A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the Spoiler TV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.
1. John: "You know for a so-called mentor, you're a terrible influence."
2. Millar: "You blew it, Jerold. In love as in war, hesitation is death."
3. PotUS: "I watch this whenever I have a crisis of faith in this town." Natalie: "Right now you're entitled to a little bit of doubt." PotUS: "Doubt? I'm rapidly approaching paranoia."
4. Secretary: "It's just that I've spent my life protecting my daughter from all the ugliness in this world." Hugo: "I've been teaching my Angelia to eliminate it. There's been a price, perhaps too high." Secretary: "Maybe but not many 16 year old girls can fire a gun and sew up a chest wound."
1. Kuthrapali: "Did you know at the United Nations has a Department for Outer Space Affairs?" Howard: "Really? Why?" Kuthrapali: "They exist in case we ever make contact with an alien civilization." Howard: "That’s one of those jobs where it’s…boring, boring, boring. Then, 'Oh! God where’s the memo with what we do now!’ " (Purpleight)
2. Sheldon: "This is Leonard. He's your best friend in the world." Leonard: "Just stop. This is ridiculous." Sheldon: "Sometimes he gets cranky, but you can trust him with your life and he does more things for you than I can even begin to list." Leonard: "Thank you."
3. Amy: "That's an interesting tie clip." Dave: "Oh thanks. It's Avogadro's Constant. It's useful for calculating the number of atoms in a substance or causing regret in anyone who asks about it."
4. Sheldon: "Amy, there was a song I couldn't get out of my head. Eventually I realized the song was about you and like that earworm, I can't get you out of my heart. So what I'm trying to say is you're my heartworm. The metaphorical kind, not the poodle killing kind." Amy: "What?" Dave: "If I may, I believe what he's saying in a charming and delightful way is that he loves you and wants you back. Dave Gibbs, huge fan of your work. Don't mind me."
1. Pinkney: "That guy's vest is missing a K."
2. Carla: "Who's the idiot who ordered the 2-D echo?" Jesse: "You can't be too careful you know." Carla: "Oh, so you're the idiot. You ordered your own tests?"
3. Heather: "What took you so long?" Mario: "I had to save a woman from a burning car. That' s right. Deal with it."
4. Jesse: "It wasn't a panic attack. It was an aftershock."
5. Gina: "I could kiss you right now, Jesse." Jesse: "My heart couldn't take it."
Elementary -
1. Sherlock: "I understand you're new at this, Mr. Ostrin, but revealing you're in possession of the very items we believe a man was killed over is not a great way of clearing yourself."
2. Watson: "Vintage rainbow suspenders. If there's money in stuff like this, I need to get to my parent's basement fast."
3. Watson (watching Sherlock play vintage video games): "What are you doing?" Sherlock: "Punishing my brain."
1. Joe: "It's official. Santa hates us."
2. Mardon: "We all want the same thing." Snart: "Fashion advice?" Mardon: "To see The Flash dead." Jesse: "Well that more of a New Year's resolution but hey, I'm flexible."
3. Wells: "So why are you all not sleeping with the fishes?" Cisco: "Earth 2 has a Godfather." Wells: "Every Earth has a Godfather, Vito."
4. Captain Cold: "Cocoa isn't cocoa without the mini marshmallows, and you're out. I checked." (Nirat Anop)
5. Cisco: "Oh dear Lord. Just kiss already! Oh, the thirst is real." (Nirat Anop)
6. The Trixter: Mellow out Mardon. Don’t have a snit Snart. (Purpleight)
1. Waldo: "Sunny, listen to me. There is no 'through the wasteland.' There's just death and drought and more death, and you sure as sh** don't need a map to find it."
2. Jade: "I never had a mother and you never had a daughter. Maybe if we saw each other as that rather than as rivals it would help us survive this." Lydia: "Well if I were your mother, I would warn you not to sleep with your future husband and his son at the same time."
3. Jade: "I never wanted to be the person who brings you pain." Lydia: "Oh you don't. Quinn does that job very well."
4. Sunny: "Every force has its equal - fear, peace, dark, light - one can't exist without the other."
1. Clive: "I was afraid this would happen." Liv: 'You were afraid someone would find a grown a** man wearing a cape in the back of a garbage truck. Pretty specific fear."
2. Liv: "How do I know that you didn't call her from a landline?" Major: "Because this isn't 1987."
3. Natalie: "I literally got screwed into becoming a zombie hooker."
4. Liv: "This city needs more than a symbol." Ravi: "Yeah just keep saying stuff like that. I'll follow behind you, jotting notes for the graphic novel."
1. John: "I killed you." Kevin: "Nope." (Bradley Adams)
2. John: "What if there's nobody home?" Kevin: "Then you come over to my house." (Bradley Adams)
3. Man at the bar: "If you want to get out of here all you have to do is sing." Kevin: "I don't believe you." Man at the bar: "Why not?" Kevin: "Because it's stupid." Man at the bar: "Ah, the trial, it's beneath you. It's not elegant enough. Too easy. You pushed a little girl into a well, but you don't want to sing?" (Bradley Adams)
1. Cassandra: "Why does the hangover last so much longer than the party?" Jenkins: "It's nature's way of making sure you understand there's always a price."
2. Jenkins: "Mr. Jones, please tell me you did not post this anywhere that has a tweet, a face, or a gram."
3. Baird: "Fun. People bumping into you, spilling drinks on you, music so loud your ears bleed. Wow, when did I turn into Grandma."
1. Simon: "I wish we could go back to being the optimistic people who signed up to save the world, but we can't because we never were those people to begin with and we can never go back to Quantico."
2. Miranda: "Bad guys don't play fair. So do it again and next time it's two against one 'cause bad guys don't take turns." Brandon: "Not the threesome I was hoping for."
3. Alex: "Miranda, you once told us never to turn our backs on the people who needed you the most." Miranda: "It's the people of New York who need you the most now." Alex: "Do it."
4. Natalie: "So Jump Street…"
5. Alex: "This feels so wrong." Miranda: "Doing the right thing often does."
1. Sylvester: "Walter can't get in. Can I start hoarding cans of food now please?"
2. Cabe: "Have you ever wrestled?" Sylvester: "With my emotions."
3. Sylvester: "Oh no, I am not going back to college. College was the worst 6 months of my life." Toby: "I'm in and I'm gonna do it right this time. College sucked hard for 14 year old Tobias Curtis." Paige: "Guys, college is fun." Walter: "College is a continued adolescence factory where parents subsidize years of nonsense instead of serious academic rigor." Paige: "Yeah, fun."
1. Rosalind: “Good morning.” Coulson: “I thought I’d lost you.” Rosalind: “Nope I’m still right here.” Coulson: “I don’t remember...” Rosalind: “We overslept which is nice but now you need to get up.” Coulson: “How about we stay awhile instead?” Rosalind: “Nothing with make me happier but they need you Phil, more than ever.” Coulson: “Just one more minute.” Rosalind: “No. Now. Get Up!” (Nirat Anop)
2. Bobbi: "You were there. Did you see it? What's it like?" Simmons: "I did see it, but I can't really describe what it looked like. It's more how it felt. Which is old and pained, as if it once had great power but lost it. And the entire planet is a wasteland. How that came to be I can't really say. Not in any scientific terms, but my sense, and certainly Will's heartfelt belief, was that the creature is the one responsible. That it caused the desolation." (Nirat Anop)
3. Joey: "Okay, so are we rescuing Inhumans or saving Coulson? Or attacking HYDRA? Or is there some kind of combo? Sorry, new guy just trying to understand how this whole S.H.I.E.L.D. thing works." Hunter: "This is how S.H.I.E.L.D. works. Make a plan. Plan turns to rubbish. Make a new plan. Oh just to be crystal clear, this is the part where the plan turns to rubbish." (Nirat Anop)
4. Fitz: "You know, I ran a dozen scenarios in my head. Wondering what it'd be like when we finally met. There was a lot more blood and I never considered this Will." Will: "I can see why Jemma loves you." (Nirat Anop)
5. Ward: "You know, everyone had this place wrong. It isn't death. It's a new beginning. Malick was right, this was all meant to be. The fact that you followed me here. That we're in this together. That just confirms the fact that I am part of a grand plan. I see that now." Coulson: "I honestly have no idea what you're talking about." Ward: "You will." (Nirat Anop)
6. Coulson: "I'll be damned. Tatooine." (Bradley Adams)
1. Mimi: "I'm happy with just the fantasy. Reality requires too much free time…and waxing."
2. Gael: "Mimi, tell Ana people love her." Mimi: "Oh sweetie, of course people love you. I mean the fact that anyone bought your Christmas album proves that."
3. Mimi: "Ana, you're asking me in front of my children to steal somebody's private property. What if we get arrested? What if we go to jail?" Ana: "I'll get you a babysitter." Mimi: "I'm already in the car."
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