A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the SpoilerTV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.
1. Tuka: “Okay, bruh...or spirit mother, or whoever’s up there. Yo, what kinda operation you running? I had one, one person in the whole universe. Somebody who knew when I was low or happy or angry. Somebody who saw me for me and liked me anyway. We had plans. I never even got to hug her and say, ‘Ster, everything’s gonna be okay.’ But it’s okay. It is. I did that. I got her ready, and she’s gonna live a beautiful life with Lee and track and the prom and ice cream. And me? Yo, what about—I have been every kind of invisible, alive and dead. It tore me up inside. But enough. I did what you wanted. Don’t make me stay here and watch!” (Alison)
1. Greg: “Katie, relationships aren't just math. They move in ways beyond arbitrary connection…” Katie: “You're stalling.” Greg: “I don't want him to be with Viv. I want him to be with me. He's MINE!” (Folie-lex)
2. Greg: “I specifically told you to not set up my brother with Viv.” Katie: “Yes, but when are you going to stop asking me not to do things that you know that I'm going to do anyway. It puts me in a very uncomfortable position.” (Folie-lex)
3. Cooper: “Being gay has really worked out well for you, and me.” Oliver: “What do you mean?” Cooper: “I can't even count the number of girls telling me how sensitive and evolved I am for having a gay best friend. You're like walking a really cute dog.” (Folie-lex)
4. Greg: “What about Viv?” Katie: “We have to find her. We were running and I lost her...Okay, she was running and I walked home...I called an Uber, but I met it at the corner...Alright, it met me at my exact location. You broke me! You happy now?” (Folie-lex)
5. Katie: “Don't tell Viv, but I got the better Greg.” (Folie-lex)
1. Dre: “When Tom Cruise acts a fool in public for his woman it's crazy. When a black man does it, it's love!” (Folie-lex)
2. Bow: “Aw babe...I don't need you.” Dre: “What's that?” Bow: “I choose you. I love you Dre, so much, and my life is so much more fulfilling because you are by my side. And that's the way I want it to be forever: us right by each other's sides.” Dre: “I wouldn't have it any other way.” (Folie-lex)
3. Dre: “So I set my pride aside and let my lady do her thing. Hey! If she could carry 5 kids for me, I could carry a purse for her.” (Folie-lex)
The Blacklist:
1. Elizabeth: “The casket you stole had already been stolen?” Red: “The irony is rich.” ~~In which sometimes a theft doesn’t work the way you want. (Katherine)
1. Douglas: “You can’t find a fellow employee ‘the cutest.’ That’s not appropriate anymore. It’s 2020, not 2017.”
2. Goodwin: “You cannot be seen with Mr. Wheeler’s sister.” Kofo: “Why? I enjoy her company. She’s smart, funny, and just the right amount of crazy.”
3. Bob: “Praying for my ex-wife. That’s just nuts.”
4. Tunde: “So I pay more taxes than your company. That is not fair.” Bob: “No, but it is what makes this country great.”
1. Jane: “It must be really difficult to be a dinosaur unless of course, you’re smoking cigars with other dinosaurs.” (Jamie)
2. Andrew: “Okay, how much do you two love me?” Jane: “Is this a trick question?” Andrew: “Okay, well then maybe I won’t show you the amazing video of Jacqueline dancing to Push It.” Kat: “I love you, Andrew.” Andrew: “Jane?” Jane: “Kat loves you, Andrew.” (Jamie)
3. Jane: “Why do we start on 5, 6, 7, 8? Shouldn’t we start on 1, 2, 3, 4?” Kat: “Oh, bro, that is deep.” (Jamie)
1. Bull: “Just say that we really appreciate the offer but we are not interested in representing a terrorist at this time.” Benny: “An accused terrorist. I think you’re missing the point. The federal defender’s office wasn’t asking when they called me this morning. They were telling. It’s our case, Bull. Happy spring.”
2. Natalie: “I still have a hard time believing it. We talked about it all the time. He kept saying how he wanted to help people, protect people.” Bull: “I’m sure he thought he was doing just that, doing it for the greater good.” Natalie: “You know, I guess that’s why I like my work so much. Bacteria may be challenging, but they are a whole hell of a lot easier to understand than people.”
3. Bull: “Would you think I was a terrible person if I told you that, as horrible as this must be for Marissa and Taylor, there’s potentially a big upside to it?” Benny: “Oh thank God. I thought I was the only one whose mind worked that way.”
1. MG: “We believe in you.” Lizzie: “Well there’s your first mistake right there, okay? I am my biggest fan and even I know that Lord Josiemort is gonna squash me like a bug.” (Jamie)
2. Lizzie: “Are you seriously telling me that I’m going to die because I became a better person?” Alyssa: “Ironic, isn’t it?” Lizzie: “Well, in that case, screw personal growth, okay? I’m going back to looking out for number 1.” (Jamie)
3. Dark!Josie: “Who am I gonna kill? Should it be...vampires? Maybe witches? How about some werewolves?” Hope: “Why not try all three?” (Jamie)
4. Lizzie: “Just to be clear, that was for you and not me.” (Jamie)
1. Eliot: “No, I was thinking it’s taken me a really long time to figure that you can still love something even after it’s gone.” Fen: “Even if you helped kill it?” (Katherine)
2. Eliot: “OK, Fen, time for a come to Umber talk. You don’t want to be a sidekick? You want to have a say? This is what that feels like. I’m not asking for your permission. Some part of Fillory has to die, and you’re the one who has to choose. Is it going to be the rocks and the dirt or the people and the traditions and all of the things you can take with you?” (Katherine)
3. Josh: “All the people of Fillory are going to fit into a seahorse?” Eliot: “How’d you know that was the one?” Fen: “Because that’s how Ember and Umber first brought people to Fillory. They chartered the Great Seahorse to carry us in his pouch. What, how’d people get to earth?” Josh: “The same. The same.” ~~In which some of our Magicians need to solve a puzzle by choosing the right globe containing the kind of “Arc” the Flllorians will use to escape their planet. Fen knows the answer because history. (Katherine)
4. Sir Effingham: “ Oh my heavens, you have embraced the blessing of your sex, but surely you have misplaced your wedding band. You are widowed then?” Julia: “No.” Sir Effingham: “Oh you poor dear, you are carrying a bastard.” Julia: “Definitely talking to one.” (Katherine)
1. Claire: “I know I'm what your company needs, because I know how much I need your company.” ~~No surprise she got hired after that line. Claire killed it with that pitch. (Folie-lex)
2. Mitch: “And we don't need the stress of moving, because you know what? I love our house.” Cam: “I do too.” Mitch: “It is not perfect, but neither are we.” Gloria: “And neither is your car. Can you please remove that thing from the driveway? I'm trying to sell a lifestyle here.” (Folie-lex)
3. Mitch: “Yes my husband and I would love to adopt him.” Cam, to Gloria about the house: “Let’s write up an offer.” ~~I knew they'd cave in the end even though they were talking themselves out of it a few lines earlier, but when the time came "they know". There's not much to the dialogue, sure, but the acting made this moment brilliant. (Folie-lex)
1. Brian: “And they're around all the time. I feel like a rat in a cage. Now I know why all my rats keep killing themselves.” (Folie-lex)
2. Nicole: “What are they even so stressed about? Like parenting and working their dumb jobs is so difficult.” Brian: “I know. ‘Oh my life is so hard. I have to make a table and pour my kid a glass of sink water, while my genius son finds the link between a human genome and a fruit fly.’ “ Nicole: “Oh, did you do that today?” Brian: “No, I couldn't because dad kept swatting my control group.” (Folie-lex)
3. Mike: “Okay, updated rules: For Leila, in bed by nine, no candy. And for Marc, I don't know. If he opens a book covered in spiderwebs and starts reading backwards, burn him.” (Folie-lex and Dahne)
4. Kay: “Brian, watch out for coups. Nicole, no coups.” (Folie-lex)
5. Brian: “I'd say my nutrition bricks are a home run, but that's a sports reference so I'm not sure if I'm using it right.” (Folie-lex)
6. Irwin: “Dad voice, you get it the third time you step barefoot on a Lego.” (Dahne)
1. Martin: “Or...I don’t say anything, and Mommy Dearest becomes Bedford Correctional’s newest inmate. Free to live out all her sapphic dreams.” (Alison)
2. Martin: “My feelings have been hurt.” Jessica: “Psychopaths don’t have feelings.” Martin: “Actually, we do. Trick is we can turn them off whenever we want.” Jessica: “Well, he isn’t answering my calls either. I know as little as you.” Martin: “Oh, well, do you think he’s alright? I hadn’t considered I should be worried.” Jessica: “Forgot to turn on those feelings?” Martin: “So is this what it is like, worrying about your kids, thinking of all of the terrible things that could be happening. Parenting is tough stuff. It’s good to have someone to talk to, someone who cares as much as you do.” Jessica: “You’re right. I should call Gil.” (Jessica hangs up.) Martin: “And she turns the dagger.” ~~I love the verbal sparring between these two characters. (Dahne)
3. Jessica, after hearing Malcolm set up a date with Eve: “Well done, darling. I have notes, of course, but why ruin the moment.” (Malcolm’s phone rings.) Malcolm: “It’s Gil.” Jessica: “Moment ruined.” (Dahne)
4. Jessica: “Let’s toast to some good news for once.” Malcolm: “Yes, well….um…” (big pause as neither can think of anything.) (Dahne)
5. Jessica: “This phone is reserved for telemarketers and politicians. Identify yourself so I know how hard to slam the receiver.” (Dahne)
1. Lucy Chen: “Okay, well, with all due respect, I’ve been buried alive by a serial killer. This rabbit hole does not scare me.” (Alison)
2. Lucy: “Just face it. You don't like dogs.” Tim: “Wrong. I love dogs. I just think they're a lot of responsibility and I'm not sure you're ready for it.” Lucy: “Oh! But you were when you were my age?” Tim: “At your age, I'd done two tours in Afghanistan and Iraq, the second in charge of a squad of ten soldiers.” Lucy: “Showoff…” Tim: “What was that?” Lucy: “Nothing!” (Folie-lex)
3. Lucy: “Why are you the reason Mitch lost his leg?” Tim: “‘Cause I let him slide on something. It doesn't matter what, just that I cut him a break when I shouldn't have and because I did, he went back on patrol, got blown up.” Lucy: “That's the most "Tim Bradford" thing I've ever heard. You showed humanity. There's nothing to feel guilty about.” Tim: “Rules matter, Boot.” Lucy: “Then what the hell are you doing out here?” Tim: “Some things matter more.” (Folie-lex)
4. Armstrong: “You're lucky. You had a good outcome last night, but no matter how good your intentions are, going off the books always costs you. The law matters Nolan. The second you start thinking you know better, you risk losing yourself.” (Folie-lex)
5. Nolan: “So the moral of the story is?” Grace: “Don't count on a stray bullet to save your life.” Nolan: “Sound medical advice.” (Folie-lex)
1. Arturo: “They tip better when you smile.” Liz: “I smile.” Arturo: “You bare your teeth.” (Jamie)
2. Liz: “You are a 19-year old drug addict. You don’t know everything.” (Jamie)
3. Liz: “I chose regenerative medicine as my focus when you died ‘cause I was broken. I wanted to repair the irreparable. It’s an ethics nightmare. I have been spit on by protesters and shut down by the government. I’ve worked on tiny rat hearts my whole life, waiting until someone in power would believe that I could do this with people, too. And over and over, old men on boards have told me to stay in my lane. To calm down. To wait. But I can do this. Noah’s heart is shriveled and weak. Just like he was. But I’m gonna fix it. Max gave me back the only thing I’ve ever lost that mattered to me. Now it’s my turn.” (Jamie)
Schitt’s Creek:
1. David: “I never thought I’d have to say this, but there is only space for one unstable sibling in this family and I have held that title for a very long time. So you are going to have to get it together!” (Katherine)
1. Tookie: “I was never good enough for her.” Grey: “That’s how they get away with it. If you blame yourself, they don’t have to take responsibility for what they did.” Tookie: “And you know what the worst part is, even after everything, I still love her. What does that make me?” Grey: “It makes you human.” Tookie: “It still hurts, man.” Grey: “Yeah, I get it. Listen, my friend, you might have lost Laura, and that’s a big blow, but you still got us.”
2. Dex: “I just want the truth.” Grey: “You think the truth will bring you peace?” Dex: “I don’t know. I don’t know if I know what peace feels like.”
3. Grey: “I mean, 25 years and not so much as a birthday card and all of a sudden, he wants a relationship.” Dex: “Well, you said yourself, he’s changed. That’s hard to do. Maybe you should give him a chance.” Grey: “It’s just weird right? All this digging up in the past. When do we get to move forward?” Dex: “Maybe that’s what we’re doing.”
Supernatural:
1. Chuck: "It's time to clear the board. All the other worlds, alternate realities, the subplots, the failed spin-offs...It's time to start canceling shows." (Jamie)
1. Judith: “I can stay here with you. So you’re not alone when it happens.” Earl: “Oh, honey, I’m not alone. I have Tammy and my son. Alden will take good care of Adam. And you, Judith…you’re so strong. You’re so brave. But now I need you to keep those kids safe from me. Please. Go back out there and don’t come near me again, okay?” (Sandi)
2. Negan: “The thing is, when she was gone, I just…I didn’t feel much of anything anymore. You know? I didn’t feel scared, I didn’t feel happy. I, uh, I didn’t feel anything. I was just, here. And that is my strength. Now me, I am dead to this world. But you? See, you are pretending. You think that it makes you strong to say that emotions aren’t real, that we are animals. That is bullsh** and you know it. And now you claim that you have to kill your own daughter, your own flesh and blood…” (Sandi)
3. Carol: “Took you long enough.” (Sandi)
1. Maggie: “I’m so sorry that you’ve gotten yourself into this situation because I can see how much you’re hurting, but you, my daughter, are not an idiot. It’s just life doesn’t always go as planned. It just doesn’t, and that’s a lesson that we’re both learning all too well.”
2. Zoey: “He sang to me. He sang Should I Stay or Should I Go?” Mo: “And you told him he should…” Zoey: “Go.” Mo: “Either way, it’s trouble. It says it right there in the song.”
3. Zoey: “I was planning on going to Simon’s engagement party, but that’s no longer the case.” Joan: “Okay yeah, I was invited to that too but I have no interest in hanging out with a bunch of twenty-somethings, talking about artisanal beer all night.” Zoey: “In our defense, we also talk about nut milk.”
4. Zoey: “Have fun tonight. And eat a pig in a blanket for me. There will be pigs in a blanket, won’t there?” Simon: “Zoey, this is a classy affair. Of course there will be pigs in a blanket.”
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