A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the SpoilerTV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.
1. Judd: “My Uncle Cash likes to say that the secret to life isn’t thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less.” Owen: “Your Uncle Cash sounds like he knows what he’s talking about.” Judd: “He’s a salty old drunk with cirrhosis, but the point is you got to hold on to what matters in life. It don’t matter if you lose your hair. Yeah, you gotta do what you gotta to do to stay alive, and if it comes to it, it’s Texas. Now we know you look good in a cowboy hat. You should keep it.”
2. Judd: “Look, if I walk away from the 126, it’s like I’m walking away from them.” Grace: “So what are you gonna do?” Judd: “I don’t know. Look, the captain’s got it in for me. He don’t give a damn that I got 20 years out on that rig and that this job is everything to me. That ain’t fair.” Grace: “Well sweetheart, I hope you’re not trying to tell a black woman how tough life in Texas is.”
3. Owen: “I have three commitments to my people. Everybody who clocks in will also clock out, everybody gets a fair shake, and no one, and I mean no one, gets left behind when it comes to skincare.”
4. Grace: “I work 9-1-1 dispatch. I took the call that night. I was on the line with my husband when the explosion happened. He was running back towards the danger.” Owen: “Yeah, I read the report and his commendation.” Grace: “And I read yours. It was all online. You and Judd are a lot alike. You know that saving people is like oxygen to him and he’s suffocating.” Owen: “Yeah well, he needs to take a little time to take care of himself before he can take care of anybody else.” Grace: “I’m not asking you to throw him back into the action right away, Captain. I know he’s not ready for that.” Owen: “So what are you asking?” Grace: “What I’m asking is that you do what you do best. I’m asking you to save him, please.”
5. Grace: “How do you feel?” Judd: “I feel like the tiniest weight in the world just got lifted off my chest but that’s it, you know? That’s all. Oh, man.” Grace: “Judd Ryder, do you have any idea of how proud I am of you?”
6. Judd: “What does TK say? I mean, I bet he’d rather have a bald dad than a dead dad.” Owen: “I haven’t told him yet. He doesn’t know that I’m sick.” Judd: “And you say I need to see a therapist.” Owen: “He’s had a lot on his plate. I don’t want to tell him until he’s ready.” Judd: “Til he’s ready or til you’re ready?”
1. Kemi: “The only problem we have is his mother. She disapproves of me so I have no choice but to keep seeing him.” (Prpleight and Dahne)
2. Gloria: “So you can't be making no noise?” Kemi: “No. And it's not easy. At the moment of truth I have a tendency to squeak.” Abishola: “Oluwa mi o.” Gloria: “Now when you say squeak, you mean like a dolphin or more like a mouse?” Kemi, demonstrating: “More like a leaky balloon.” (Prpleight)
3. Bob: “Yeah well, that’s life. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and do what you gotta do.” Dele: “So you think I should be a doctor?” Bob: “No, I think you gotta to chase your dream as long as you can.” Dele: “Thanks, Bob.” Bob: “And just so we’re clear, if your mom asks if I encouraged you, I’m gonna lie my a** off.” Dele: “Respect.” (Dahne)
4. Dottie: “So, tell me.” Bob: “Oh, everything was fine, I was talking about how great her son is. I made one little critique and…” Dottie: “Stop.” Bob: “What?” Dottie: “You’re wrong.” Bob: “I didn’t tell you what I said.” Dottie: “It doesn’t matter what you said. No single mother wants to hear her child be criticized by some random guy.” (Dahne)
5. Abishola: “Am I putting too much pressure on you?” Dele: “No.” Abishola: “Good. Then you need to smile more.” Dele: “Why?” Abishola: “This is America. We have to look happy even if we’re not.” Dele: “Okay.” Abishola: “But you are happy?” Dele: “Yes.” Abishola: “If something was wrong, you would tell me.” Dele: “Yes.” Abishola: “Good because if you did not, you would be in big trouble. Let me see you smile. (Dele wince grimaces.) You need to work on that.”
1. Chunk: “Oh look, you gave birth to a sporting good. What do you got? A Wilson? A Spalding?”
2. Taylor: “Normally, don’t you put on your coat and mittens and then your scarf?” Bull: “It’s a baby sling. You had a baby, didn’t you?” Taylor: “Yeah, but it didn’t come with one of those.”
3. Reggie: “I made him promise he was done.” Chunk: “And you just took him at his word? He’s 16. He thinks his life is on the line. How could you just leave it at that?” Reggie: “I didn’t.”
4. Manuel: “She’ll just keep fighting and fighting until it kills her or kills us. He was her everything. He was my everything too, but the longer I think about it, Antonio would have done anything to stay in that school.” Bull: “What are you trying to tell us?” Manuel: “Tell them we’ll sign the agreement now. She’ll hate me for the rest of our lives together, but I’ll hate me if I don’t put a stop to this.”
1. Maggie: “I know it's a lot. So it's okay if you have questions.” Jordan: “What about flying broomsticks?” Maggie: “It's not a thing.” Jordan: “Pointy hats?” Maggie: “Only on Halloween.” Jordan: “Water.” Maggie: “Good for drinking, not for melting.” Jordan: “Witches and humans?” Maggie: “What about them?” Jordan: “Are they allowed to... fraternize?” Maggie: “Uh… They can, but it's… It's complicated and… It rarely works out.” Jordan: “But they can be friends?” Maggie: “They can.” (Maria)
2. Harry: “I should get going.” Macy: “Oh... going where?” Harry: “Make sure Abigael's antidote took hold. We did leave rather abruptly.” Macy: “Harry, how can you go back there after she manipulated you?” Harry: “Well, we still need her on our side, Macy.” Macy: “You have feelings for her.” Harry: “And if I did, why would it matter to you?” Macy: “Because she's evil. I don't want you to get hurt.” Harry: “Macy, I'll take care of my affairs, you take care of yours.” (Maria)
3. Harry: “All right, let's drop the pretense. You know damn well how I feel about you, so please, don't make this harder than it already is. You should have what and whomever your heart desires, Macy. Goodbye.” (Maria)
4. Mel: “You're just a wealth of shady information, aren't you?” Ray: “Eh, well, you know, some fathers teach their daughters how to fish, and I teach them black market survival skills.” Mel: “You can do both. You know, if you want to stick around. Of course you can't.” Ray: “Mel, I want to stay. I do. I want to stay right now, just like I wanted to stay then. But it isn't always about what we want, is it?” (Maria)
1. Helen: “I want what Piper has.” Emily: “Well, I can talk to Chief Evans and see if she wants to adopt you. No promises.”
2. Benny: “I was programmed to do this, okay? In the same way that I was programmed to kidnap Piper and to lie to you. You have to understand, I didn’t have any control.” Jo: “You don’t get to plead insanity on this. I think you knew exactly what you were doing from day one.” Benny: “No, no, I’m not that person anymore.” Jo: “You’re not a person at all.” Benny: “I’m as much as Piper is.” Jo: “No, you’re not.”
3. Emily: “Well the joke’s on you, Helen. All those amazing abilities Piper has were an accident, a coding error, and I have no idea how to replicate it. And then her way of motivating me is threatening to stick a knife in my throat, and who can work under those conditions? Nobody. This is insane...or karma. It might be karma.”
4. Piper: “It worked. How’d you figure it out?” Jo: “Oh, you know, grown up magic.” Piper: “Benny told you.” Jo: “Yeah, Benny told me, but all that means is that he is very smart.” Piper: “He’s changed, Jo.” Jo: “We don’t know that.” Piper: “I know that.” Jo: “You can’t know that.” Piper: “He could have hurt you, or worse, but he didn’t.” Jo: “Because Chris was there.” Piper: “No, I can see it, Jo. Can’t you just stop being mad at him?” Jo: “I can’t, Piper.” Piper: “Even if I’m right?” Jo: “Even if you’re right.”
1. Jubal: “Look, Isobel, I think Dan stole that cash. It’s the only explanation that makes sense.” Castille: “Jubal, I get it. Trust me. But I cannot accuse a decorated agent without any real proof.” Jubal: “You can’t or you don’t want to?” Castille: “Get the hell out of my office.”
2. Beth: “Will this get back to my parents?” Scola: “Of course it will, which is absolutely the least of your worries right now.”
1. Eddie: “He’s frustrated I got a 1500 on my SATs without studying.” Simryn’s dad: “I take it fitted sheets weren’t on the test.” Eddie: “I think he’s jealous because I’m a natural.” Dad: “Man, I don’t understand this obsession with being a natural.” Eddie: “I mean it’s kind of awesome. I crushed the SATs. Don’t even remember filling in the ovals.” Dad: “Congrats, you’re a natural at something useless that makes no money.” Eddie: “Could you switch bodies with my mom?” Dad: “Look around. If we hadn’t put in the work, the Magic Motor Inn would never have made it to AAA’s list of most affordable motor lodges off the I-4 in East Orlando.” Eddie: “Could you switch bodies with my dad?” Dad: “The point is natural talent only takes you so far. The key to success - hard work.”
2. Jessica: “These kids think they’re so smart. Good luck in the apocalypse.” Simryn’s dad: “They’ll be the first ones eaten.”
3. Eddie: “You have the greatest natural talent of all - your work ethic. That’s what makes you so special.” Evan: “And how is that special?” Eddie: “Anyone can get lucky every now and then, but your focus will help you succeed in anything you want. That’s why you’ve got to get back in that spelling bee and bring home the Iron Man.”
4. Jessica: “SAT results arrive this week.” Eddie: “Already?” Jessica: “Yes, and I’m gonna camera capture your face when you see your score. It’ll either be a look of joy or a portrait of failure they’ll put on the back of a milk carton when I make you go missing.” Louis: “They only do that for the blond kids.”
The Good Place -
1. Michael: “Take it sleazy.” (Shirleena)
Grey’s Anatomy -
1. Ben: “Are you okay to operate on your Residents?” Miranda: “Wouldn‘t be the first time.” (Marko and Diana)
1. Hope: “I love you Landon. I love that you can't take a punch. I love that you won today using your brain and not brawn, and I love that you're always trying to be better. But, um, I don't want you to be the hero. The hero's never the one that's left standing. I'm not gonna train you to fight with me anymore. Not if the monsters are back.” Landon: “Well, I'm not stopping. If you won't train me, I'll find someone who will-so that we're both standing at the end of this.” ~I adore the dynamic between Hope and Landon. It's the girl who's the knight in shining armor for a change. Hope thought she wanted Landon to be able to defend himself, but does she really trust him to be able to? The thought of losing him is terrifying so she doesn't want to help him anymore, and poor Landon just wants to be strong enough to fight alongside his girl- poor guy. Love Legacies! (Naomi)
1. Lincoln: “I thought losing the use of my arms and legs was the worst thing the Bone Collector did to me, but it wasn’t. I let him take what I did, who I am. I’m getting that back. I’m not going to walk again, but I can do this better than anybody, with your help.”
2. Sellitto: “Turn him off. You want to know the key to working with Lincoln Rhymes?” Amelia: “Xanax.” Sellitto: “It’s remembering he has a fatal flaw. He cares too much.” Amelia: “And he has a God complex.” Sellitto: “Maybe he does. He’s also angry and impatient. But the truth is, and don’t you ever quote me on this, he is smarter than the rest of us. Not in all ways. Sometimes he can’t see the forest for the trees, but if you can get past the bluster, he’ll make you better.”
3. Lincoln: “You’re two for two.” Amelia: “Is that praise from the great Lincoln Rhymes.” Lincoln: “Praise, tempered by observation. You’re not afraid.” Amelia: “That’s a good thing, right?” Lincoln: “Sometimes. Sometimes fear provides caution. Sometimes caution is the better part of valor.” Amelia: “Would you have done any different?” Lincoln: “We’re not talking about me.”
Amelia: “Lincoln, if I’m gonna be your eyes and ears and arms and legs, I’d better know how you would do it.” Lincoln: “How about this, maybe, between the two of us, we try to do it better than either of us would alone.”
4. Amelia: “I feel like I’m on a leash.” Sellitto: “You can always ignore him. Lord knows, I do.” Amelia: “Easier said than done.” Sellitto: “It’s like putting God on mute.”
1. Everett: “Thanks for accepting our invitation. It’s been too long.” Diana: “Has it. And I was thinking it could have been a bit longer.” Ryan: “Oh man, I wish I still drank.” (Prpleight and Dahne)
2. Everett: “Dirty cop. He'll pay for what he did.” Owen: “I think you've paid him enough.” (Prpleight)
3. Diana: “If you're done threatening my nephew, Everett, can you pass the salt? My soup is a bit bland.” (Prpleight)
4. Nancy: “I figured this is the only way to get you to abandon your non-tactic of just sitting in there and letting people think you’re guilty.” Carson: “Nancy, please listen to me...” Nancy: “Since you won’t stand up to the Hudsons to protect yourself, I’m hoping you will do it to protect me.” Carson: “You’re taking your life in your hands.” Nancy: “No, I’m putting it in yours because I need my dad back.” (Dahne)
5. Bess: “Oh, I actually keep a running tab on the Marvins at all times. Not in a stalker way. I had to know exactly where they were in order to avoid them before I could present myself. I’m like a reverse stalker.” Nancy: “When it comes to following people around without their knowledge or consent, I am somewhat of a repeat offender.” (Dahne)
6. Nancy: “I think my dad being in jail qualifies as more than just stuff.” Owen: “Absolutely, and it deserves that insanely reckless, singularly focused drive that makes you great.” Nancy: “Oof, why doesn’t that feel like a compliment?” Owen: “It’s recognition. We both go after what we want and we usually get it, even if it means other things fall by the wayside. Other people too.” ~It’s about time someone confronted Nancy for being self-absorbed. (Dahne)
1. Ginny: “Are you okay?” Arthur: “The worst thing in the world just happened to the person I hate most. You’d think I’d be happy but I’m sad.” Ginny: “Well, of course you are. You’re not a monster.” Arthur: “Oh really. I tried to keep you from taking a shot at a better life.” Ginny: “Ugh. It doesn’t matter. I screwed it up and I am sure that I will not get it.” Arthur: “Oh I’m sorry. Back to me. What the hell am I supposed to do? I mean ever since Jean died, revenge is the only thing that’s been keeping me going.” Ginny: “On the surface maybe, but underneath, I mean wasn’t it about friendship and community and the joy of making music with us?” Arthur: “Nah, I don’t live in Mr. Roger’s neighborhood...unless there’s a bar.”
2. Adams: “I met someone.” Keith: “That’s amazing.” Adams: “Except, because of our secret, he thinks I’m a murderer.” Keith: “That gives you the upperhand in the relationship. I don’t see the problem.” Jax: “Secrets can be a real burden.” Keith: “Oh really, I wouldn’t know that as a gay, black man in Kentucky.”
3. Jax: “Your dead husband is alive?” Adams: “No, my alive husband, who’s about to be dead. You stole my life and my dress.”
1. Martin: “I still owe you that cup of tea, don’t I?” Gil: “I switched to coffee.” ~This quote exemplifies all that I love about Prodigal Son and its dry humor. It calls back to when they first met and Malcolm, as a child, saves Gil from unwittingly becoming another poisoned victim of the Surgeon. However, it also signifies the duality in Malcolm and the two men who most shaped his life.
2. Jessica: “All right, now everything’s gonna be just fine. Oh, honey. One thing you learn having kids. Head wounds bleed like crazy but they heal so fast.” Ainsley: “Mom?” Jessica: “What?” Ainsley: “I’m sorry.” Jessica: “Oh, shh. You...just relax, okay? Oh, you’re gonna have a hell of a headache tomorrow. It’s a good thing your mom has a highly curated collection of painkillers.” ~What makes this quote golden is that a serial killer is hacking away at the door of the room they are in while she’s saying it. I love how calm and matter-of-fact she is in between the axe blows. Jessica remains one of my favorite new characters.
3. Malcolm: “No, stop. You don’t have to do this.” Watkins: “Not, but I do. It’s my calling.” Malcolm: “I know that voice, the one inside your head. Maybe it started with your grandfather saying you were worthless, but...but it evolved into something more powerful, undeniable. It will never be satisfied and neither will you.” (pause for less interesting scene) Malcolm: “I hear that voice too from my father. I can hear him, I can see him, but I don’t have to listen to him. So don’t. Don’t listen to the voice.” Watkins: “The thing is I like the voice. It’s a part of me and right now, it’s telling me to hurry.”
4. Jessica: “Gil, this is a world I know nothing about. The man you need to speak with is locked in solitary.” Gil: “Yeah, I’ve got a friend in the FBI who’s working on that. I’m going to visit the Surgeon.” Jessica: “Well you can kill that SOB for all I care. Just find my son.”
1. Rick: “Turns out she was only pretending to like the Eagles.” Wilma: “So, it’s all good as long as she’s not a whack-a** Cowboys fan. Is she a Cowboys fan?” Rick: “She doesn’t like any teams because she doesn’t like football.” Wilma: “So she likes baseball?” Rick: “No.” Wilma: “Volleyball?” Rick: “She doesn’t like sports.” Wilma: “What? Is she some kind of maniac?” Rick: “Hey, that’s the love of my life you’re talking about, but yes, she may be a maniac.”
2. Lainey: “Liz, I don’t want to be your enemy. I want to be your friend.” Liz: “Really?” Lainey: “Yes. I’m sorry I’ve been so judgy.” Liz: “Same, and even though I hate to admit it, I’ve always kind of wanted a cool friend like you.” Lainey: “If you ask me, you’re brilliant and strong and you know who you are. There’s nothing cooler than that.”
3. Julie: “Look, it’s amazing that we can finally say it, but it doesn’t change the fact that I don’t do sports.” Rick: “And I’m not asking you to, because as much as I love my teams, I love you more.” Julie: “I love you too, Rick Mellor.”
4. Wilma: “You guys are weird.” Rick: “But professional. You see, normally, I would give her a kiss goodbye, but this is a place of business so I’m going to send her off with an appropriate farewell canoodle.” Wilma: “For the record, canoodling is one thousand times more disturbing than a kiss.”
1. Derek: “It’s not fine. I’ve been thinking about what you said. I’m so sorry. I know I can’t make up for years of being gone, but I can try to be better now, if you’ll let me.”
2. Angie: “I have designed this weekend to run like a corporate retreat. We’ll exchange names, a few fun facts, and then we all go home with a tote bag and an opinion of Houston that remains 100% unchanged.” Douglas: “Living together has brought us closer this year. I regret that.”
3. Angie: “I think it’s time for you to go. Okay? I’m clearly too sick to protect Graham.” Derek: “Protect Graham? Is this really about Graham or is it about you? Cause it feels like if it was about Graham, you’d let me help.” Angie: “Alright, maybe it is about me. Okay, maybe I’m mad because I could have had help for 8 years worth of stomach flus but I didn’t because you abandoned us.” Derek: “Look, Angie…” Angie: “No talky. Just listen-y. I have made it through mother-son sick days his whole life and I’m gonna do it again today.”
4. Graham: “How do I look?” Douglas: “Dynamite, like a rich kid going to court for murder.”
1. Poppy: “Why are you here? Did something happen?” Dex: “Oh honestly, for the first time since I got back, I’ve found something that I’m good at and today someone decided to take that away from me.” Poppy: “Based on what?” Dex: “Nothing really. Hurt feelings, lies.” Poppy: “Are you gonna do something about it?” Dex: “Well there’s nothing I can do. I just have to see how it all plays out.” Poppy: “So you’re just gonna roll over and let it happen?” Dex: “Well.” Poppy: “One of the first things I learned in Basic was, at a time of war, you take the fight to your enemy. You can’t sit around, clicking your heels, waiting for unreasonable people to become reasonable because they never will. You have to take the fight to your enemy.”
2. Ansel: “Remember now? Today was the day you came to get me 12 years ago.” Dex: “That’s right, and...uh, we went to Romy’s Dinner and I got you a slice of baked Alaska.” Ansel: “You told me everything would be okay.” Dex: “I did and I meant that. You know I’m always gonna be here for you, buddy, right?” Ansel: “And I’ll always be here for you.”
3. Ginger: “Remember, never apologize for being a strong, single woman with your own money, your own life, your own business, your own good time, because you’re gonna encounter a lot of people who are threatened by it and they’re gonna try to take it away from you just to make them feel bigger.”
4. Ansel, about making Baked Alaska: “This is hard.” Tookie: “Hard? No. Tacos Chicharron is hard. This is the Manhattan Project. What about a nice cupcake?” Ansel: “No.” Tookie: “Rice Krispy treat?”
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