A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the Spoiler TV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.
1. John Constantine: "You know, the hair on the back of my neck has been standing up since the moment I got into town." Oliver: "That is probably our current problem - Damien Darkh. Ohh, you've heard of him." John Constantine: "You watch yourself on that one, mate. He'll make what you saw in the other realm look like a bloody gnat." ~Oliver's delivery of "Ohh, you've heard of him" was just excellent. Reminded me a lot of David Tennant's Doctor. Also, Constantine was great fun. (Bradley Adams and Ben L)
2. Quentin: "What do you want?" Damien: "Well, a new beginning for the world. Nice glass of Merlot, not necessarily in that order." (Bradley Adams)
3. Felicity: "Ok, you're not even allowed to say 'energy drink' while on company time ever again." Curtis: "That's ok; I think I might be having a cardiac incident, anyway." (Bradley Adams and Prpleight)
4. Constantine: "You know if I knew you were surrounded by so many pretty girls, Oliver, I would have stopped by sooner." (Nirat Anop)
1. Ash: "Sometimes a whale needs it’s baitfish to remind him of where he is in the ocean." (Prpleight and Dahne)
2. Kelly: "Pablo, believe it or not, the rude middle aged man you brought is kind of ruining my mom time."
3. Pablo: "Is this what it's like to be you?" Ash: "Yeah, pretty much. I've never killed my boss before so that was new."
4. Pablo: "Ash, I know you said that when I got hit I'd know what to do but I just got hit and I don't know what to do."
5. Kelly: "And this is Ash, a person I never thought would be in my home." Ash: "Hi. You used to be dead, right?"
1. Lady Love: "This blood for blood serves neither God nor country. There will be no one at your table better versed in the complexity of this issue than myself. Give me the authority to handle the rebellion as I see fit." (Robert Fruin)
2. Annora: "The greater one fights for the love they deserve, the stronger the bond between them." (Robert Fruin)
3. Milus: "In the months since Eric's death you grow stronger, smarter. Certainly more bold. You have become formidable, Love. A voice that challenges me and every pompous noble that rides through our gates. It would be the devil's best work to have scandal take that away." (Robert Fruin)
4. Annora: "We do not need a scholar or a prophet. We need a warrior." (Robert Fruin)
1. Zapata: " A doctor told me once that turbulence can’t take down a plane." Jane: "I’d feel a lot more comfortable if a pilot told you that." (Prpleight)
2. Reade: "They do know you're in here, right?" Guerrero: "They're very enthusiastic."
2. Weller: "Just to be clear. You have the right to remain silent."
3. Guerrero: "So which is it? Hands up, down on the ground, or don't move?"
4. Weller: "You got something to say, just say it." Zapata: "You're protecting her. She's more than just an FBI asset to you. It's one thing if you won't admit it. It is something else if you don't even know it."
5. Guerrero: "What is this? A scavenger hunt?"
6. Guerrero: "The anticipation is killing me." Reade: "You know what? Your little play-by-play isn't helping."
1. Malaya: "I'm doing this all wrong." Niven: "Doing what all wrong? Being a doctor or being a human?"
2. Hudson: "Two ways to kill your patient. What you don't know and what you think you know but isn't so."
3. Taylor: "I've been doing this longer than you've been manscaping."
4. Rorish: "You've just become our priority patient. You get the first OR available." Tom: "Not the lottery I want to win."
5. Jesse: "Mala suerte." Rorish: "That's directed at me? I'm bad luck?" Jesse: "I was in code red. You walked up, code black. Do the math. I'll bring some sage in." Rorish: "Do that. I'll tell you where you can shove it."
1. Artie: "Man if anybody had ever told me that this is where my tax dollars are going, I'd actually start…never mind."
2. Krumitz: "Where are you going?' Elijah: "Baltimore." Krumitz: "I thought Avery grounded you." Elijah: "She told me to stay in Washington. Everybody knows Baltimore's just a suburb of the district."
3. Elijah: "Last year he called City Mercy 8 times but the hospital just dismissed him as a wacko." Krumitz: "Well he probably is. Who makes that face in their driver's license photo?"
4. Artie: "Turns out not everyone on the wire is trustworthy."
5. DB: "People feel an emptiness in their lives without you, you know. So just remember them and don't ever stop fighting. Goodbye, Jules."
6. Krumitz: "In my 10 years at the FBI, I have only failed once. Today might be the second time."
1. Watson: "Say Operation Bestow Glory actually works, what are you going to do while I consult with the police?" Sherlock: "You know I have my distractions." Watson: "You really don't get it?" Sherlock: "I don't get what?" Watson: "When it comes to what we do, the only thing that matters to me is our partnership. So if you go, I go. You offered me a job. I didn't take it to work with the police. I took it to work with you." Sherlock: "Well you should know that my detractors are not limited to the NYPD. My professional prospects are quite bleak in general." Watson: "We'll figure it out. We always do."
2. Sherlock: "Justice is like an orgasm. It can never come too late."
3. Sherlock (about his father): "Was he driven here or did he arrive in a plume of black smoke?"
4. Sherlock: "Uh, what do you want?" Bloom: "To hire you. I hear you're quite the detective." Sherlock: "Unfortunately I've got a 'no sadists' policy."
5. Sherlock: "It seems you'll not have to visit me in prison after all." Watson: "You're not being charged. Okay, I'm going to heat up some celebratory leftovers and then we're gonna talk about all the women that you don't have to write to."
1. Lou: "There's a look a boy gets when he's been shot or a landmine takes off his legs. And he's laying there in the mud, trying to get up. 'Cuz he doesn't feel it yet. His brain hasn't caught up with the reality which is, he's already dead." Peggy: "Ed... he's scaring me." Lou: "But we see it. The rest of us. And we lie. We say, "Lay still. You're gonna be fine." If you'd been to war, you'd know the look. See, you and Peggy... you got the look. You still think it's Tuesday. You have no idea what's coming." (Darth Locke)
2. Sonny: "Listen I was in 'Nam, ya? Up there they called me Mad-dog. So you just-- you, uh, watch your--" Hanzee: "Do you miss it?" Sonny: "What?" Hanzee: "The country. Y'know, the wet, the heat, the bugs. Do you miss it?" Sonny: "God, no." Hanzee: "It's this quiet I can't get used to. This... frozen winter." Sonny: "Yeah, well... can't argue with you." Hanzee: "Did you work the tunnels? 'Send the inyun,' they'd say. 'Who cares about booby traps? Give Hanzee a flashlight and a knife and send him down into the black echo.' Moving through the earth like a rat. Killin' off Charlie, takin' his ears.' " Sonny: "Ears?" Hanzee: "You gotta push their faces down in the earth so they don't scream and wake the others." (Darth Locke)
3. Mob Boss [to Otto]: "Kill the king, be the king. That's the world. If you're feeling sour about it, write a letter to Napoleon."
1. Caitlin: "Cisco, I don't think any of us would suddenly become evil if we got powers, even if they were from Dr. Wells." (Nirat Anop)
2. Cisco: "Yeah, well, we're batting a thousand against these breeches." Earth 2 Harry: "You're batting a thousand, Crisco? What's your sample size? Ten?" (Nirat Anop)
3. Joe: "How are you still alive?" Wells: "I don't know. Because you missed?" Barry: "Hey, I'm trying to keep him from shooting you. You're not helping." (Dahne)
4. Cisco: "Okay are Dr. Wells may have been evil but you're just a d**." (Nirat Anop, Prpleight, and Dahne)
5. Cisco: "For real?" Barry: "Stop, alright. I was gonna ask her out and then a land shark tried to eat me and then Doctor Wells the Sequel showed up." (Robert Fruin and Dahne)
6. Caitlin: "Technically this could be mine but I want to run some tests on you." Wells: "I'll be genetically indistinguishable from my earth 1 counterpart. Your tests will reveal nothing." Caitlin: "Great. Still gonna run 'em."
7. Joe: "I just want one week where we're not surprised by somebody from our past."
8. Barry: "You've got to give him a chance, okay? He's not a speedster. He's just a regular, normal guy…from another universe." Cisco: "I never thought I'd miss time travel."
9. Harrison Wells: "A man who looks exactly like me betrayed you. I'm sorry, I'm not him. You need to listen to me if I say you can capture Zoom." (Robert Fruin)
1. Eddie: "Allison's officially my girlfriend." Louis: "What? When did that happen?" Eddie: "Apparently 2 weeks ago. I had no idea we were even dating. I guess that's how things work in 7th grade. Love moves fast and quiet, like Miss Jackson says."
2. Mindy: "We finally have an answer to that question everyone's been asking. Why doesn't anybody move the damn thing? Apparently human touch would render the endangered tortoise infertile. Maybe that tortoise should try being an unmarried woman over 40."
3. Mey-Mey: "It's okay. We're on at 4 am. Our core demo is truckers welcome on and hookers clocking off."
4. Brian: "Call me crazy but square pizza just tastes less good." Eddie: "It's a right angles. Trying to make us learn at lunch."
5. Louis: "Well, one person can't be everything."
1. Sarah: "Edie would love it there and bonus - you don't have to pretend you sleep with your dad."
2. Jimmy: "Come on, Edie. Let's check out a school you'll never get into and then after I'll take you to a store and burn a doll in front of ya."
3. Jimmy: "You know you can't be the cutest girl in the world and the smartest. You've got to spread it around a little bit. You don't want haters, right?"
4. Jimmy: "I refuse to live in a world where laws protect human life over fine Italian leather."
5. Jimmy: "I have no idea what it's like to be in a homosexual relationship." Annelise: "It's like being in any other relationship." Jimmy: "I have no idea what that's like either."
1. Monroe: "Too many bad things have gone down here, man. Too much death and destruction. I'm just saying, you might want to think about a…you know, change of venue." Nick: "You mean move." Monroe: "Oh I mean get the hell out of here."
2. Hank: "Can't wait to explain that to Pogue." Wu: "I'll come visit you in the psych ward every Tuesday."
3. Pogue: "Does he look like a guy who can rip someone's throat out?" Hank: "It's hard to know what's inside somebody."
1. Quinn: "If I'm found like this, in a hospital or in a morgue, Carrie will never be free." Jonas: "You people are out of your goddamned minds." (Darth Locke)
2. Carrie: "You're a runner now, huh?" Saul: "Yeah." Carrie: "Since when?" Saul: "Since Mira filed for divorce." (Darth Locke)
3. Ivan: "Just a little farther now, OK. We're almost there." Allison: "Easy for you to say." Ivan: " Don't be scared of him." Allison: "Who, Dar Adal?" Ivan: "He's a pussycat. Just put out the milk, he will lap it up. Believe me." Allison: "It's gonna take a lot more than that to turn Dar Adal against Saul." Ivan: "Wait and see. Saul's weakness is Israel. Dar Adal knows it. When he comes to you, and he will come, play hard to get, and then go to Saul with the passenger manifest." (Darth Locke)
1. Laurel: "You're welcome." Annalise: "Excuse me?" Laurel: "For helping you win the case." Annalise: "You want the trophy, it's in a box in the basement." Laurel: "Is this because of Frank? Because of all the terrible things that happened in that house, us being together…" Annalise: "I don't care that you two are screwing?" Laurel: "You do. Otherwise why treat me like cr** and let everyone else act crazy. Because they are, all of them. They're a mess and I'm the one watching out for them. Fixing problems before you even know they exist." Annalise: "Don't you think I know that?" Laurel: "Why would I? You don't talk to me." Annalise: "Because I don't need to. Me not paying attention to you is the best compliment you can ever get because that means I don't have to worry about you. Go back to the office and stop being needy." (Jimmy Ryan, Daniel van der Veer, and Dahne)
2. Annalise to Frank: "If you want to protect us, kill Emily Sinclair." (Jimmy Ryan)
3. Annalise to Sinclair: "You're messing with the wrong b***." (Jimmy Ryan)
4. Frank (about Oliver): "Relax. He's not my type." (Daniel van der Veer)
5. Oliver (about Annalise): "She's so much nicer than you said." (Daniel van der Veer)
6. the entire Annalise and Bonnie conversation:
A. Bonnie: "You fixed it like always except this time I was the car you traded." Annalise: "I traded your past but I saved your future and it worked or else you'd be in prison right now." Bonnie: "I don't get to be mad about this? Is that what you're saying?" Annalise: "No, I'm saying you don't get to be emotional about this. You knew what trouble we were in. What else could I have done?" Bonnie: "Stop denying what you did."
B. Bonnie: "You exposed me to him." Annalise: "I didn't expose you. I saved you. You killed a girl in my basement, put a plastic bag over her head." Bonnie: "To protect you." Annalise: "And I did what I did to protect you." Bonnie: "No, you did this to ruin me. The one good thing I had in my life." Annalise: "Oh don't you dare. Every good thing in your life is because of me." Bonnie: "You mean despite you."
C. Bonnie: "You knew how much this would hurt me. Out of everyone, you knew. But you did it because you wanted to. You don't know how to love anyone." Annalise: "I don't know how to love anyone? Alright, then go back to that fancy apartment and your rolling around in bed with that 25 year old boy and you're not hanging from a bed sheet behind some metal bars. Then you tell me that I don't love you." Bonnie: "I want you to die. That's what I want. That it was you they killed in this house, not Sam because he'd have never done this to me."
1. Liv: "Horny boys are the worst. When all your blood returns to the normal locations in your body, you're gonna care whether that make out session has left you living or living dead."
2. Liv: "Is that look of disgust because you need cream and sugar or because you need habanera?" Major: "It's because you're still incapable of turning hot water and coffee grounds into a palpable beverage."
3. Liv: "How are you feeling?" Major: "Great. Who doesn't enjoy waking up to a beautiful woman cutting off his circulation?"
4. Major: "I'm beginning to think that your ulterior motive has an ulterior motive."
5. Major: "So far to me it sounds like all of our problems could be solved with condoms and rock salt."
1. Matt: "Remember that train in Frankfurt? You and me crammed into a single sleeper berth. I had to hold you so you wouldn't fall out. You thought it was romantic. 'Do Yeats,' you said. And I said, 'I only did Yeats to get you to fall in love with me. I don't need poetry anymore.' And you said, 'You still need it.' " (Francesco)
2. Matt: "This boy needs help. His father's dead." (Bradley Adams)
3. Matt: "Is it a test? Can you look at me? Just give a small sign that you're here. Oh, this isn't fair. You can't give that to me and take it away again. So you-- you need to look at me now, Mary, okay? Look at me. Look at me! (Francesco)
1. Eve: "Now, tactical assessment." Carsen: "An immortal magician from Shakespeare's plays has teamed up with a supervillain genius that he's pulled from literature to take advantage of the fact that magic has returned to the world to restore his power and to accomplish some sort of unknowable and yet terrifying plot for world domination." Eve: "So Tuesday then."
2. Moriarty: "Villain? I always prefer antagonist."
3. Jake: "We have a sun?" Jenkins: "Yes, in the sun room. What else would one store in a sunroom?" Eve: "Oh, magazines, cozy chairs, mimosas."
4. Carsen: "Hopefully, if everything goes as planned, the storm falls apart." Eve: "And if it all goes wrong?" Carsen: "You and I get incinerated and New York drowns." Eve: "Sucky pep talk."
5. Carsen: "Frozen land of giants, lost animal kingdom, hive of giant bees." Eve: "Why do we even have that door?"
1. Jenkins: "Excuse me, I'm going to go take care of my….desperately not wanting to be here."
2. Moriarty: "Well done, Duchess. I admire your initiative." Eve: "Well then you're gonna love my gumption and my spunk."
3. Jake: "You don't know how to use a card catalog?" Ezekiel: "Uh, it's the 21st century. I don't know how to shoe a horse either."
4. Eve: "Are we going to fight magical swords because I did not bring anything for that?"
5. Eve: "Shakespeare had a friend who was a wizard? Kind of buried the lead there."
6. Moriarty: "Welcome to Team Fiction."
1. Brian: "Life goes by really fast. If you don't stop to look around sometimes, you could miss it." (Darth Locke)
2. Imaginary Rebecca: "You're not dying. You just can't think of anything good to do." (Darth Locke)
3. Brian: "I quote John Lennon, 'A dream you dream alone is a dream. A dream you dream together is reality.' After all, he was the walrus. I could be the walrus." (Darth Locke)
4. Naz: "We're gonna find Brian. Once that's done, I'm gonna figure out who the hell authorized this and either that person will no longer work for the Bureau or I won't."
5. Sloane: "I wish the laws of physics would allow me strangle you right now."
6. Brian: "We used to call that the condom pocket. That's a little childish and stupid, but then again so is high school."
7. Brian: "You speak English?" Aleksey: "Everyone speaks some English."
1. Elizabeth: "So, he's done picking up weapons at the Pentagon, and he doesn't have any lunch plans?" (Daniel van der Veer)
2. Henry: "What are you doing?" Dmitri: "Walking down a street. This is a free country, isn't it?" (Daniel van der Veer)
3. Allison: "I'm going to go downstairs and talk to Olga, the stranger who finds me more interesting than my own mother." (Daniel van der Veer)
1. Judith: "It's been really nice talking to you, sunshine. I hope we get to do it again soon, just the two of us." Gibbs: "I'm asleep, right? This is a dream?" Judith: "Close your eyes and keep dreaming. It gets better and better." (Daniel van der Veer)
2. Judith: "What's in the basement?" Gibbs: "Hey! None of your business! Come back here!" Judith: "Is it your naughty room? Wanna know my safe word? Kielbasa." (Daniel van der Veer)
3. Judith: "You have a very commanding voice, Special Agent Gibbs. And big hands." Bishop: "Oh boy." (Daniel van der Veer)
1. Alex: "Simon, I need control over Caleb's computer right now." Simon: "Of course. You want me to get you a unicorn while I'm at it."
2. Charlie: "You wake up every morning wishing I made good on that note." Miranda: "I wake up every morning thanking God you're alive and you have a chance to be the man I know you can be."
3. Charlie: "And why do I care about your terrible parenting?" O'Connor: "Each one of these kids is alive because your mother stopped you from killing them. Instead of visiting graves, their parents get to visit dorm rooms and every time Louisa ignores my call at least I know she's alive and there's still hope she'll forgive me one day. Do you get that you almost took that hope away?"
4. Charlie: "I didn't want you to find the note." Miranda: "Who did you think would find it?" Charlie: "I didn't think." Miranda: "You didn't, but I did. I burned it. And that's the only reason that you're out of that place and that terrifies me because I don't know if I did the right thing or if I just made it easier for the next time you want to shoot somebody."
5. Booth: "Congratulations. You just blew your own op with Alex."
1. Cyrus to Olivia: "You have the Oval. This is what power looks like." (Jimmy Ryan)
1. Toby: "Okay, no offense but I'm not about to give weight to the psychiatric musings of a guy who uses a superhero lunchbox and someone who still watches Bonanza."
2. Toby: "Suicidal genius says what now?"
3. Sylvester: "And at the current speed of Paige's train the Cant can't work."
4. Walter: "I don’t like this." Paige: "Me taking a risk or me using logic against you?" Walter: "Both."
5. Cabe: "Sorry. Sometimes the truth hurts more than a right hook, buddy."
1. Kara: "I went from superhero to ecoterrorist in a single bound." (Daniel van der Veer and Dahne)
2. Kara: "Are these tests mandatory for everyone or just because I'm a-" Hank: "It's not because you're a woman, Ms. Danvers. The DEO requires rigorous physical and psychological evaluation for all its prospective field operatives." Kara: "I was gonna say alien." (Daniel van der Veer)
3. Kara: "Ms. Grant's not stupid. She'd recognize me in, like, one second." James: "She will look at Supergirl right in the face and she will not even see her assistant." Kara: "How can you be so sure?" James: "Because she doesn't see you now. I watched it happen for years with your cousin. Why don't you think that people recognize him as Clark Kent?" Kara: "Reading glasses and a good slouch?" (Daniel van der Veer)
4. Kat: "Every step of the way I had to fight. To work hard, to get better, to come out ahead. Now catching planes and boats on fire. Hmm. How about we start small and work our way up?"
5. Kara: "James, part of being your own man is knowing when to accept help."
6. James: "You know Superman made plenty of mistakes when he first started. At least she's saving lives." Kat: "In the sloppiest, most awkward way imaginable, James."
7. Alex: "I can't even imagine what you must be feeling right now. I mean after all this time, finding out you still have family." Kara: "You're my family."
1. Dean: "What is that smell?" Sam: "I think it's this. It's like a lavender toilet water." Dean: "Bottled toilet water? Why do you keep spraying it?" Sam: "I just wanted to see if the squeezy thing worked." Dean: "Wow. " Sam: "I think it was supposed to be a perfume or something." Dean: "Alright I'm gonna go check out the rest of the inn because now I've got grandma all over me so…"
2. Sam: "There's no sensitive way to tell somebody their soul has been sucked out by a prehistoric tween."
3. Sydney: "You're an angel." Amara: "Do I look like a whiny, winged suck up?"
4. Len: "I picked up my thumb like it was a mini hotdog." Dean: "Len, I'm not gonna lie. That's worrisome."
5. Dean: "What do you want to do about Cas?" Sam: "Oh, he's knee deep in binge watching The Wire. He just started season 2." Dean: "Oh yeah, he's not coming out anytime soon."
1. Eastman: "What's your name?" Morgan: "Kill me." Eastman: "Well, that's a stupid name. You should change it." (Bradley Adams and Ben L)
2. Eastman: "I built that cell with the full intention of bringing Crighton Dallas Wilton here, putting him behind those bars and watching him starve to death." Morgan: "And did you?" Eastman: "I have come to believe that all life is precious." Morgan: "Even for a man like that? Who did that to you? To your family?" Eastman: "I've come to believe that all life is precious. That's why we're having oatmeal burgers." (Bradley Adams, Nirat Anop, and Ben L)
3. Eastman: “You go or you stay. Those are your choices. I will not allow you to kill me. I will not allow that.” (Nirat Anop)
4. Eastman: “"It’s about redirecting. Evading. And actually caring about the welfare of your opponent. So you have to care about yourself. You have to believe your life is precious, that all life is precious. You have to redirect those thoughts, the history that tells you otherwise. What we’ve done, we’ve done. We evade it by moving forward, with a code to never do it again. To make up for it. To still accept what we were. To accept everyone. To protect everyone. And in doing that, protect yourself.” (Nirat Anop)
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