A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the Spoiler TV team. Since there hasn’t been a lot of TV in the last few weeks, here’s our favorite quotes for the month so far. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.
AHS: Cult -
1. Ivy: “You'll never do anything to me.” Ally: “I already have.” (DarkUFO)
2. Kai: “Why would I kill us? I'm running for Senate and dead people can't vote. Except in Chicago.” (DarkUFO)
3. Winter: “Who the hell is Jim Jones?” (DarkUFO)
Arrow -
1. Renee: “Did Laurel also make out with this one first? It's legit investigatory question.” (Marko)
The Big Bang Theory -
1. Sheldon: “I just know how much Professor Proton touched me as a child, and I fell I owe it to him to try and touch as many children as possible.” Leonard: “You should put that on your audition tape.” (Prpleight)
The Blacklist -
1. Tom: “Whatever secret you’re hiding from Liz, it will come out. Family secrets always do.”
2. Red: “And while your system won’t hold you to account for whatever you choose to do, your conscience will.”
3. Liz: “And here I thought all old, rich, white men were good at golf.”
The Brave -
1. Noah: “I hope you brought your capes because this is superhero stuff.”
2. Patricia: “Make contact, don’t get killed, and try to keep McGuire’s pants on.”
3. Spy: “It’s easy to stand on principle until it’s the people we love who will suffer from it.”
Bull -
1. Ally: “Well I don’t think we changed any minds down there, not even with the encore from An Officer and a Gentleman.” Bull: “Actually you changed mine. I think we should go to trial and I think we should squeeze those b** because of what they did to you. Squeeze them for everything they’ve got.”
2. Bull: “Okay, here’s something you don’t know. Those 16 times I came by your house that summer to say goodbye, what I really wanted to do was get you to run away with me, make a baby with me, live over a store with me in some town where nobody knew us. I was completely prepared to get a job at a gas station or pizza parlor. Whatever it took but college was this thing I was supposed to do. You were this thing I had to do. Every Bruce Springsteen song I ever heard told me that was true. I just couldn’t get the words to come out of my mouth.”
3. Bull: “Ladies, gentlemen, don’t get up. I wouldn’t for you.”
Fresh Off the Boat -
1. Eddie: “When Evan asked me to be his will person, I didn’t know I was just a placeholder.
It was just cool thinking I could be the big brother for once.” Emery: “You’re a great big brother. You replaced that tie without even telling me.” Eddie: “When you’re having a bad year, sometimes you just need good stuff to happen. Trust me. I know.” Emory: “This bad luck year sucks.” Eddie: “You want to know a secret? This year of the bad luck thing, it’s just puberty and it gets worse and lasts way longer than a year. At least we’re in it together.”
The Good Place -
1. Michael: “I designed this entire torture chamber around the absolute certainty that when the going got tough you would give up. That was the signature Shellstrop move. Do you remember once when your change oil light came on? You just abandoned your car in a parking garage.” Eleanor: “Of course.” Michael: “But here, faced with the toughest challenges I could throw at you, you never once stopped trying to become a better person and I just…why?” Eleanor: “I don’t know. I mean whenever I would do something crappy on Earth there would be A tiny voice in the back of my head that would say “Eleanor, don’t grab that handful of olives from the salad bar. You didn’t pay for that.” or “Eleanor, don’t spit those olive pits on the floor of the grocery store. That’s not cool.” “Eleanor, that old man just slipped on your olive pits and he fell down. Don’t use the fact that everyone is distracted to go back and still more.“ Michael: “I get it.” Eleanor: “This ethics stuff is hard…and it’s confusing and it is such a buzzkill. But, it does get rid of the little voice because at least I’m trying to do the right thing instead of the crappy thing. I gotta say man, I don’t miss the little voice..”
-
1. Richard: “I once took a pencil out of a man's penis. He said he wanted to sign with it.” (Marko)
2. Arizona: “Do you have a gun in your vagina?” (Marko)
3. New Intern Taryn: :They are so pretty I wonder what is going to happen.” (Marko)
HTGAWM -
1. Isaac: “So it was an accident. You didn’t kill anyone.” Annalise: “No, stop. I’m opening up like you want me to and you keep steering me some place to get me to feel something that you think I should be feeling. Let me feel guilty.” Isaac: “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to make you feel…” Annalise: “Well you do. So does everyone, the whole world...always makes me feel I’m not right the way I am. Sam wanting me to be the mother. My clients wanting me to be the hero. I can’t be all those things. I can’t be strong all the time. Now say something.”
2. Annalise: “Claudia, you’re a mother. I don’t want to expose you to more risk.” Claudia: “That’s what being a mother’s about. You think I was selling for fun. You’ve given me hope, something I ain’t had in a long time. So get out of here. You’ve got work to do.”
3. Asher: “Point being, I’m here if you need any extra help or just like a shoulder to cry on. I mean I know I can never be Wes but, uh...I can try.”
Kevin (Probably) Saves the World -
1. Angel: “How does anyone get anything done with all this stuff running through you.” Kevin: “Well most of life is spent in between so you just remember that when you’re down, that’s temporary and when you’re up, that’s also temporary…”
2. Emily: “You’re more than just a tiny light. You’re a medium-sized light at least.” Kevin: “Now you’ve gone too far.”
3. Kevin: “Okay, I know that you...you’re new to feelings and everything, but...but this is clearly your emotions talking.” Angel: “I want them to shut up.” Kevin: “Well you could try to do what I do and stuff it all down to a dark, terrible place and deal with it in therapy later…”
Me, Myself, & I -
1. Old Darryl: “Well if you really want to move on, I know a great dating site, and I may have already started a profile for you. All you have to do is answer a few questions. Your interests, ideal date…” Old Alex: “How about I just say I’m a billionaire.” Old Darryl: “That’ll work.”
2. Mid Alex: “The Crunch Controller Pro. God, I thought anything was possible back then.” Ron: “Well, what’s changed.”
3. Old Alex: “I’m playing the long game here.” Old Daryl: “It’s been 50 years. You’re playing the crazy game here.”
NCIS:LA -
1. Mosley: “Are we on the same page?” Callen: “Honestly, I don’t know if we’re even reading the same book.”
2. Sam: “I’ve been reading the Wall Street Journal since I was 12. I know my way around discounted cash flow statements like I do my own house.” Callen: “You know you live on a boat now, right?”
3. Deeks: “I mean first you don’t think he’s helping you and then you think that maybe he’s trying to get you killed, but then you realize he’s just causing you to go prematurely grey, causing some late night stress eating. But he has legit inroads to an unbelievable amount of bad guys because, say what you will about him, he is a charming b** and a people person.”
Scorpion -
1. Sly: “Why should I move forward? Why can’t Paige move forward?” Paige: “I’m right behind you, you big baby.”
2. Toby: “Now what did you learn?” Sly: “Happy’s mean.” Toby: “Can’t argue with that.”
3. Paige: “Ralph, no one wants to die by pumpkin.”
The Shannara Chronicles -
1. Tamlin: “The kingdom of Leah will not abide terrorism within its walls.” Ander: “That’s propaganda, not a promise.” Tamlin: “You have my word.” Ander: “I guess time will tell what that’s worth.”
2. Tamlin: “So now he’s confiding in you. That’s a change for the better.” Lyria: “Oh on the contrary, I’m done being your pawn. If I marry him, it’s gonna be on my terms. When I’m on the throne in Arborlon, you won’t be able to count on my support.”
3. Ander: “Is this really what you wanted? Become a martyr for a hateful cause? You’re my oldest friend. After all we’ve been through, why did you betray me?” Edain: “I tried to reach you, but you wouldn’t listen, wouldn’t hear the pleas of your own people. The Crimson became their voice.” Ander: “Catania was one of those people you defend so valiantly. You think twice before murdering her?”
Supergirl -
1. Alex: “I want all the experiences that Mom had with us, you know? I want to take my kid camping and I want to show her the constellations. I want to teach her how to read, and how to throw a punch and how to make cheesy valentines. And I want to hold her when she has a bad dream, and I want to tell her the world is a better place because she’s in it. I want all of it. I want to be a Mom. What am I going to do?” (Djriter and Zandarl)
Supernatural -
1. Camille/Mia: “Dean? Do you journal?” Dean Winchester: “Ever since I was a little girl.” (Kayell)
The Walking Dead -
1. Jerry: “Protect the king!” Ezekial: “Protect yourselves!” (DarkUFO)
2. Morgan: “I don't die.” (DarkUFO)
Wisdom of the Crowd -
1. Tanner: “You should smile more Mike. It’s good for the digestion.”
2. Tanner: “This is my fault. Sophe put a target on his back.” Cavanaugh: “No, when you walk into prison, you have a target on your back.”
3. Nell: “But remember, if I have a controlling stake in Sophe, I have say over Jeffery uses it and what he can post. Or is it not about that either?”
About the Author - Dahne
One part teacher librarian - one part avid TV fan, Dahne is a contributing writer for
SpoilerTV, where she reviews and/or creates polls for Teen Wolf, How to Get Away with Murder, The Librarians, and others. She also runs the annual Character Cup. She's addicted to
Twitter, loves live tweeting, and co-hosts
The 100 "Red-Shirted" and
Teen Wolf "Welcome to Beacon Hills" podcasts for Southgate Media Group. Previously she wrote a
Last Week in TV column for
her blog and SpoilerTV.
~ "I speak TV."
