Quote of the Week - Week of October 20

A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the SpoilerTV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.

Arrow -
1. Laurel: "All of those people that you saw die, they weren't real to you. They were just copies of the people that you love... But that is my home, and those people, those are real people who are counting (Justyna)
2. Laurel: "How am I supposed to move forward, when everyone I've ever loved is gone?" Lyla: "By not giving up. By doing the right thing. We honor the dead by fighting for the living. This world needs you too." (Justyna)
3. Oliver: "If I'm wrong... If I'm wrong, then all of this is for nothing. Do you understand, Tatsu? I left Felicity. I left my children, so if... if... if the... if the Monitor can't fix this and if he is not here to help, then all of these things that I've sacrificed and all the things that so many other people have already sacrificed will have been for nothing. I need my family to live, which means that I need this to work." (Justyna)

Batwoman -
1. Kate: “If you wanted him dead, why wait until he’s in a bulletproof suit?” Tommy: “Because Bruce didn’t ruin my life. Batman did. Do you know what it’s like to have the villain of your story to be the hero of the city?“ (DJRiter and Dahne)
2. Tommy: “You’re not Batman.” Kate: “That’s the point.”
3. Beth: “All these poor souls, gazing up at the Bat Light, thinking, ‘My life is about to change.’ No. Still sucks.”

Bob Hearts Abishola -
1. Gloria: "Who's the lucky guy?" Kemi: "Or girl. In Nigeria you go to jail for being gay, but here they give you a talk show." (Prpleight)
2. Abishola: "I need to stop meeting with him, then the dreams would go away." Gloria: "Oh, no no no, that'll just make it worse. Whatever feelings you have for this guy will just pop up somewhere else, like Whack-A-Mole." Abishola:"What is Whack-A-Mole?" Gloria:"It's a game where you whack a mole and another one pops up." Abishola: "That is a horrible game." Gloria: "They're not real moles." Abishola: "Then why are you whacking them?" Gloria: "Okay, let’s start over. Whether you like it or not you got somethin' going on with the Sock Man." Kemi: "Or you will be whacking the mole." Gloria: "Ah, now, that's a good way to get back to sleep." (Prpleight)
3. Abishola: “My body yearns for nothing (groans) Maybe an Advil.” Kemi: “Well, if you will not believe me, at least talk to someone who knows about these things.” Abishola: “Are you suggesting I go to a psychiatrist. Kemi, please. That is American nonsense.” Kemi: “I was talking about a psychic.” Abishola: “Oh okay, maybe. Do you know someone?” Kemi: “I do. She’s dead but she’s still very effective.”
4. Gloria: “I’m sorry. You can’t be here when you’re contagious. That guy is one sneeze away from wearing a toe tag. (Abishola shushes her.) Oh, he knows. He gave me his watch.”

Catherine the Great -
1. Catherine: “It’s a mistake to ask rich people for money. How do you think they got rich? Not by giving it away.“ (DJRiter)
2. Catherine: “Do you know what I hold in my hand? Absolute power!” (DJRiter)
3. Catherine: “Let him nibble on it with his tea. He’s good at eating his words.“ (DJRiter)

Nancy Drew -
1. Carson: "Have you seen the roads outside?” Ryan: "You got a dad car. You're fine." (Prpleight and Dahne)
2. Carson: “You’re right. You’re not a kid, but you’re still my kid.”
3. Nancy, voiceover: “Did I just invite a killer to a sleepover?”

NCIS: NOLA -
1. Sebastian: “It’s just...I’m in my 30’s, living with my best friend, which is great.” Gregorio: “It’s great.” Sebastian: “It’s totally great.” Gregorio: “But…” Sebastian: “But, you know, I think I want more eventually, I guess. I don’t know. I don’t want to be a grumpy old man living with a grumpy old woman.” Gregorio: “What?” Sebastian: “You’re a grumpy young woman. You’re gonna be a grumpy old woman. You can’t deny that.”
2. Gregorio: “First comes love, then comes polygraph.”
3. Pride: “Look, I’m glad the team is gung ho, but I think I need to have a talk with all of you about self-care.” Sebastian: “Yeah, that will go well.” Pride: “A little pot calling the kettle black.” Sebastian: “I feel like that’s a trick question.”

Perfect Harmony -
1. Adams: "You still haven't told the line cook your name is not Jeanine." Ginny: "Oh, please, Ginny is a difficult name, and plus I don't want to confuse Athanasios Pappadopolis." (Prpleight)
2. Tinsley: “I know what you did. I don’t need or want your sympathies.” Arthur: “I wasn’t doing it for you. I was doing it for Jean. She asked me to look out for you.” Tinsley: “Well, she asked me not to kill you.”
3. Ginny: “Look, you two are both grieving so maybe instead of taking your anger out on each other, try to find a little common ground in your sorrow.” Arthur: “No, it’s not the same thing. I lost my wife.” Ginny: “Well, he lost his daughter.” Arthur: “How about I start taking your advice about difficult conversations when you stop hiding to avoid them?”
4. Reverend: “I was hopeful that Singles Night would end in a love connection but I’ll settle for a family connection.” Arthur: ‘That is not what happened here.” Reverend: “I think you doth protest too much. Hamlet said that in the Shakespeare play, ‘Everyone Loses When Your Mother Marries Your Uncle.’ “

Prodigal Son -
1. Malcolm: “Are you sure that guy’s not dangerous, because in my experience, people who lurk behind giant windows in nightclubs are up to no good.” Dani: “You’re profiling a window?” Malcolm: “That’s a bad guy window.”
2. Malcolm: “This isn’t real. You’re not real.” Dream Malcolm: “Yet here I am, nestled nicely between your basal ganglia and your cerebellum, wearing your dad’s cardigan. Nobody ever said the subconscious was subtle.”
3. Jessica: “You’re an attorney?” Eve: “I have a rather particular focus. I fight human trafficking. Finding funding isn’t easy.” Jessica: “Do you know who my ex-husband is?” Eve: “I do. Hopefully you won’t judge me by my exes either.”

About the Author - Dahne

One part teacher librarian - one part avid TV fan, Dahne is a contributing writer for SpoilerTV, where she reviews and/or creates polls for Teen Wolf, How to Get Away with Murder, The Librarians, and others. She also runs the annual Character Cup. She's addicted to Twitter, loves live tweeting, and co-hosted The 100 "Red-Shirted" and Teen Wolf "Welcome to Beacon Hills" podcasts for Southgate Media Group. Previously she wrote a Last Week in TV column for her blog and SpoilerTV. ~ "I speak TV."

Quote of the Week - Week of September 29

A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the SpoilerTV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.

911 -
1. May: “Keep your head up. Come on, Vickie., you can. You’re gonna stay awake and you’re gonna stay alive.” Vickie: “I need to rest.” May: “I don’t give a damn. I’m sure there are people who love you, who expect you to make it home to them. Okay, no offense, but I never want to have to meet them and tell them how you died in my arms. I’m 17-years-old. You’re not gonna traumatize me like that, got it? Nobody in this car’s dying, not today.” Vickie: “You’re one tough cookie, you know that?”
2. Buck: “You amaze me, buddy.” Chris: “Why?” Buck: “I got some bad news at work the other day and I didn;t want to get out of bed for a whole week. But you, after the day you had, here you are with a big smile, busting a gut. You never gave up. Even when that water was rushing over you back there, you just kept on swimming.” Chris: “Like Dory?” Buck: “Like Dory, and not just today, you know, but everyday. You never say no; you never complain. How do you do it?” Chris: “Well I complained once but it didn’t work.” Buck: “So what did you do?” Chris: “Just kept on swimming.”
3. Athena: “People, people, there’s some real trouble down by the beach. Y’all waiting for help to come. It’s already here and it’s us. Check with your neighbor. See if anyone needs help. We’re all we got right now.”

Almost Family -
1. Edie: “You know it is possible to know things without Googling them.”
2. Julia: “You’re not the only one whose life got pulled apart, so if you need to hang out or even stay for a bit…” Edie: “That would be...thank you.” Eoxy: “Yeah, I already called the guest room so you’re on the couch, Counselor.”
3. Roxy: “I’m kind of in a fight with my roommates...who are also my parents.”

Bob Hearts Abishola -
1. Kemi: “Anyway, she has no time for fun. Let’s talk about marriage.”
Abishola: “I already have a husband.” Kemi: “Eh, you haven’t seen him in what, six, seven years?” Abishola: “Eight.” Kemi: “Well then technically he’s dead.”
2. Abishola: “Thank you for walking me back.” Bob: “Well, it is Detroit and it’s broad daylight so you can’t be too careful.”
3. Bob, about his brother: “I had so many chances to kill him as a child.”

Bull -
1. Whitney: “You look like the cat who ate the canary...and then decided what he really wanted was fish.”
2. Bull: “God, I’m arrogant. I thought we could get them to see it was just a means to an end. The end was so worthwhile.” Benny: “Hmm. You two are the same person. You know that, don’t you? You set your sights on something that’s almost impossible and you don’t let anyone talk you out of it. It's one of the things I love about you, man.”
3. Chunk: “Were you ever 19?” Taylor: “Nope. Went straight from old enough to vote to bitter divorcee. Whatever it is, it’s gonna be fine.”

Fresh Off the Boat -
1. Eddie: “How come you never told me all of this?” Jessica: “Because there are some qualities you see in your kids that you know they got from you, and you are not proud.” Eddie: “So you’re ashamed I like to have fun?” Jessica: “No, it’s not that. It’s just that maybe if I had been more focused the first time around, I wouldn’t be back in school now trying to do it all over again. I don’t want you to have to do that.” Eddie: “Really? Cause it seems to me that the way you did is way more interesting. You lived it up, had a family, multiple careers, still pushing yourself.” Jessica: “You’re right. I don’t regret it. I just don’t want to encourage you to behave the way I did. I know I’m a hypocrite.” Eddie: “No, cocky. You think you’re the only person who can handle anything?” Jessica: “Yes, because I am battle tested.” Eddie: “Not as much as me. You never handled what I went through...you.”
2. Eddie: “This sucks. All of my friends are going on cool vacations, and I'm stuck studying.” Jessica: “Sounds like you’re taking a ton of trips on the Complain Train.”
3. Emery: “I thought being rich and not caring about anything would be amazing.” Jenny: “Garfield makes it look so easy.” Evan: “Garfield’s not rich. He’s cat rich. It’s different.”

God Friended Me -
1. Freemont: “Look, I made my decision. It’s too late.” Joy: “That’s not why you won’t talk to her. You won’t talk to her because you’re afraid that it isn’t too late. Most people don’t understand how frightening hope can be, but I do. You have a chance to reconnect with her. Don’t waste it.”
2. Miles: “I have been obsessed with delivering you the best season 2 that I forgot the most important lesson from season 1: helping people. Because when you do, when you put others before yourself, good things always happen. And most of the time, we learn something new about ourselves, about what we’re willing to give up to move forward. I’m not saying that this is an easy thing to do. Taking that next step never is, but sometimes looking into your past is the only way to discover your future. I don’t know where I’m supposed to go from here. All I know is that I’m ready to pass along everything that learned to Joy and as for what comes next for me, that’s what I got to figure out and when I do, you’ll be the first to know.”
3. Rakesh: “Look, she didn’t get another Friend suggestion until the two of you came together, right? So in my opinion, you need to be her Obi-Wan. Train her in the ways of the force, all right? You know, in this case it’s the God account. It’s simple Star Wars math.” Miles: “This is not Star Wars, Rakesh. This is my life. So I’m going to prove to the God account that Joy is the wrong choice, and when I do, everything’s gonna go back to the way it’s supposed to be.” Rakesh: “Mmm hmm. You’re going to Webster Park, aren’t you?” Miles: “Yes, I am.” Rakesh: “That’s not very Jedi of you.”

Mr. Robot -
1. Elliot: "You told me once you don’t take down a conglomerate by shooting them in the heart. They don’t have hearts." (Jimmy)
2. Sam Esmail: "Goodbye friend." (Jimmy)

NCIS: NOLA -
1. Sebastian: “All right. The machines win. I don’t care what happens in the movies.”
2. Patton: “Bruh, I haven’t figured out what this radar cloud is yet. I just know it’s not weather, ladybugs, or aliens, and frankly, I’m least sure about the last one.”
3. Gregorio: “Damn it. I have no signal.” Sebastian: “Well, that might be for the best. If anyone found out what’s happening here, we’d never live it down.”

Perfect Harmony -
1. Ginny: “You honked at someone?” Arthur: “Wow, news travels fast for a town whose speed limit is mosey.”
2. Arthur: “Fork Fest wasn’t half bad.” Cash: “Arthur helped me win this machete.” Arthur: “This is my...uh, my third Forkarita. My judgment may be a little impaired.”
3. Ginny about Fork Fest: “It’s always been the most wonderful time of the year.” Arthur: “Of course, because Christmas lacks that irresistible combination of fried food and animal husbandry.”

Prodigal Son -
1. Jessica: “Nightmares aren’t real, Malcolm, and neither was she. End of story.” Malcolm: “As an investigator, end of story rarely means case solved.” Jessica: “And that’s your problem. You think life is a case to be solved. Sometimes it’s just a tragedy to be endured.”
2. Gil: “Kid, what do I need to know? How bad is it?” Malcolm: “You don’t have to worry about me. I can do the job. Actually, it’s the place I feel most normal. I need it.” Gil: “Yeah, that’s not a good thing. Nobody should need this.”
3. Jessica: “Again with the girl in the box. They never found her. She didn’t exist.” Malcolm: “Never found doesn’t mean never existed.” Jessica: “Malcolm! The guilt you wear like a millstone around your neck, it will crush you. Stop.”

Schooled -
1. Lainey: “We need to talk.” Mellor: “I’m not sure we do,” Lainey: “Rick, I know it’s hard to open yourself up, but it’s better than living your whole life closed off to love.” Mellor: “Who needs love when you’ve got SportsCenter and a Bowflex?”
2. Lainey: “Barry and I watched the whole episode together on the phone.” Mellor: “Bonkers, that’s still happening. All the choices along the course of your life, to end up back at Goldberg.”
3. Lainey: “All relationships are challenging but they’re worth it and you’re really missing out if you’re not willing to try.” Mellor: “Well how do you propose I try?” Lainey: “Just keep this open. It might not happen fast but be ready when it does, and don’t be afraid to show her who you really are.”

SEAL Team -
1. Ray: "You good?" Clay: "Why does everyone keep asking me that, man?" Ray: "Cause you got blown up, Clay. Just making sure you're squared away." Clay: "Leg's fine, man." Ray: "Not your leg people are worried about." (Prpleight)
2. Mandy: "How're the kids?" Jason: "Things are good at home, you know? Kids are great. They're excelling. Doing what they want to do, huh?" Mandy: "Do you get lonely, living on your own?" Jason: "It's not a home. It's a place where I lay my head, that's it. You know, sometimes, when it gets quiet I gotta put the microwave on just so I can hear the noise." (Prpleight)
3. Sonny: "Can I ask you a Blackburn question there? Why in the hell am I always on the team that has to hump it up the stairs?" (Prpleight)

Single Parents -
1. Miggy: “Small talk is the busy work of conversation.”
2. Angie: “I am sorry I made you feel like you had to hate things just because I do. That’s unfair. People should experience the joy of getting to negativity on their own, and if they never get there, great.”
3. Poppy: “Look Miggy, this isn’t just about you following your dreams. I miss you. You were always there when I needed to talk.” Miggy: “I’ll still be there. I do live upstairs from you.” Poppy: “True. Okay, then you’re fired.” Miggy: “Thank you. I’ll never forget this.”

Stumptown -
1. Dex: “Thanks for the ride.” Grey: “Sure. Pretty ballsy to call the guy you stood up for a ride home, but that’s cool.” Dex: “Just had to call someone I...um, trusted, you know?” Grey: “Well you’ve known me 24 hours so that checks out.”
2. Dex: “I kind of dig the color.” Grey: “Vomit is not a color.”
3. Dex: “You seem like a really nice guy and thus is...this is nice, you know? I like...but I can’t cross the line because if I do, I mess it up. I kill everything.” Grey: “Well, here’s a crazy idea. What if we just don’t cross the line again?” Dex: “Wel what does that make us then, huh? I mean…” Grey: “It makes us...friends.” Dex: “Friends? I guess we just dodged a bullet.”

Superstore -
1. Amy: "Carol will be out for a few days due to personal reasons." Garrett: "By personal reasons, do you mean she had a mental breakdown when she found out Sandra and Jerry got engaged?" Cheyenne: "Oh, do you think she's planning to "Gone Girl" Sandra?" Jonah: "I think she'd have to "Gone Girl" Jerry." Justine: "What's the one with the girl on the train?" Jonah:
"The Girl on the Train?" Justine: "Right! Maybe she's going to do that to Sandra." Garrett: "Put her on a train?" Marcus: "Oh, man! Could you imagine!" (Ellys)

Young Sheldon -
1. Linkletter, after having Sheldon in his class: “No wonder Sturgis went crazy.”
2. George: “They don’t have kids. That’s why they’re happy.” Mary: “George.” George: “It’s true. You and I used to be way more fun.” Mary: “That may be so, but you can’t blame the children.” George: “Oh, I can and I am. Don’t get me wrong. They’re great; I love them, but you’ve got to admit that they do not make our lives easy.” Mary: “I suppose there’s a challenging aspect to them.” George: “There you go. Feels good to say it out loud, right?” Mary: “Maybe a little.”
3. Sheldon: “Just because something is older doesn’t mean that it’s not still good. Original Star Trek is older than Next Generation, but if you think that Mr. Data is better than Mr. Spock, you don’t know what you’re talking about.” Professor: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

About the Author - Dahne

One part teacher librarian - one part avid TV fan, Dahne is a contributing writer for SpoilerTV, where she reviews and/or creates polls for Teen Wolf, How to Get Away with Murder, The Librarians, and others. She also runs the annual Character Cup. She's addicted to Twitter, loves live tweeting, and co-hosted The 100 "Red-Shirted" and Teen Wolf "Welcome to Beacon Hills" podcasts for Southgate Media Group. Previously she wrote a Last Week in TV column for her blog and SpoilerTV. ~ "I speak TV."

Quote of the Week - Weeks of Sept. 15 and 22

A weekly feature highlighting the best quotes on TV as picked by the SpoilerTV team. We'd love to hear your picks too so please sound off in the comments below.

American Horror Story -
1. Brooke: "You're an actor?" Xavier: "Yeah. Not one of those happy to get a role on a soap opera or a Coca Cola commercial types. I'm a serious actor. I trained with Stella Adler. I'm method." (Prpleight)
2. Trevor: "I bet myself I'd bang her by the end of the summer." Chet: "How does one go about making a bet with themselves?" (Prpleight)
3. Trevor: "Also, if you look closely at the end of the opening credits of Three's Company, when John Ritter and the girls are on bikes near the boardwalk, you can see me in the background. Shot it right in front of my condo.” Ray: "I love that show." Madison: "No. No. No. Wait, you were in the Jane Fonda Workout video." Trevor: "Originally, yes. First row. Right next to Miss Fonda herself. I call her Jane." Brooke: "I've seen that video a bunch of times. You're not in it." Trevor: "Not in the one that went out to the public. We shot the original for two days, but when they tested it with an audience, they realized I was pulling focus from Jane. Well, a certain part of it was." Madison: "That thing was flopping around like a baby elephant's trunk." (Prpleight)

Bluff City Law -
1. Della: “That girl grew up with a hero for a father, a hero she found out was all too human. Every time somebody told her how lucky she was, think how that pulled her apart to keep your secrets behind that beautiful smile. Elijah, you’re my friend and I love you, but don’t be an a**. You helped build that wall around her and you will keep knocking it down.”
2. Sydney: “Edgar is my client. It’s my job to find him justice. Everyone likes to talk about how this kind of work is noble or rewarding, but what they don’t tell you is, if you lose, it destroys you.”
3. Della: “How bad?” Anthony: “Two hours. She’s been here 2 hours and already she’s upended 2 years worth of work.”

Carol’s Second Act -
1. Carol: “You think that’s intense. Try teaching 40 ninth graders how to dissect a frog. You’ll find out who the serial killers are.” ~So very true.
2. Carol: “Look, the patient’s wife called me in here. You know I think there’s something more going on with him.” Daniel: “Oh my gosh, do you? Did you crack the case?” Carol: “Yes, by listening. I’m a regular Angela Lansbury.” Caleb: “Stop talking about your friends.”
3. Carol: “I was trying to help…” Dr. Jacobs: “You can help by following orders.” Carol: “Yes, I made a mistake, but I…” Dr. Jacobs: “Dr. Kinney, this isn’t about one mistake. This is about you. Being a doctor is not an item to check off your bucket list. Someone who can’t follow orders is someone who can’t be a good doctor.” Carol: “I don’t even have a bucket list. I have a vision board.”

Fresh Off the Boat -
1. Jessica: “Honey, this may come as a surprise to you, but I’m not very good at accepting help. Mostly because I never need it.” Honey: “Never.” Jessica: “I’m just so used to being able to give you advice and you just taking it. But now that you have 2 kids of your own, which is still one less than 3, I guess you’ll have advice to give me too sometimes.” Honey: “So can we be friends again?” Jessica: “Yes, just know that 98% of the time I won’t need any help.” Honey: “Well, I’ll be there for that 2%.”
2. Marvin: “If this is a game, then The English Patient is a war movie. It’s been 90 minutes and no one has scored.”
3. Louis: “United States vs China in the World Cup final. I’m going to forget all about this in 24 hours, but right now this is my world.”

The Goldbergs -
1. Murray: “Your mom worked her a** off to plan you a great vacation and I didn’t know why, but damn it, I do now.” Beverly: “Murray, what are you saying?” Murray: “I’m not sure about the future, but right here, right now, there’s no amount of money I wouldn’t spend for my family to have a great vacation.” Adam: “Dad’s suddenly thoughtful. He must have banged his head in the accident.” Beverly: “Are you serious?” Murray: “To keep this family together, I would spend every last penny.”
2. VO: “We finally made it to the Happiest Place on Earth, and as magical as it was, thanks to my mom, I realized the best part of the Goldberg vacation was the journey. To this day, we still travel as a family. Of course, it never gets easier, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”
3. Adam: “Star Wars just opened a ride there. It’s called Star Tours. You get to travel to the forest moon of Endor.” Beverly: “And I Endor you. Boop!” Adam: “Even you can't ruin this. Star Wars teaming up with Disney is just so big.”

Killjoys -
1. Del Seyah: "I'm never going to be nice, but I'm going to try to be good." (Prpleight)

Magnum PI -
1. Higgins: “Okay, what is your obsession with me becoming your partner?” Magnum: “What obsession? It’s not an obsession.” Higgins: “Oh please. Pushing and pushing at me. Why is it so incredibly important?” Magnum: “You want me to tell you what’s important?” Higgins: “Uh, yes. Am I being too subtle?” Magnum: “I think I’m better at my job with you than I am without you.”
2. Higgins: “You know, when I was first getting to know him, I thought this job was just a paycheck for Magnum, or a diversion, but I soon realized that he genuinely wants to help people.”
3. Katsumoto: “Let’s get our roles straight. I investigate crimes and clear suspects.” Magnum: “And I…” Katsumoto: “Get in my way.”

Perfect Harmony -
1. Arthur: “This is a generation of delicate snowflakes and terrible chair duckers.”
2. Arthur: “Oh, you do have sarcasm here. What’s next? Bagels?”
3. Arthur: “If there is a reason for me to keep on living, you have to send me a sign. (Hallelujah Chorus starts playing.) No, no, no, no, no, no. This will not be the last thing I hear on earth.”
4. Arthur: “Open vowels. You’ve heard of vowels. They’re the things that Pat Sajak makes you pay for.”

Prodigal Son -
1. Jessica: “Camomile should help...and if it doesn’t, I have pills. Relax, they’re practically over the counter. I have anxiety meds and mood stabilizers, even some quaaludes stashed from the 80’s, although I would rather not share those unless it’s really an emergency or a very good cocktail party.” Malcolm: “I’m afraid pills alone will not fix what is wrong with us.” Jessica: “If you take enough they will.”
2. Malcolm: "I know you're helping him." Martin: "My drawings. H-How did you get those?" Malcolm: "From our killer. Who is he? Why are you helping him?" Martin: "I'm not." Malcolm: "Of course you are. You drew these for him. They're proof." Martin: "No, they're from my study. Journal 19, top shelf." (Malcolm checks) Martin: “See. They were stolen. I’ve been robbed. This is an outrage.” Malcolm: “Three women have died.” Martin: “Sure yes, that’s an outrage too. There can be multiple outrages.” (Raina and Dahne)
3. Malcolm: “Next time you call someone crazy, ask for their gun first.”

Schooled -
1. Wilma: “Okay, you clowns are dismissed. Go disappoint some other teacher.” ~Oh for the power to be this honest in education today.
2. CB: “Still going strong like Brad and Gwyneth.” Coop: “Brad and Gwynnie are Splitsville.” Glascott: “But they got the same haircut.” ~I laughed so hard at this because I can still picture this People cover.
3. Tom Scott: “I got a C- on my anatomy test. That Operation game is very misleading.”

Single Parents -
1. Miggy: "That man IRL ghosted you and you never got a reason?" Poppy: "We all know the reason Miggy. It's because I asked him out. That's all it took to set his old fashioned brain on fire and send him running into the night." Miggy: "I can't believe you actually had to go through that." Poppy: "Thank you." Miggy: "And now I'll have to go murder Douglas." Poppy: “Wha...no, no, no, no, no. Just leave him alone. You know that fact that he has to live the rest of his life as Douglas is punishment enough.” Miggy: “Okay, but only because you’re a Queen, an icon, a survivor.” (Prpleight and Dahne)
2. Angie: “I’m sorry that I let an email ruin our summer. It’s just...I’d be writing it, you know, ripping him a new one and then, I don’t know. All this deeper stuff started coming out. Like, you know, how hard it was having a baby on my own and how to this day, I still half-expect everyone in my life to just walk out on me. It’s why I can’t bring myself to send it. I never want stupid Derek to know how badly he hurt me, ever.”
3. Poppy: “Why didn’t you tell me?” Douglas: “Because I didn’t want you to think of me as a weak old man.” Poppy: “So you wanted me to think of you as a jerk instead?” Douglas: “A lot of people already think of me that way. See ‘jerk’ is kind of where I live.” Poppy: “Look buddy, if we’re gonna do this, you’re gonna have to work on your big boy communication skills.”

Stumptown -
1. Took: “Hey, hey, keep it down. Someone hears you and it’s death by Yelp.”
2. Hoffman: “The boyfriend said that you forced your way into the motel and took Nina against her will.” Dex: “She’s 17. She’s not allowed to have her own will.”
3. Dex: “Yes, okay. That’s water and power, folks. Now we play for beer and cable.”
4. Miles: "Miss Parios?" Dex: "Yeah." Miles: "Detective Hoffman, PPB. Can you tell me what happened here, ma'am?" Dex: "Listen, I already told two other cops the whole story, so I don't really feel like I need to get into it." Miles: "Okay, but the thing is, see, kidnapping is pretty serious business, so you'll probably have to tell a few more of us down at the station." Dex: "Nah, I don't think so." Miles: "Excuse me?" Dex: "As long as she's out there, I need to be looking for her. The station is up, FYI, not down. I don't know why people say that." (Raina)

Sunnyside -
1. Garrett: “You know, when you’re born in America, you never really have to learn how lucky you are. I don’t want to take that for granted anymore. If you’ll have me as your teacher, I’ll learn whatever I have to. I’ll help you with the paperwork. I’ll help you study. I’ll know the Constitution better than...the guy who wrote the Constitution.”
2. Garrett: “How would that even work? I look nothing like either of you.” Jun Ho: “Oh no, no, no. It’s fine. Our dad has this guy. He can make anybody look like anybody.” Mei Lin: “He’s like Picasso with a scalpel.” Garrett: “Yeah. Nobody wants to look like a Picasso so I’m gonna go ahead and say no to that one.”
3. Mei Lin: “Why can’t this be like high school? Whenever we had trouble, our dad would just have one little conversation with our teacher and we’d get all A’s.” Hakim: “He bribed them?” Jun Ho: “Hakim, I wouldn’t call getting your family back a bribe, but sure.” Brady: “Yo guys, it’s becoming clear your dad is a legit supervillain.”

The Unicorn -
1. Delia: “You see how bad it’s gotten around here.” Forrest: “I see.” Delia: “It’s like the Disney Channel version of Grey Gardens.”
2. Grace: “Hey dad, can Andrew and I spend $5.95 to buy another Fortnite skin?’ Wade: “Oh Grace, come on, you know better than that. Just spend the extra $2 bucks and get something practical like the shield potion or the bouncer trap.” Delia: “Oh my God, you should not know that.”
3. Wade: “I don’t really know who I am anymore, so whenever I do this, it can’t be because of the tragedy in my life.”

Young Sheldon -
1. Sheldon: “He found human contact revolting.” Mary: “Well, that's kind of a lonely way to live, don't you think?” Sheldon: “Well, he wasn't entirely alone. At the end of his life, he became good friends with a brown pigeon.” Mary: “Great.” (Julia)
2. Sheldon: “You think I have mental problems?” Mary: “Well, not problems. I'm just worried about your future, and when I see you moving subatomic particles around in the air, that makes...” Sheldon: “Subatomic particles are real! You talk to an invisible man in the sky who grants wishes. If anyone's mental, it's you.” (Julia)
3. Sheldon: “My mother believes I'm mentally unstable. And since there's a genetic component and I'm her child, I suppose it's possible.” (Julia)

About the Author - Dahne

One part teacher librarian - one part avid TV fan, Dahne is a contributing writer for SpoilerTV, where she reviews and/or creates polls for Teen Wolf, How to Get Away with Murder, The Librarians, and others. She also runs the annual Character Cup. She's addicted to Twitter, loves live tweeting, and co-hosted The 100 "Red-Shirted" and Teen Wolf "Welcome to Beacon Hills" podcasts for Southgate Media Group. Previously she wrote a Last Week in TV column for her blog and SpoilerTV. ~ "I speak TV."