Previously on Grimm, Adalind schemed, Nick zombied, Juliette worried, Sebastian spied, Renard maybe daddy-fied, Rosalee and Monroe out-cuted, and Wesen invaded Portland. So, the typical.
On a beautiful Portland day, 2 couples lounge by a nasty looking river and butcher music. It's the opposite of a Disney movie. In fact, I think the animals are fleeing the area. One of the couples heads for the brackish water, while the other girl catches her deaf sister spying on them. Some think her girlish crush is cute; I call it stalking. Stalker is upset her sister's getting with the boy she's obsessed with while Sister says the guy doesn't even know Stalker. It's a tedious conversation, but less contentious than I'd expect. Sister heads to the river while Stalker watches them kiss. She also takes Obsessee's phone to peruse his pictures. She kind of sucks. After the briefest love scene ever, so brief I didn't realize they had sex until they mention it later in the episode, the action finally kicks in. Guy 1, Dan, gets pulled under by a scaly hand. His partner yells, "Get out of the water. Get out." Of course, Obsessee tries to save him but he gets pulled under as well. The girls flee, all but Stalker that is. She pulls Obsessee out of the water to resuscitate him, so that's one plus to being stalked. Note she doesn't even try to save Dan though. Oh, and she's a mermaid. She makes fish noises and has glowing eyes, but cannot communicate with Obsessee because she's Ariel. Oh how I wish there was an Ursula. Luckily, the story turns to Portland's sweetest couple as Rosalee moves her stuff to Monroe's. There's boxes everywhere and Rosalee questions if it's a smart plan to bring even more stuff in. Monroe: "No, there's plenty of room. Plus it's a golden opportunity for me to get rid of some stuff." Yeah, easier said, buddy. He looks around but can't seem to part with anything. Finally he grabs a small orb and tells a complicated story of its history in Clockish. Rosalee smiles and says, "I think everything should stay right where it is…even me." Awww. That's why they win Cutest Couple. They even kiss cute.
The next morning, Portland's other couple are back to their normal habits. Juliette offers Nick fruit and coffee, while he beams. Juliette: "What?" Nick: "Nothing…that's what makes this so great." Juliette: "Yeah, I really missed all of this like everyday stuff." Aww, they have their moments too. Before Nick heads out, Juliette asks about the doctor's report which Nick says should be in his e-mail. He asks her to check it, adding, "Tell me if I'm still alive." Nick and I laugh; Juliette looks pensive. Nick's definitely more alive than Guy 1, whose body has surfaced. Nick and Hank check out the battered body and surmise that something held him down. Why? It's Portland…and the ankle scratches. Cop: "What are we talking? A Loch Ness monster?" Ha! Sadly, it's possible. Hank and Nick interview Obsessee, aka Jake, who recaps the opening and takes them to the campsite. Hank asks about the girls, but Nick is distracted by Stalker traipsing in the woods. Nice to know his super hearing is back. He chases her but she heads into the river and vamooses, Olympic swimmer style. That chick is quick. Jake recognizes her as the one who saved him, but they can't do anything else there. Back to the precinct to recap for Renard. Spoiler…they're looking for a Wesen. I swear this show's biggest twist is going to be when the perpetrators are human. Renard: "Let's round up the unusual suspects." The conversation ends when Renard gets a message from Sebastian, formerly known as Castle Spy. Seeing Adalind in the picture, he immediately calls to get the scoop and Sebastian recaps last episode. They toss out possibilities and Renard looks sick when he realizes Adalind might be pregnant with his child. Duhn, duhn, duhn. Yeah, this subplot still isn't very interesting.
Back to Monroe's for the weekly Wesen exposition. Although Monroe knows less about water Wesen, Rosalee gets the win - naiads. Rosalee suggests trailer research and Monroe hints they should go…and bring him along. He's tired of unpacking but doesn't want to seem like he's ditching Rosalee with all the work. Rosalee sees right through him it. "Please take him." Ha! In the trailer, Monroe reads about a Grimm who captured a naiad and killed it via dehydration by keeping it from water. Nice relatives there, Nick. Of course she might have been liable for a sailor's death, so she's less sympathetic. Hank gets a call from Wu about Jake's cell phone so they pick him up and head to the marina where the girls live. Stalker is messing with nets, but quickly hides when she sees cops. Nick grills her dad, Abel, who stalls them until Wu calls the number and Jake's phone rings inside. That's probable cause. Hank finds the phone and I'm disappointed in Stalker. Didn't she learn in Stalking 101 to create a hidden shrine to her obsession? Hiding his phone under the couch pillow is so amateur. It does allow Nick to find a picture of all three girls, which isn't necessary because Jake sees his 30 second sex partner and her sister walking into the marina. The girls deny knowing Jake…ouch, that's cold. It does give Stalker a chance to slip into the water while two redneck mermen join the kerfuffle. Nick and Hank take the girls in for questioning over their father's objections. He woges into merman form and is shocked to find Nick is the Grimm. They desperately need a Portland Wesen Gazette. This should come as a shock to no Wesen by now. Team Cop leaves , stranding us with the rednecks. No fair! One of them talks about cutting Stalker, and although she's not my character, I'd rather just see Rednecks dead. Abel: "Are you crazy? Nobody does that anymore." Redneck 2 counters they still do in Alaska. Perhaps you should head back there then, idiot. Redneck1: "This is what happens when you don't raise your women right." Yeah, I don't care who you are, those are fighting words. Time for a Grimm takedown.
Luckily it's back to the precinct, where neither girl is talking. I can't tell if it's from Redneck fear or family loyalty, but things will get worse if they don't hop into some water soon. I'm pretty sure this constitutes a violation of their constitutional rights. Testify or die is pretty harsh. Renard disagrees. "If they choose to die, we'll let the ME explain it. Just 'cause their Wesen doesn't entitle them to special treatment." Yikes! Considering that being in the water is like food or air for them, I'm not sure it's special treatment. I mean they still feed and give water to prisoners. Fortunately, Daddy confesses to free them. Of course he can't answer any questions about the murder. Still it's entertaining to watch Nick and Hank pepper him with a litany of questions. Like he won't protect his kids. Nick: "You see how difficult this gets when you're not telling the truth." Abel: "Why does it matter? I'm offering my life for my daughters." Yep, you're officially my favorite character tonight. Why even pretend this is about anything else? Nick says they can use Dad's confession to get the daughters talking, and it works. Blond Naiad confesses Rednecks killed Dan in a fit of jealousy, but Redhead Naiad is scared of both them and Nick. Still Blond won't let her dad die. She says it was time for her sister and her to mate. Hank: "You start your families by killing 2 innocent victims?" Nah, just use them for sex. Apparently mermen are sterile so they have to use human surrogates. This makes absolutely no sense biologically and of course the naiad population should be extinct by now, but let's roll with it. Rednecks were jealous their fiancées (I guess) were having 30 second sex and thus the drowning. I also don't see any universe in which Abel lets his daughters marry those two, arranged marriage or not. He can't possibly be doing the arranging so perhaps there's an advanced naiad hierarchy. Quite frankly, the socio-politics of mermaid society interest me more than this scene.
Meanwhile, Jake heads home to find his window open. That can't be good. Surprise, it's Stalker. She tries to communicate and Jake is very competent in figuring her meaning, much more than me. He wants her to go to the police but she has other ideas. She takes him out to the pool and woges. Holy mermaid, Batman! Aren't there laws against showing people their Wesen form? Not that it matters since Rednecks show up, knock out Jake, and kidnap Stalker. Not sure why she didn't swim away from them, but whatever. They suck far more than she does, so I'll root for her. Of course, not as much as I root for Monroe and Rosalee though. Monroe unpacks the last box, revealing the world's ugliest bunny Chia pet. That thing would be at home with a leg lamp, velvet Elvis, and a poker-playing dogs print. Sadly it makes Rosalee nostalgic much like Monroe's clock orb from earlier so Monroe puts it in a place of honor on the mantle, ensuring that they will be both publicly and privately mocked by every person who walks in the door. Rosalee: "Don't try so hard." Oh thank goodness. There really must be décor standards when co-habitating. Rosalee has eyes and knows it's ugly but Monroe is anxious that she feel at home. He's never moved in with anyone before. Rosalee: "Stop thinking. I love you, you love me, and we both hate this. And if you can't build a relationship on hate…" Monroe: "Right, then, I mean what do you have?" Rosalee: "Us." Aww, the bunny gets reboxed and that's really all that matters.
Next, Jake interrupts the naiad interview to say Stalker's been captured, and Blond Naiad explains cutting. It's actually a lot less gruesome than I suspected, since it involves cutting the webbing between the fingers and toes. Still, it sounds painful and probably causes mermaid swimming issues instead of being cosmetic. Yeah, I'm anti-cutting. Blond says Rednecks will cut her at home and the race is on. Good thing Stalker is a fighter, and I start to appreciate her. She kicks them both until Redneck1 holds her underwater, forcing her to naiad out. They fish her out to cut her but she flips back to human. This could take awhile. Go Stalker! Nick and Hank show up so they tie Stalker to an anchor and push her over. Sadly, she hits her head before going in, which implies she'll stay in human form and drown. Biologically that makes little sense but then again it seems like Mother Nature hates naiads so who knows. Nick and Hank easily take out Rednecks and Nick jumps in for Stalker. Minutes later, Nick does his own Zombie Fish impression, holding his breath until he can find, untie, and save Ellie. It takes long enough that Hank freaks out. 1 minute and 14 seconds real time. Of course Nick is zombie pale on the dock too. Score one for Baron Samedi's spit. After confirming Stalker is okay, Hank questions what to do with Rednecks. Hank: "I've got Dominic and Jesse handcuffed. How do you want to deal with them?" Nick: "Lock them up." Hank: "Well they won't last long." Nick: "They should have thought about that before." Hmm. I'm going to be very controversial here but these 2 aren't any different than the other murdering Wesen in Portland, and this sounds a lot like Chef with the blutbad-killing mushrooms. There are no good answers here, but I would expect this to come from Renard instead of Nick. Regardless, the merfamily hug and gather Stalker in a nice family reunion.
Speaking of family, Juliette reads Nick's e-mail, where the doctor basically says he has no clue why but Nick seems healthy. Juliette smiles at the assessment but then a new cryptic e-mail from firstname.lastname@example.org pops up. Bwah! That's some humor. The e-mail says: "Haven't been able to spend the money. Royal assassination causing much turmoil. No longer safe…Must leave now, love you, M." Juliette obviously thinks something untoward, whispering to herself, "Who the hell is M, Nick?" However, much rejoicing sweeps the fandom because M is Mama Grimm. Woo hoo! I've been waiting for her to show up and now she has motivation. Don't let me down Grimm writers. I can't wait to see her back in Portland and stirring up trouble. She's going to be unhappy that Team Grimm is spreading like a zombie plague. I just hope that she brings a wider perspective on the royals and resistance, as well as add much needed, worldwide Grimm lore. Whatever her role, Mama Grimm is always a win. Perhaps she can shed light on Renard as well, who currently watches a news clip of his brother's funeral procession. Crown Prince Eric is second in line to the throne and family fortune, which makes Adalind's interest far more understandable. The news clip ends, "The question on everyone's mind is who will be given the reigns of this royal family?" Really my question is what is Renard's endgame and is it any different than Adalind's. My guess is not as far as I'd like to think. Renard's still the most intriguing character and I hope we get an episode centered on him soon. This would have been a perfect way to end the show, but no. In a lineup, Jake identifies Redneck, whose skin's already patchy. I have no idea what the point of dwelling on this is. Redneck heads to a cell while Jake stumbles about seeing Stalker's mermaid form. Jake calls her a mutant while Hank and Nick exchange looks. Ha! That makes as much sense to an outsider as anything. Jake: "She came over and she just wasn't…normal." Nick: "Nobody is Jake. It's Portland." Bwah! Ending funny is a great strategy.
For the most part I found this to be a middling, meh episode. I imagine that's mostly because I didn't think the mermaid family, and especially Ellie, was anything special unlike the overwhelming reaction of the fandom. Plus the whole story falters in the rewatch. Without a compelling case of the week, there isn't much else to hang the episode on. Monroe and Rosalee are cute as ever and I enjoy that Nick and Juliette are actually getting along. However the Vienna side plot was both a blip and a bust and everything else was standalone. There weren't even many snarky quotes. The best thing by far about the episode is the possibility of Mama Grimm returning. My hopes are sky high on that one and I'm now expecting to see her before the midseason break, although that may be pushing things. Here's hoping though that Juliette asks Nick straight out about who "M" is instead of letting it fester into more contrived drama between the two of them. While this episode is mostly pure filler to me, it sets up other episodes that have far more potential.