A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the Spoiler TV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.
1. Sheldon: "When last we spoke, you said you needed time." Amy: "It's only been 11 hours." Sheldon: "The Lord of the Rings trilogy was nearly 11 hours. I made you watch that. You said it was an eternity." (Dahne)
2. Howard: "I'm not saying anything bad. Just that she was in love with her captor and somehow managed to escape from his dark and crazy dungeon." (Dahne)
3. Sheldon: "It's over for me. I'm done with women. Like when I swore off Pop Rocks. They both hurt you on purpose." (Dahne)
1. Jane: "Someone did this to me. Took away my whole life and I can't do anything about it." (Nirat Anop)
2. Dr. Borden: "You're not helpless. We're defined by our choices. You just don't remember yours. So keep trying new things. See what your body remembers or make new choices. The more you make the less helpless you'll feel. Even if nothing ever comes back, you can still find yourself." (Dahne)
3. Doe: "How did you know that I could make that shot?" Weller: "I didn't know. I took a chance on you." (Dahne)
4. Mayfair: "And she'll never get her memory back?" Doctor: "Honestly we have never had a case like this before and when I say 'we' I mean the entirety of medical science." (Dahne)
1. Davros: “We have exhausted the conventional means of communication.” (Nirat Anop)
2. Davros: “Pity I had hoped to see the sun for one last time, with my true eyes.” (Nirat Anop)
3. Davros: "Did I do right, Doctor? Tell me. Was I right? I need to know, before the end. Am I a good man?" (Nirat Anop)
4. Doctor Who: "Admit it. You've all had this exact nightmare." ~The Doctor enters in Davros' Dalek chair. (Prpleight)
1. David: "May we be in Heaven a half hour before the Devil knows we're dead." (Blue Star)
2. Claire: "Why am I not surprised the cockroach survived in the dark?" (Blue Star)
3. Gabriel: "The universe is rather vast. I've searched but never found its end. It's a magnificent thing but daunting in its breadth. And yet, never once have I felt alone...until now." (Blue Star)
1. Cookie: " Why are you over there crying like Tammy Faye Baker?" (Ben L and Dahne)
2. Jamal: " You need to go visit that man." Cookie: "Did ya'll bother to tell him that when I was rotting away?" (Ben L)
3. Cookie: “Why don’t you take your little sweater off so she can see your sexy body?” (Nirat Anop)
4. Becky: "You're rude, he's crude, and the both of you all are socially unacceptable. You need to fix this." (Dahne)
5. Frank: "Cookie's a snitch. She rat me to the Feds. That's how she got out so early. Now we both know I've got to do something about that. This is between me and Cookie. Me and you are cool unless you tell me something different." Lucious: "Yeah, we're good." Frank: "Cold-blooded. That's why I always liked you." Lucious: "Always like you too but I love Cookie and if you've got war with her then you've got war with me." Frank: "Wow, you are crazy. Crazier than I thought. Kill him. Make it fast and quiet. Bye." Lucious: "I'm sorry. I think you're confused. Now please sit down. See Frankie, you always wanted to run the streets but me, I wanted to rule the world." (Dahne)
1. Eddie: "These guys aren't rappers." Jessica: "They were the gangsters of the sales bin." (Dahne)
2. Louis: "Your job is a vacation…from poverty." (Dahne)
3. Louis: "You're watching out for us so I don't have to. I can be me 'cause I have you." (Dahne)
1. Erica: "Thank you for staying. It was pretty cool of you." Beverly: "Look, I know I got carried away with Lainey. It's just I loved having someone who was willing to listen. Someone who's not always pushing me away." Erica: "And I know you love us more than anything and we appreciate it. We really do." Beverly: "So maybe you won't push me away as much." Erica: "It depends on if you won't get carried away so much." Beverly: "Yeah, both aren't gonna happen." Erica: "For now." (Dahne)
2. Murray: "I'm sorry, Adam. I can't afford your love. It's too pricey." (Dahne)
3. Beverly: "What did I tell you about Tom Cruise-ing the floor? It's incredibly risky." (Dahne)
1. Maggie: "You wanna know why bullies bully? It's 'cause they can. Maybe you've got it worse at home or maybe you're just bullying to keep from getting bullied, but really, it's because people like me, like this girl at our table, are alone and small and vulnerable. And pushing us around makes you feel better about your sad pathetic little lives. Not you guys, though. You're cool. Now.” (Nirat Anop)
2. Bailey: "This is not a stepping stone for me. I believe in this hospital and what it can do, and I want to push this bucket of boats to do the most impossible things you have ever seen, and then I'll do more. Because this is my challenge. …This job is made for me. …This job belongs to me. …I've earned first chair. …And every single one of you already knows it." (Nirat Anop)
3. Jess’ Dad: "I don't care if she's gay. I care if she's loved. I care if she's happy, and that is what you should care about. What is wrong with you that you don't?" (Nirat Anop)
1. Luke: "Well, that is one superior brand of drywall." (Laura Markus and Dahne)
2. Emily: "Okay, let's start this interview for real. Can you scoop ice-cream?" Tommy: "Uh...yeah?" Emily: "Congratulations, you're hired!" (Laura Markus)
3. Luke: “The future? That’s a good one. On June 13th, my wife and I - we brought our 9-year-old son Dennis to Odessa to watch history being made. It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining. The summer heat was rising up off the ground. Like everyone there, we believed in the cause. We believed that the change could come from that spot right then and there. And then, when I watched my boy die in my arms, I realized that that just wasn’t gonna happen. You all seem like really nice folks. You can’t change who you are, what you are. But these powers, they’re not natural. They’re not safe, and they cannot be trusted. So, as far as I’m concerned, there’s only one solution for that.” (Laura Markus)
4. Noah: "I think it's a scarecrow to keep people out." Quentin: "You think? Shouldn't we be certain where deadly toxins are concerned?" (Dahne)
5. Mystery Woman: "Unless you earn it, money always comes with strings attached." (Dahne)
1. Eve: "I lied. I think about you every day." (Laura Markus)
2. Connor: "I'm moving in. You're worried about how serious I am about us. Well, here's how serious I am, because right now, you are the only part of my day that I look forward to. [...] Ollie, it's done. Okay? I'm already subletting my place. So, deal with it. We are officially a boring, domesticated, cohabitating couple." (Laura Markus)
3. Connor: "I really wanna be here. More than anything." (Laura Markus)
4. Frank: "Where are you going?" Annalise: "To get us a murder case that didn't happen in this house." (Daniel van der Veer and Dahne)
5. Michaela: "You do realize I'm not scared to hit a b**." Laurel: "Or just throw me down the stairs. You did a pretty good job with Sam." (Daniel van der Veer)
6. Michaela: "Where the hell is she taking us?" Laurel: "I think the point is that we don't know." Connor: "Or she's just about to off us." Annalise: "You'd get no warning if I was going to off you, Mr. Walsh. You've all been through hell. So have I. It's a miracle we're still standing. Tonight we're going to forget about all of that." (Dahne)
7. Frank: "It's freaking Lord of the Flies out there." (Dahne)
1. Colleen: "Okay, looks like I've got wine or wine and I also have wine." Matt: "Okay, beer sounds good." Colleen: "Wine it is." (Dahne)
2. Tyler: "Oh, I don't think I want to hear this story." (Dahne)
3. Joan: "Oh honey, no. We still have plenty of time left. 70 is the new 80." (Dahne)
1. Eddie: "You think it's bad now, it's only gonna get worse. You actually might remember this moment as the last time you felt vaguely human." (Laura Markus and Darth Locke)
2. Rebecca: "If Brian's gonna take NZT anyway, then every time he takes it he basically becomes the smartest person in the world. That's a resource. Let's make it our resource!" (Laura Markus)
3. Rebecca: "I couldn't help my father. Maybe I can help you." (Laura Markus and Darth Locke)
4. Brian: "Your brain is a miracle, but it’s not efficient. There’s a maze inside everyone’s head, a labyrinth of missed connections and untapped potential. But now suddenly, I had access to every single brain cell.” (Nirat Anop and Darth Locke)
5. Eddie: “Your on the verge of having a life most people can’t even begin to imagine. Can you remember what’s it’s like to be inside your mother's womb? I can, I think about it when I need to relax. Have you ever thought about why people have to age? Is it inevitable? I’m not sure.” (Nirat Anop)
6. Brian: “It doesn’t look like there's a fast way out here, but what if suddenly you knew how much strength you had in your hands. I mean exactly how much. Down to the moment, the last muscle fiber would give." (Nirat Anop)
7. Brian Finch: "Hi, my name is Brian Finch and the first thing you should know about me is I didn't do anything wrong." (Ben L)
8. Harris: "You think I'm impressed that you can stomp around in my life? You're not smart. You're high." (Dahne)
9. Eli: "Yeah I know. Twenty year old me would punch 28 year old me in the face." (Dahne)
10. Harris: "If you hand me my gun right now I probably won't shoot you." (Dahne)
1. Mindy: "Danny, listen to my great idea. We should name the baby after a classic movie character, like Indiana or Wall-E." (Ben L)
2. Tamra: "Oh, my God! A subway baby? You're gonna be on "The Ellen Show!" Sheena was in the audience once, and she got some Omaha steaks and a pair of Tom's." (Ben L)
3. Mindy: "I love you, Leo Castellano." (Ben L)
1. Wally: "They covered it all up after the program fell. Wanted so badly for their precogs to be perfect. They never could accept one little inconvenient truth." Vega: "What truth?" Dash: "For PreCrime to work, the public needed to believe that the murders we saw were destiny. That people couldn't change their futures." Wally: "The dirty secret was, that even the three precogs didn't always see the future in the same way. Outlier visions." Dash: "They were filed in minority reports." (Darth Locke)
2. Blake: "I would have closed him differently but okay." ~after the suspect gets himself impaled to death (Dahne)
3. Vega: "Are you familiar with the concept of a whisper?" (Dahne)
4. Arthur: "You brought a friend. Maybe I underestimated my little brother." Vega: "Little? I thought you were twins." Dash: "Older by 7 minutes." Arthur: "Dash was afraid to come out." Dash: "I finally had some peace and quiet." (Dahne)
1. Sam the Eagle: “The following inappropriate words need to be deleted from tonight's script. Crotchety, twiddle and gesticulate.” Kermit: “Gesticulate, well that, that just means to move your hands.” Sam the Eagle: “Which leads to shaking hands, which is the first step in making babies. Not on my watch!” (Nirat Anop)
2. Kermit: "My life is a bacon-wrapped hell." Sam: "Can't say hell." (Nirat Anop and Dahne)
3. Fozzie: "When your online profile says you're a passionate bear looking for love, you get a lot of wrong responses." (Nirat Anop)
4. Piggy: "And the lilacs in my dressing room…" Kermit: "Yeah." Piggy: "Don't smell lilac-y enough." Kermit: "Alright talk to God about lilacs." (Dahne)
5. Kermit: "You know when Piggy and I were a couple, I found her unpredictable and spontaneous and quirky, and that was kind of sexy. But if you take dating out of the equation, she's just a lunatic." (Dahne)
1. Vance: "Apparently your walk included a visit with Matthew Rousseau. Would you mind telling me why?" Gibbs: "Just following up." Vance: "With your pen stuck in his hand?" Gibbs: "Is that where I left it?" (Daniel van der Veer)
2. Taft: "My wife and I lost our son two years ago. Leukemia. If I wasn't back at it, I'd be nowhere. Literally." Gibbs: "Well I'm glad you're back at it." Taft: "Are you?" Gibbs: "What does that mean?" Taft: "Just a feeling I get. You see, I have two kinds of patients. Those who revere me for saving their lives. And those who despise me for the same reason. Which one are you, Gibbs?" Gibbs: "Things are changing. Can't do it alone." Taft: "I've met your team. Who says you're alone?" (Daniel van der Veer)
3. Tony: "You're not a Bond villain, Daniel. You're a fraud. And frauds don't get to speak like Bond villains. They do get to die like them." (Daniel van der Veer)
1. Security: "Mr. Raqiv has better protection than the President of the United States." Kane: "Well that would be a comfort except they shot 6 presidents." (Dahne)
2. Cal: "If you had any sense you'd make it work with Ginny." Kane: "If I had any sense I wouldn't be jumping off buildings." (Dahne)
3. Ginny: "We are what we do. Do good; we are good." Kane: "You pulled me out of that life, Ginny. You call me anytime for anything because we're still not even." (Dahne)
1. Juju: "You need help from a pro." Villa: "Say amen. Don't disrespect the Lord." Juju: "Amen. Okay, amen." Villa: "Now you're gonna tell me everything you know. Otherwise I'm gonna drag you back to the Jacuzzi and baptize your shifty a** in a very un-Christian sort of way. Now you want to start talking." (Dahne)
2. Rosewood: "Detective Willard, long time no see. How's the wife and kids?" Willard: "They hate me and I hate you." (Dahne)
3. Rosewood: "So yes, I have a unique relationship with death but it has never been my obsession. My obsession is with every breath I take." (Dahne)
1. Gigi: "We can make it fun, huh? Like a Friends episode…but someone's…you know, trying to murder all the friends." (Dahne)
2. Wes: "Please don't join a sorority." Grace: "Dad, we've already talked about this." Wes: "The girls are vicious. Okay honey, I know you think sororities are some kind of like magical sisterhoods but it's actually Game of Thrones once you pull back the veneer." (Dahne)
3. Chad: "I'm gonna call you." Munsch: "Because I can't destroy every phone on earth that'll remain a possibility." (Dahne)
1. Molina: "Respectfully the people in my room are smarter than the people in your room and they say that it should have worked so either a roomful of geniuses are suddenly dumb or a roomful of politicians are lying to protect their own hide. I know which one I would bet on." Toby: "Is she talking to the President like that?" Cabe: "I believe she is." Toby: "I'm getting audited." (Dahne)
2. Molina: "Further you have intimate knowledge of Russian aerospace engineering." Happy: "No, we don't." Molina: "I am looking directly at an illegally obtained Cold War era rocket." Happy: "Oh, that thing." (Dahne)
3. Toby: "You know Adriana, I was wondering if Homeland told you about our Saving the World bonus. It's for when we save the world." Molina: "No but I was made aware of money you owe the IRS in undeclared gambling winnings." Toby: "Maybe we should table the bonus talk right now." (Dahne)
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