A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the Spoiler TV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.
1. Case: "You know, Olga, you raise the definition of high maintenance to a whole new level."
2. Case: "In English, the president needs plausible deniability." Millar: "Some of the Founding Fathers were lawyers, ma'am."
3. Missy: "What are you doing?" Case: "Improvising." Missy: "Seriously?" Case: "Well, Plan B is dying."
4. Maccabee: "Tell me this is a wine cellar."
5. Case: "I'll celebrate after the mission when we get those missiles back." Olga: "That is stupid. After the mission, you may be dead. To be alive another day in our business, that's enough to celebrate." Case: "Wow! You must have been really fun in high school."
1. Curtis: “You’re married. He’s straight. You’re married. He’s straight.” { This just made me laugh out loud. Curtis is just so freaking adorable.} (Prpleight)
2. Darhk : “Just because I understand science doesn’t mean I"m not bored by it.” (Prpleight)
1. Ash: "I’m an alone wolf." (Prpleight)
2. Ash: "Pablo, you smooth brown Einstein, that’s it!" (Prpleight)
3. Pablo: "Reading from the book is what caused all this trouble to begin with." Ash: "Yeah, that’s true but reading from it again can’t make it any worse. It’s kinda like spilling paint on a painting. It’s okay cause there's’ already paint on it." Pablo: "That is incorrect." (Prpleight)
4. Kelly: "Oh sure. I'll just sit here with the police officer we tied up and rethink my recent life choices."
5. Ash: "Okay first off, you don't look anything like your photo so you might want to update that."
6. Ash: "Sounds like a lot of yappin'-ing and not a lot of happening."
1. Amy: "I'm really stepping outside of my comfort zone here." Penny: "Uh, I don't think any of your comfort zones are showing."
2. Sheldon: "I think of my time with Amy as a stick of Fruit Stripe gum. Sweet and enjoyable at first but ultimately a flavorless lump of sadness." Raj: "You're not wrong about Fruit Stripe. I was always a Hubba Bubba man."
3. Sheldon: "I've heard that on those sites often when you think you're corresponding with someone, it's actually a computer program pretending to be a real person." Raj: "And you're afraid it will do a better job than you?" Sheldon: "Excuse me. No one does a better job of pretending to be a person than I do. Siri comes close but I know more jokes."
4. Raj: "I hope we didn't make the puzzles too hard." Howard: "Well if she can solve them, it will prove she's intelligent, tenacious, and so socially awkward she has nothing better to do on a Saturday night." Sheldon: "Golly, she sounds too good to be true."
5. Vanessa: "I don’t need to tell you there aren't a lot of men who love physics, archaic languages, and flags of the world." Sheldon: "I am a bit of a unicorn."
1. Boden: "We are having the wedding here. I'll be damned if Chief Riddle or anyone else is going to change my way of running this house. He wants to fight, then lets fight." (Toni)
2. Connie: "Oh and Chief? What you're doing here, with this wedding? Not the smartest move you ever made." (Toni)
3. Boden: "Better to die on your feet than live on your knees Connie." (Toni)
4. Herrmann: "Heads up. It's the Riddler." (Toni)
5. Severide: "To hell with him. He was never going to give me my bugle back anyway. Shove it up his ass, Chief." (Toni)
6. Severide: "There's one thing that's become crystal clear in all of this. It's either him or me. I'm not going anywhere." (Toni)
1. Dorothy: "Listen kid, me and 10 girlfriends started a book club about 40 years ago. Do you know how many of us are left? Two, me and Marie. She picked Atlas Freaking Shrugged to read this time. Now I read the whole damn thing. Well it's not good enough to kill a bug with. There is no way that I read that thing for nothing. I'm not gonna die today."
2. Hudson: "You're not better than him, Mario. You know we're not better than any of them. We all have memories of from when we needed the help of another human being. The only difference between you and him is that today, he's the one asking."
3. Dorothy: "The secret of any great relationship is to hate the same people."
4. Susan: "In point in fact, I'm not doing anything. He's the one who made the decisions that put him here. He's the one who decided to be who he is." Hudson: "And you get to decide who you are. Is this who you are?"
5. Rorish: "Part of learning this job is learning where it ends."
1. Barry: "For better or worse, Wells…he knew me." Joe: "Better than I know you? He may have stalked you for 15 years but I raised you. Look, Wells said what he said to you to mess with you, to get in your head one last time. If you listen to him, you let him win." Barry: "I know. I don't want that." Joe: "You're responsible for your own happiness, Barry. Forget about Wells. Think hard about what you want and what makes you happy. Go out and get it. It's as simple as that, right?"
2. Wells: "He's not Wells. I'm Wells." Cisco: "Whatever, Harry."
3. Cisco: "You would think the serial killer version would have been the bigger jerk."
4. Joe: "You're putting a whole lot of faith in the man wearing the face of your mother's killer."
5. Joe: "Who exactly came up with this terrible idea?" Cisco: "Okay, it's not a terrible idea. The suit can absorb the blasts." Iris: "For real or ish?" Joe: "What does a terrible idea look like to you, Cisco?"
6. Caitlin: "Oh great! That could be this year's cold gun. Maybe another criminal can get it and then we'd have Sergeant Slow." Cisco: "I would never let that happen. Sergeant Slow is a terrible name."
1. Jessica: "I'm not nay saying. I'm just saying and you don't like hearing it."
2. Daphne: "You really need to grow a pair." Claire: "I'm sorry. What?" Daphne: "You see this skin. Thick. You can't chew through it. Get some or go home. That's for free."
3. Mia: "Blood sugar thing? I have a cookie. I brought it fresh yesterday, but I was only planning on staring at it."
4. Grayson: "Ballet is the ultimate optical illusion. We make effort appear effortless, we make difficult divine, and we make gravity our b**. We live to dance and we dance because of you."
5. Daphne: "Welcome to the fray, new girl. Try not to fit right in unless you want to spend your whole salary on shrinks."
1. Jimmy: "It's simple. Listen to your instincts and do the exact opposite."
2. Annelise: "When you said my job would be 90% restaurant related, were you mistaken or just lying?" Jimmy: "I always assume I'm lying."
3. Jimmy: "Do you think I like committing cyber crime? I don't but I'll do it to find love. I'll do it to find my Amal."
4. Sarah: "No, my son is a 25 year-old man. This is a 50-year old boy."
5. Jimmy: "You need to go out with her. This looks like a girl that you 2 nerds designed on a computer."
1. Dale: "It's nice to get a name. In my head you've been Girl From the Morgue Who Somehow Makes Goth Work." Major: "Oh that is her Native American name. Hi. I'm Barely Employed Arm Candy."
2. Clive: "Does anyone else have any movie plots that may apply?"
3. Blaine: "Dad, I'd hoped your first visit here would be more…horizontal."
4. Peyton: "Body snatchers?" Ravi: "If that's Rihanna coming downstairs, it would explain so much." Liv: "Morning everyone." Peyton: "Whoa, wait, wait. Is this happening?" Liv: "It's happening." Peyton: "Well about damn time." Ravi: "But it won't always be this nauseating, right?"
5. Dale: "What chain of custody protocol includes your freezer?"
6. Blaine: "I've got a special on colorblind electrician." Angus: "Nothing in ungrateful parasite."
1. Ezekiel: "Okay, this is the freakiest Friday ever."
2. Jenkins: "The one commonality is that they all feed off of lies and the chaos wrought by lies. The more lies, the more chaos they can create." Ezekiel: "So why hang around this small town? Why not head for Washington DC, home of lies?"
3. Cassandra: "When they told me about my tumor, they told me that I was going to die but I decided when. I want to die on my own terms so I picked a day, a day when I choose to die." Jake: "I'm sorry." Cassandra: "Save it. It's not today. Let's go."
4. Cassandra: "I stole…uh, sheet music from Aladdin in my grade school music class." Ezekiel: "Not exactly a criminal mastermind but we all have to start somewhere."
5. Jenkins: "Mr. Jones alone in Oklahoma is a version of the Rogers and Hammerstein classic no one should ever see."
1. Greg: "No one wins in a dance fight."
2. Jen: "Wow, it must be getting serious." Colleen: "I think so." Jen: "Unless he cheated, but honestly if he did, it's a fair trade."
3. Tim: "I'm so glad you guys are my brothers." Greg and Matt: "In-law."
4. Jen: "What else does Greg say I won't let him do?" Heather: "Um, ride a tandem bicycle, wear overalls, and buy a Stormtrooper costume." Jen: "Only one of those is true but two of them should be."
5. Heather: "Just take it so I don't worry." Tyler: "If I took it you'd still worry and I'd be the dweeb with the mommy safety sack."
Major Crimes - Tayler: “What? The baby did it?” Provenza: “Well. It’s new. It’s never the baby.” (Prpleight)
1. Scarlett: “Feel free to call Locks of Love and tell them you need my hair more than a sick child does.” (Jessica VanWinkle)
2. Gunnar: “So Scarlett cut her hair and turned into a crazy person.” (Jessica VanWinkle)
3. Will: “Erin, your one night stand who you’ve just spent the last three nights with, Erin?” Gunnar: “Yeah. It’s casual.” Will: “I think we’ve established that you don’t do casual.” (Jessica VanWinkle)
4. Juliette: “I tried to kill myself. Jeff died saving me.” (Jessica VanWinkle)
5. Rayna: “I’ve never let a little fear get in my way. And nothing’s ever gonna keep me away from you.” (Jessica VanWinkle)
1. Elias: "This is feeling less like an exam and more like the last 10 minutes of Saw."
2. Raina: "Interesting how someone who's wrongly accused finds it so easy to point the finger. She's innocent."
3. Natalie: "Go. Go now. Go."
4. Shelby: "I really want to pray right now but the only thing I can think of are Joan Osborne lyrics." Simon: "I know about 4 songs from Pippin. Maybe it's the Fantasticks." Caleb: "You know I think we're more okay with dying than hearing you sing."
5. Natalie: "Fletcher's not crazy, okay? If he was, I'd be having way more fun."
1. Walter: "I trusted you. You promised me you would do the right thing." Sylvester: "I did do the right thing…for Megan. She doesn't want to prolong her state so I respected her wishes." Walter: "Don't go head to head with me on this. You've known her for a year. I've known her my whole life." Sylvester: "I love her just as much and I am sorry Walter but you are wrong." Walter: "Fine, fine, I'll just have to take care of it myself. This isn't over."
2. Cabe: "You got something to say to Megan, you should say it. Spend your time making memories. Don't bury yourself in solutions that may not work."
3. Sylvester: "I have to encourage you to be aggressive." Megan: "You have to stop being a conduit to my brother and be the man that I love."
4. Happy: "Your crippling gambling problems left you unable to afford nice things like the latest cell technology but yours is old enough to have a nickel cadmium battery." Toby: "Insulted, hurt, but glad to help."
5. Happy: "Remember your disgusting habit?" Toby: "Which one? I'm going to need you to elaborate."
1. Bobbi: "I don't need a knight in shining armor. I need you alive." (Swanpride)
2. Mack: "I gotta commit to the shotgun-axe idea." (Swanpride)
1. Jean: "You brought weed across the border?" Martin: "Well I thought if they found a dead body, they would let the weed slide."
2. Frank: "I don't feel right killing people unless I absolutely have to. Well I saw a thing on National Geographic."
3. Jean: "You brought a dead body into my home. That changes everything. Be gone by the morning."
4. Frank: "I really don't think that the killing's been justified."
5. Jean: "Dead bodies are not my thing."
1. Henshaw: "What's next? A book deal, a reality show? Keeping Up with the Kryptonians."
2. James: "How's the covert alien hunting business?" Alex: "Not as covert as we would prefer."
3. Kara: "Supergirl didn't tell you how old she is. How do you know she's a millennial?" Kat: "Well if she's not then I want the name of her surgeon."
4. Kat: "I'm a writer. Well it's like riding a bike or severe childhood trauma, you never really lose it."
5. Kara: "She tricked me. She's like a villain. She's like a super interviewing villain." Winn: "That is literally the most boring power ever."
1. Crowley: "What are you looking at? Still learning all you can about the world?" Amara: "If nonsensical slogans attached to idiotic pictures of domesticated animals counts as the world." Crowley: "Excuse me." Amara: "Memes."
2. Dean: "I thought you were going with socially acceptable binge watching. You know - The Wire, Game of Thrones."
3. Sam: "Oh right. I keep forgetting about you and Crowley's summer of love."
4. Crowley: "But you know what? I think I am going to kill you today. I feel different somehow, ready. What can I say? Fatherhood changes a man."
5. Crowley: "Where is everyone?" Jarvis: "Oh are ranks have been a bit thin since Amara ate everybody."
1. Russell: "There are certain things that a man wants to do for his wife like kill spiders, hammer things, buy the family car. Lord knows I'm scared of spiders. I don't even think I own a hammer so I have to get a good deal on this car."
2. Mitch: "The hot saleswoman, more dangerous than doughnuts."
3. Angie: "Don't take this the wrong way, but you are a much worse person than I am." Tracey: "And you bring out the best in me."
4. Russell: "But I like my comfort zone. That's why it's called a comfort zone."
5. Angie: "I just ate 3 power bars and I never watched 12 Years a Slave." Tracey: "Unbelievable." Angie: "I know. I can't help how the sweet Lord made me. Thank you, Jesus."
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