A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the SpoilerTV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.
1. Gina: “She's on dating apps now. I don't like it. Too many duds and too many photos of men holding up fish. What's with that?”
2. Simon: “Okay, hi, quick question. Is your Prince supposed to be a judge closet case? Because if so, snaps or you, great job on casting.” Justin: “Really Simon?” Victoria: “What's going on here? Why do I feel like I'm in couples therapy?”
3. Raven: “Yea, my advice was gonna be that you're way too focused on him.” Julia: “Oh yeah? Because he ruined my life!” Raven: “What happens when you find him? Does dragging Kevin back into your house make him or you happy? I mean what if him leaving was actually a gift?” Julia: “Just...I am not going to be therapied by a booty dancer who trained to spin around a pole.”
1. Hailey Upton: "I meant everything I said to you."
2. Jay Halstead: "Because you put her there! You did, don't you get that? You dragged her down with you!"
3. Jay Halstead: "I found Kim. Kevin and I found her. We didn't cross a single line. We did good police work, and we found her. You did everything you did, what'd you get?"
4. Kevin Atwater: "Just felt kind of good to be the dude she met at the bar and not the Black cop. Didn't have to defend the badge, didn't have to prove my Blackness, that's it."
5. Celeste Nichols: "They're just kids. Not allowed to be for very long, you know?" Kevin Atwater: "How is that?" Celeste Nichols: "How is it not? They got Burnside, Garfield Park, Englewood all telling them, 'Don't get caught lacking. Keep your gun, keep eyes in the back of your head or lose your head.' You know, they got the police, they got TV, hell, they got social media all showing them the angry Black woman, the scary Black man, a Black kid shooting another Black kid. 'So be ready. Be running, be afraid of your own.' "
6. Kevin Atwater: "Was it worth it, huh? You don't even know who you are yet."
1. Laura De Mille: "When one expels a living 16 pound parasite from one's body, there is really only one responsible response.” Larry Trainor: "Give it a name?" Laura De Mille: "Jesus Christ almighty, no. No, burn... Burn it. Burn it."
2. Victor Stone: "Where the f*** are we?" Cliff Steel: "Welcome to, apparently, my drug-filled fantasy sequence or some sh**." (Cliff and Vic laugh.) Jane: "Oh, my f***ing God! I'm actually here with you metal-poisoned morons.”
The Equalizer -
1. Robyn: “Fear doesn't breed loyalty. Trust does.”
1. Lim: “Undergarments are a choice. Digestion isn't.” Reznick: “But you can choose when and where to let 'em rip.” Lim: “This isn't about farts. You're afraid that Park won't be as turned on by the real you as he is by the façade he's started sleeping with.”
1. Jackie: "So, yeah. I got 50 days today. And that's a f***ing miracle. I mean, I don't...I don't come for people who get sober, you know? I don't think I even knew what that word meant. I mean, my dad's been f**ed up my whole life. Uh, but he's cool. He is who he is. This isn't about him. I don't have to take his inventory anymore, right? Um, yeah, but for me, sobriety's been good. It's been good. The last 50 days have been good. I mean, it's been hard, ya know. Most of you knew Junior...um...you know, and I feel like...I feel like I could've done more, should have, you know. You know, he was...he was like my brother, but he was also one of us. Um, but here's the thing, I don't think he'd want me to dwell, you know? I think he'd want to -- I think he'd want me to keep moving. Because you--you're either moving away from your last drink or towards your next one, or something like that, I forget. I don't know. Vince told it to me. He's always giving me lectures. Uh, yeah, so...anyway. Thanks. Thanks for my sobriety and thanks for my life. That's all I got."
1. Marina: "It would be great if we could speak some more Spanish around the house." Tom: "No problemo. Whoop! Look at that! I'm already doing it...I might be a little rusty." Marina: "You practised so much when we were dating. Why'd you stop?" Tom: "Well I asked you to marry me and you said yes. It's like mission accomplished, you know. What's the point?" Marina: "Right. And I stopped pretending to care about Star Trek." Tom: "You were faking it? Even with Wrath of Khan?" Marina: "Which one was that?" Tom: "Which...? Wow! Okay, I guess our entire marriage is a lie."
2. Connor: "Wow, Tom's really all in with the Spanish thing, huh?" Marina: "He is." Connor: "He making any sense?" Marina: "He is not."
3. Sarah: "I've been so focused on planetariums and racket-ball that I completely forgot that these kids are just kids, and they need help too."
4. Tom: "The next morning we boarded different buses home, never to meet again. I don't know, I heard this rumour after that she'd met this other boy down at the docks; it just kinda messed with my head. That fall I got a B minus in AP Bio and I guess...that was it, ya know. That was the beginning of the end." Marina: "Yeah, your life really went downhill. You're stuck with three beautiful children...a hot wife..." Tom: "No, no. I mean, come on...You guys are great." Marina: " ''You guys are great''?"
5. Marina: "Care to make game night a little more interesting?" Denise: "More interesting than a Tom/Connor love triangle? What do you got?" Marina: "The loser babysits for the winner next Friday. Whoever wins the most games tonight." Denise: "Oh, now you're talking. You got yourself a bet." Marina: "You're gonna regret this. The twins are diaper wrecking machines. Alejandro's ding-dong has a mind of its own. It's like a broken sprinkler." Denise: "We're not gonna be changing any diapers. We're gonna be out on the town while two moody tweens force you to learn tik-tok dances."
6. Tom: "You dried my tears on the bus ride home and the whole time you knew you were the cause of them." Sarah: "I'm sorry, okay? I felt awful about it then and I feel awful now. I didn't mean to betray you." Tom: "Why did you do it?" Sarah: "I don't know. I don't know, okay! I...I had feelings for a girl for the first time ever and...I was ashamed and confused. If I told you the truth then...it would have meant coming out and I couldn't even come out to myself." Tom: "Oh. I'm sorry. I...I didn't know." Sarah: "It's okay. You couldn't have known." Tom: "No, I've been self-centered. I mean...this whole time I thought that Jessica was a chapter in my book, but...I mean, she's really a chapter in yours." Sarah: "Thank you." Tom: "You wanna...should we hug?" Sarah: "No. Not really." Tom: "Okay...Come here." (He pulls her in a hug.)
NCIS -
1. Torres: "I think you have some real trust issues with your hypothetical husband." Knight: "Don't play armchair psychiatrist for my make-believe marriage."
1. Kai: “It’s just family stuff.” Lucy: “You want to talk about it? I’ve had every issue imaginable with my family.” Kai: “Nope, I’ll pass.” Lucy: “Seriously? We’re both millennials. Oversharing is kind of our thing.”
2. Kai: “Hey, I got my dad to see a doctor so...uh, thank you….friend.” Lucy: “Wait, wait, wait. Does this mean that we can start texting each other our problems?” Kai: “Hey, just baby steps, Lucy. Baby steps.”
3. Jesse: “So same killer?” Chase: “Despite the whispers in the hallways, I’m not actually a psychic.”
1. Oliver [mistaking Sazz for Charles]: "Okay... I don't know what work you've had done but it's too much. And that is not the response you first want."
2. Charles: "There he is. Howard Morris. I may hurt him. Or at least speak to him firmly."
3. Charles: "You're not hearing me. I'm done! I don't do dangerous things! That's why I have a stunt double! I don't like getting hurt, and ever since you two have been in my life I'm surrounded by danger and pain!" Mabel: "As opposed to nothing at all?" Charles: "Oh. It's mean Mabel, who clearly has all the answers at 26. Please do share." Oliver: "Christ, Charles. Cut the kid a break." Charles: "She's not a kid. We only think she's a kid because we're old! And we should've known bett...- you should've known better, but you rushed into this podcast headfirst, like you always do, and you took two more bodies over the edge with you! Splash 2! An Oliver Putnam production!" Oliver: "Well, that was mean. A great callback, but incredibly mean." Charles: "I want you, and all of your things out of my place. All the evidence. I want out. I'm out... Sorry, I'm not good at confrontation." Mabel: "Well, that was pretty good to me. And for the record, I'm 28."
4. Tim Kono: "I was never very good with people. Never really felt lonely though. That came later. After Mabel...and Oscar and Zoe. The loneliness came after I lost all of that. So, when someone comes along and reminds you that we all deal with the same sh**, sometimes you welcome them in, with inhibitions lowered; with arms wide open."
5. Oliver: "Okay, we gotta break the door down." Mabel: "Excuse me? We weigh 125 combined." Oliver: "Oh, thank you. It's the dips."
6. Charles: "No. This ends now, Jan. You won't shoot my friends. Shoot me if you need to, but not them because I don't want to live in a world without them anymore. There were parts of myself that were dead that they brought back to life. Before this...I was just a hollow shell walking around and they made me alive."
1. Angela: "Maybe I should extend my leave. Spend a little more time with Jack." Wesley: "I think that's a great idea." Angela: "Because you don't want me to go back to work? Because you want me to quit being a detective and focus on what really matters? Because you think I won't fulfill my mom potential if I'm at crime scenes all day?" Wesley: "Wow. Where did that come from?" Angela: "I don't know. Clearly I'm a little conflicted about going back to work."
2. Nolan: "Hello! Didn't I see you guys on a milk carton?" Aaron: "I don't get it." Harper: "Cause we were considered missing." Nolan: "They used to put pictures of missing kids on milk cartons." Lucy: "Yes, in the 80s." Nolan: "Yes, in the 80s. How did I end up the punch line?"
3. Lucy: "You should have just asked me." Tim: "I was doing you a favour." Lucy: "Yeah? How? By telling the entire station that you would rather ride with Smitty than me, your old boot?" Tim: "Look, some would see it as a demotion for you. You're back with your training officer. Others might read...something else into it." Lucy: "Wha-Why? Because I'm a girl and you're a boy?" Tim: "A very handsome boy." Lucy: "Oh, gag. Look I really appreciate the intention, but screw what anyone else thinks. Being a sergeant’s aide would...-" Tim: "Go-fer." Lucy: "... aide, would make me stand out come promotion time. That alone makes it worth putting up with your Tim tests, and old-school code of honour... again." Tim: "So you're saying you want the job?" Lucy: "If you're saying you want me to do it." Tim: "What the hell. Let’s do it."
4. Nolan: "There's a security panel here, but I've never seen the design before." Tim: "What does it say?" Nolan: "I couldn't tell you. The writing's in Cyrillic." (He presses a button and the house goes into lockdown.) Tim: " ''I don't know what the button says, so I'll just push it''?" Nolan: "Definitely rethinking that decision right now."
5. Lopez: "Why is it pumping so hard?” Harper: "Uh, paranoid me thinks it is a society-wide plot to push us out of the workforce." Lopez: "And not-paranoid you?" Harper: "I don't listen to her. She's too naive."
6. Nolan: "The right person...with a stellar reputation, who understands the issues, who believes in reform..." Harper: "No no no no no. No chance at all." Nolan: "Oh come on! You would be so great at it, and everybody would vote for you." Harper: "Running means campaigning." Nolan: "Yeah." Harper: "And campaigning means being nice to people." Nolan: "Right. What was I thinking?" Harper: "You weren't."
1. Boimler: "Oh oh oh! Then we get to line up in the hallway, right? And then we all applaud while the captain walks off the ship for the last time." Tendi: "Oh! That sounds great!" Mariner: "It sounds like betrayal, but with clapping."
2. Cpt.Freeman: "You can't just bully your way into whatever you want. Why do you act like this?" Mariner: "Because I'm a Kirk-style free spirit who kicks butt and it super intimidates people. You know that. That's why you've always protected me from getting court-martialed." Cpt.Freeman: "You're not a Kirk. Kirk was confident." Mariner: "So am I!" Cpt.Freeman: "You used to be. But now the only thing you're confident of is that everything has to be a fight. You have to drop your defences and make some allies."
3. Rutherford: "But what if I forget [Tendi] again?" Billups: "Son, if you can't keep making new memories, does it matter?"
1. Al’s considering becoming a Repo Man, but Lizzie isn’t a fan of the idea. Lizzie: "Are you sure? People are going to be pissed when you try to take their car." Al: "Have you ever driven PostMates? Let me tell you, people are mad all the time. When you get ice cream delivered, it is going to melt. Yell at science."
1. Kim: "Per usual, I get nothing and Bruce the perfect first born gets everything. Maybe if I was fighting for the imperialistic, capitalist machine a sister could get a skirt hemmed." Lillian: "Oh, sweetheart. It's ''if I were fighting''. If I were."
2. Bum: "Bill, you late. Was it because you and the wife had a little...-" Bill: "Hey everybody, my 12 year old son, Dean, who is 12, is with me for a class assignment. He's 12."
3. Dean: "I started the day not knowing what my mom did for a living. Turns out it wasn't just one thing. She had to do it all, and she was great at it. But her wins came at a cost."
4. Adult!Dean: "Being 12 in the 60’s was the equivalent to your 20’s today. We didn't have helicopter parents coddling us at all times like fragile teacups. That scar? Got it playing ''Follow the Leader'' through an abandoned construction site at recess. That mouthwash? Uncut would make you fail a breathalyzer test." Bill: "Dean, I need you to ride your bike down to the store and pick me up a pack of smokes." Adult!Dean: "I feel like I don't have to explain that one."
5. Adult!Dean: "The Black church is one of the most important institutions in American history. It's been a home that kept Black people unified during hard times, a social and political center that sparked historic movements, and a training ground for a generation of leaders and entertainers. So much of what makes Black culture unique comes from its roots in the Black church. And I grew up in a time when it was just a given that you went to church every Sunday. All three boring hours of it."
6. Dean: "So, turns out the girls have their own list of couples." Hampton: "You went to the girls' side?" Dean: "Apparently, I'm always on the girls' side." Cory: "Did you at least let them know who we liked?" Dean: "Wouldn't have mattered. Cory, you're with Tracy. Hamptopn, Tammy. Norman, Brenda. Act surprised."
What Else We're Watching:
Leverage Redemption (1.16) -
1. Parker: "Harry, you're the best bad guy who tried to be a good guy that learned to be the best good-bad guy we ever had." Harry: "Thank you, Parker... I think...?"
1. Julia: “You're lucky, it's just sprained. You'll still be able to write.” Miss Cherry: “Just sprained? This is my serving arm.” Julia: “Just keep it elevated and still.” Miss Cherry: “What are you doing?” Mrs Hart: “Making a sling.” Miss Cherry: “Hurry up then.” Mrs. Hart: “Would you prefer a gag?”
2. Murdoch: “You are one troublesome baby. Very sweet but troublesome. I have a boatload of work left to do and I can't take my eyes off of you for one second... I could... ooh. That’s too drastic. It could work.” (He proceeds to lock the baby and baby carrier in a cell.) ~~~I thought Murdoch would be good with babies; I was sort of proven wrong. But it made for a funny scene. As a note, baby Jordan later locks him in the cell.
