Burn Notice - 5.13 - Damned if You Do - Teaser

SPOILER ALERT - This preview contains some plot spoilers and several lines from the episode.

USA Synopsis - Michael and Fiona head to Puerto Rico to abduct a financial hacker whose software they need for Anson, but the hacker has some dangerous enemies waiting for him in Miami. Meanwhile, Sam and Jesse train Madeline to retrieve sensitive information from the police. Guest stars: Lauren Stamile, Jere Burns, Ian Anthony Drake, Ptolemy Slocum Airing: Nov. 3, 10/9C on USA Network.

The midseason premiere of Burn Notice airs Thursday, November 3 at 10/9C on USA and you won't want to miss it. This episode has everything Burn Notice fans expect - action, guns, humor - as well as a new, softer side of Michael. In fact, it starts with one of the most "awww" moments in Burn Notice history. (Check it out on SpoilerTV.) Don't worry though. It's still Burn Notice. Even if the episode is bomb-light, there is plenty of gun action to make up for it.

Overall I found "Damned if You Do" one of the better episodes of season 5. The case of the week intrigued me as did the technology involved. The characters were awesome, including the guests. I really enjoyed Carla Gallo, who plays Daisy on Bones. She was sweet, smart, and didn't make me want to drill through my eyes - a vast improvement over Daisy. I also thought Jesse was particularly fun here, especially his facial expressions. I'm not one who dislikes Jesse but most times I can take or leave him. His interactions with Maddie and the cop made me laugh. Without giving away too much, here's my take:

Episode Highlights - Michael "supportive boyfriend" Westen and Fiona "I'm not a damsel in distress" Glenanne without question. Michael is in full rescue Fi mode, only this time she is right there beside him. It all leads to the …

Best scene - Michael and Fi in Puerto Rico. There are only a handful of Mike/Fi scenes in all of Burn Notice I like better.

Biggest surprise - Michael is a bit naïve at the end. That rarely happens.

Biggest disappointment - Anson is the same overly confident megalomaniac villain we've had for, well, every season. His pomposity and constant references to his vastly superior intelligence simply annoy me and have the faint odor of been there, done that. I was hoping for less predictable and repetitive.

Best line - "Don't look at me like that. It's unsettling when you're that sincere…..Fine, yes. I'll get the guns."

Other great lines -
"Do any of your friends ever smile?"
"Here's to good plans in bad situations."
"It's official. The guy's a d**."
"FIne. If I can't smoke, you can't drink my beer."
"Well if that happens, yeah, go ahead and panic."

What I learned:
Bad guys still can't shoot.
Sweet nothings cost extra.
It's not smuggling - it's import/export.
Puerto Rico looks a lot like Miami.
The characters of Burn Notice have wacky ideas about sharing and borrowing.
"Some roads you go down, you can't get back from."
"A good cover id lists the age that you look not the age you are."

Burn Notice airs on Thursday, November 3 on the USA Network at 10/9C. Don't miss it!

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Supernatural - 7.04 - Defending Your Life - Recap

Note - Normally I avoid other people's opinions on an episode until after I publish the recap. This time I went on SpoilerTV and tuned in for the discussion so I will be addressing some concerns that were brought up there in this recap too. I am still other people's recap-free though, so all opinions here are my own and open to debate. Oh and warning, I'm writing this full of cold medicine. Here's hoping it makes sense.

Previously - Sam hellucinated, FauxLucifer lied, Sam thinks he's managing, Amy killed, Sam believed Amy, Dean disagreed, Dean killed Amy. Side note: I think Dean did the right thing in killing her but not in lying to Sam.

A man in Dearborn Michigan is chased by a car into an alley. He thinks he got away, but Christine 4.0 chases him to his 10th floor apartment. In other shows, the bad guys would follow on foot. Not Supernatural. His breath clouds as an engine revs. He splats us right into the title card - very, very cool. Suited Winchesters arrive at the crime scene in the beautiful Impala, while Satan whispers Sam's name. Guess Sam still has hellucinations because he prods his palm to distinguish reality from fiction. Sam needs real medical attention if it still hasn't healed. Dean: "It feels wonky." I love that word; Sam's freaked out, perhaps worried it is a delusion and the hand pain didn't work. But Dean's talking about a straight up job instead of Leviathans. Sam's better and Dean's excited about a black and white case so it will be anything but. To hammer the Amy predicament lest we forgot last week's debacle (we're not dense writers), Sam thanks Dean for not killing Amy. I throw a pillow at the TV early this episode, sick of this subplot already. Dean still looks guilty and I still disagree with Sam. Amy would kill again for her kid. Up in Splattered's apartment, a detective has no clue. "Welcome to Crazy Town. Population: one dead guy." Ha! I like you. He says the victim, Matthew Hammond, was crushed to death. "If we weren't on the tenth floor, I'd say by a car." Love the deadpan delivery. This guy is counting down the years to retirement. I can relate.

The brothers enter, and hot tamale, it's the EMF reader. I missed you. Insert lame Bond joke, add dirt, and we've got something "spectral". (But is it corporeal?) Dean finds an AA badge in Splattered's place and his liver rejoices. For a millisecond. "Dead and sober. Double c***" Aw, Dean, try it. Sam finds a monthly charge to Jane's and suggests Dean check out AA (way to go Sam) while he checks out Jane. Dean's not going for it. "I gave up AA for Lent." Sam responds they aren't Catholic; I respond it's October not February. Sam: "Fine. I'll hit the meeting. You go hit on Jane." Dean's always up for that. Sam finds out Matt called his sponsor from Neal's Tavern to keep from drinking. Dean finds Matt sent flowers to a 10-year-old's grave each month. Sam connects the dots: Matthew killed his neighbor Elizabeth Duren when backing out of his driveway. Chances are he was drunk when he did it. Alanis Morissette's irony strikes while Dean chugs a beer. Sam, the fandom, and I worry about his slide into alcoholism. Sam wants to burn the kid's bones; Dean would rather drink - "The fun never stops."; I'm excited about a salt and burn. The classics are back today. Well, 6 seconds anyway. Fastest salt and burn on the planet.

We cut to a dog chase and at first I think it's Dean. He always get the dog issues. Instead, random victim runs into a diner and locks the door. No one else sees the dog so he's dead. One 911 call later and he's renamed Shredded. The brothers head to their hotel with a weary Dean giving Sam first shower. Sam however reads about Shredded. Sam says animal attack. Dean: "Well it is a dangerous world out there." Ha! Dean lies down but when Sam explains the details, it's back to work. Shredded ran a dog fighting gig. Dean's theory: 'He causes so much misery that some Rottweiler goes Cujo on him from beyond the grave." Only on Supernatural is that plausible. Dean asks my question, "Do dogs even have ghosts?" They debate ghost dog vs. ghost car. As long as it's not a racist ghost truck I'm good. In an effort to declare Dean the most hated brother, the writer adds, "I mean, I'm no one to judge but it sounds to me like that guy had it coming." Another pillow hits the screen. However, Shredded repented by volunteering at an animal shelter, raising money to help the animals. I guess he's now Redeemed. Sam: "People change." Dean: "Tell that to Ghost Dog." Bwah! A sleepy Dean starts to lie down but Sam says it's suit time. Dean's not thrilled. Sam finds dirt on the corpse and they are off to an apple farm. (I hope your apple pie is freakin' worth it.) Dean: "I would be so interested in that if I ate apples." Aww, did the Vanir turn you off them, Dean? Sam says they need to search a few hundred acres and Dean's had it. He needs a nap. Thankfully a crazy guy steps right in front of the Impala. Good thing she has great brakes. "How about we get you out of here before you get road killed." Back to the motel they go while I look for Molly. (Why yes, I am hopped up on cold medicine.)

Paroled accepts some hunter's helper from Sam and proceeds to completely lose me. With no nap, Dean is impatient but Sam uses his calm voice to decipher that Paroled got out of jail after 30 years for killing two people in a robbery. He was placed on trial again in a barn by a Looney Tunes judge with weird symbols. Paroled can't believe they accept his story. Sam: "We kind of specialize in crazy." BWAH!!! The brothers go outside to drop bad writing on our heads. Um, they exposit the now grey case. Dean's pro-ghost. Sam says they can't judge. They discuss murder vs. hunting while I run out of pillows and contemplate throwing my remote. What is up with the writing? Just because it's on a teen network doesn't mean we can't fill in the dots ourselves. Blah, blah, blah and they split up. It all leads to Neal's Tavern so naturally Dean takes the bar while Sam takes the barn. Sam and I both yell, "To work or drink." Dean: "I haven't decided." I decide Adam Glass can't write any better than Dabb and Loflin. Rolling my eyes and shaking my head, I regather the pillows. We're only 13 minutes in but I foresee more pillow throwing in my near future.

A worried Sam wants Paroled to accompany him to find the barn. No dice. "It's red; it stands out." BWAH!!! Great line! Sam makes a magic salt circle and tells him not to move. (No one likes a skeptic Roy.) Sam's at his wit's end and I feel for him. Everyone's a pain in his life right now. He sends the symbols to Bobby and heads to the orchard. While Sam works, Dean commiserates with Mia the hot bartender over Scotch doubles. (start rant) I've had it. Dean drunk in the middle of a job? What the hell! He preached against this in Playthings when Sam got drunk. Writers!!! I do not want Supernatural -The Intervention. This isn't 90210, Gossip Girl, Grey's or any other nighttime soap. There are ample ways to show Dean falling apart. Move on. Remember that show about saving people and killing evil. I liked THAT show! (end rant) Dean pretends to care about the case until Mia says Frank was bartending last week. She asks why he's downing drinks so fast while I mutter under my breath. "Well Dean, luckily I'm like a captive shrink with unlimited alcohol." BWAH! She joins him while Dean asks, "You ever do something behind someone's back because you had to?" She tells him if he had to there's no reason to feel guilty. I like Mia more every time she opens her mouth. Except she doesn't have all the facts - he should feel guilty about lying to Sam. Dean orders one more Scotch and Mia tells him to slow down because she gets off in an hour. Dean switches to beer. I decide Mia should officially stay. I hope she makes it through and isn't evil, but she's female so chances are slim.

Meanwhile, Sam searches the only red barn in sight, so I guess he didn't need Paroled's help after all. I can't believe Dean left him on his own when he's still having hellucinations. Nothing here makes sense. Bobby calls. They are dealing with Osiris, Egyptian god of the dead who judges guilt. Sam: "So good news then." Ha! Sam gets the good lines tonight. Bobby: "You know what this means." Sam: "Yeah, we've got to find him before he goes underground again." Bobby: "No, you idjit. It means you two gotta get the hell out of Dodge. This guy hones in on people who feel guilty. Who does that sound like to you?" Bwah! Ok, Bobby gets the best line and we get Sam to the rescue! I'm happy the episode is kicking into gear halfway through. Whoops, spoke too soon. Am I really to believe Dean is nervous about having sex with Mia? What's next? He forgets how to drive? Whatever! Osiris captures Dean. I ponder downing hunter's helper to get through the episode as Sam calls Dean through the commercial break. "Dude, third message. You better not be loaded." I'd believe it more if Sam weren't just coming out of the barn. What? Did he stop to pick apples during all these phone calls? Back at Neal's Tavern, a ticked off Mia picks up Dean's phone and explains to Sam that Dean is missing. Sam heads off to meet her and we head back to Paroled. The black and white TV goes staticky and lights explode. He thinks it's time to get out of Dodge too, but sadly things don't work out for him. Liquor store owner ghost shoots him. Hey that took just enough time to get Sam to Mia. In other words, it was pointless. Mia gives Sam Dean's phone and lo and behold, there's dirt. Back to the barn Sam goes.

Osiris used the short break for barn decorating. He likes statues of himself - tacky - but his chair is sweet. Dean sits bound to a chair with a chain. He mumbles something I can't for the life of me understand and Osiris pops in to say the chains are Houdini-proof. They snark back and forth. Dean: "What? You can't jump a guy when he's sober?" Boo hoo! You're the idiot getting drunk on the job. Osiris tells Sam to stop skulking and Sam says he knows Osiris' identity. Dean needs to be filled in because he was getting drunk instead of hunting with a hellucinating Sam. (Yeah, I'm not letting it go. It really irks me.) Everyone eye rolls another easy-to-kill pagan god and Sam says he should be on trial instead. Um, why Sam? Osiris makes no sense either. If you want to kill people, shouldn't you go after ones who haven't tried to make things right? He takes out people trying to help. My sense of justice and fair play is affronted. They paid their dues; back off. But Osiris like every power on this show is an arrogant jerk. He does allow Sam to play lawyer on a whim. (Hold on Sam because after assassinating Dean's character, the writer takes pot shots at you next.) Sam objects ten words into the trial with the juvenile "it's not fair". Neither Osiris or I get why he thinks life would start being fair now but I understand his frustration. Osiris says he'll call 3 witnesses and Sam objects since there's no prior notice. Dean congratulates him and he says, "I saw it on the Good Wife." HA!!! Wilson has to be happy his show was mentioned. Unfortunately, Osiris quickly shows that nothing Sam says will make a difference. "Now stop objecting or I'll find you in contempt. That is, kill you." Bet that doesn't happen on The Good Wife.

First witness - Jo Harvelle. Nice plot device to get the actress back on the show to make up for her absence last year in My Heart Will Go On. Otherwise, there's no need for Jo's presence. Besides typical survivor guilt, Dean can't feel blame for her death. Although she sports the vampire look, Jo looks good. Nice to see you Alona. And we enter the flashback stage with clips from Everybody Loves a Clown and No Exit. Dean is stunned to see her. Osiris asks if she admired Dean but she says only as a hunter, not a person. Uh huh, right Jo. So you weren't trying to get him in bed? Neither Osiris or I buy that. Jo says she trusted Dean and denies he is a bad guy, but Osiris cuts her off. "Wasn't it hard working with him considering your feelings?" Um, is Jo on trial here? Even a ghost has to be uncomfortable. Osiris accuses Jo of entering hunting because of her crush on Dean and says therefore Dean is ultimately responsible for her death. Did make any sense in ancient Egypt because it throws out all logic rules nowadays? More flashbacks from No Exit. Osiris grills her some more and Dean tries to stop him but Osiris closes Dean's throat. It's Sam's turn with Jo. He brings up Jo's father and how she idolized him. Sam insults Dean and asks if Jo went into hunting for her dad. Obviously, her dad had a lot to do with it and is probably one reason why she crushed on Dean truth be told. Jo says it's "daddy issues" and starts to tell Dean she doesn't blame him, but Osiris poufs her away. Osiris gives them a second before calling his next witness but Dean is clearly shaken and ticked. Sam asks who the next witness is and like Dean, I have no clue. Amy has to be third.

Second witness - Sam Winchester. Shock all around. Yep, a defense attorney is expected to testify against his client. Ancient Egypt must have been loads of judicial fun. Osiris brings up Jess and Sam's law dreams; Sam tries for glib but comes off as lying. Osiris insinuates Dean is to blame for the death of Sam's dreams 8 years earlier. It's an even bigger stretch than Jo, considering Jo was shredded saving Dean from hell hounds. The Brady thing cancelled any expectation for Sam to have a normal life whether Dean came or not. Osiris then calls the Impala a "gas guzzler" and while absolutely true, I'm offended for her anyway. Flashbacks to the pilot and Sam calls things complicated. He says Jess isn't Dean's fault but Osiris twists the knife. "Sure and neither is everything that came after - all the death and the blood and hanging on by a thread. None of that is on Dean directly." Dean flashes back to fighting with Sam, pushing Ben, Ronald, Pamela, Jo, John, Mary, Sam and Lisa being stabbed. (Interesting that they threw Ben in since he never died.) After these flashbacks, Dean might want to die. Maybe that's Osiris' real plan. He continues, "But don't you think that your brother dragged you back into that catastrophic mess because he'd rather damn you with him than be alone." OUCH! Sam pauses; Dean swallows hard. "No, one way or another, I'd have gotten pulled back in." Osiris pushes and Sam says he's pretty sure, no positive. I agree. YED wasn't giving up his plan so Sam could get a picket fence. The people who should be on trial are Mary and John Winchester. Yes, both of them.

Osiris believes Sam but then goes for the throat. It's not about if Osiris thinks Dean is guilty. It's about if Dean thinks he is. "This is solely about how Dean feels way down deep. Them's the breaks." Yep, Dean's screwed. Sam: "So if Dean believes he's innocent, then he is." I agree with Osiris - that's one BIG "if". Osiris: "People want to be judged. They really do. When your heart's heavy, let me tell you, real punishment's a mercy." Okaaay. Not sure how I feel about this, but you don't get any mercy bonus points from me Osiris. You're just another in a long line of jerks. Sam calls Dean to the stand; Dean isn't excited to plead his case. And everything turns to farce. I got flack for saying Sam looks bumbling during this whole "trial". I was trying to say that the writer seemed confused here and while Jared did wonders with this mess, it didn't ring true at all. I know Sam never went to law school and that he's under a lot of pressure here. However, Sam talks and lies and convinces people for a living. Generally people buy what he's saying because he is that good so it's weird that he's stuttering and hem hawing and overall awkward here. I don't expect him to be Perry Mason but he is Sam. I think the writer forgot who he was writing. Sam is smart, usually eloquent and definitely passionate. None of that came out in this trial. To me, this is as much an attack on Sam's character as this episode is on Dean's and I wish the writers would stop changing characters to fit the plot. They did it in season 1 a lot and it bugged me just as much there. I'm saying the characters can't grow and change. Believe me, I wish they would. But when a character you've known for 6 years suddenly seems jerky (not as in a jerk but not smooth) and off, either they're possessed, have no soul, or something's wrong with the writing. I'm going with the latter.

Sam mentions that Dean is not psychic and couldn't know the future. He makes good points but it's stilted and it's obvious that while Sam uses logic, Dean doesn't believe it emotionally. He simply repeats what Sam says. Sam: "So is your heart heavy with guilt or just plain heavy and none of this guy's business?" Great point and for once I wish it were a top of the Impala soul chat. Sam might be able to help Dean understand this, but not in this setting. Which is obvious when Dean says, "What you said. The second thing." Way to be convincing Dean. Sam rests his case early - maybe because we're almost out of time. He knows Dean is just mouthing words to get out of the situation without actually believing them. In fact, Dean's usually a much better liar so the whole trial scene is a wash. Osiris asks Dean if Dean wants him to call his last witness or if he's done. Dean flashes on Amy (and the scene we had not 25 minutes ago - urgh!) and he's done. Sam: "What the hell's he talking about?" Dean: "Enough Ally McBeal. Just drop the hammer already." Sam objects but Dean says it's over. "The court's reached a verdict. I find you, Dean Winchester, guilty in your heart and sentence you to die." (Yawn.) Death sentences are far less threatening when you've died a hundred times and both have gone to hell. It feels more like Saturday detention. Osiris tells Dean to get his affairs in order over the protests of fans who thought Cas should be a witness. To be honest, reading the boards completely shocked me. It never occurred to me that Cas would be part of this and besides survivor's guilt again, to me Dean has absolutely no reason for guilt. Cas made his own choices behind the brothers' backs and lied until he was well and truly caught. He would not listen to reason, did not look for alternatives, was arrogant and cruel, and so wrapped up in his own power trip he didn't realize he was in over his head no matter how many people appealed to him. Cas fell to pride and while each character has done that and deserves to be redeemed, nobody is to blame for someone else's bad choices. I don't understand why people blame Dean for Cas or Sam's choices or why anyone would blame Sam or Cas for Dean's choices. It wouldn't make sense to blame Sam for Dean making the demon deal.

Back at the Rainier Hotel, Paroled heads out in a body bag. In any other episode Sam would beat himself up about it. It's refreshing to see him realize that Paroled didn't listen and got himself killed. Besides, he's worried about saving Dean and happily, Dean also researches instead of drowning his sorrows. Well, until Bobby calls with another quick-fix instant pagan god stopping plan. Yeah, another one. Pagan gods are easier to kill than angels and demons on this show. Apparently Osiris heads to the underworld for a few hundred years if stabbed with a ram's horn. I wonder how these gods lasted so long. If I made myself a god and for some insane reason let people know how to kill me, I'd make it obscure like Eve and the phoenix ashes. My weapon of choice wouldn't be something found throughout the streets of Egypt while I was reigning. Seriously, any shepherd could kill you. How's that a good plan? Sam goes to InstaGoogle and finds a ram's horn in a synagogue. See - that weapon is far too accessible for a god killer. It's like A Very SPN Christmas when the pagan gods brought the only thing that could kill them into their house. I'm so glad the Leviathans are supposed to be smart. Dean snarks that stealing from a temple is a new low, and Sam restrains from slapping him. I wouldn't. He goes for the keys when Dean mutters, "That thing's going to sic Jo on me Sam." He sounds heartbroken and I instantly feel for him. Sam: "You're a hunter Dean. You know how to deal with ghosts." To which I whine, "But it's Jo." That sucks out loud. Dean: "So you're suggesting I kill her again?" Sam sighs heavily, "You didn't kill her Dean." So true. Instead of alleviating Dean's guilt, this episode just piled on more.

Dean gets the salt and once in the magic circle, says, "You can come out now." Jo is behind him but we cut to Sam breaking into a rabbi's office. The rabbi walks in and we pan to Mia the bartender listening to some woman's guilt. What exactly is the point of these cuts? It breaks the mood and adds nothing. Back at the hotel, Jo apologizes. "You know I'd never do this." Yeah, we know. She calls it a twisted eye for an eye but Dean has nothing to repent for. He says it's okay but Jo disagrees. "No it's not. You deserve better." Dean: "No you did. You deserved better, Jo." You both did. We cut to Sam driving and I wonder why add the rabbi scene at all. Since the Jo and Dean scene is the best thing about the whole episode, it's irksome to keep cutting away. What's with Supernatural's allergy to letting a scene run its course? Every episode this season has had weird scene jumps that barely give us time to get into the scene before we're somewhere totally different. In this case, it's twice as jarring because Sam is hellbent on saving his brother, complete with the music to prove it, while Dean and Jo are having an emotional heart-to-heart with the melancholy strings overture. Gah! This show is schizophrenic these days.

Back to Jo - "Dean, my life was good. Really." Dean says Osiris was right about him, that Jo and Sam were kids. "You know, hunters are never kids. I never was. I didn't even stop to think about it." That's it. When Osiris gets back, I demand he haul John Winchester to trial. He deserves it. Jo says it wasn't Dean's fault but he counters that he didn't want to be alone. Is that the time your dad abandoned you and said you were ALL in danger not "both" in danger, implying that Sam was in trouble too? That time? Dean wishes he had sent Jo back to the Roadhouse in No Exit. I say he shouldn't have lied to Ellen to cover up Jo's choice. See a theme here Dean. But Jo knows he wouldn't be able to; her mind was made up. Jo: "He was right about one thing?" Dean: "What? Your massive crush on me." HA!! Jo: "You carry all kinds of c** you don't have to Dean. It kind of gets clearer when you're dead." You tell him Jo! Dean: "Well then in that case, you should be able to see that I am 90% c**. I get rid of that, what then?" Aww, Dean! Jo: "You really want to die not knowing?" I have never liked Jo better than right now. Why can Dean only be 100% honest with the dead? He has to lay some burdens down. It is too heavy for Dean, Sam, and the fans, and it's now getting in the way of his hunting. The mood shifts slightly and Jo says it is time. She sets the burners on filling the hotel with gas. Nice. Osiris will take out everyone in the hotel not just Dean. (I'm skipping how these ghosts can manipulate appliances when it took a lot of practice in Death Takes a Holiday.) Dean flashes to the explosion that killed Ellen and Jo. That was one fantastic death scene. I find it sad but poetic that Dean's going out in fire, the same thing that ended his childhood. He swallows and looks at Jo, eyes shining.

In a 10-second break, Osiris stalks a woman at the tavern talking to Mia. Not sure if Mia is part of Osiris' gig, but probably not. No time to ponder because it's Jo and Dean time again. Jo toes up to the salt circle and reminds Dean she was a hunter too. She freezes the window until it breaks and wind scatters the salt. Dean doesn't have the shot gun so he has no intention of fighting. Jo gulps out, "He's making me do this" and Dean nods. "It's okay." Maybe TPTB feel it heightens tension to jump back to the tavern. It just annoys me. Osiris grabs the lady. Jo grabs Dean's lighter. Suddenly salt and burn is less appetizing. She opens the lighter as the camera pans to gas rising from the stove. The music of danger commences but we all know in 3 seconds Sam will stab Osiris. Dean and Jo look at each other. It's a 1 -second flash of Jo's death scene and Sam stabs Osiris right on cue. His eyes go djinn blue and he mummifies. Very cool special effect. Kudos! Jo touches Dean's face much like Mary did in What is and What Should Never Be and Dean briefly closes his eyes at her touch. It's tragic and sweet, then Jo drops the lighter and poufs off. Hey, I call foul! She doesn't even get her final words. Dean's left looking around in wonder.

As these episodes often do, it ends with beers on the Impala. Sam questions Jo just flickering out (me too) and Dean says she wasn't in pain. In fact, she seemed happier. Great thing for a depressed alcoholic to come away with. Dean questions why Sam volunteered to defend him. I question where Dean has been the last couple of years. Sam has his back. He thinks Sam might have made a decent "scuzzbag" but Sam reminds him they lost. It's a bit of fun before the heavy Amy drama. I like fun. Sam asks about the final witness and I brace myself for the gigantic brother fight to come. And wait. And wait. Give me a freaking break! Dean lies to Sam again. Now we have to deal with Dean guilt and constant anvils hitting our heads from writers who, given how the last 2 episodes were written, are bound to remind us of Amy every episode lest we forget. UGH!!! I'm thoroughly sick of the Amy issue already and we haven't even gotten to the fallout yet. I was promised brothers united, working together stronger than ever, and I better darn well get that soon. Nothing good comes from this lying, especially not an engaging story line. Man up, tell the truth, and for the sake of my good mood, do not let this subplot drag on until midseason break. Unfortunately, the writers can't hear me screaming through the TV after a barrage of pillows and the remote hit it. Instead, Dean asks why Sam wasn't on trial too. Sam: "I think I just don't feel guilty anymore." Dean is puzzled, I'm glad for a healthy response to the suckage of hunting, and I'll bet at least one part of the fandom is up in arms. He clarifies, "Hell. Look I'm not saying it's logical, I just, you know, I feel like I did a lot of stuff I should have felt bad for and then I paid a lot of dues and came out the other side, you know." Dean: "And that worked? I mean you really feel like your slate's wiped?" Sam: "No. Nothing ever gets wiped you know. Sometimes I see Lucifer when I freaking brush my teeth. I don't know. I guess I just finally feel like my past is my past and I can finally move on with my life. You know, hopefully." I hope that too Sammy. That's exactly what Dean needs too and I'm glad you got a chance to vocalize it. Here's hoping he learns to drop some too or else this entire episode is a waste. Dean: "Well I don't know whether to be jealous or weirded out." Sam says he feels good. Ah man, that jinks it. Sam will fall hard in the coming months. No Winchester is ever allowed to be happy. The Powers That Be dictate that.

Overall - This episode wasted much of its potential, not just with Alona Tal but the whole idea of carrying around too much weight to deal with. I fully admit that if Dean gets less guilt-filled as the season progresses, my opinion of this episode will change. Right now, it feels like filler. The first half had some pacing problems, the trial was awkward to say the least, and the pagan god was dispatched too easily. The best thing by far was the Jo and Dean conversation but they kept interrupting it for reasons I am still not clear on. Why bother having the rabbi walk in? Did the guy win a walk-on part and they couldn't figure out what to do with him? Makes no sense. Osiris wasn't scary, coming off like a bored king taking out his frustrations on peasants. Another spoiled power-crazed dictator. That being said, I loved Sam coming to Dean's rescue, working hard to save him. The acting was as always great considering how they really had to reach to pull it off with what they were given. All for guests were awesome. Alona Tal was especially a welcome sight and I love how she was still Jo, not some angry twisted spirit. I live in hope that what she said sunk in. The episode concept was novel and if I hadn't already been spoiled, the case would have intrigued me. The fact that they were taken out by what they felt guilty about was good continuity. In the end, the episode was great compared to most shows I watch on TV. However, comparing it to other SPN episodes, it was firmly in "meh" range. Let's just say that for the first time in a long time, Supernatural was not the best show I saw this week. Of course, that may be because Fringe had an exceptionally strong episode. If this had shown last week, it would still reign supreme.

Next week - We better have top-notch writing. If you have Charisma Carpenter and James Marsters, I expect the best. Looks fun and we could use the break of a little dark comedy. Bring on War of the Roses - witch style.

Grade - C- for Supernatural / B for the rest of TV
Best line - " No, you idjit. It means you two gotta get the hell out of Dodge."
Best scene - Dean and Jo
Worst surprise - Dean still didn't confess he killed Amy

Screen caps by Home of the Nutty

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Supernatural - 7.02 - Hello Cruel World - Recap

Previously...the season 7 premiere rocked! Um, sorry. According to the show, Sheriff Mills rocked, the FBI agent did not, zombies were defeated, Sam needed a toothbrush, RoboSam was soulless, Death drywalled Sam's memories, Lucifer sucked and then didn't, Sam's confused by hellucinations, Sam's hand got bloody, Cas' baby wanted out now, Death gave us the lowdown, and Leviathans took over Cas. "Now this is going to be so much fun." Yep!

Picking up where the premiere left off, the vines of Leviathan take-over cross Cas' face while Bobby lies unmoving on the floor. You can't fool me show. I know Bobby makes it out of here. Dean though is worried until Bobby sits up. He wants to know the numbers, but LeviaCas can barely stand. In fact, he's oozing. Dean: "Your vessel's gonna explode, ain't it? Wouldn't do anything too strenuous. In fact, I'd call it a day and head on home, huh?" Bwah! LeviaCas: "We'll be back for you." That's what they all say, but this time it's actually threatening. As LeviaCas teeters outside, Sam deals with Lucifer hellucinations - it's choking time again kids. He says Lucifer isn't real. Lucifer: "Right, you think this fruit bat fever dream is reality. You come back, I'm sorry, with no soul like some peppy American psycho until Saint Dean glues you back together again by buying you some magic amnesia." Ha! When put that way Satan, season 6 does sound farfetched. Oh and "fruit bat fever dream" is now a favorite phrase. "I'm real. You're real. Everything in between is what we call set dressing." Yep, Lucifer is sufficiently creepy these days. Lucifer and Dean's voices overlap as they call Sam's name, and I settle in for quite a bit more of that this episode. Sam's sufficiently shocked and confused but he follows Bobby and Dean out.

Just in time to see LeviaCas go swimming. He walks into the municipal waters in an homage to Creature from the Black Lagoon. As he goes under water, a whirpool emerges and black goo shoots out. There go the Leviathans. Bobby and I agree, "Aw, hell." In case we didn't get the municipal thing, we pan to a sign saying Public Water Supply. Everyone is screwed as the title card gives us a close up of Leviathan ichor. (Still don't like it although I understand it now.) Bobby clarifies, "If they're in the pipes, they got themselves a highway to anywhere. " I guess I don't know enough about public water systems, but shouldn't they only be able to go as far as that water system goes. I mean, it's not like the water system in Missouri is connected to the one in California, right? Dean: "Awesome!" He sees Cas' coat floating in the pool. Miraculously it is in one piece and not covered in Leviathan. Dean: "OK. So he's gone." He swallows hard and folds the coat. Bobby reminds us that all their friends die but we got that memo after the 359th death. He tells them to vacate before the Leviathans sprout legs and walk on out. The three look dejected but I'm too busy yelling, "Oh please, Cas is not dead yet." Does anyone think he is? We're the Supernatural fandom. If a death is this anticlimactic, it didn't happen. See Crowley's "death" last year for proof. Cas is lying on the bottom of that pool , ready to resurface 1-2 episodes before winter break. Color me unimpressed with this "twist". I'm also confused because Crowley's Torture Warehouse looked high class in The Man Who Knew Too Much but here it's a dump. Odd. Not to mention, water supplies are protected by Homeland Security. Our good fairy Flo must be on vacation again as continuity is nowhere to be seen.

However, I am super impressed with the music. Black Water by the Doobie Brothers - perfect! It's a montage of a car wash for the Stockville Sharks (ha!), a woman filling a pitcher, and a little girl drinking out of a water fountain. The fountain turns black and the girl seizes before smiling up at another kid. Yep, it's the patented Supernatural creepy kid stare. Other kid, trust me, you don't need a drink that badly. The music continues as a man fixing his hot rod gets distracted and then possessed by his garage sink. He turns off the Doobie Brothers and I flash through Dead in the Water, Home, and Everybody Loves a Clown (car repair to music) in rapid succession. Any time a sink acts up, run. Just like lights flickering. Seriously, when your sink has an earthquake meltdown and everything else is fine, don't get closer! Thankfully we cut to Sleepy Sam. His hand's still bandaged and I wonder about it. By my measure it has been 3-4 weeks since he cut it based on Impala repairs. Why is he still mummy wrapped? Generally Winchesters use some gypsy cure, guaranteeing all injuries are cleared up in a week and nothing ever scars. Lucifer starts baby whispering and it creeps me the heck out. Thankfully, Dean wakes Sammy up instead. He's been out for 12 hours. Dean hands him a bottled water (the only safe kind) and a protein bar. "Hydrate and protein-ate." Not sure why I find that so funny. Dean checks out Sam's hand while Lucifer mocks and I laugh. Those are nasty looking stitches but nothing that indicates infection so again, why hasn't he healed already? Dean douses it with hunter's helper just to be sure. Bobby jumps in to rewrap Sam's hand and say he has no news on the Leviathans.

Dean brings up Sam's hellucinations. "Yeah well now on to our other big problem. How are you doing and do not say okay." In the biggest shock of the episode, Sam is honest. I'm stunned for a minute and have to shake myself back into the episode. Woo hoo! It's a Winchester breakthrough. We need a rule that no Winchester can answer "fine" to any question. Dean gets tetchy about Sam's disappearing act at the warehouse but Sam's all aboard the honesty train. "It means I'm having a difficult time figuring out what's real." He spills about hellucinations and Lucifer, but somehow thinks hiding things and not telling about the flashbacks are two different things. Winchesters have a skewed world view. "Look I just figured try to hold on to the safety bar and ride it out, you know." That works on roller coasters but not tornadoes and poor Sam is caught in a twister for sure. Dean freaks about Lucifer's taunt. "I mean seriously, how do you argue with that?" That's why it's so diabolical! Sam: "I know. It's a problem." That's an understatement. Dean colorfully asks why Lucifer would bother so I don't have to. In tandem Sam and Lucifer say, "You can't torture someone who has nothing left for you to take away." Creepy and how we know Lucifer's not really there. He winks. Dean: "Ok fine, but this Malibu dream mansion that he makes for you to take away is this post-apocalyptic mess?" Ooo I know this one Lucifer - "It had to be a mess Sam or you wouldn't believe it was your life." Sadder but true words were never spoken, just like in What is and What Should Never Be. Winchesters don't even get a break in dreams. Sam stares at where Lucifer flirts with him and Dean notices. "What? Are you seeing him right now?" Sam barely nods as he gets teary eyed. Aww, I feel for you baby. This is awful. Dean says Lucifer isn't real, but Lucifer says the same thing about Dean. This magnificent scene is only tempered by Bobby leaving at this point. I don't get it. Is he giving the Winchesters time to talk privately? It's all awkward. But awesome acting here.

Flo the continuity fairy returns and takes over TV. Scientists puzzle over Death's sudden eclipse, Biggerson's is now a pie bar, and Dr. Sexy is still a schmuck. I feel unnaturally excited about continuity but puzzled why we are watching LeviaGirl of the drinking fountain watch TV. She's wide eyed at the prospect of organ removal, which isn't good. Foreboding music transfers us back to Bobby's where Sam disassembles a gun. Um guys, is this a wise idea? Crazy people and guns don't mix. Bobby: "Well at least he's not curled up under the sink." No Bobby, he has a gun. That's worse. On second thought, after all the sink problems perhaps neither is a good idea. Dean: "No he's just sitting there silently field stripping his weapon." Dean turns on the GPS tracking on Sam's phone. Smart move. Now take the gun away. Bobby asks how's Dean's doing. I welcome it; Dean does not. "Seriously Bobby, it ain't like he's hexed you know. I mean what if this is the kind of crazy you can't fix." Bobby agrees but skims the deflection and asks how he is again. Dean: "Who cares? Don't you think our mailbox is a little full right now. I'm fine." That word again! Dean take a page from Honesty Sam or at least don't lie. Plus, awww, we care. Bobby rightfully calls Dean on his pot-kettle hypocrisy. "Right and weren't you p**d at him when he said the same thing just a couple of hours before he spilled his marbles all over the floor?" Dean says it's different because he's not crazy. Bobby and I both call bull. "Of course. Just lost one of the best friends you ever had. Your brother's in the Bell Jar and Purgatory's most wanted are surfing the sewer lines, but yeah, I get it right. You're fine." Dean agrees, Bobby stares, and I harumph all over since we're going backwards. Tell the freaking truth you hypocrite or adamantly state you're not talking about it. Bobby tries once more. I would have Gibbs-smacked Dean. "Of course if at any time you want to decide that's utter horse c**, I'll be where I always am. Right here." Aw Bobby, I love you. Now head slap Dean for his snarky response. Bobby calls him an "idjit" and smiles fondly at the back of his head.

At the Stockville shark locker room (of car wash fame), some Leviathan-pumped jocks go mental on their teammates. They're hungry and not about to wait for a table. Blood spatters as we flip to the Sioux Falls General Hospital. Hey, Sheriff Jodie, glad you're back. Doctor Gaines exposits appendectomy and promises happy pills. Flash back to Sam, Interrupted. Boop. The scene flips and we're back at Bobby's. Dean's got the groceries; Sam's got the snark. "So it looks like we've got some bad news for a change." BWAH!!! He shares the Stockville massacre but I'm concerned about how Kansas shares a water supply with Sioux Falls. If it were Iowa or Minnesota, sure, but Kansas is an entire Nebraska away. No time to ponder Supernatural's grasp of geography because Sam wants Dean to check it out but Sam isn't up for hunting. Bobby overwhelms Dean's objections due to Sam's "psychotic break." Off goes Dean while LeviaGirl and Car-Fixer LeviaDad chat up local gossip. LeviaGirl is ticked because 9 year olds don't know anything. LeviaDad is worried about ticking off LeviaBoss. (See, that's Cas right there. He's sucking murky water as LeviaBoss.) LeviaDad tells LeviaGirl to control the Leviabrood. "They ate the swim team." (Flashes of Buffy's Go Fish) or else LeviaBoss won't be pleased. The consequences of that are unmentioned, but we learn that Leviathans know what their hosts know. That's bad news for the Winchesters because not only is LeviaBoss' host a demolitions expert but LeviaCas is chock full of Winchester info. LeviaGirl decides become Dr. Gaines, since apparently Leviathans believe everything on TV. "Is it true that surgeons can just cut into whatever body they want?" Time for real research guys. Perhaps you should enslave a librarian. Leviathans have shapeshifter properties and she morphs into Dr. Gaines.

Back in Stockville, Dean enters a crime scene where the biggest crime is someone actually says "schizznickle". It's positive for Leviathan ichor and it's back to the hospital. All this scene jumping makes me seasick. LeviaDoc sedates Sheriff Mills' batty roommate, calling himself Dr. Sexy. I laugh and roll my eyes at the same time and the seasickness is back. LeviaDoc has perfect movie star teeth - the better to eat you with. Sheriff Mills shows brains by pretending to be asleep and then tempts fate by following LeviaDoc . "Hmm, not weird at all." Yeah, that's the Winchester world. At Bobby's House of Musical Sets, Sam answers Dean's phone call. I was hoping it was Sheriff Mills. She's the candidate for monster brunch. Dean exposits while Satan peruses the tabloids. "You know, I really think Prince William has found the right girl." Bwah! Sam and I have trouble processing both conversations. Dean says the 2 LeviaJocks are heading coincidentally to Sioux Falls. Sam wonders if they have Eve possession powers. Lucifer plays with a knife. Ha! Dean asks how Sam is doing and he glances at Lucifer before saying, "You know, okay." Aw Sam, Dean's supposed to learn from you on this, not the other way around. Lucifer's offended that Sam's just okay. "Man, I'm having a great day!" He stabs the table with the knife and I jump. But I'm more jumpy for Sheriff Mills who follows LeviaDoc to the organ transplant room. Women don't last long on Supernatural. Why tempt fate? LeviaDoc weirdly strokes his victim before having a liver snack. I no longer eat while watching Supernatural. Sheriff Jodie races away only to faint in front of the nurse and awakens in her hospital bed with the nurse and LeviaDoc over her. They give her drugs to sleep and I am revolted by the good doctor. Kim Rhodes does an excellent job of quietly freaking out and she's freaking me out too, but she's tougher than me. "You can kiss my a** Doctor Monster Face." Bwah! Unfortunately the drugs in her system take her out again.

Since no setting lasts more than 3 minutes, it's back to Bobby's where Sam confronts Lucifer. Sam tells him to end it, but Lucifer claims he's in "the sweet spot" and having too much fun. He's traded the knife for a fireplace poker and basically say it only ends when Sam shoots himself. He points out Sam's new fascination with gun cleaning and Sam yells "Shut Up." That brings a concerned Bobby running. "Hey Sam, you having a little bag lady moment?" HA! He hands Sam a beer because he really needs something else to mess with his head now. Even Dean didn't hand him hunter's helper earlier. Sam's completely freaked out so Bobby reassures him that he's beaten Lucifer before and he will again. He says Sam got out of hell and they are together, which would be convincing if Lucifer wasn't ramming a poker through Bobby's gut. Sam cannot catch a break and he looks like he's going to lose it. The phone interrupts and hallelujah Sheriff Jodie finally has the presence of mind to call. "Bobby Singer, my surgeon is monster." (snicker) Bobby doesn't recognize Jodie Mills is Sheriff Mills so probably no hidden romance there. She tells Booby to get to the hospital "before he eats me, Singer." Bobby lays it down for Sam. "Either Sheriff Mills is having an Obama-care insured opium dream or something's eating folks down at Sioux Falls General Hospital." One or the other. Alas this leaves Sam on his own and nothing good comes from that. Lucifer agrees.

At the hospital, LeviaDad and the LeviaJocks look for LeviaDoc. Too many Leviathans in this scene. LeviaDoc runs through the hospital meal plan and adds a little head nurse and admin for an appetizer. So he still uses Dr. Sexy but understands "out-of-the-box" thinking? Was Dr. Gaines a Dr. Sexy fan too? LeviaJocks morph into hospital staff, but LeviaDad has other plans. "You won't stay? I would love to grab us a good anesthesiologist." Ha! Meanwhile, Sam plays with guns again as the Impala roars in. Dean either parked on the porch or he has superhero reflexes since it takes him 2 seconds flat to walk through the door. Anyone else guess this isn't the real Dean? He takes Sam's beer, reports on LeviaJocks, and tells Sam he's back up. Yep, definitely not Dean. Sam questions the plan too. Dean: "I know. You're bonkers but luckily I just need you to keep the engine running and wait by the back door. Just don't let Satan change my presets." BWAH!!! Makes me wonder what music Lucifer listens to. Meanwhile, Bobby hauls a wheelchair bound Sheriff to a taxi. She calls him a hero; he calls roofies. He'll stop by after visiting the morgue. The morgue's efficient; the body's already autopsied. I refuse to flip back and forth anymore, so the following scenes are out of order. Bobby reopens the body but unfortunately LeviaDoc walks in. He claims to be investigating the hospital but no dice. The Leviathans know Bobby from Cas. Unfortunately, forensic tools and silver bullets don't work. LeviaDoc shows off his jagged fangs and forked tongue. It's wicked awesome and the closest we get to monster-shaped monsters. Running is Bobby's best option.

In the Impala, Dean asks if the devil is riding shotgun and it's Honesty Sam again. I prefer him. Dean suggests getting professional help but I'm not sure about that conversation. "Hey doc, I'm seeing Lucifer who tells me I still haven't left the cage where I've been since he took over my body, but I fought him long enough to trap us in a cage with my half-brother Adam who happened to allow the archangel Michael enter him." My guess - that conversation doesn't end well. Sam wants an option that doesn't lead to a pill coma (or a rubber room). Dean asks about other options, bringing up Martin from Sam, Interrupted. Sam: "I'm not Martin." Dean: "No, but you are crazy and that don't wash off." I laugh because it's not Dean. Sam is devastated as HellDean says he will never be okay. They pull up to an office building with 5 people in it. He tells Sam to come along and keep it together "because if you are seeing Lucifer, then you can be seeing all kinds of c**, you just don't know." Sam: "How is this helping?" Ha! HellDean mocks his pain and they enter Morning Star Endeavors LTD (again Bwah!), which magically turns into a warehouse. In cool morphing, HellDean becomes Lucifer. Sam is shell shocked and shoots a wall. Lucifer is happy and continues to goad him. He wants Sam to shoot himself in order to end it all.

Sadly, RealDean gets back to Bobby's too late. It's GPS tracking time. Again, smart move. He walks in the warehouse calling Sam's name. LuciferDean: "Oh look, another me." Ha! Sam pulls a gun on Dean. "I thought I was with you, Dean." He can't be sure which Dean is which and Dean replies, "Okay, then we're going to have to start small." Lucifer whispers Sam is very suggestible and Sam shoots at him. Dean: "Woah, woah, Sam! This discussion does not require a weapons discharge!" BWAH!!! Sam points the gun down as Dean slowly approaches. He reminds Sam that he's been to hell too, that he knows torture, and how it feels different in hell. Dean takes Sam's hand and the gun and pushes on his wound. "This is real. Not a year ago. Not in hell. Now. I was with you when you cut it. I sewed it up. Look." Lucifer zaps in and out as Dean increases pressure. Dean reminds Sam that this pain is different. "I'm different, right?" Sam agrees and gouges into his hand himself. As Lucifer still flickers, Sam realizes he is indeed there. Dean: "Hey, I am your flesh and blood, brother. Okay? I'm the only one who can legitimately kick your a** in real time. You got away. We got you out Sammy." Well, Cas did. "Believe in that. Believe me, okay. You gotta believe me. You gotta make it stone, number one and build on it. You understand." Sam nods. Both brothers have gone through the ringer but it's real and an amazing scene. Kudos to both Jensen and Jared for this one.

A phone interrupts the moment again. Bobby exposits his experience and plans to meet them at the house. I smile because Bobby acts like it's their house too. The brothers, foreheads still crinkled, head out. And it all goes to hell in a hand basket. Just when you thought things couldn't get worse, you're reminded that nothing goes right for them. Instead of a house, Bobby now has a crater, a demolition special. Smoke and dust curls along the property as Dean repeats, "Oh no." He finds a charcoaled book, which might be John's journal or one of the hundreds Bobby kept on hand. Sam joins him but there's no sign of Bobby. Dean sends Sam to the right as he tries Bobby's phone. It goes straight to voicemail, which surprises me. Dean: "You cannot be in that crater back there. I can't...if you're gone, I swear I am going to strap my Beautiful Mind brother into the car and I'm going to drive us off the pier. You asked me how I was doing? Well, not good. Now you said you'd be here. Where are you?" Aww, it's the most gut-wrenching phone message since Dean tried to call that heartless man he called father in Home. I don't know how much more the brothers or I can take. So of course things get worse.

As the brothers search for Bobby, who should pop out near Sam but LeviaDad. The Winchesters are on the Leviathan most wanted list. Annihilation is the name of the game. Dean blasts his head with the shotgun, but alas all that does is make him go monster face. Again pretty cool. He throws Dean against a car, breaking his leg. Sam gets a punch in but then gets tire ironed out himself. Dean grabs a control box and a metal car lands on top of LeviaDad. Best Death Ever! Well, that and wood chipper. Black ichor oozes from beneath the vehicle as Dean slides to an unconscious Sam. "Sam, Sammy, hey! C'mon now. C'mon, I'm the one with the broken leg. You got to carry me." Dean calls 911 and they are both winged away in an ambulance. Sam awakes and sees Lucifer. Again. I liked you last episode Satan but you've overstayed your welcome. Even you admit the jig is up. Go away. He says no and Sam passes out again. Dean freaks again when he realizes they are headed to Sioux Falls General, aka LeviaCommand Center. He protests and begs but no dice. Unfortunately, we transfer back to Bobby's just in time to see black goo head back under the car and LeviaDad's hand twitch. I call foul! I realize Leviathans are the strongest, baddest, oldest things they've encounter. I get that they have millions of years of experience and wisdom and extra special powers. Still, why do they need this guy to survive a car dropping on him. C'mon, how many leviathans could the Winchesters legitimately take out through falling car or something similar? Leviathans are smart enough to learn from this death and would be out for revenge. It may be early in the game to kill one off but it would make me happier. Winchesters should be allowed to win every once in a while and it's this kind of stuff that frustrates me.

Next week - It's hospitals and monsters and brains, oh my!

Review: Overall, this was an excellent episode. It had a frenetic pace so nothing ever got boring. The acting was top-notch, even surpassing the premiere which was phenomenal. Jensen did an absolutely excellent job with the phone call and the warehouse scene, while Mark Pellegrino kicked it as Lucifer. But special kudos go to Jared for portraying a scared stiff Sam at the end of his sanity. I've never been so moved by Sam's plight nor so scared for him. It's one thing to be defeated by a foe. It's another to realize it's your own brain going after you. For once, I wished they had cut back on the action a tiny bit and allowed those scenes to breathe more. Another plus was how Bobby rocked for both brothers. He showed he was there for them and knew them at the core. SPOILER - I'm so glad he isn't dead. I also liked how they legitimately incorporated Sheriff Mills, who's always fun. We got information about the Leviathans and they're shaping up to be a good foes. Finally, the PTB score big points for the Black Water montage. It worked perfectly.

However, there are things that I didn't like. The biggest flaw was constantly jumping back and forth from one setting and one part of the action to another. Some scenes lasted as little as 2 minutes before cutting somewhere else only to come back to the original scene 4 minutes later. The episode unnecessarily chaotic. I understand this may have been the goal but it wasn't the right time for it. They had a heavy emotional drama going on and all the cuts lessened the impact for me. I also dislike the Cas "death" scene. We already had the fake Crowley death. It was good then. It has a "been there" feel now. We all know Cas is coming back. Why even go there? All in all this was a great episode and season 7 is still on track as one of the better seasons. Score = A-

Best scene - the warehouse by leaps and bounds
Best shock (if you didn't track spoilers) - Bobby's house blowing up / Sam is honest about hellucinations
Worst shock - LeviaDad resurrects himself
Best line - For me: "You can kiss my a** Doctor Monster Face." For the show: Dean's Believe Me speech in the warehouse

Screencaps by cjab1234 and Supernatural Fans Online

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Supernatural - 7.01 - Meet the New Boss - Recap

Let's say it right from the start - WOO HOO!!! Hellatus is finally over and Supernatural is back and better than ever. As far as impartial reviews go, this is not one. I loved almost everything about the premiere and am more excited for season 7 than ever. So let's sit back and enjoy this episode together. Warning - Although I do know the meaning of "concise" I always fail at the practice of it.

Previously - Grandpa Creepy died, Lucifer decayed, Sam dropped, and RoboSam de-souled. Death brought a soul and a mission, Cas delivered a threat and an excuse, and Crowley made a deal and lost everything. People died (bye Balthy), Winchesters walked, the Impala flipped, and Cas flipped out. Sam stabbed Cas but MegaloCas was juiced up, declaring himself god and issuing an ultimatum. And that's the road so far to the tune of Foghat's "Slow Ride".

Picking up where season 6 ended, MegaloCas stares as Bobby falls to his knees ("Is this good or you want the whole head to the carpet thing?"), urging the Winchesters to bow also. MegaloCas stops them declaring, "What's the point if you don't mean it?" Good call. There's a lot to fear from this Cas but nothing to love or respect. Sam reasons with MegaloCas but given that he literally just stabbed Cas in the back there's not much to say. Dean tries next but this isn't their Cas. "What a brave little ant you are. You know you're powerless. You wouldn't dare move against me again. That would be pointless. So I have no need to kill you. Not now. Besides, once you were my favorite pets." BWAH!! MegaloCas half smiles but I full on laugh even after the 10th viewing. MegaloCas declares godhood and will strike them down if they try anything again. He points out that Sam's running on fumes and Dean's incensed that Cas, not MegaloCas, messed up his brother. However, MegaloCas reminds Dean that he would fix Sam only if they didn't interfere with his Purgatory plans. They definitely interfered. He threatens to resend Sam to the pit again and I yawn. Same threat, different day. MegaloCas intones before he disappears, "I hope for your sake this is the last you see me." At this point, I hope it's the last I see you too Cas. Make good on your threat to avoid them. Unfortunately, Sam then collapses in a hell nightmare, landing on glass.

Regrettably, MegaloCas is right back on screen using angel wi-fi I guess. Apparently he will not be satisfied until everyone hears his God claim. He will punish Raphael's followers, denounces free will, and calls himself their father, not the warm, loving kind. He proves his resolve with 3 dozen or so dead angels on the lawn. It does make an interesting winged pattern, but I'd suggest they not make MegaloCas the new heaven landscaper. No doubt about it, the first 5 minutes proves you don't mess with an angel hopped up on soul steroids. "It is a new day on earth and in heaven." Well, yippee! No MegaloCas, I don't think I'll rejoice. Commercial break and time for a bit of criticism. The new title card looks like someone dropped an ink well over Supernatural. It's black and white cool but quite frankly it looks too much like the blood title card which was far superior. Not inspired by this one. It's worse than the crows. Perhaps it's supposed to resemble a Rorschach test and symbolize Sam's current mental state. Speaking of...

A flipped over Dean tries to push the Impala's frame back out to no success. "C'mon Baby!" I grin. One wish down - Dean fixing Metallicar. Bobby interrupts with a beer, "So are you fixing her or primal screaming?" Perhaps both. Sam's still unconscious and it's nerve racking but we know he'll wake up. More worrisome - they have no idea how to stop MegaloCas or where to start. Dean: "And what exactly are you looking for?" Bobby: "Exactly, what? Miracles? Mass visions? Trench coat on a tortilla?" Ha! Cas already said, "God is not on any flatbread" so I doubt it. Bobby asks about the plan once they find Cas but Dean is just as stumped. He tells Bobby "to figure it out" and Bobby shows far more restraint than I would, staring at Dean who knows instantly how unfair that is. He apologizes. Dean's plan: "I'm gonna fix this car because that's what I can do. I can work on her until she's mint. And when Sam wakes up, no matter what shape he's in, we glue him back together too. We owe him that." Bobby agrees. I know some people really hate this speech, but I think it's practical and in character. Granted the "We owe him that" is a bit off, but I like practical Dean far more than drowning in guilt Dean. Back to work he goes. Later that day (I think), Dean grabs a beer from the fridge to find a "walking and talking" Sammy. Yeah! He looks good but looks are deceiving. Sam: "I put on my socks. The whole nine." Dean asks how Sam is and he claims to be fine except for a headache. Dean is relieved; I feel another round of liar, liar coming. "No reason putting a gift horse under a microscope." Or looking for teeth? Sam asks about MegaloCas so he's been under since then. The conversation seems a bit casual but maybe very little time has passed. Dean invites Sam to help with the Impala (color me stunned) and says he'll bring Sam up to speed. Sam agrees but he's distracted by a noise and goes all worried brow. It sounded like wind chimes so I was initially puzzled as to why this would throw him. Did they decorate in the pit?

Next up - the world's most obnoxious preacher hell-bent on condemning homosexuality and Lady Gaga. He's more annoying than the Lady herself. MegaloCas intervenes, calling him a hypocrite and killing him and a parishioner. MegaloCas claims godhood...again...until something whispers his name, stalling him. He also decides to replace Jesus with an image of himself. When is this plot line going to end? Thankfully we move on to Sam looking for a socket wrench. Suddenly Bobby's basement turns red with a butcher shop décor. I'm significantly wigged out so I can't imagine how Sam is feeling. Bobby calls Sam's name in the distance and suddenly it's the trusty dingy basement again. He realizes something's wrong as Sam huffs and gasps in fright. Upstairs, the ancient TV displays MegaloCas' reign of religious housecleaning. He's killed 200 more people. One former parishioner claims the "new god" to be young and sexy. My gratitude goes to Dean for turning it off.

MegaloCas smites the Ku Klux Clan next. Dean says it for everyone, "Can't argue with that one." Time has passed since the Impala's hood is sans dent now and Dean is fixing the passenger window. It's no under the car, Everybody Loves a Clown shot but it works. Time passes again and he's onto the hood while MegaloCas strikes down New Age gurus. Sam: "Motivational speakers?" Dean: "Yeah, I'm not sure New Cas gets irony any better than old Cas." So true (snickers). Sam says they should talk to him, but Dean vetoes the idea. "He's not a guy. He's God and he's pissed." My eyes roll from how many times they've said Cas is God and we're only 11 minutes in. Dean continues: "Cas is never coming back. He's lied to us. He used us. He cracked your gourd like it was nothing. No more talk. We've spent enough on him." I'm sure some are up in arms about this, but I agree and think it's in character. Before Cas swallowed the souls, he used them as bait, lied to their faces (although that's nothing new in the Winchester world), and most importantly put Sam in danger. I don't subscribe to the "everything Dean does and feels is based on Sam" philosophy, but there's no doubt the best way to get on Dean's hit list is to hurt Sam and Cas did that before he had the soul steroid excuse. I'm also good with Sam wanting to talk with MegaloCas because this is in character too. If anyone gives Cas absolution for past sins it has to be Sam that makes the first step. Not Dean.

Suddenly we flip gears and Nancy Sinatra is telling us "These Boots are Made for Walking" as we pan up the license plate of a mobile home. It says In God We Trust. I feel the humor seep back in. Given the red anti-angel sigils on the windshield, it's pretty easy to guess...Crowley! Oh has the former King of Hell fallen. He watches news on a teeny TV while swilling back liquor. As the TV flickers and goes off, it's hard to call who is more nervous, Crowley or me. I love Crowley and want him to stick around. Nothing in this episode beats Crowley's facial expressions when MegaloCas appears to lay down the law. "Bollocks" doesn't quite do it. MegaloCas has always known where to find Crowley so I guess he should have waited comfy in hell instead of camping out. "You fancy a drink before you smite me." Bwah! Cas says no and Crowley does an arms spread out, face back grimace that had me rolling. But Cas isn't there to kill him and Crowley's one-eyed look to see if Cas is lying is priceless. In an episode of fabulous scenes, this one soars. MegaloCas: "I have plans for you." Crowley and I both do a double take, but MegaloCas wants Crowley back as King of Hell, on his terms. Apparently MegaloCas needs a place for his enemies. Crowley: "Right. I gather this is not a negotiation." MegaloCas: "No." Crowley: "Then I graciously accept, Boss." Bwah! This show desperately needs snarky Crowley. MegaloCas sees the skin on his hand start to blister and pops off.

Back at Bobby's the music of a rain stick disrupts Sam's research and the ceiling starts caving in. Yep, definitely a nightmare as Sam gets hung from the ceiling by a chain. He struggles a bit to remind us of how he got chocked every other episode in season 1. Maniacal laughter explodes and Sam is back in the chair wondering if he's going crazy. He searches out Dean and Bobby, who are ready to paint a now fixed Impala. No idea how much time has passed but she looks good. Bobby hands Dean a beer before bringing up his real concern - Sam. Bobby credits adrenaline for Sam's march into Crowley's House of Torture, but wonders how he can still stand now. Good question. Sam's been through a lot. Dean counters that Sam said he's ok, but in reality Dean is worried too. "I just pray to God it's true." Bobby: "We need to come up with a new saying for that." Or de-god Cas. Dean: "Seriously though Bobby, look at our lives. How many more hits can we take?" And that is the 10 million dollar question because this fan can't take many more without the occasional win for balance. Bobby asks if he believes Sam. Dean: "No. You want to know why? Because we never catch a break so why would we this time." Awww, poor Winchesters.

Sam walks in after listening to their discussion. Bobby: "So how are you feeling Sport?" Sport? Really Bobby? He's not 6. Sam reiterates that they need to stop MegaloCas who exploded a publishing house, and Bobby snarks, "What we got to do is hunt the SOB. Unfortunately I lost my God-guns." Ha! Sam wants Balthazar's weapons but Dean ups the ante. Cut to Bobby's basement where they summon Crowley. "No, no, no. C'mon...My new boss is going to kill me for even talking to you." Sam asks about his new boss and Crowley calls him a giraffe. Bwah! Although Moose fits better. "What do you think he's going to do when he finds out we've been conspiring. You do want to conspire, don't you?" Again Mark Sheppard steals the scene with a hopeful look that they can get rid of MegaloCas together. Dean asks for a spell to bind Death because we all knew they weren't counting on Crowley to take out MegaloCas. Crowley is less than thrilled. "They'll both mash us like peas." Still, he agrees but only because the alternative is an out of control MegaloCas dictator. He downs more liquor. Livers are still target number one this season. Cut to the street where a blind man is begging. MegaloCas proves he's not all evil and restores his sight. Um, MegaloCas, you forgot about mercy in your world domination scheme. Yes, you are wrathful. Re-sighted man points out MegaloCas' new blemishes; he is falling apart. The whisper voices say he's too late and on any other show, Cas would join Sam in a mental hospital. Instead, he opens his shirt as a hand pushes against his stomach. I can't be the only person who was thinking cool Alien shout out here.

At Bobby's House of Insurmountable Odds, it's FedEx with the save again. Crowley sent the binding spell. "Well who feels like hog-tying Death tonight?" Hm, more likely he hog ties you. Bobby: "Old age is overrated anyhow." BWAH! They need fulgurite, a crystal made from lightning striking sand, so they steal one from a rich couple. Dean knocks out a security guard. "Excuse me, you got any Grey Poupon?" Sam: "Grey Poupon? Seriously?" Dean: "It's what popped in my head." Ha! At times I forget Dean isn't that much younger than me. I liked those commercials. Mr. and Mrs. Rich see Dean with the fulgurite so he takes their gun away and ties them up. Congratulations, you've got a front row seat to the Death - Wannabe God duel. I love how the Doctor winces as Dean crushes his fulgurite. I love Death more though. Binding Death is messy as glass breaks everywhere. But who cares, because Death!!! Dean tries to placate him with fried pickle chips but Death isn't buying. He spills the beans about Sam's hallucinations and calls wall-building a onetime shot. Guess they have to fix Sam another way. Sam says they can't unbind him. Death: "This isn't going to end well." No, it never does. They hastily explain they need him to kill God with Bobby adding "Your Honor." Ha again. Death asks why he should help and Dean very unconvincingly says theycontrol him now that he's bound. "I mean respectfully." Love how no one in heaven, earth, or hell can make Dean as tentative and kowtowing as Death can. Death just stares; the Winchester clan and I get chills.

I'd love to hear Death's retort but MegaloCas pops in for a chat. He threatens to kill the Winchesters but Dean brings up the binding. Death calls them "annoying little protozoa" and I laugh again. They get numerous nicknames tonight. Death calls MegaloCas out on being a juiced up, mutated angel with a God complex. He explains that MegaloCas needs a dermatologist because he swallowed Leviathans, creatures of old that God locked in Purgatory before they could kill everything. "There are things much older than souls in Purgatory and you gulped those in too." Yeah, that's a pretty big Big Bad. Death calls MegaloCas a "stupid little soldier" and MegaloCas spouts daddy issues. I laugh when Death calls Cas, "Quite the humanitarian." The deadpan way Death insults is directly opposite Crowley and twice as menacing. Whoever cast Julian Ritchings as Death knocked it out of the park! For the record, it was also amusing that MegaloCas called Death a flyswatter. Better run before he swats you. Death: "Please Cas. I know God and you sir are no God." Finally the voice of reason. Death calls it petty vendetta; MegaloCas calls it fixing the world; Dean calls time out. He orders Death to smite MegaloCas and Death is ready to oblige, but MegaloCas undoes the binding spell with a finger snap. Things don't look well for the Winchester clan. Death: "Shall we kickbox now?" BWAH!!! Amazing scene! Death: "I had a tingle I would be reaping someone very, very soon." He sits down with the pickle chips after assuring Mr. and Mrs. Rich that he doesn't mean them. MegaloCas bugs out. Dean looks worried. He should be.

In a strange scene shift, we end up at Michelle Walker's campaign office. She's an annoying self-righteous prat, as are most politicians. So of course this MegaloCas must smite her. Supernatural is obviously targeting a certain US politician whom I don't care for. However, I care for this scene even less. It bugs me that they only takes pot shots at the far right when the far left is equally bad. They need to stop. In fact, I'm tired of their anti-Christian stance too and hope like crazy that they will stop bringing religion into the show at all. Move on. MegaloCas deludes himself that forcing his will on everyone makes him a good Daddy and he starts laughing maniacally as whispers of insanity drums on. Gratefully we head back to Death eating pickle chips and drinking soda (or whatever Dean thinks Death drinks). Sam gives Dean the "you talk to him" nod and Dean clears his throat. Death: "Shut up Dean. I'm not here to tie your shoes every time you trip." Ha! Maybe I can use that in my K-5 school job. Probably not. Apparently Death holds Dean responsible for Cas' mistakes and I roll my eyes. How about holding people responsible for their own mistakes in this show for once instead of always blame shifting? Because I love Death, I'll chalk it up to being very annoyed at being bound. I can understand that. Dean: "Well I'm sorry. Alright, I've been trying to save this planet so maybe you should find somebody better to tip off." I'm all for the Winchesters catching a break. Death: "Maybe I should spend my effort on a better planet." Huh? Did Death just confirm the existence of aliens? Someone call Mulder. Sam stops Death by asking for a hint. "You have to care a little bit about what happens to us?" Death: "You know I really don't but I do find that little angel arrogant." Dean: "Great! Let's go with that!" BWAH! Death tells them to get MegaloCas to barf up the souls back at the Purgatory warehouse. He'll even create an eclipse at 3:59 Sunday morning. Yep, Death can do whatever he wants. "Don't thank me. Clean up your mess." Don't you mean Cas' mess. Death warns them against binding him again. I clap for his awesome performance.

Back at Campaign Headquarters of Unequal Disdain, MegaloCas wakes in a pool of blood. Lots of blood. Because he smote everyone. (Yes I had to look up the past tense of smite.) MegaloCas' inner non-douche angel is appalled at the massacre but the whispers are back again before we cut back to Bobby's. Sam wants to head out but Dean thinks it's a fool's mission. He's done saving the world. Instead it is food, booze, and porn time for him. Sam believes Cas may still be in MegaloCas and reminds Dean that he never gives up on Sam. Dean reminds Sam that he's lying about the hallucinations. Busted by Death. Dean suggests they "not lie" and I am all for that. Of course neither brother is capable of that. I give it 3 episodes max before both have lied to the other, starting with episode 2. Since Dean can't help, Sam didn't want to add to his troubles. He says it's under control and we all know that's a big heaving boulder of doom. Yep, things will get ugly fast. Sam says he knows real from imaginary but my first graders have a better grip on that right now. Hellcinations are brutal. Dean: "I'm gonna stuff my pie hole. I'm gonna drink and I'm gonna watch some Asian cartoon porn and act like the world is about to explode. Because it is." Instead of Asian porn, they get election massacre news. The security camera catches MegaloCas with that creepy gleeful smile. It's chilling! Great job Misha! Dean's given up but Sam heads outside to pray to Cas. It's less funny than usual but it's heartfelt and poignant and Sam tacitly offers forgiveness for the wall when he tells Cas to let them help. It's a beautiful move and exactly what I expect from Sam. As he walks back in, it sounds like chipmunks dying in the laptop. I am forever grateful when Sam says he'll only accept a drink if Dean turns it off. Thank you Sam. They clink glasses when Cas drops in about to pass out. He knows he needs help and the redemption of Castiel officially begins.

Back at Crowley's Monster Torture Lab, Cas sends Sam to get the virgin-monster blood cocktail, so I guess he lied about consuming it all. He regrets betraying Dean and tearing down Sam's wall and says he "overshot". He would build the wall back up if he had the strength but it's far too late for apologies and they have a Leviathan horde to relocate. "I just wanted to make amends before I die." This attempts to make me feel bad for Cas. It doesn't. Dean stops what he's doing and asks if it makes Cas feel better. Cas: "No. You?" Dean: "Not a bit." I guess that can come off sharp, but it's honest. They are in this mess because of Cas. He killed people and left Sam a mess before the souls. He betrayed their friendship and now at the last second he wants to make things right. I'm glad he does but it doesn't help their current situation. I'd be ticked too.

We switch to Sam finding the completely unhidden blood container. Raphael should have done that angel swoop thing. Suddenly out of nowhere pops Lucifer. To be honest, I forgot about him or maybe it was my unconscious effort to suppress the memory. Mentally I prepare myself for more Satan whining, but in a brain shocking turn of events, Lucifer actually creeps me out. Sam thinks Lucifer is a hellucination but Lucifer claims he's still stuck in the cage - that everything from last season to now is a sadistic trick Lucifer is feeding his mind. "I have to say I think this is my best torture yet. Make you believe that you're free and then yank the wool off your eyes. You never left Sam. You're still in the cage. With me." Forget that! This is the best you've been yet. If Lucifer was half this devious and chilling in season 5, I might not consider him the lamest villain they've had. This is absolutely diabolical and I love it. Kudos to both Jared and Mark in this scene. I'm sad to head back to the Cas story.

Back at MegaloCas' demise, Bobby worries that Sam hasn't brought back the blood. Dean finds it in the middle of the hallway but no Sam to be found. The fact that Dean goes on with the ritual instead of looking for Sam shows growth. He paints a symbol on the wall while Bobby hauls Cas to his feet and begins the ritual. Cas collapses but Dean helps him up and the symbol glows. Cas: "I'm sorry Dean." The wall disintegrates as a fabulous light show pours from Cas. It's pretty. It's quick. No way it worked. Dean and Bobby go to a non-breathing Cas. Dean: "Maybe angels don't need to breathe." Bobby calls Cas' death and Dean sadly shakes his head. "Dammit." Don't worry Dean. That's too easy too. No way Cas goes out like this. Dean: "Cas, you child. Why didn't you listen to me?" Yep, people will be up in arms about that comment. Good thing Cas wakes up and Dean can rush to help him. Cas: "That was unpleasant." Ha! Cas is surprised to be breathing and thanks them but Bobby goes for honesty. "We were mostly just trying to save the world." I snicker. Cas is ashamed and looking for redemption. He's still the master of understatement which makes me laugh. Dean leads them out to the poignant music of future redemption which only spells disaster. Suddenly, Cas huddles over and tells them to run. The Leviathans are still in there and he can't control them. Dean tells Bobby to find Sam, but Cas 3.0 is now in control. In lieu of creatively coming up with my own nickname, I'm stealing from you Wilson. (Hope that's okay.) LeviaCas it is. Misha Collins really sells crazy here. "Too late. Cas is, hmm, he's gone. He's dead. We run the show now." The shoulder shrugs and giant smile are right up there with Crowley's "smite me now" pose and Death's matter-of-fact humor. As he shoves Dean and Bobby across the room, black veins run up his face. "Now this is going to be so much fun!" Couldn't say it better myself. We black screen out to the sounds of Cas' chuckle.

Simply amazing! The whole episode hit on pacing, visuals, and especially acting. Trying to pick my favorite scene in this episode is simply not possible. You know the episode is good when the biggest criticism I have is the title card. I love how we got a little of everything in this premiere. There was plenty of action, a bit of mystery, some classic rock, lots of humor, great guest star overload, and a cliffhanger that sets everything in motion. All I can say is that after 4 months of waiting, there is no disappointment from me. I'm more psyched up for season 7 than ever and I can't wait to see where the cast and crew lead us this year. Like Sam, I know it's going to be one wild head game.

Best line - "Now this is going to be so much fun!"
Biggest shock - Lucifer was scary.
Best meta - Dean's Eye of the Tiger t-shirt
Rating - On par with season four's Lazarus Rising for best premiere


Screencaps by Home of the Nutty and Supernatural Fans Online

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