A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the SpoilerTV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.
1. Myrtle:c "My hair is an eternal mystery never to be fully understood." (Sam)
2. Myrtle: "Purple is for royalty, dear. Not middle management." (Sam)
3. Madison, realizing she's about to die again: "I guess it's back to retail." (Sam)
1. Leonard: "Sheldon's concocted some stupid test to see if I can keep a secret." Penny: "Ooo, what's the secret?" Leonard: "The test is stupid but I still want to pass." (Prpleight)
2. Amy: “Can't we hire a grad student to do it?” Sheldon: “A grad student? I am not trusting our unpublished paper to some millennial. They'll put unicorn emojis on it and then post it on social media.” Amy: “Why would they do that?” Sheldon: “Economic anxiety, too much avocado toast, who cares?” (Jules)
3. Amy: “What if we ask one of our friends to help us out? How about Leonard?” Sheldon: “Gee, I don't know. Can we trust him?” Amy: “He's your best friend in the whole world.” Sheldon: “Yes, but he's always struck me as the guy in the plane crash who doesn't wait until you're all the way dead to eat you.” (Jules)
4. Bernadette: “I want to show Howard I can play this game.” Penny: You know, you make a lot more money than he does. Can't you just rub his nose in that?” Bernadette: “I can, but I want to rub his nose in this.” (Jules)
1. Barry: “You're crazy.” Iris: “I am.” Barry: “Thank you. I love you.” Iris: “I love you.” ~This is Barry and Iris' conversation after she dives head first, with no hesitation, off of a building to save him. (Naomi)
1. Lauren: “If anything happens, I’ll protect you.” Reed: “It’s not your job to protect me. It’s my job to protect you.” Lauren: “Our family is in this together. It’s time we start acting that way. We can’t keep running from what we are.” (Mads)
2. Reeva: “Do not test me, Quinn. I am not a monster unless I need to be.” (Mads)
3. Quinn: “I never even knew your real name, did I?” Reeva: “Soon you will. Soon the whole world will know my name.” (Mads)
1. Janet: “All he consumes are radishes and lentils.” Michael: “No Janet, he also consumes his own waste. Everything's fine.” (Shirleena)
1. Andrew: “Well, you amaze me, Dr. Grey. And while I’m feeling brave, I’m not sorry I kissed you at the wedding. ‘Cause it’s all I’ve been able to think about ever since and I know you have options, but... I want you to know that I’m one of them.” (Mads)
2. Alex: “I don’t care about the license. I feel married.” Jo: “Me too, but we should still mail it in.” (Mads)
3. Levi: “Sex wasn't on the table for us, so I didn't know I was gay. I knew I had feelings for boys, but I didn't understand it. Not until you kissed me. You kissed me, and I felt the opposite of shame. I felt like I existed and everything fell into place. For the first time, it felt like I was holding the sun sword, and I... [Nico stops him with a kiss] — are you just kissing me to stop me from talking?” Nico: “No.” (Mads)
1. Junior: “Hey, Koa. Was she always this competitive when you were kids?” Koa: “Only until she was about 8. After that I wouldn't play with her.”(Prpleight)
2. Lou’s Father: “When you’re standing in a hole, stop digging.” (Prpleight)
1. Murphy: “Remember Donald Trump?” Holly: “The handsy guy who liked walking through our pageant dressing room pretending to check the thermostat?” Murphy: “That's the one. He's president.” Holly: “Of what?” Murphy: “The United States?” Corky: “Why don't you just hit her over the head with a bedpan?” Holly: “I want to go back in the coma.” ~Holly wakes up after being in a coma for 10 years. (Jules)
2. Miles: “Nice moustache, Frank. You look like Stormy Daniels' co-star in The Horny Hospital.” (Jules and Prpleight)
3. Phyllis: “I knew that guy was guilty. It's always the husband. I've had four of them. I know a stair-pusher when I see one.” (Jules)
4. Corky: “Phyllis, hit me again.” Phyllis: “You keep drinking like this, and I'm gonna have to put you over there - in Kavanaugh Corner.” (Jules)
5. Corky: “Feeling a bit unsteady.” Murph: “After two shots? Amateur.” (Jules)
6. Frank: "Excuse me. Can you state your business please?" Doctor: "I'm a doctor." Frank: "With that fake accent? Nice try." Doctor: "My accent is not fake, but your mustache is. Now, get out of my way before I call security." Miles: "Hold on. If you're a real doctor. should I be concerned about this?” Doctor: "Why don't you ask Dr. Porno here?" (Prpleight)
1. Sebastian: “Why don’t we save the profiling for Yasmin and we just give our boss her space?” Gregorio: “That’s no fun.”
2. Yasmin: “Shoot me or arrest me. I’m not ruining this outfit.”
1. Lopez: “That’s Officer Davis. She collects American Girl dolls and then uses them to recreate scenes from 50 Shades. She’s single if you’re wondering.” (Mads)
2. Chen: “With all due respect, ma’am, there are no rookies like me.” Bishop: “Don’t fool yourself, Boot. They’re all like you. (Mads)”
3. Bishop: “Look, I appreciate you being honest with me about Nolan. More importantly, I think you’re finally being honest with yourself. That’s all I was looking to provoke — an informed choice.” (Mads)
1. Mateo: “Ugh, I hate making small talk with old people. It’s always a two hour fiasco about their children or what race they’re worried about getting robbed by.” Amy: “It’s so weird how they always have the most time to talk and yet the least time to live.” (Mads)
2. Dina: “You know, my cousin deep-fried a turkey last year. But he didn’t thaw it completely. Huge explosion. Bunch of his face just melted clean off. He’s had to have a ton of surgeries. We keep telling him he looks good as new, but really he kind of looks like one of those baseball mitts from the 1920s. Anyways, be safe. Gobble gobble.” (Mads)
3. Mateo: “My parents still think I’m straight.” Jonah: “Really?” Mateo: “What? I could be straight. [Deep voice] “Oh my god, a football. Throw!” (Mads)
1. Prof. Sturgis: “Psychology? Is that a new interest of yours?” Sheldon: “It was either this or milking cows.” Prof. Sturgis: “Oh. I once was licked by a cow. You made the right choice.”
2. Meemaw: “Can I take you to get some ice cream?” Sheldon: “I'm having an emotional crisis, Meemaw! You can't fix that with ice cream.”
3. Georgie when asked what he is thankful for this Thanksgiving: “I'm thankful for my job at the auto shop. Uh, let's see, Alyssa Milano from Who's the Boss? She's really hot. That's about it.”
You're the best
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