Sunday, April 28, 2013

Supernatural - Late Night Rant - Drinking Your Way Through the Last 3 Episodes (or How to Awaken in a Hospital Room 3 Days Later with Liver Failure)

The sneak peak thread on SpoilerTV turned into one hot mess this week, to quote Lilith, but I saw it mostly as a release for frustrated Supernatural fans. Let's just agree that this season of SPN has been divisive at a minimum. For me, shocking waste of time is more accurate. Out of the thread came the idea of drinking our misery away with a drinking game. Now usually Lilith is the drinking gamer of the partnership since I haven't had alcohol in over a decade. This time I needed to jump in because my frustration is at an all-time high so if you can't change anything, you might as well get blotto and forget it ever occurred. Well not really but you know my sentiment. Below is my all-out, written in the wee hours of the morning when I should have been asleep, rant. It sums up my ire. It is majorly complaint-filled. It's probably not an interesting read but it flowed so quickly out of my bile that I needed to post it to purge it. Feel free to ignore, especially if you are happy with season 8. And if you are, then I am jealous and I hope Supernatural lives on for several more seasons so you can continue to enjoy it.

Speaking of ire, Google has decided to forget its secret plans to rule the world and officially announce their dictatorship so I can no longer get Disqus comment boxes on my posts. This will assuredly inspire another middle of the night rant but I am too tired to do it now. Plus I have to babysit in 4 hours. Therefore if you would like to vent your own frustrations or create your own rant against my negativity I can be reached on Twitter @dahne1 or by e-mail at If there is a lot of response I will probably compile the feedback and write a follow-up article. Until then, may you approach the final 3 episodes of season 8 in whichever manner gets you through.


I am taking this entire thread as a fun, snarky salute to frustrated Supernatural fans. Therefore I do NOT drink to brother wars but I most definitely drink to the utter suckage that Jeremy Carver has made out of this season. I drink to the wildly out of character Sam who didn't look for Dean because Jeremy said so. In my head canon, Sam has turned into a Naomi controlled robot and spouts utter nonsense that inside he is raging am I. I also drink to Sam becoming Sam again because this Sam is not as much fun as RoboSam was and I miss RealSammy from earlier seasons. I need Real Sam back. Now!

I drink to the wrecking ball that decimated canon so much that I no longer recognize the show. What exactly is this story about these days? Who are the heroes? Only copious amounts of alcohol can make this mess coherent. Flo the continuity fairy has now relocated to Argentina and is looking for an angel to memory wipe her former association with SPN. I am assured that before undergoing the process, she will let me know where I can get the procedure done too. I also drink to making up canon on the spot and then declaring it was there all the time. Bonus points for having every character who has ever been in the show remind us ad naseum that this is indeed canon as if saying it over and over again will somehow make it true and make us forget 7 years of Supernatural that came before this fiasco.

I drink to the ever increasing boredom I get from watching these standalone episodes. I used to look forward to them because some of my favorite episodes were standalones. Now I barely remember them 2 days after watching and considering I have to rewatch them to do the podcast, etc. that is sad. Of course some like Portia the dog lady do stick out but only because the world's supply of brain bleach has dwindled to where I can no longer afford to down it.

I drink to the pacing issues which have seen this season even worse than previous ones. Let's face it. Supernatural was never good at pacing out mytharc even in the Kripke years. Still for ALL the flack Sera got, Jeremy Carver is no better. In fact, for me he's worse but that may just be because Sera's standalones were a whole lot better.

I drink to Jeremy Carver and the writers purposely antagonizing the fandom. No, it isn't an accident anymore. I drink to him purposely baiting fans. I drink to him saying that he doesn't care what we think. I drink to him not being able to admit he made a mistake and then fixing it. I drink to his self-created dictionary that changed the word "mature" into something unrecognizable in the English language. Mostly though, I drink to him going back to his Becoming Human job or getting another one.

I drink to the writers who apparently have not seen any episode they didn't write...if they even saw those. I drink to the rollercoaster of inconsistency in the characters. I drink to the never ending brother rift that was ABSOLUTELY pointless. I drink to the transparent plots in most episodes. I drink to utter filler material in others. I know, I will drink to the tune of Walking on Sunshine to get in the mood. Perhaps I'll even recap what I was drinking 3 seconds after drinking it. That will be fun. More importantly, I drink to their wallets because surely they got paid extra for bringing back their pet characters or at least mentioning them EVERY SINGLE time they got paid to write an episode.

I drink to the secondary characters. After all, they are the only people to have interesting story lines this year. Let's drink to 3 college/high school kids and the great siesta Jensen and Jared got. They needed their rest anyway. I drink to high schoolers who are better at hunting than Dean and Sam and can hit high pitched squeals of indignation to boot. Talent like that shouldn't be wasted. Let's drink to the Bobby replacement who only got more annoying as each episode continued and then was mentioned in almost every episode after hiatus. Let's drink to all the secondary characters who saved the day. I think the brothers got the unqualified win maybe 3-5 times this entire season so they had to do a lot of heavy lifting. Why pretend the show is about two hero brothers fighting the good fight when we can make some random character we will hopefully never see again do the job? And hey, since the idea is to be comatose before the episode ends, I drink to the dog lady. I didn't think Lucky the dog boy could get worse. Season 8....taking things to whole new lows. At least they succeeded in something.

I drink to Taxi Driver. It is the epitome of everything that is wrong with season 8. I drink to clueless writers, bad throw in the kitchen sink pacing, unlikeable characters, and the shattering of everything that happened in the first 7 seasons of Supernatural. I know the exact moment in season 1, episode 3 that I fell in love with Supernatural, when it became my obsession. I drink to the fact that I know the exact moment when my love for Supernatural was strangled to death. Season 8, episode 19. Thanks a lot Jeremy and writers. I never thought it could happen.

And finally, I drink to me. I drink to the copious hours a week I have devoted to Supernatural. I drink to the voting, the poll making, the blogging, the recapping, the podcasting, and of course the promoting. I drink to all the money I have spent on Supernatural. All the time and energy. I drink to the utter lack of satisfaction I have gotten out of it this year and the feeling that hundreds of hours this season were wasted in the hopes that things will be better. I drink to my frustration, my grief, my disdain, and my anger at the powers that be. I drink to all the things that have been thrown at my TV screen this season. I drink to my status as a now fallen cheerleader and the memories this season has poisoned.

I drink to forget that this season ever happened. I drink to the hope that my joy and love of Supernatural can be regained through time and selective memory. I drink to a huge part of my life being salted and burned. It's an Irish wake to the once great Supernatural and my love for it. Time to party through the pain!


We now join our regularly scheduled life in progress.  Have a great day!

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