’m moving on with my life. I’m going to be fine. I’m just really bummed out for you. You’re going to miss a lot of stuff and that sucks. Because I’m pretty great.” Lydia: “I wish I could take away her pain and feel it for myself. That is what mothers are for.” (Jamie)
3. Schneider: “You need to go back on your meds.” Penelope: “I don't want to be on a drug for the rest of my life! I shouldn't have to need it!” Schneider (pointing at his glasses): “I shouldn't have to need these either, but I do. To see. And to look rugged but also smart.” Penelope: “It's not the same thing.” Schneider: “Oh, no? Okay. Wanna go for a drive?” (Marine)
1. Sly: “Don’t make me spy on my friend.” Happy: “I’m gonna make my foot spy on the inside of your butt if you don’t.” Cabe: “That’s a nice line. I’m gonna use that.” (Prpleight)
2. Cabe: “Maria, you gotta get your family and head to higher ground ASAP.” Maria: “Thank you, but what about Scorpion.” Cabe: “We’ve been in situations like this before. We’re professionals.” Happy: “He’s still not picking up. I am going to cover him in parsley and feed him to the snails.” Cabe: “Most of the time.” (Prpleight)
3. Walter: “Happy, where do you stand?” Happy: “Right now I’m pretty anti-Toby.” Walter: “No! Where do you stand on patching the reactor core?”
4. Cabe: “There’s an open grave over there! You move an inch, I’m gonna fill it with your a**.”
5. Cabe: “We can’t just leave these people here to die. Walt, any ideas?” Walt: “Yes. We’re gonna have to stop it.” Paige: “Stop what?” Happy: “Please don’t say the tsunami.” Sylvester: “Please don’t say the tsunami.” Walt: “Guys, we’re gonna have to stop the tsunami.”
1. Naima: “You shouldn’t lie to me, no matter what it is. I can take it. That’s my job.”
2. Ray: “Look, let’s just say the Ray you’re looking at, that wasn’t always me. Back then I was angry...and stupid, not a good combination. It all changed that night. It’s not a choice for me.” Clay: “That’s an awfully high bar.” Ray: “Well you asked.”
3. Naima: “Ray, I’m just...I’m worried.” Ray: “Hey, I’m going to be fine. Believe me. But I’ve got to take care of this stuff. Those men, they were my brothers.” Naima: “So promise me, if your shoulder asks up, you’ll take yourself out.” Ray: “I told you honey, I will get it checked out.” Naima: “No, Ray. You’ll take yourself out. These kids, they don’t have a father anymore. You understand? Cindy doesn’t have a husband. Promise me.” Ray: “Okay. I promise. I promise.” Naima: “Liar.” Ray: “Stop that. Stop, stop, stop.”
1. Lillian chastising her daughter, Lena: “Why would you want to be Cat Grant when you could be Lena Luthor?" ~delivered only as the wonderful Brenda Strong can. (Donna)
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